Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  “I think I just need time, Grant. I need to dance to clear my head. I need to focus and take away any confusion. I know you don’t understand this, but it’s the way I cope. Everything comes together in my head and body once the music starts.”

  “You’re wrong, I do understand. That’s what you do for me. You make everything come together like it never has before. Baby, you are my music and you have me dancing to your tune.”

  “That is not helping me, Grant. You are just confusing me more every time you talk. I need space and time.”

  “Just like Emily said you would.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

  This time it’s Grant who tries to pull away. I think he’s exhausted his strength to not touch me, so it’s easier to look away. He slowly lifts me off his lap and sits me next to him on the sofa. He reaches for his shirt and slips it on.

  “There’s food in the kitchen, actually probably enough to feed you for a week.”

  “I haven’t eaten today so that sounds great.” I’m confused at the change of tact. Although, relieved for the break in emotion.

  He leans down, picks up his cell and slides it into his pocket. He then turns for a kiss that’s ever so soft on my forehead. What’s he doing?

  Grant turns and walks to the door. He stops and turns to me.

  “I will give you what you need, baby. Time and space. It will hurt like hell, but I will take the pain for you. I will walk away until after the audition but that’s it. You can’t run from this. We’re meant to be. I feel it in my soul. I will wait for you. Please don’t run. When you’re ready, come to me. I’ll be here. But for the love of God, if you need me, I’ll be here in a flash. Dance with all your heart and soul, baby. You can do this. Chase your dream, while I wait for mine.” His head bows as he turns his back to me, and I’m not sure if I hear a slight sob.

  I close my eyes. My heart breaks at the scene before me. I can’t bear it. When I open my eyes, he’s gone. Gone from my life because I’m stupid and pushed him away.

  What the hell have I done?

  I sit in stunned silence as more tears fall. This time they aren’t for me. They’re for the amazing man who just walked away with a broken heart.

  He walked away for me.

  I don’t deserve him.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Grant

  Several days have passed since I walked out of Zara’s apartment. Life is like living in a bubble. I just function. I get up, run until my legs feel like they’re going to collapse. I can’t even manage a friendly greeting for my doorman Burt.

  I just don’t see the sun anymore. Life has become grey.

  Each day, I’m in the office before anyone else. Working is my escape from the world. It’s a place I can go and not have to think. My staff work out after the first day to stay away from me unless it’s absolutely necessary. Alesha and Lilly keep pushing and poking, trying to find out what’s wrong with me, until I lose it and tell them to stay the fuck out of my business. If I need them to know, I will tell them. Otherwise, just leave me alone. For the first time ever, they both turn and leave my office without saying a word. I feel terrible for what I’ve done but I just don’t have strength to explain.

  Emily and Zach call every day to check on me. Zach was brief and offered to come back to work early to take some pressure. I insisted he stay away. He deserves to be with his family and Emily needs him. Plus, I need the extra workload to distract me.

  Luke’s laying low. He isn’t stupid. He knows something is going on, so he finds reasons to be out of the office most of the time. He even offers to take Zoe with him on his trips to save her having to put up with me while Zach is away. I don’t know what they’re doing or where they were going but to be honest, I don’t care. As long as he isn’t in my face.

  At night, I lay awake thinking of Zara. I wonder if she’s okay and how her rehearsing is going. Is she eating enough? Is she feeling stressed about next week? Will she be ready?

  The questions that really hurt every single night when I can’t sleep are always the same.

  Is she missing me?

  Is she hurting as much as me?

  I can’t sleep for long because my dreams are full of her. Some are beautiful visions of the night we were together. The ones that have me waking in cold sweats are of her walking away and not looking back.

  I have to prepare myself that it could happen.

  I haven’t heard a single thing from her since I walked out her door. I was desperate to see her, to touch her, to feel her lips on mine, to be one with her.

  I rest back on my office chair and close my eyes. It’s been a really long day and I just want a minute where my mind is clear. Free of work and free of Zara. Just a minute for me.

