Time For Love Box Set

by Karen Deen

  “Let’s do this.” He pats me on the shoulder, and we head for the door. Just before he walks out, I grab his arm. He turns back to look at me.

  “Thanks.”

  It’s just one word. One that carries so much meaning and emotion. Xavier nods and turns towards the elevator. Time to put one foot in front of the other. I have no other choice.

  Pounding the pavement is my go-to when I’m struggling with work. It usually helps. We’ve been running for over an hour and all I can see are two visions on repeat in my head. My Red, cuffed to my bed seducing me with her siren call. Then it gets crushed by the vision of my Lilly with tears and hate closing the door as she walks away, doubting her love for me, and worse, still doubting my love for her. I slow down and stop in the middle of the path in the park. Hunching over, hands on my knees, I just close my eyes. I’m done. This isn’t going to take the pain away. Nothing will.

  “Kane.” I hear Xavier’s voice call in the distance. Except he isn’t that far away from me. It’s happening. The walls are going up and I’m retreating to where nothing can touch me. I’ll cope this way. Time to head home and prepare for tomorrow.

  “I’m done,” I grumble and turn to start for home. He knows me well enough to back off now. I’m finding my zone. Slowly but surely, turning off any register of emotion. Saying goodbye to the Kane that Lilly knows, and becoming the hard-ass policeman that I will need to be to get through this assignment.

  Hours have ticked by and I can’t shake the feeling of uncertainty. I can’t tell if it’s the uncertainty of what I’ve done today or the nervousness I always get before I head into an undercover assignment. Either way, I’m on edge and normally I would go and punch the hell out of the bag in Xav’s gym or find a woman and have a great hard fuck. Both are so unappealing right now.

  I’m lying on my bed, smelling her, seeing her vision and feeling her presence all around me. Strangely enough, it’s the only thing that is quieting my mind and bringing me peace. I hope by the next time I’m in this bedroom, the scent is still here and hasn’t left me. I wish I could bottle it.

  Closing my eyes, I try to coax sleep into the room. He’s playing hard to get tonight. I’m not sure I’ll even bother trying. I’ll harness this nervous energy, ready to use tomorrow. I’ll need every part of the adrenaline I can get.

  Craig Johnson, welcome aboard. Hope you’re worth the pain!

  Lilly

  Tomorrow my head is going to hurt, there’s no doubt. The amount of alcohol consumed today along with the lack of food, I’m definitely going to pay for it. I’ve been up hugging the bowl for the last couple of hours. I’ve managed not to vomit yet, but it’s been damn close. How did I let Alesha get me this drunk? She’s supposed to be the responsible one, yet she was leading the charge. Xavier should have supervised us. We needed someone to tell us we had enough. Not that I would have listened. I just want to forget today; come to think of it, the last few weeks.

  Erase Kane from my memory.

  Wait, not totally erase him.

  I want to keep the good memories. Actually, all the memories except from around ten am today.

  How pathetic am I? Sitting here with my head hovering over the toilet and yet I’m licking my lips thinking of Kane and his big bad wolf cock. I’m fucked in the head. Totally screwed up. I need sleep to get rid of this feeling. The feeling that I want to be sick, and the one where I want to run back to his apartment and beg him to change his mind. Like some pitiful woman.

  This is not me. I’m stronger than this. He can’t break me.

  I won’t let him.

  Well, I won’t let him tomorrow.

  He’s already proven he can totally shatter me today.

  Asshole

  “What’s that noise?” I grumble. I try to pull my pillow over my ears.

  It’s so loud.

  Good, it’s stopped.

  Then it starts up again. “Shut up!” I yell, this time trying to open my eyes to work out what the hell is going on. “Bad idea.” I squint at the sunshine peeking in through the curtains in my bedroom. “I’m never drinking again.”

  Sitting up very slowly, suddenly the noise starts screeching again. I put my hands over my ears to shield from the pain. On a normal day, this noise would be loud but on a hungover Monday morning, it’s killing me. Stumbling to my feet, I go in search of what it is.

