Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  “Fuck off, Grant. I am not talking to you about this anymore. You need to have a good hard think about what you have just said. Goodbye!”

  Furious, I throw my cell on the bed. Grant had never made me feel owned or like I had no control over my life…until just now.

  My cell rings constantly. I continue ignoring it. Curling up under my blankets, the tears start to fall.

  It always happens. Nothing good ever lasts for me. Just when I thought life was going to be perfect, something always starts to break.

  Eventually, the ringing stops and then the messages start. One after the another, they stream in. I can’t stand it anymore. I fire off one message without even reading his, then I turn my phone off.

  Today I’m going to take a break from the world. I know Grant will be going out of his mind, but he can suck it up. He has pissed me off. Sometimes he just needs to back off. When I’ve calmed down, I will send him a message that I am all right and will talk to him tomorrow. No conversation today is going to end well, for either of us.

  Grant

  “Zara, if you don’t pick up your phone, I am going to really lose my shit. Call me, NOW!”

  Never have I been so angry with her.

  How dare she hang up on me. I have every right to be pissed off about Lewis. She’s being blind and stupid if she can’t see what’s going on. More and more over the last month his name had been in our conversations. His face seems to be always next to hers in every photo. I’m not stupid. He’s moving his way into her life and before long, she’ll be pushing me out.

  He’s there all the time and I can’t be.

  That pisses me off.

  He gets to touch her every day.

  That pisses me off even more.

  No matter how much I try, no amount of phone calls and skype sessions can replace being physically there.

  I know Zara loves me and I trust her like I have never trusted another soul. It’s him I don’t trust.

  We have argued before. Actually, every single time I see her or talk to her. That’s what we do. I push, she pushes back and that’s the way we are. From the very first day, that’s one of the things I loved about her. That smart mouth and the confidence to take me on.

  I’ve found an effective method to stop her mouth from getting too sassy. One that we both enjoy. Sometimes I think she pushes me, so we get to that point where I’m pushing my dick through her soft lips. She can be one very naughty little lady.

  Today though, not even those images soothe me.

  Pacing my office, I feel my body tense.

  “God damn you, Zara, answer your phone or I will punish you so hard. Don’t do this. Don’t run again.” I start to feel panicked. I can’t deal with her running.

  “Well, that sounds like an interesting message.”

  I spin around to see my dad standing in my office, arms crossed and oozing the powerful man he is.

  “Sorry, Dad. I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Obviously. You were too busy leaving a message that I am not sure I liked the sound of.”

  My frustration has me running my hands through my hair. I’m at a loss on what to do. This has been building for a while and I’m just not sure how to handle it.

  “Anything you want to chat about, Son?”

  “I don’t even know where to begin, Dad. You know I don’t talk about this type of stuff, but I think I have screwed this up majorly this time.”

  I sink into the couch and drop my head into my hands.

  Her last message a moment ago, feels like a knife stabbing my heart.

  Zara: I’M DONE GRANT. LEAVE ME ALONE. THIS IS WHY I AM BETTER ON MY OWN. SO MUCH FOR TRUST.

  How the hell did a Facebook post escalate so quickly to her walking away from me? This kind of argument should never happen over the phone. I know how stubborn she is and once she makes up her mind that could be the end of it.

  “I know you aren’t a talker, Grant, so give me the Grant Stevenson abbreviated version of what happened.”

  “Dad, I finally pushed her too far. What the hell have I done?”

  He sits down beside me and puts his arm around my shoulders. It feels good. Like when I was younger. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Dad always seemed to step in and take some of that away. He always knows. Probably because I am so much like him.

  “Start at the beginning and let’s see if we can fix this.”

  I didn’t realize how good it feels to actually have someone to talk to. Dad doesn’t say much, he just lets me talk and get it out. Then he sits for a moment in silence, like he’s carefully planning his response.

  “I would have punched the fucker that first time I saw him. Proud of you for stopping.”

  Now that’s not what I expected at all. I can’t help but chuckle even though I’m so worked up.

  “So how do I fix this?”

  “By showing her the difference between ownership and love and devotion. There have been times I’ve screwed up over something similar.

  “I know your mom told Zara the story of her leaving me to perform. Did she ever tell you?”

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “Well I was like you. It killed me being away from her. I actually don’t know how you have survived this long. I felt like I wanted to kill every man who went near her. My problem was that it didn’t change when she came home. It took me a long time to work out why I felt so possessive of her. I loved her with everything I had, just sometimes that was too much. I started to smother her. She is like your Zara. Independent and speaks her mind. She also needs to feel she can be herself and choose her direction in life. It was never about trust. I trusted her with how much she loved me and was faithful to me. I never doubted her for one minute. I learned it was actually on me. I never understood why she picked me. I never felt I was good enough for her. Here I had this amazing, beautiful woman who could do just about anything and she had chosen me. I didn’t feel worthy of her. I had all these people looking up to me and your mother had me on a pedestal, yet I didn’t feel I deserved it.

