by Aja Cole
We leave after Bruno and Jackie, because Vaughn doesn’t know that his charade has ended already. Once the valet brings my car up, I’m out of there without another word.
I held up my end of the bargain, and I’m finished with everything that has to do with that man.
Pulling up my bluetooth calling, I dial Jackson just so he sees that I called. They’re probably on the way to the airport or already there, so I won’t hear from him until later.
Being around Vaughn really made me realize how much more I enjoy just being near Jackson. Sometimes, I feel really guilty that I thought about not telling him at all about the baby. I don’t know what I thought would happen, since he is friends with my brother. I didn’t exactly think through that plan all the way, I’ll admit.
I’ve been scared to let him in any more, because I don’t know if my judgement is trustworthy. Maybe Vaughn was the reason that our marriage didn’t work, but I still chose him. I still let him get away with too many things, didn’t stand up for myself enough…didn’t think I had any kind of standing to…ask too many questions.
I let myself be steamrolled over too much, became like decoration on his arm instead of demanding that we be equal partners or he let me go, until the damage was already done.
I don’t want to do that again, and I’m scared that I’ll fall so deeply into Jackson that I’ll start becoming someone I don’t recognize again.
I think I might love a little too hard.
Jackson feels…different. With Vaughn, I had stars in my eyes because he said all the right things and I jumped in head-first without strapping on any kind of life-vest.
I might’ve jumped into sleeping with Jackson, but I truly did think that it would only be sex…until that last day, when I realized that I didn’t have as much of a handle on my feelings as I thought I did. How crazy is it, to spend a few days with someone and feel like you could do nothing with them for the rest of your life, and be happy?
I knew it felt like a different kind of emotion than I’d had with Vaughn, but it was still emotions. It was still too deep, too fast, even if I know now that he at least felt some of the same things.
Then I spent months trying to forget about him and focus on the baby.
It’s been a process, letting myself even entertain being together seriously. I know I threw that gauntlet down in the shower, but I didn’t really believe in the possibility myself.
Until I woke up in the middle of the night before they left for the away games, to a big, cuddly hockey player wrapped around me, mumbling in his sleep.
And I don’t what it was.
But with Karina’s words from the night everyone came over echoing in my head, I realized that I really want this. That I want him and that I’m in so much deeper than I thought. From watching him talk to my belly, to being annoyed at him for drinking all the orange juice and not replacing it. From watching him when he’s watching playbacks of his games, a pencil tucked behind his ear to jot down notes, to how warm and safe I feel when he cuddles up to me at night and presses light kisses to my skin, letting me know that he’s there but he’s not pushing me.
I want to go all-in, no more reservations or putting my guard up.
I’m a little excited to tell him when we finally talk.
Maybe I’ll FaceTime him so I can see that slow smile spread over his face.
I pull into the garage, pressing the button to lower it when I’m inside. I sing Monica’s Why I Love You So Much under my breath since I didn’t get to finish the song before I got out of the car. Kicking my heels off, I flip a light on, walking towards the living room from the garage.
“Cecilia.”
I jump, body swinging towards the doorway to the kitchen.
“Damn Jackson, what’s with the creeper act?” I flip the light on, taking him in.
He looks good, as always, and not seeing him for a few days means that he looks especially delicious. Hair waving haphazardly, eyes dark, jaw smooth and sharp. Bicep flexing as he brings his beer to lips that I always want more of. I slowly realize that he doesn’t look nearly as happy to see me as I am to see him.
I hover in the doorway, shifting feet.
“What’s wrong?” I think back to the first few seconds of seeing him, “Did you call me Cecilia? You’ve never called me that. And why didn’t you call me? I didn’t think y’all would be getting in until later.”
He drinks from the bottle again, and the thud when it hits the counter seems especially loud. “I did call you.”
“When?”
“Don’t worry, your ex-husband filled me in.”
I rear back, surprised. Vaughn didn’t mention anyone calling me, and I didn’t see a call notification on my phone when we left the restaurant either.
Did he delete it?
“Well, I’m sorry. It must’ve been when I went to the bathroom.” I move forward slowly, trying to feel out the weird vibes I’m getting from him. “I have to tell you all about that.”
He shrugs, “No need. I get the gist.”
I tilt my head, “I don’t see how you could, considering I haven’t told you anything…”
“Like I said, your ex, or well, your current? Filled me in just fine.” He tosses the empty bottle into the recycling. “I’ll be in the bedroom down here if you need anything.” He turns before he leaves the kitchen, “Do me a favor? I won’t have another man in my house, so respect me enough to not invite him over, yeah?”
Then the bastard has the audacity to walk away, like that’s all that needs to be said.
I’m gonna kill him.
Actually, both of them.
29
Calmly, because I don’t want to startle the baby, I walk into his new bedroom.
“Will you clue me in on what the fuck you’re talking about?”
He undoes the stack of sheets he grabbed to put on the bed, shaking out the fitted one.
“I’m tired, Cecilia. I don’t really feel like doing this with you right now.”
I look towards the ceiling, pulling in a slow breath before I blow it out.
