Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  “You wouldn’t,” I gasp trying to get out from under him to get to my bag.

  “Oh, I certainly would. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice, little one. So, let’s try this again. Want to show me what’s in the bag?”

  “Excuse me, Officer , I am not one of your suspects, you know. Where is your search warrant?” I giggle as his face drops down close to mine.

  “Baby, I don’t need no piece of paper to tell me I can search and touch every single inch of your body. Those handcuffs are all the permission I needed from you. Now let’s play show and tell, shall we. Little Red, show the big bad wolf what’s in your basket.” He’s smiling but it is such a wicked smile. One that tells me he knows he has the power and he loves it way too much.

  “Fine. But if you make fun of me, I’m going home.” I pout at him.

  “The only fun I’m looking for is playing with more toys. Now get moving, time’s a wasting, woman.” He slaps me on the ass as I get up to walk across the room to retrieve my bag. I give myself the mental pep talk: ‘Come on, you just cuffed yourself naked to his bed, this can’t be any more embarrassing than that. Pull your sassy pants up, woman!’

  Pulling the shopping bag out, Kane is already grinning at the plain brown paper bag. They don’t want to embarrass you, so the packaging is plain and inconspicuous. The contents, however, are far from plain and boring.

  I could drag this out or just get the humiliation over with all in one go. I tip the bag upside down on the bed next to him. His eyes almost pop out of his head.

  “Oh, Red, we are going to have so much fun here tonight. What an interesting assortment of goodies you’ve brought in your basket. The wolf is hungry. I think he needs to eat. Let’s start with the edible undies and chocolate paint. This is going to be so much fun. Get over here now.” He reaches up and grabs my hand, pulling me on top of him on the bed. Before I know it, we’re rolling around on the bed laughing and arguing about who gets to use the paint first.

  The night gets crazy and we proceed to test out the different vibrators I have, including the vibrating cock ring, which barely fits around Kane. I got an extra-large, but they need another size bigger than that called wolf size. I’m not sure who enjoyed that one more, him or me. His neighbors might be asking some questions tomorrow. I screamed so loud when we climaxed together, I’m sure they heard it all. I never knew it was possible to come so many times in one night.

  I have no idea what time it is. We’re both just lying wrapped together on the bed. Hot, wet and sticky. Kane suggested we need to shower but neither of us have the energy to get up.

  “Have you ever been fucked to the point you don’t even have the energy to move?” he asks in a low whisper into the darkness.

  “Yes, five minutes ago, in this bed by a big bad wolf. I don’t think I’m capable of anything more than sleep right now,” I answer.

  “Let’s do that then. Sleep now and shower in the morning. I don’t want to let you go. I want you stuck to me all night. Literally.” He quietly chuckles to himself.

  I slap his chest. “You’re disgusting, but I’m too tired to disagree.” I start to snuggle in tighter and Kane reaches down to pull the quilt over the top of us. The music is still playing in the background in a peaceful low level. It’s like a lullaby helping me to fall into dreamland. The thoughts that are in my head as I drift off are not ones I can share. I don’t want to scare him away. They’re safe just as dreams for the moment.

  Tonight, has been the most amazing night of my life. For the first time I have found a man who totally gets me. All of me. The sassy, the confident, the demanding, the vulnerable, soft and caring. But then there is the submissive lover part to me that I never knew existed, and he totally owns that too.

  As I give in to sleep, I hear Kane’s breathing evening out. I’m right where I belong. Right where I want to stay from now on.

  Kane

  I’ve never had a night where I have literally fucked myself to exhaustion.

  Last night was insane.

  Everything I could have ever asked for.

  I’ve been lying her for the past hour just listening to music and watching Lilly sleep in my arms. I’ve memorized every line on her face. The way her cheekbones run across her face. The length of her eyelashes as they lie on her skin while her eyes are closed. How long it takes between each of her breaths as she breathes in her sleep. Feeling the softness of her hair and the silkiness of her skin. I need to remember every square inch of her.