  No sooner have I closed my eyes, there’s a knock at my door.

  “Hey, man, just thought we would call in to see how things are going. You up for some visitors?”

  Before I even have a chance to acknowledge Zach, the door bursts open and hits the wall with a thud.

  “Uncle Grant!” I hear in unison as Sammy and Sophia come running towards my desk. Sammy launches himself at me before I have time to stand. Sophia climbs straight onto my lap and snuggles in for her cuddle. Samuel’s already out of my lap and looking out the window.

  I hold Sophia as tight as I can and snuggle into her. This time the cuddle is as much for me as it is for her. It’s like she knows I need her. This little girl is my angel. She understands me like no other person.

  Except my Zara.

  “Hey guys, how was school? Did you have a good day?” That’s enough to send Sammy off with his stories of his day. I’m sure he could talk under water. While he’s talking, Emily arrives with baby Thomas. Surprisingly, Zoe and Luke aren’t far behind her. Then, like a magnet, my sisters arrive. They must have heard the kids were here. Not that it’s hard to know when they’re around. You can either hear them or all the women going silly over the baby.

  Sammy’s attention goes straight to Luke as soon as he enters the room. Those two are meant for each other. Both wild and never know when to keep their mouths shut.

  “Uncle Grant, are you okay?” I hear Sophia’s little voice.

  “Yeah, sweetie, I’m okay. What makes you ask?” It’s then I notice she’s in her dancing gear. That makes my heart leap and ache all at the same time.

  “Well, when we were leaving dancing, Mommy was talking to Miss Zara and when she said we were coming to see you, she got really sad. Mommy put her arm around her and gave her a big hug to make her feel better.” The little girl is killing me with her story. “Then we came in here and you looked sad just like Miss Zara. Did you make her sad?”

  “No, baby girl. I think Miss Zara did that one all on her own. Sometimes you make hard choices in life that you think are the right ones, but they really hurt. I know you don’t understand, but one day when you’re a big girl, I will explain it to you.” I pull her in for another hug to wipe away the vision of my girl hurting at the mention of my name.

  “Hi, Grant.” I look into Emily’s understanding eyes. “How are you?”

  “Hey, Em. You know, same as yesterday. Tomorrow I will probably answer the same.”

  “Soph, why don’t you go and see your aunties and give them a hug. They miss you.”

  Her face lights up and she looks at me to check if I’m okay. I love this little girl so much. I give a little nod because we don’t have to always talk to know what the other is thinking.

  “I need to know, Em. How is she? What did she say to you?”

  “How do you know I was talking to her?”

  I smile and raise my eyebrows.

  “Of course, Sophia told you. She was worried Zara looked sad.”

  “Yeah, she just told me.”

  “She’s doing okay. She’s spending her days teaching and rehearsing every spare minute. She only has five more days until the audition and interview, so the nerves are building.�
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  “Did she mention me?” I’m aching for the slightest bit of news

  “She asked if you are okay, just like she has every single time I’ve seen her. She is hurting bad, Grant. You can tell by her face.”

  “Well, whose fault is that?” I snap.

  “Calm it down, big boy. Yes, she has chosen that path, but it doesn’t mean it makes it any easier on her. In fact, it probably makes it harder. She’s blaming herself for hurting you and knowing she is causing her own pain, too.”

  “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I am barely functioning. I am worried she’s going to ruin her chances with her audition and then she will blame it on me.”

  “No, she knows you walked away for her and that she forced you into it. Have faith, Grant. It will all work out okay. I am sure of it. Just keep breathing like I told you. That’s all you can do. Just be patient with her.”

  “I told her I’ll wait for her. I just hope she doesn’t leave me hanging too long. It’s just too hard.”

  “Hey guys, we’re all going down to Mulligan’s for a drink and dinner. Let’s go,” Luke yells across the room.

  I look into Emily’s eyes and plead with her.

