Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  Now I’m putting myself in pain with that vision. Zara, naked in bed, book in one hand toy in the other, head back, mouth open. Oh man, I need to see that in real life.

  It gives me a sense of calm that no other man is in the picture at the moment. Mind you, I’m not sure I’m in the picture, either. Well, maybe Zara thinks she can take me out of it but that’s going to prove harder than she thinks.

  My sisters would get great delight if they could see me now. On my knees, going through romance novels trying to choose something to read. That’s when I find the perfect one for today, titled ‘Love Hurts’. Well, isn’t that the truth. I don’t know what these women rave about, but I’m going to find out.

  Perhaps I should find something to eat, then settle on the lounge for the long haul. Being pissed off always makes me hungry. If I am going to convince Zara to keep me around, she better stock-up on food in her cupboards. That woman manages to piss me off on a daily basis. Usually more than once. I will be starving all the time. Chuckling to myself, I know I will be starving for more than food if she’s around.

  With coffee in one hand and a couple of toasted cheese sandwiches in the other, I finally settle down to read. Let’s see what this book has in store for me.

  Watching the time and still constantly leaving messages on Zara’s phone asking her to talk to me, the day passes and still there’s no sign of her. I try to keep myself calm knowing she will have to come home eventually. She didn’t have time to take much, so she can’t have gone far. Besides, she has the studio and the audition that are way too important to run from.

  The sharp shrill of my phone makes me jump. Not that I will ever admit to my sisters, Zoe or Emily, but this book is sucking me in. This girl sounds pretty hot and the guy is pretty cocky which pisses her off. Sort of a familiar feeling.

  “Zach, have you found her?” I blurt down the phone.

  “Grant, it’s Em. Sorry, no he hasn’t. There has been no sign of her at the studio, but I just saw on Facebook dance group, a reminder that there are no classes today due to a school function. So, she has no need to be there. Maybe she’s gone to see friends. That’s what I would do. Do you know anything about her friends?”

  “Em, sorry for yelling in your ear. Thanks for the update. I don’t know much about her friends other than Natalie and Xavier who are brother and sister. They’re personal trainers and have helped her get back to her best. I don’t even know where they live or work or a surname.” This woman is still such a mystery to me. I wonder why I care so much. Why I didn’t just screw up that note and walk out the door this morning. No woman has ever made me take a second glimpse.

  “It’s okay, I understand. You’re pretty stressed.” Emily says

  “Stressed is one word. Pissed off is another but most of all I’m worried, Em. I just want to know she’s all right. I have no idea how to do this. My world feels upside down. That’s not me. I run a multi-million-dollar company. I am the head of the family and take care of all of you. So why can’t I just control this too?”

  “Love is different, Grant. There are no rules. There is no right or wrong. Just remember how confused you are feeling right now. Well, so is Zara. She is scared, confused and hurting. When she finally comes home, and she will, go easy. Tread carefully, otherwise she will either run again or will be more stubborn than you can handle, and she’ll push you further away. Give her space and time. She needs to be able to think clearly. There is a lot going on in her world and you need to respect that.”

  “I know, but if she would just talk to me, I can help her. I think she’s amazing and I don’t want to hurt her. I promised if she let me in for just one night, I would walk away. My arrogance never expected she would still want that. What we shared was so much more. I can’t do it, Em. I can’t walk away like I promised.”

  “Oh, Grant, you may not have a choice. You may have to respect her wishes and walk away, but know that it is a short walk and when she’s ready, just be there waiting. You may have to take on her hurt for a while until she gets through the audition. Is she worth carrying her hurt and yours for a while?”

  “I would walk through fire for her, if that is what she needs. I don’t know if I can do it, even if that’s what she needs. I understand what you’re saying. Let’s hope I can charm her and I don’t have to work out how to walk away. Because that will hurt like a fucking bastard.”

  “I will be here to help. So will Zach. He understands more about how you’re feeling. One day, sit down and talk to him, it may help put things into perspective. He walked away to protect me and the kids. It almost killed him. What it did however, was give me time to realize how much I need and definitely want him. Maybe that’s what Zara needs. She just needs time to see what she’s missing out on by walking away.” I hear Thomas starting to stir in the background.

  “Thank you for everything, Em. I would be lost without you. I’ve never been able to share much with my family, not because I don’t love them. It’s just hard to be the head of the family and be vulnerable. It just doesn’t work. My job is to be there for them.”

  “You, silly man. They all look up to you, but it doesn’t mean they want that at the expense of a life for yourself. In the meantime, I’m here for you always. You are the brother I never had, and I like to think I have become your more sensible sister out of the crew.”

  “You certainly have that right. I can hear my nephew is needing his mom. Give him a big kiss for me and I owe you a hug or two when I get out the prison-like apartment. Maybe that’s the answer. I will just tie her up and keep her as my prisoner forever.” We both laugh knowing I would only last five seconds with Zara’s mouth giving me hell. She still is the most powerful and sassy woman I know.