  How am I going to do this?

  Last night she laid herself wide open for me. Gave me every single ounce of her soul. Using it at times to tell me things she can’t yet voice.

  Now I’m going to crush her heart and tear it apart. Push her to walk away while I watch her leave a trail of blood behind her. She’s not the only one this is going to devastate.

  I feel her breathing start to change slightly, then her body moves a little. My heart starts beating hard in my chest in anticipation.

  “Morning,” she says looking up at me with such gorgeous eyes like I hang the moon for her. I lean down and kiss her forehead, holding my lips there that little bit longer just to savor. I inhale her beautiful scent of seduction mixed with the smell of sex.

  I hear the song change and Meghan Trainor and John Legend start with ‘I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you’. I’m lost in the two voices saying all the words I’m feeling. The ones I can’t say but I know I can show Lilly. Just one last time, but this one’s different.

  I start to kiss her softly on the mouth. I want this to be more than fucking, I want her to feel everything I can’t tell her out loud.

  “You are everything. Never forget that,” I whisper as I kiss her and slowly slide inside her. She opens willingly to me, her eyes fixed on mine. Our rhythm is perfect and sensual. There’s no rush. We need to savor every second. I wish I could tell her that, so she knows to hang on to every memory. Part of me senses she already knows. Reality is, though, that’s just my guilt trying to make me feel better. How could she know, that by making hot, sweet love to her I’m saying goodbye in the only way I can.

  We’re both riding the emotions as we’re close to the final climax. I want to pull out to make it last longer, but nothing is going to stop me from feeling this moment of the release of love. Looking down at Lilly as she arches her back, her mouth open and head back. She is so beautiful. In the throes of ecstasy, she finally lets herself go. Calling my name from her lips as I pump every last drop of myself into her. Telling her over and over in my head, how much I love her and always will.

  My little Red

  You will always be my little Red.

  I can’t bear to shower together this morning. It’s just going to be too hard. I send her in to shower on the promise I’ll make her breakfast. It’s the least I can do before we have the talk. The one I’m dreading. The one that sucks big time. The one that’s going to kill us both. The worst part is that I can’t tell her the truth, so she’s just going to think I’m an asshole and not worth the air I’m breathing. I only pray deep down her soul remembers the real me. Then one day it reminds her when I can finally let her in to the truth where I’ve been.

  I’ll never fall into this trap again. I need to stay in my own world, just using Xavier as my sounding board. That way no one gets hurt. That way I’m not opening my heart up to be crushed. I knew my life was set up the way it was before Lilly and her big ideas for a reason. It was a damn good reason too. I can’t do relationships. I can never let myself be so vulnerable again. It makes me lose my edge that I need to survive, but most of all because it hurts too fucking much.

  “I swear you have the best shower. I have brothers that build so many apartments, yet when they renovated mine, my shower is so crap. I need to have words with them about that. Be careful you might have me here showering every day.” She giggles as she cuddles into my side, slipping her hands around my waist as I serve up her eggs and bacon. Not my usual
spectacular job but it’ll do. I just need her to eat now so I can get this over with.

  I grin down at her and kiss her on the forehead and get her to sit at the counter. While she was in the shower, I collected everything in my room and put it in her bag and placed it at the front door. I know once she eats and this all comes out, she’s going to want to kill me. I don’t expect it’s going to be pretty.

  We eat in silence. Complete silence. I’ve turned off the music because I can’t listen after that song. It’s just too raw.

  As I’m clearing the plates, placing them in the sink, I feel Lilly behind me. Her hands on my back.

  “Kane, are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” There’s a quaver in her voice

  Fuck.

  “Lilly, we need to talk.” I turn and hug her as tight as I can. Taking every last second I can get. I lift her head and lean down kissing her, pouring everything I have into this one last kiss. As I pull away, she looks at me confused. Walking her to the couch, I sit beside her and take both her hands in mine.

  “Kane, you’re scaring me,” she whispers. It’s like she’s too frightened to say it out loud.