  “It will do you good,” she whispers. “Yeah, we’re in, aren’t we, Grant? Especially if Luke is shouting,” she giggles.

  “What the f—”

  “Luke!” every adult in the room shouts in unison.

  The kids freeze and look to their uncle.

  “What a funny lady you are, Emily, was what I was going to say. You all panic too much.”

  “Nice save, Luke,” Zach smirks as he whacks his brother across the back of the head.

  “Someone better call Gruffy and Me-Me,” Alesha yells as she walks to grab her bag from her office.

  “I will do it now. Can you grab my bag and coat too, please?” Lilly calls after her.

  “Looks like I have no choice,” I mumble as I stand to shut down my office and close up for the night. “Right, everyone out so I can lock up and I will meet you there.”

  “Uncle Grant, can I come with you?” Sophia looks up at me with those eyes none of us can resist.

  “Of course, princess. I can use the company. You can tell me all about your day on the way there. Is that a deal?”

  “Okay.” She grins and slips her hand into mine. Emily just looks and smiles while slipping her arm through Zach’s. He’s standing with Thomas in his arms and Sammy bouncing around him. One day I want that. I never thought I would, but now I know for certain that I do.

  I want it with my girl, when she’s ready.

  When she’s my girl.

  The trip to dinner isn’t that far but Sophia manages to fill me in on her day. I’d forgotten all about the leech of a woman at the school with her nasty daughter. Sophia tells me she keeps asking when I’m coming back to pick them up from school. She’s making Sophia feel uncomfortable. Mental note to speak to Zach about her. Nobody upsets our princess. What’s more disturbing is she asked yesterday for the name of Sophia’s dance school again. That bitch better not turn up in Zara’s classes. I won’t hold back if she upsets either of my girls.

  Sophia then proceeds to tell me Miss Zara is going to be away next week as she’s going to audition for a big dance company.

  “It’s a really big deal you know, Uncle Grant. I heard her tell Mommy that this was her dream since she was little like me. I want to be like Miss Zara when I grow up. I want to be a pretty ballerina. Miss Zara’s very pretty, isn’t she, Uncle Grant?”

  “You’re so right, Soph. She is the most beautiful ballerina I know. Except for you of course, Princess.” I hear the little giggle from the back seat. At least I get to make one of my girls smile and laugh today.

  When we arrive at Mulligan’s, Sophia sits patiently waiting for me to open her door. Just that little gesture makes me smile for the first time in a week. I feel needed. My little Sophia will always need me. God help the first boy she dates. Not only does he have to pass Zach’s approval, which he will be sweating bullets about, but then there’s my approval. He’ll have no idea that I will be ten times harder to impress. Sophia is precious to me.

  We wandered through the carpark hand in hand not saying a word. Pushing the door open for her to enter, a loud cheer comes from inside. “Surprise!”

  Sophia jumps into my arms with fright. I have her wrapped up and turned away from the noise before I can even see what’s going on.

  “Sorry, dude. Wrong person. Just waiting on my sister and friend. Didn’t mean to scare your little girl. Are you okay, little one? We really are sorry. It’s my sister’s birthday and we’re surprising her. She is supposed to be coming through the door any minute. So, we might yell again if that’s okay?”

  Sophia slowly looks up to me to check what I think. I give a little nod which lets her know I think the guy’s harmless.

  “I’m okay, it was just really loud. I like birthdays, too. Will you sing Happy Birthday and have a cake?” I’m shocked she’s talking so much to him. She has come a long way in such a short time.

  “We sure will. I tell you what, when we do, can you help us sing and eat some birthday cake? I’m sure my sister won’t mind. Cake to say sorry for scaring you. Is that a deal?”

  “For my brother, too?”

  “Sure, where is he?”

  “Oh, don’t worry man, you will hear him when he arrives. You think you were loud. Sammy has got you beat.” I can’t help but laugh because right on cue he comes barreling through the door with Luke, talking loudly and one hundred miles an hour as per usual.

  “Told you.” We all laugh together.