  I can hear voices and noise in my kitchen and the smell of food. Not sure my stomach is happy about that, but I’m holding it together, barely.

  “Jesus, woman, I give you one job. Get your sorry hungover backside over there on the stool and let me handle this,” I hear Xavier swat Alesha on the butt as she giggles.

  It all makes sense now with the noise. My smoke alarm is touchy and if Alesha is cooking toast then it’s going off at her charcoal-toasting techniques.

  “Morning,” I mumble as I stagger into the kitchen. “Can we keep it down to a dull roar?”

  Xavier laughs out loud. “Another sore head. Sympathy factor zero. All self-inflicted, just like your sister. You should have seen me trying to get you home last night and into bed. I’m the one who needs sympathy for putting up with drunk Lilly who never stopped crying. Plus, blame Alesha for the smoke alarm. I gave her one job. Apparently, that’s too hard this morning.”

  “Xavier.” I glare at him. “Shut. Up.” His constant talking is killing my head.

  “Wow, you take the prize for the most hungover between you two, then. Sit your ass next to your sister. You both need to eat to soak this alcohol out of your systems before you face work.”

  “Urgh,” we both groan together. “Can’t we call in sick? I know the boss. He’ll be okay,” I plead.

  “Pfft, you must still be drunk. You’ve mixed up your brother with an alien if you think Grant will approve a sick day because you’re hungover. Nice try, sunshine. Now start drinking, food will be ready in a minute when I remake the toast, courtesy of drunk twin number two over there.” He pushes a mug of coffee in front of me and Alesha pushes the tablets at me for my headache.

  Today already needs to be over and it has only just started.

  “You got the story straight? We had to drop past the wedding dress shop for a quick fitting, that’s why we’re late. Right?” I look at Alesha’s face and know she’s going to screw this up. She can’t lie to save herself. Not even a little white lie.

  “Never mind. You say nothing and just nod as I do the talking, okay? Do not make eye contact with Grant, otherwise you know he’ll call us out.”

  “Why can’t we just tell the truth?” Alesha looks at me with her goody-two-shoes face.

  “Because they’ll all ask why we got drunk on a Sunday. I don’t want to tell them. I don’t want anyone to know. Got it!?” I’m getting a little heated now.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll just follow. Just don’t ask me to talk.”

  We both make a beeline for our office. Not looking to talk to anyone or make eye contact. Maybe no one will actually notice we’re late. The office is quiet which is unusual. Normally there’s activity and voices coming from one of the boys’ offices or they’re yelling at each other between offices. I mean, why use the expensive telephone intercom system we have?

  Zoe comes out from Zach’s office and makes me jump as she says good morning.

  “Oh, hey Zoe.” I keep walking when she stops me dead in my tracks.

  “Why aren’t you girls in the boardroom for the family meeting? Are you taking a break? You’ve had enough of those boys and it’s only been an hour?”

  Fuck! is all I can think.

  What meeting? I didn’t schedule any meeting in the calendar. I look at Alesha who also looks lost. She shrugs her shoulders and we casually head into our office and scramble trying to get the computers loaded to check the emails and calendars.

  Keyboard keys are clacking, and pens and papers are being shoved across the desks.

  “Shit, Grant sent an email last night about an emergency meeting this morning. Who expects
people to check work emails on a Sunday night?” I curse, picking up my folder and pen.

  “Our damn workaholic brother, that’s who!” We both rush out of the office to the boardroom.

  I walk in as casually as I can. Taking a seat and saying good morning like nothing is wrong. The boys sit silently looking at us both.

  Luke can’t help himself and breaks the silence. “It’s nice of you to finally join us. Working on Lilly time again today, are we?” He smiles across the table at me.

  Don’t pick on me today, Luke, it’s the wrong day.

  “Nope, we had a wedding dress fitting which was booked in before the email sent on a Sunday night, which doesn’t count as notification for the next morning, by the way.” I smugly cross my arms over my chest. I can stare these boys down any day. They’re my brothers, I’m not afraid of them.