  I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I can’t put this off any longer.

  “Lilly, when we started this arrangement, we made rules for both our sakes.” The look on her face tells me she’s already panicking.

  “We agreed that there would be no feelings, no awkwardness and when it was time to move on that we had to tell the other person face to face.” She gasps, trying to hold it together. I feel her trying to pull her hands out of mine. I grip hard even though I should be letting go. I just can’t yet.

  “That we would then both walk away friends, no questions asked.” Pausing, I just don’t know how to say it. I look down, trying to find some magic strength on the floor. Don’t be such a pussy and just rip the band-aid off. It’s better for her. Don’t drag it out.

  “The time has come that we both need to move on. We can’t do this anymore. I’m ending it. You need to see other people.”

  I can hardly bear to look at her shocked face. I can see the hurt in her eyes. The water pooling ready to escape down her cheeks. A few times her mouth moves to say something and then she closes it again.

  “I’m sorry, Red, I didn’t mean for it to go this far, to fall this far,” I softly confess.

  “Don’t!” she yells. “Don’t you call me that! You just took that right away. No, don’t you dare ever call me that again.” She reefs her hands from mine and is up pacing the room now. I want to go to her and comfort her, but I know I can’t. I need to let her go. I need to let her hate me because it will be easier for her now. It won’t hurt as much.

  “What the fuck was last night then? Your last good fuck before you throw me to the curb? You fucking asshole. I fucking cuffed myself naked to your fucking bed because I thought it would mean something. What the actual fuck, Kane!” I stand now trying to touch her, but she pulls away.

  “It meant more than you know, Lilly. I will always treasure last night. I told you in the beginning, I can’t do relationships in this job. It’s not fair to you. I’m getting too far in. I need to walk away.” My head drops, I can’t watch the tears pouring down her face.

  “I thought we were past that. I thought you felt it too. Obviously not. Thanks for the fucks, buddy. Have a great life.” She storms to the bedroom looking for her bag and then sees it at the front door.

  “Wow, real classy, Kane.” Opening the door, she turns to look at me one last time and whispers, “I thought I was more than a fuck buddy. I stupidly thought we were falling in love.” With that, she slams the door and is gone.

  “I fell in love with you, Red, from day one. I’ll never stop loving you,” I say to the back of the door where she walked away. I sag on to the couch and shock myself as the tears fall down my cheeks.

  I just pushed away the only woman I will ever love.

  The only woman who cares enough to love me.

  It’s the way it’s got to be.

  Because of how much I love her, it’s the only way it can be.

  I’ll miss my Lilly and my Red.

  Fuck, this love shit bloody hurts.

  More than I ever imagined possible.

  Being shot might have been a whole lot easier.

  Lilly

  I can hardly see the numbers in the elevator. My brain is trying to remember the number of Xavier’s floor.

  Shit, what if they aren’t here?

  I can’t breathe.

  I just bend over trying to suck in the air. What the hell just happened?

  The elevator doors open, and I run down the hall to Xavier’s door, banging like a crazy woman. That’s because I am. Please, god, let Lesh be here. I need her.

  “Shit, Lilly. What happened?” Xavier says as I fall into his arms as soon as the door opens. His shoulders sag like he just worked out what’s going on. I’m sure he knows about Kane and me. “It’s okay, hun, it’ll all be okay. Come on.” He pulls me inside and walks me to the couch as Lesh comes staggering out of the bedroom, robe wrapped around her.

  “Sorry,” I sob into his shoulder.

  “Shhh, it’s okay.” I feel him pull away and Alesha wraps her arms around me, and we curl into each other on the couch as I sob. I can’t talk, I just need to let it all out.

  I don’t know how long we stay there while I cry like my world has just ended. I know it’s ridiculous, but to me it’s like I lost my world that I had only just found. After sitting in silence for a while, all the tears dry up. Xavier gets me to sit up a little and places a cup of tea in my hands.

  “Here, drink this, it’ll help,” he softly says.