  “Zach is back from the cafeteria, so I’ll go. You’re right, it’s feeding time for Thomas. If all goes well tonight, we will be heading home tomorrow. I expect a visit and that hug when I get home. Just breathe, it will work out how it’s meant to. Call if you need me. I mean it, Grant, anytime, day or night. It’s not like I will be sleeping anytime soon. Take care and let me know what happens.”

  “Thanks, Em, for everything. I will be out tomorrow for sure. You’re one awesome woman and my brother is one very lucky man.”

  “Stop hitting on my wife, go find your own.” Zach’s voice booms down the line.

  I laugh to myself. “I’m trying man, let me assure you, I am trying. She is just hard to find at this present time. Talk to you both tomorrow.”

  Suddenly my stomach decides it is time to eat. I’ve missed lunch and it is nearly dinner time but I’m not sure I can stomach another cheese sandwich. I may have to think about ordering in some food. At least there will be something here for when Zara finally comes home.

  Thank god for smart phones and food apps. I’m not sure what Zara will like, so I order a variety of food. There’ll be way too much, but I want to make sure whatever she wants is here. Plus, I am starving… and not just for food.

  With enough food to feed my family, I start to eat the burrito so at least it will shut up my stomach. The rest will wait until Zara is here. Maybe it will stop her from being so pissed off with me, because I am still here.

  Settled back on the sofa with my book, I start the wait again. Although it was hard this morning, I’d managed to calm myself after talking to Emily. Now all I can do is wait it out and remain calm.

  The waiting’s easy. It’s the staying calm that’s the problem. I don’t have a good track record of that.

  As soon as I hear the keys in the door, all calmness goes out the window.

  Game on, babe!

  Zara

  Walking for hours has helped to stretch my muscles. Pity it hasn’t done a thing to help me answer the five thousand questions I keep asking myself. I was hoping the fresh air, beautiful scenery and quietness would help. It just gave me more questions and no more answers.

  There’s one thing I know that will clear my head and that’s to get to the studio and dance. It ha
s always brought me peace and clarity. Walking up the stairs to the apartment, I’m amazed at how hungry I feel, and it occurs to me I haven’t eaten anything all day. That’s really bad for me. I need to keep my body fully-hydrated and fed to stay at optimum level ready for the audition and hopefully what will follow.

  From memory, there’s not much left in the cupboards, but I will just make a sandwich and then grab something on the way to the studio. One of the neighbors must be cooking something pretty good, because the smell in the stairwell is amazing.

  Whatever it is, it will put my cheese sandwich to shame. But it will have to do until I can get more food.

  Opening the door, the smell suddenly hits me stronger. And so does the vision of him. There he is.

  Still in my apartment.

  On my sofa.

  In jeans and no shirt, looking delicious.

  This is not what I need.

  “Grant,” I whisper, frozen in the doorway. I never thought he would wait for me. It didn’t even enter my mind. I thought he would chase me. Instead, he never left. I’m not ready for this. I can’t do this. Not now.

  “Where the fuck did you go?” he growls. He was just like I knew he would be. Angry and ready to tear me apart.

  “The note…I explained…please don’t do this…I can’t,” my voice trails off. I almost plead with him, trying to hold back tears. I don’t want to break down. Normally, him speaking like that would have had me giving it straight back to him. I just can’t, though. Not today. I deserve it for all I’ve done.

  “You promised…one night…you promised.” No matter how hard I try, the tears fall anyway. I have been beating myself up all day. The exhaustion and lack of sleep last night kicked me fair in the stomach as I opened the door.

  “Baby, please don’t cry. Please talk to me. We need to talk this through. Give me a chance. Then if you need me to walk out that door, I will.” I’m in his arms and the world that felt like it was off its axis all day is once again still. “It will be the hardest thing I will ever do but if that is what you need, I’ll do it for you.”

  “I don’t know what I want anymore. That’s the problem. You confuse me and calm me all at the same time,” I manage in between sobs. His arms wrap so tightly I can’t move. It’s like he has hold of me again and isn’t game enough to let me go.

  “Shh, baby, it’s okay. I know, I feel it too. For a little woman you sure have me in knots and turning my world upside down.”

  He guides me to the sofa, so we can sit. I know I need to pull away from him, but I can’t. His arms feel like home.

  Grant doesn’t give me a choice. He has me curled up in his lap like a child. Giving me comfort until I’m strong enough. Strong enough for what, I have no idea.

  He doesn’t talk, he just holds me. Stroking my back and placing tiny kisses on my head, giving me time to pull myself together.

  All the hard work I’d done this morning has gone to waste. He’s here, and I’m right where I want to be. Not where I need to be, but where I want to be.

  “Grant.”

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Why didn’t you leave?”

  “Because I don’t know how to,” he speaks so softly, like he’s ashamed he isn’t strong enough.

  That’s our whole problem. Neither of us know how to walk away. No matter how strong I’m trying to be, I just don’t know how to walk away. How do you walk away from someone who feels like home?

  “But you promised,” I whisper.

  “I know, I’m sorry, baby. I just never knew it would feel like this or be this hard.”

  “It hurts so much. It physically hurts.” He needs to know how much it killed me this morning. It was so hard to leave. “I never want to hurt you. I never should have agreed to last night.”