  “Sammy,” Soph yells out. “We get to sing Happy Birthday and eat cake.” That has his attention.

  “Sorry man, here we go again. They’re right outside. Ready, little one? Cover your ears.” He signals to his friends and we all watch the door as it swings open for his sister. Once again, they all yell surprise. The poor girl is just as shocked as we were and I’m certain she’s not overly thrilled either. I would hate if anyone ever did that for me. Surprises and control freaks don’t match. He rushes over to his sister and drags her through the door to greet her friends.

  Now the excitement has gone, it’s time to find the rest of the family and settle down the kids. Just as I turn, the words from Sophia’s mouth make me freeze and stop breathing.

  “Miss Zara, what are you doing here? Are you coming to the party, too?” The hairs on the back of my neck bristle. I feel her before I see her. My body knows she’s close.

  “Look, Uncle Grant, it’s Miss Zara.” She grabs my face.

  There she is. As stunning as ever and standing across the room. My eyes can’t help themselves. They scan every inch of her to make sure I don’t miss a thing. Sophia squirms in my arms to get down. I let her go but I still don’t move.

  Zara remains rooted to the spot, unsure on what to say or do. Sophia breaks the spell by hugging her legs which makes Zara crouch down to talk. I want to storm over there and tell her that top she has on shows way too much cleavage, but right at this moment I’m loving what’s on show. I miss her, and my cock tells me it’s missed those tits, too.

  She whispers in Sophia’s ear who then runs to Luke and Samuel and encourages them to the back of the bar. Slowly, Zara stands and makes her way towards me.

  Just keep breathing, that’s all I can do.

  “Grant, how are you?” My name falling from her lips is like torture.

  “Hi, baby.”

  She gasps. I can’t help it. It just came out. We stand there for a few seconds drinking each other in. “I’m sorry, Zara. How are you?”

  “Do you want the standard answer or the truth?”

  “I can guess both. One will be ‘fine’ and the other will be similar to dying on the inside. Because that would be my answer.”

  “Please, Grant, don’t do that. Not here. It’s too hard. I need to be happy for my friend. Don’t make me cry.”

  “Oh, baby. That’s the
last thing I want.” I reach out to touch her cheek, but she pulls back and stumbles a little.

  “No, Grant. Please don’t touch me. It’s too… It’s too hard…I…I have to go…say hi to your family.” Then she runs. She’s gone to the other side of the bar before I can stop her. Once again, I stand there and let her go. It fucking hurts like hell, but I let her go.

  I can’t be here. I can’t be in the same room and not be able to talk, touch or even be near her. I need to leave and let her be there for her friend’s party. I promised to walk away so I will do it again. I will do it for as long as she needs me to.

  One day, however, I hope to fucking god, she tries to stop me.

  My family are confused as to why I need to leave. Especially Mom and Dad who were excited to have us all together. Zach and Emily know what’s going on but thankfully just play along. I tell Mom I’m not feeling well. I never like lying because Mom always knows best, and it is so much worse. I just can’t stay. Zara needs me to leave.

  I make it to the car before I feel like I can finally breathe again. Leaning on the car roof, the anger starts to boil. I want to march back in there and grab my girl by the hand, drag her outside and pin her against the wall and kiss the hell out of her until she changes her mind. Why can’t she see how hard she’s making her own life. Just seeing her for five minutes, I can tell how miserable she is. Her eyes tell me she’s not sleeping. They’ve lost their sparkle. The fire in her soul is missing.

  She needs her sparkle and fire.

  To get through this audition she needs her sparkle and fire.

  She won’t admit it, but she needs me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Zara

  I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

  “Zara…Zara…Zara, can you hear me?” I feel Natalie rubbing my back. “Sit down for a minute before you faint on me. You look pale.”

  Lowering me into the closest seat, she kneels down next to me and whispers, “That was him, wasn’t it? That was Grant.” I shiver at the mention of his name. All I can do is nod. I just need a moment to pull myself together.