  “Unless it’s straight alcohol, then I doubt it,” I grumble.

  He laughs a little. “There she is, our snarky Lilly is still in there.” Xavier hands a cup to Alesha and then leaves us to it, commenting he’s going for a run. No guesses with who.

  As he goes to walk out the door, I yell to him, “Hope he trips in front of a bus.”

  “Lilly,” Alesha yells. “You can’t say that,” she scolds me. “That’s awful.”

  “What?” I shrug. “He’s an asshole and hopefully the Karma bus mows him down. I didn’t mean a literal bus, just the karma bus.”

  Alesha gasps at me.

  Xavier’s laughing. “I’ll make sure I pass on your well wishes, Lil. Now try to keep calm and no touching any knives while I’m gone.” You can always count on Xavier to bring humor to any situation.

  “Yeah, whatever. Just don’t bring him back here otherwise all bets are off.”

  He leaves, laughing to himself.

  I turn back to Alesha and she looks at me with sisterly love. It’s just enough to start me off again.

  “I love him, Lesh. I didn’t know what love was, but he showed me. I thought he loved me too. He never said it, but he didn’t need to. It was in his eyes, his touch, in everything we did. I’m so stupid. I thought I could show him he could have his job and love me too. But I’m not enough, I just wasn’t enough.” I suck in a breath between sobs. “My love just isn’t enough.” Tears still stream down my cheeks.

  “He did what he told me he would do. No matter what, he was always going to walk away. He followed the rules. I’m the one who broke them, I let feelings in. There’s no way I can be his friend. I just can’t love him this hard and ignore it to be friend-zoned.

  “What am I going to do, Lesh? How am I going to survive this?”

  “The same way we’ve always gotten through life. We will get through this together. You can do this. It’ll just take time and a whole lot of alcohol and chocolate. That I’m certain of. Now keep drinking that tea so I can open the first bottle. It’s going to be a long day.”

  “I love you, Lesh.” I close my eyes and let the rest of the tears fall. I need to get them all out so I can work on moving on.

  She squeezes me.

  “Love you too, Lil.” Alesha sniffles. I guess she’s crying for me to
o.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Kane

  The banging on the door gets me jumping up from the couch where I haven’t moved since she left. She must want to tear more strips off me. I deserve everything she wants to do to me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop from grabbing her and holding on, though.

  “Lilly, I’m sor…” My voice drifts off coming face to face with Xavier at my door.

  “Nah, man. You’re lucky it’s just me. She’d be carrying a knife or a gun right now,” he says as he walks past me into my apartment.

  I slowly close the door, not ready to hear whatever he’s come here to say. To tell me what an asshole I am, what a shit thing I’ve done, Alesha now hates me too, and all the other things that he’s thinking.

  “Get your runners, that can’t have been easy. I’ve seen the fallout. We need to run this off. No arguing.” I stand there staring at him. Besides the woman whose heart I’ve just driven a knife through, the man standing in front of me is the only person to ever understand me. To know me deep down into my soul. Be here, when I need him and know I can’t talk but to push me to do the thing that helps me. I just walk towards him, placing my hand on his shoulder and squeeze to let him know how much I appreciate what he’s doing. Not lecturing me, not trying to make me laugh, just being here.

  Lacing up my last runner, I look around my room. It was only a few hours ago Lilly was lying naked right here in my arms. How quickly life can change. I wish it could be different. I need to get out of here to clear my head. I’ve got to be fully focused by tomorrow morning. There’s no room for error in this job. Somehow, I’m going to pack my bag in the morning and walk out of here and leave Kane behind for a while. He will have to stay here with his memories of his girl. Meanwhile, Craig Johnson, my undercover persona, will be out scouring nightclubs for the scumbags who are preying on women.

  “Come on, man, getting grey and old out here waiting,” Xavier calls out to me. I stand and walk on autopilot out to the living room. I know how to do this. I’ve been here before, telling my brain to block feelings out. This is no different. It just means locking down the part that thinks too much.