  “No, baby, don’t say that. No matter what happens, I will never forget last night. Remember, no regrets. Maybe a lot of heartache but definitely no regrets.”

  Tilting my head, he finds my lips. I know it’s hello and goodbye all wrapped up in one kiss. His eyes tell me he knows it, too.

  “No regrets,” I murmur between kisses.

  What starts as a soft kiss full of emotion, quickly turns hot, hungry, and full of passion. The raw sexual energy pulls at us both. We both feel it at the same time and pull back, breathing fast and staring straight into each other’s souls. It’ time to talk.

  “Fuck me.” Grant runs his hands through his hair.

  “Yes, you nearly did,” I giggle. I can’t help it. We need to distance ourselves and break the moment.

  “You can laugh, baby, but I am still contemplating taking you against that door. So be careful with that sassy little mouth of yours, gorgeous.” His grin is panty-melting. His expression tells me if I give him an inch, the next thing I’ll feel will be that door. It also tells me he knows he needs to back off.

  “We need to talk, Zara. Well, actually, I need to talk, you need to listen. Just let me finish before you reply. Is that okay?” I nod. When you’re laying out your emotions, you just need to do it fast.

  I try to look down at my lap, but he won’t have that.

  “No, baby, up here. I need to see you. I need to feel what you’re feeling. Your eyes are my window to your soul.”

  I go to talk but his finger on my mouth stops me.

  “I am not going to lie. The first time I met you, everything about you frustrated the hell out of me. You pissed me off with your sassiness and smart mouth. You stood up to me like no woman has ever done. Our toe-to-toe banter is the best I’ve had. But it didn’t take me long for it to turn into lust for a woman who’s not afraid to take me on. You never backed away. Never gave in. However, I also saw this beautiful woman who cared more for my niece than her own safety. A woman who danced like nobody was watching and shared every part of her soul with the world. You floored me that night. I just didn’t know what to do.”

  My heart’s full with his words but is ready to break all over again.

  “I never lose control of my life. I run the business, I run the family and I run anything else that comes into my world…except you! No matter what I do, I can’t control you, or this. It took on its own path and dragged me towards you. I tried just as hard to fight it. I kept telling myself to walk away, but I just don’t know how. That’s why I’m still sitting here. No one has ever seen through me like you do. The outside world sees the cocky arrogant man, but you see more. You see a side to me that I’ve never shared or been game to share. You see the vulnerable me. The man who sometimes just needs to be able to be himself. Not a CEO, not a son taking over the father role, not a big brother and uncle keeping everyone safe. Just me, Grant.”

  It’s then I realize how selfish I am. This isn’t just about me. This is about Grant, too. As much as he has stirred something magical in me, I’ve done the same to him.

  “Baby, I know how important this audition is to you. I would never stand in the way of your dream. I just want to be there to hold your hand and cheer you on. I want you to be successful. I want you to go to New York. Don’t get me wrong, phone sex will never be the same, but if that’s all I can get, I’ll take it. Just lend me some of those books in your cupboard. They’re pretty dam hot, if this one is anything like the rest.”

  “What the fuck were you reading, Grant?”

  “Uh ah, no talking, remember? Let’s just say I take back everything I’ve said to my sisters about their porno books. They’re a very interesting read. I also may or may not have had a vision of you laying in your bed naked with a book in one hand and a toy in the other. I nearly had to unload on my own.” He pauses. “Do you own any toys, Zara? Wait, actually please don’t answer that.”

  My giggle and blush may be a giveaway.

  “Fuuuuccck,” he groans

  “Do you want to see?”

  “For fuck’s sake, Zara, please shut your pretty little lips, otherwise I will be placing my dick in there any minute to keep you quiet.”

  Mmm, the vision and taste
all comes back to me. I would love to say yes please but that won’t help.

  “I need to focus, and those visions are not helping, Grant.”

  “Try being my cock,” he laughs.

  He takes a deep breath and sighs. “Zara, what I’m trying to say to you is, don’t give up before we even try. I can’t promise you it will be smooth sailing. We try to kill each other more times than we know how to be nice in a day, but that’s the biggest turn-on of all. I will give you whatever you need. If you need me to walk away until after the audition, I will do it. If you need me here every night to fuck you to sleep, I will do it. Please note the second option would be my preference, just so you know. Whatever you need, just tell me. As you can see today, I’m very patient and can wait for you. Just please don’t push me away.”

  Taking my face with both hands, he pleads. “Please don’t ask me to walk away forever. I just can’t do it. Please, just give me a chance.” The raw emotion in his eyes floors me. He’s laying himself bare to me like he’s never done before. Like he said earlier, this is the real him. Vulnerable and just wanting me.

  Trying to breathe, I keep feeling the pain in my chest. Grant has cracked open my heart and it hurts.

  “I want you so much it hurts. You have to know that. I just don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to live my dancing dream and have you without either one of us suffering. I’m so confused. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. I don’t even want to keep my eyes open. Looking at you is breaking my heart. I’m hurting you by being so selfish. Yet in the past when I put others first, I was the one who got hurt. They crushed me. There’s no right answer here.