  “Likely story,” Grant says rolling his eyes. “Just admit you’re hopeless with time and were too busy attending to your hair and make-up. One day you will be on time.”

  I go to defend myself, but Alesha is all over it, having my back against our brothers. “Shut up, Grant. We’re getting over last night’s frigging hangovers. Trying to forget sex with a guy like Kane takes lots of alcohol.” Her hand flies to her mouth as she realizes she just exposed me to my brothers.

  “Oh. Shit. Lilly, I’m sorry. My head is muddled. I’m so sorry.” The words come rambling out of Alesha’s mouth so quickly as she tries to backtrack.

  “Goddammit!” Grant bangs his hand on the table, frustrated. He better not start a big brother lecture, because today I will stab him with my pen so hard I draw blood.

  I glare at Alesha. I can’t be mad at her, though, because it’s not like my brain is functioning any better than hers is today.

  Luke starts to laugh loudly. One of those deep-down belly laughs that make everyone look to see what’s so funny.

  “Pay up, big brother. Called it. I told you they were together. You too, Zach, you both owe me. A bet’s a bet.”

  “What the fuck? You all had bets if I was sleeping with Kane or not? You boys suck. Seriously, I’m done with you all.” I go to leave when Luke jumps up and comes to put his arm around me.

  “Hey, we’re just brothers being silly. So, what happened that you and little miss goody-two-shoes over there are suffering hangovers?” He’s still trying to be funny but there’s a small part of him that cares.

  “Like you care, you’re just happy you won your bet. Jerk.” I slap his chest, but it just means he draws me into his chest and hugs me tighter.

  “Seriously, Lil, are you okay? Do we need to go and sort him out?” All the witty tone has left his voice, and he sounds genuinely concerned.

  “No, it’s okay. It’s over now. Mutual agreement. All good. Can we just forget about it? Not something I want to discuss with my brothers.”

  He squeezes me a little tighter and then Grant breaks the moment. “Okay, good, let’s get some work done, can we? Enough of the family melodramas. Now let’s talk about the dramas down in the river district job.”

  “Good to know you care, Grant.” I sneer as I sit back down, and Zach leans over to kiss me on the head as he gives me a warm hug.

  “Always here if you need to talk. I know Emily is too. Come and stay for a few days, the kids’ll make you laugh,” he whispers to me.

  There’s something so calming about Zach. Grant is the controlling, bossy brother. Luke is the comedian, but Zach is the caring and gentle soul. He is the level head that always manages to know just what to say and when to be there.

  “Thank you. Could be what I need. I’ll let you know,” I whisper back.

  “Are you two finished down there? Can we start the damn meeting now please? Some of us have work to do today, funnily enough.”

  “Whatever,” I grumble, and everyone laughs.

  That’s what we do best in this family. Love, laugh and protect. No matter what I’m going through, I know they will all be there in their own ways. Even Grant, who knows that what I need is to be busy and to be pushed to think about work instead of Kane.

  One day at a time.

  It has to get easier.

  It can’t feel any worse.

  Today was the longest day in history, between my hangover headache that never left, Alesha who couldn’t stop apologizing all day and the damn phone on my desk that never stopped ringing. I’m not a violent person but I really wanted to smash that phone against the wall.

  After the boys had all their jokes at my expense, they quickly moved on to work for the day and it wasn’t mentioned again. Alesha offered to cook me dinner and keep me company, but I told her she did such a good job of looking after me last night, I think tonight I’d better just have a quiet one. I know down the road, as time makes this not as raw, it’ll be the big joke in the family that quiet Alesha got the wild child Lilly drunk.

  Definitely one for the record books.

  It’s nights like tonight, I wish I had a dog or a cat. A pet of some sort to cuddle up with on my bed. They would be loyal and just be happy to be with me. No questions asked. As long as I fed them, walked them and gave them cuddles, life for them would be complete. So much less hassle than a man or a relationship. That’s why I wasn’t ready for one. They’re too much hard work. I mean, there are certainly some benefits.