  “It took your mother threatening to walk away for me to understand it didn’t matter what I thought. It just mattered what she thought. If she had chosen me then I was good enough for her. No matter what, her love was all I needed. Most importantly, she didn’t want to give it to anyone else but me.

  “Didn’t stop my protective nature from never wanting her hurt. I learned to stop trying to cut off every guys hand. Along with the gentle and not so gentle persuasion sometimes from your mother telling me to calm down. I found another way to take out the frustration, if you know what I mean?”

  Fuck, now that’s a visual I don’t need.

  “Yeah Dad, tried that already.”

  He laughs. “Well, try harder.” This has us both laughing.

  “So, what’s the plan?”

  “Fix this once and for all.”

  “Hope that doesn’t mean I will be visiting you in jail.”

  “God, no. How the hell would I cope not being able to see Zara? I am barely coping now.”

  “Well then, I suggest you get moving. You know flowers won’t cut it, right?”

  “Yeah, Dad. I got this from here.”

  He stands and heads for the door.

  “Thanks, Dad. By the way, what did you call in for?”

  “No reason. I just had a feeling you needed me. Don’t tell your mother what I told you.”

  He disappears, and I’m left standing there with the upmost respect for my hero. My dad is pretty special. One day, I hope I have a child who will look at me just the same.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Zara

  I spend most of the morning crying and sleeping. I’m already physically exhausted, but the mental exhaustion has done me in.

  I know I need to turn my cell on. I’ve totally overreacted this morning. Grant caught me off guard and he has a habit of pushing my buttons pretty easily.

  With a cup of green tea, I climb bac
k into bed to face the music. No matter what, it won’t be pretty.

  Opening the messages, they just kept streaming up the screen. Reading through them, I can tell he’s getting more fired up. But then they stop. The last one is a reply to my message. One word, that’s it. Shit, what have I done?

  Grant: NEVER!

  There’s s no point listening to the voice messages. They will just be yelling and probably more swearing as they go on. I hold my breath and hit the call button.

  It goes straight to message bank. I wait a bit and try again. Same thing. My stomach drops. I think I poked the bear too hard this time.

  “Grant, it’s me. Call me,” I stumble over my words. I start to feel anxious. Hopefully, he’s in a meeting and will call me back soon. Time gets away from me and it’s been five hours since my message.

  I send a few messages and get no replies. Now I’m worried. I’ve blown it. Just like the last relationships, I wasn’t worth the hassle for a man. I need to explain. I need him to know how much I love him. I need to prove I’m worth keeping, despite the problems.

  I grab my gym bag and throw a change of clothes and toiletries in it as fast as I can. I don’t know what I am doing but I am not letting him walk away again because I pushed him into it.

  “For Christ sake, where’s my wallet? There’s one damn room, Zara, and you can’t find it. You’re a mess.”

  The gentle knock on the door breaks me from my rant. I look a mess. I’ve been crying for the last twenty minutes but whoever it is, they aren’t going away.

  Wiping my eyes, I try to smooth my hair and slowly open the door.

  I freeze. I can’t move, speak or even breathe.

  “Don’t run, Zara. Please don’t run. I love you and I’m sorry for being such an asshole.”

  I fall into his arms, sobbing.

  “I thought I’d lost you. I thought you were giving up because I’m not worth the drama. I wasn’t running away from you, I promise. I was just trying to breathe.”

  “Well, what’s the bag on your bed?”

  “I was running to you. I can’t stay away. I need you to know how much I love you and need you. Please don’t throw me away like the others. Please.”

  I know I’m not making sense.

  “Zara.” Grant lifts my chin and pushes me back into my apartment and closes the door. “Look at me, baby. I will never throw you away. Just the opposite. I ran to you to stop you from throwing me away for being such an idiot. I know my love sometimes is a lot to handle but I can’t stop how strongly I want you. When I gave you my heart and soul, it was for keeps. I can’t let you go, not now, not ever.”

  He hugs me tighter to make sure I know how much he means it.

  “I do trust you and have never doubted you. I just need to get better at expressing it.”

  “You think?” I giggle a little.

  “And there she is. The reason my whole world spins and my dick is hard twenty-four hours a day.”

  “What?” I try to act innocent, but it’s never going to work.

  Placing his hand on my cheek, he takes a deep breath.

  “I thought I’d lost you beautiful. All because of some bi-sexual…”

  “Gay.”

  “Arguable. Anyway, all because some bi-sexual fucker who’s taken with your beauty. My heart hurts so bad. It’s aching for you.”

  We both just stand for a moment.

  “Never. I am yours for as long as you want me.”

  “Forever. Be mine for eternity, Zara.”

  Before my eyes, Grant drops to one knee and pulls a box from his pocket.

  “This is not quite how I planned it, but it’s time.

  “Zara, I love you with all that I am and all that you make me. I will always love you and cherish you for all my days. You will never doubt how I feel and at times you may need to tell me to calm those feelings down. But I promise, you will always be enough, no matter what happens in our lives. Be mine and I am yours. Marry me and challenge me for the rest of our lives.”