“What exactly is this, Jackson, because you started this - not me. I’m just trying to figure out what the hell you’re mad about, because I promise you, I really have no clue. And what was that pithy comment about not inviting him over? Why the hell would I invite him here? I only went tonight on the condition that I never see or talk to him again. Are you really going all macho man because I went to a business dinner with my ex?”
He laughs darkly, tucking the corners under the mattress.
“A business dinner? That what they’re calling it these days?”
I stare at him, more pissed off as each second passes.
Moving to the other side of the bed, I undo the corners, watching it roll towards the middle.
He looks up, “Seriously? Don’t be childish.”
“You don’t want to have a conversation like two adults, so I guess childish it is.” I snatch the sheet away, throwing it the floor.
We stare each other down across the mattress.
His nostrils flare.
I raise an eyebrow.
His eye twitches.
I tilt my head.
“You’re ridiculous.” He growls, stomping over to the floor and grabbing the discarded sheet.
“What did he say to you to make you act this stupid? It better be good, because otherwise, I’m really going to question if I’ve started to fall for an overgrown toddler.”
Jackson lets out a snort, “Fall for? Sure. I don’t wanna hear that shit.”
I know he’s upset for whatever reason, but his comment hits me right in the middle of my chest. Hearing it almost takes my breath away, and I straighten my spine.
But you know what…I’ve asked him more than once to tell me what’s wrong. Just because he’s upset about whatever, it doesn’t mean that he can say whatever he wants to me.
I’m done making excuses for other people to treat me however they want.
&
nbsp; But…is that hypocritical? Haven’t I said things that weren’t so nice when I was trying to keep my walls up or protect myself? Where do you draw the line?
“Do you mean that?” I ask quietly.
He sighs, “Do I mean what?”
“That you don’t want to hear that I’m falling in love with you.” I look at him, holding his gaze steadily. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I still don’t really understand why you’re so upset, but…if this really isn’t what you want, then I’d like to know now.” I swallow, dropping my eyes to the still bare mattress. “Please.”
He looks at me for a long time, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m being sincere or not.
Finally, he runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head before he sits down on the bed.
“Come here.”
I round the bed until I’m standing next to him. He pulls me closer until I sit on the bed, then he angles his body towards mine and lifts my chin to see my face.
“Tell me how you ended up at dinner with your ex tonight.”
Even saying the words, his voice sounds pained, but my heart soars. Because it means that he’s willing to talk about it, to listen, that he’s pushing past his stupid hurt ego.
“He showed up at my job to give me half of what he got from selling the house his parents bought us. They told him to give me half, and he has always been under their thumb. At first, he said that was the only reason.” I focus on telling things exactly as they happened because I don’t want to add any doubt when I know he’s battling trusting me. “Then, he said that he had a dinner tonight. I’ve always gotten along really well with the couple he was meeting, and as far as they knew, we were still together. I told Vaughn that I wasn’t going unless he told them the truth, because I did want to see Jacqueline, Bruno’s wife. I enjoy both of them, actually.”
“Wait, Pointe? Big guy, kind of intimidating?”
I nod, “Yeah, that’s him. You know him?”
“Yeah, Bruno’s company is one of the team sponsors. I’ve met him a few times, decent guy. Is his wife…red hair? Kind of reminds you of Christina Hendricks?”
“If you’re trying to politely say that she’s got a lot of boob, then yes.” I laugh, and he rubs a hand over the back of his neck, smiling a little.
“Yeah, that’s them.”
“Well, now that you have the couple in mind, Jackie’s always been really great to me. She even offered to help throw my baby shower tonight, but I’m skipping ahead. So, anyway, I realized pretty quickly that he’d lied about telling them when he said we were throwing the baby shower in California, but I didn’t want to make dinner awkward. I told Jackie the truth privately in the ladies room. That’s when she offered to help with the shower. I’m sure she’s told Bruno by now, and they won’t be working with Vaughn directly anymore.”
“I called you to tell you I’d be earlier. He answered and told me that Cecilia was busy and you’d both prefer if I didn’t interrupt you again. That you were at dinner together because you regretted being so hasty with the divorce, and you felt trapped now that you were pregnant by me and not him. He said you’d talk to me about it once you saw me, then he hung up.” He puts the heels of his hands over his eyes. “You mean it was all bullshit?”
“I’ve got half a mind to punch you in the nuts right now for not realizing how ridiculous you sound.” I cross my arms instead, because I’m quite fond of those balls of his. “I could’ve stopped the divorce at any point. You clearly were in your feelings and not thinking with your brain.”
“I won’t deny that. I’m fucking exhausted and all I heard was…it just put me in a bad place.”
“You heard your ex-wife.” I say it for him.
“Yeah…and I know that’s not fair, but damn, I was fucking terrified. You going back to him, losing my kid…I mean, it was all my worst fears at once and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“I’m relieved that we got to the bottom of it, but I’m actually a bit hurt that you would even believe it. It makes me wonder if there’s some cheat code, some fast forward for us to really be secure in each other. Is time the answer?” I muse, “Do we just have to keep showing each other that we mean it?”