  Oh god, those benefits were huge too.

  I need to lick my wounds.

  Heels and lipstick on. Head held high and ready to take on the world.

  I’ve got this.

  I don’t need a man to keep living. I’m strong.

  I create my own life.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Kane

  One of the things about working an undercover case is that you start living in a bubble. Your sole focus is on the case. You live, eat and breathe it. Nothing in your day is a normal life. You’re living in temporary accommodation, using a different name and lying low when you aren’t on the job. You’ve got to completely immerse into the life, otherwise you’re putting yourself and the others around you in danger. The suspects you’re trying to gain trust from can’t suspect for one moment you aren’t who you’re pretending to be. Cut off from your normal life. No phone contact, no social-media posting, no activity in any way, except in your new identity’s world.

  Only a few people know where I am. Mom and Dad know I’m undercover, but they don’t know where. It’s hard on Mom, she struggles with it. I feel bad but know that she understands it’s who I am. Dad keeps her busy to stop her from worrying. They have my sergeant’s contact details, so if they are worried or there’s an emergency then they can still get a message to me.

  Xavier knows, even though I shouldn’t have told him. I trust him with my life, more than I trust some of my work colleagues at times. He’s the only one who I’ve told exactly where I’m staying. He has my burner phone number. He knows not to use it unless it’s an emergency. I made sure he was going to be looking after Lilly. I don’t have a right to be asking that of him, but I am anyway. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I want to know she’s safe and happy. Not sure she’s made it to the second part yet, but she will be working on it. I know her. She’s a strong woman. Nothing will hold her down. Not even her hate for me.

  Jessie and I have spent the last two weeks visiting different clubs in the area. Her undercover name is AJ which is short for Alison Jane. That way if I use the name Alison Jane instead of AJ, it’s one of our signals to let her know there’s danger around or that I’m feeling we have a problem. Her identity is that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. We don’t live together so we have separate apartments. That way her husband Adam can still see her in private without having to worry about me. Because he’s a fire fighter, he uses all sorts of reasons to be accessing the building where she is. He also has the maintenance elevator key to gain access through the service entrance. He doesn’t visit too often but enough to reassure himself that Jessie is okay and safe.

  Our role at the moment has
been simple because we’re going into the clubs as a couple who are voyeurs. That way we don’t have to participate and can take in faces and clues in each of the different places. We take turns as being the one who drinks so one of us is always completely sober. The other one never gets drunk, but we need to be seen drinking. No one goes into these clubs and drinks water. So, we rotate our glasses. Sober one takes the glass to their lips but never takes a sip. Places it back down next to the other glass. The drinker for the night takes a drink from each glass, alternating until they’re both finished.

  So far, the clubs we’ve visited aren’t too hardcore. We’ve seen some interesting scenes. The first night was challenging. Especially for Jessie. She’s visited strip clubs before, but not these sorts of clubs. I’ll be honest it’s not somewhere I frequent either, although I have been inside one before when I was younger, though not for many years. Tried it out and found it wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m all for the domination but I’m more about the domination of controlling pleasure in the privacy of our own place. Plus, the pain thing doesn’t really do it for me. A spanking and restraints for a bit of fun but nothing more than that. To each their own for those that enjoy more.

  We’ve been warned the club we’re visiting tonight is extreme, hardcore. Jessie and I have agreed that she’s not to leave my side and we’re going to put a tracking device on the inside of her clothes so I can make sure that nothing happens to her. Just in case. Although I won’t let her out of my sight, you need to expect the unexpected in these places. Unfortunately, it also means we’re going to have to up our relationship for this place. Tonight, we’ll need to be kissing and touching in places I wouldn’t dream of touching a work colleague. She’s coming here early so we can get comfortable with each other before we go out. I don’t know how her husband is coping with all this. If it were me, I would have said no way to my wife being put in this position. No matter how good a cop she is, first and foremost she is my wife, and I wouldn’t want any other guy touching her.