  Tears stream down my face but they’re happy ones. “Yes, yes, yes,” I whisper. “I will always be yours, Grant. I’m made for you. No one else ever fits.”

  I sit on his knee and he seals his commitment with a kiss. It starts soft but then our usual passion takes over.

  “Wait!” I pull away.

  “Shit, what? You can’t change your mind!” he growls.

  “No, but if you don’t put a ring on it, maybe I will.” I smile.

  “Done.” He slides a stunning solitaire diamond ring on my finger.

  “Oh, Grant, it matches my toe ring. You had it made especially for us.”

  “No, gorgeous. I bought it the same day. I told you then I would marry you one day. You just didn’t believe me.”

  He draws me in for another kiss that heats up to so much more than that. We make it to the bed but only just before he makes sure I know how much I’m his. Thank God I don’t have to dance tonight.

  After we make love and put our world back in equilibrium I want to share my surprise.

  Propping myself up on my elbow, I look down at my fiancé whose hair is all ruffled and he looks at peace.

  “I have something to tell you. After you left last time, I knew I couldn’t do this for much longer. I handed in my resignation three weeks ago and I finish at the end of this season. I’m coming home. I’m coming home to be your wife. Not because you asked me to, and not because you wanted me to, but it’s because it’s time for me to come home and start living my other dream.

  “Do you think you can handle me around every day?” I look for Grant’s reaction

  “Do you think you will be able to cope with me, more to the point?” he laughs.

  “I am pretty sure it is going to be fun finding out.”

  “Oh, you have no idea what you are in for, little lady. No idea at all!”

  “I can’t wait.” I lay my head down on his chest over his heart and know finally I am home and it is the most amazing feeling.

  Epilogue

  The day before closing night

  Zara

  “Hey, baby, I missed you today. How did the show go?”

  “Hey. I missed you more than yesterday and the day before. I can’t wait for you to arrive tomorrow. I need some Grant action, big time. My body is missing you, too.”

  I hear him growl on the other end of the phone, but it also sounds like it’s coming from outside my door.

  “Grant?”

  “Baby, unlock your door and get naked. You have thirty seconds before I come through it and make you remember what you’ve been missing. Not quite how I planned this surprise, but it will do just fine. Move that ass, baby.”

  I’m wet just from hearing his voice. This is going to be the best night. Skype sex is freaking hot. Of course, not as good as the real thing but it works. We had some pretty awesome sessions. I never knew I would be so good at it. I feel a sense of power watching Grant lose control as I take him over the edge with my words and actions.

  My clothes barely hit the floor as I run to the door.

  “Baby, you better be ready for me. I miss your hot body and I’m about to enjoy becoming re-acquainted with every fucking inch of it.”

  The door’s already locked, and he’s sliding home before I have time to say hello.

  Hours later, as we lay in each other’s arms, I know it’s time. I didn’t want to sleep alone anymore.

  “Grant.” Checking he’s still awake, I lean up on my elbow to look him in the eyes. I want to see his face.

  “Tomorrow is my final performance. I am coming home. I am going home with you for the last time. I’m all yours forevermore.”

  For the first time, I stun him. Tears are in his eyes.

  “Baby, I don’t know what to say. I love you and I’m never letting you go. No regrets?”

  “No regrets. I have never been surer of anything in my life. It’s time.” I lean in and kiss him. Merging our tears together as they silently fall.

>   Two years later

  Grant

  “So, what do you think, Zara? Will you be happy living here and raising our family?” I walk forward, and I realize Zara has stopped dead.

  “Grant, I dreamed of this garden. Just like this. I couldn’t make sense of it or of you at the time. It was when we were apart. I just dreamed it over and over again. Now I know. The dream was guiding me home. To our home. I love it. A place to start our family of one or two children.” She smiles and squeezes my hand that sits on her large belly.

  “One or two kids. Now you’re dreaming again. The amount of times we have sex, there will be a basketball team of little Grants before long.”

  She giggles at me.

  “What makes you think you will get boys? There’s a fifty percent chance you will get a girl, you know.”

  “God help me if I end up with a house full of stubborn, sassy little girls. Fuck!” I run my hand through my hair. Let’s pray for at least a few boys to even it out.

  “Well, it will only be a few more days and you will find that out, won’t you? There’s no more room in there for baby Stevenson. It better hurry because I’m getting impatient and very uncomfortable,” Zara complains.

  If Zara thought I was hard to live with when I worry about her and keeping her safe, then that’s nothing compared to how I feel now.

  Looking down into the tiny bundle the nurse has placed in my arms, my heart cracks wide open. This little girl, who looks just like her mother, will kill me. I know it the moment she’s born.

  I’m already freaking out and she was only born ten minutes ago.

  The love I feel for my wife and now my daughter is more than I ever imagined possible. These two girls have me wrapped around their fingers and there is nothing I won’t do for them.

  “Welcome, our little Grace Zara Stevenson. You are loved more than you know.” Leaning down I place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Sealing my undying devotion to my daughter right there and then.