“First, I need to apologize for being so cold with you. Next time, well, I hope there isn’t a next time for this; but I probably need to try to listen first, at least get your side before I believe an outsider.”
“You’re damn right. But if it were reversed and it was your ex…I’d probably go for pissed off first, too. Then once I didn’t feel like putting both your heads on a stake, I’d listen.”
“When did you get so violent?”
“Is that violent?” I ask innocently, lips curling. “I didn’t realize.”
“Will you forgive me?” He gives me puppy dog eyes, sticking out his bottom lip. I tug it between my fingers playfully before I sober.
“Ask me in a few days. It does still sting, because I was really excited to tell you that I want to be all-in when you got home, then you just…ruined it being stubborn.”
He tugs my face closer, nuzzling his cheek against mine. “I’m sorry. If it helps, I was just really hurt at the thought of losing the chance to be with you again. I just got you back, and I thought it was already over. It was frustrating.”
“Keep talking,” I murmur, turning my face against his, brushing my lips against his mouth. “I’m digging all of this emotional availability.” I pull back for a second, “Can we go up to the room, though? Someone took the sheets off this bed.”
30
“I’m not saying that kids need to be beat or anything, but I don’t think purely verbal discipline works on every child.” I lean against the pillows, holding back a moan when Jackson digs his fingers into a particularly good spot on my foot. “A few pops here or there won’t damage a child, in my opinion. I was a little more difficult as a teenager, but I always respected my parents and knew they weren’t just hitting me because it was fun for them.”
“I can deal with that. I’m glad you clarified because I’m not okay with whooping kids with belts at all. My parents didn’t hit me once, and I turned out pretty good.”
“That’s survivorship bias,” I tease. “You don’t know if you’d have turned out better if they did, or if another child needed what you didn’t.”
“And you don’t know if you would’ve turned out better or worse, either.”
I cover my mouth when I yawn, “Let’s file that one under case-by-case.”
“Deal. I think that’s enough childrearing talk for now. We’ve got time.”
“I can’t believe we lasted this long.” I pull my foot from his grip, slipping my way under the covers, waiting for him to pull me to him after he’s done the same. “I wanted to get a little frisky, but now I don’t think I’m gonna make it.”
He laughs silently against my back, wrapping me in his arms. I’ve gotten so used to sleeping like this that it takes a little more effort to sleep at night when he’s not here.
“Sleep, baby. Both of you.”
I wake up before Jackson does, and the first thing I do is move the thin pillow that he puts between his hips and my ass. I couldn’t stop laughing the first night he did it, but I also found it really thoughtful that he didn’t want to bother me with his erection while we’ve been keeping our hands to ourselves.
But I’m over that now.
The room is dark with the curtains completely closed and I have no idea what time it is.
Snuggling back against him fully, full-contact, I feel a small shiver roll through me. Mmm yes, I missed this for sure. I wiggle my ass against him because I can’t help myself, and he grows more prominent against me, boxers doing nothing to hide the thick, hard erection he’s sporting.
“Be still, Nomi.” He says low, voice rough with sleep just the way I love it. Hell, I love it in its regular state too, but I’m extra appreciative of the dark, raspy quality right now.
“I don’t want to.” I mov
e against him again for good measure, listening to his low groan in my ear. My clit pulses and I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, eyes lowering to slits.
Arousal has really been hitting differently while I’ve been pregnant. Instead of being gradual, it kind of…pours over me in a wave, and these covers feel too damn hot.
I huff out a breath when his lips move over the shell of my ear, tongue licking out in a tease.
“What do you want?”
“Your dick.” I reach my hand back, palming him boldly through the fabric. I almost let out a whimper at the feeling of hot steel, whew.
I need it. Right now.
I feel his lips curve against my skin, before he bites gently with his teeth. “We’re flattered.”
Oh fuck. I press my thighs together, but that doesn’t do a damned thing to help alleviate the ache. My panties are sticking to me, and every brush of his lips and nip of his teeth as he makes his way down my neck and over my shoulder is making me squirm even more.
I turn in his arms and push him to his back before he can react.
I can’t think about anything else but getting him inside me.
Blood is pounding through my veins, and I can’t even see him clearly in the dark, but I can feel him and that’s more than enough to go on.
I kick my underwear off and swing my leg over his hips, straddling him.
Yes, better, that’s better but it’s not enough.
“Underwear, off.” I demand, and thank god, he doesn’t say anything. He lifts his hips and I help him push them down until he’s kicking them off, too and his cock is jutting up proud and beautiful, all mine for the taking.
“Get rid of that bra,” He bites out, and I do, hands flying to his shoulders to dig in with a loud cry when he covers one with his mouth, suckling me in a way that’s somehow got a direct line right down to my core. Every pull of his lips makes my walls pulse and I reach my hand down to rub my clit, so wet, so ready that I can’t see straight.
Jackson lifts me up with his capable hands while still switching between my nipples, and when his thick cock-head breaches my pussy, I don’t have any words.