Until Harry

by L. A. Casey

  I gritted my teeth at Kale’s text talk; I hated when he didn’t use grammar correctly, but I shoved that annoyance aside as I thumbed out a reply.

  Stop it. It’s fine. I’m fine. It was a mistake. I know that, and you know that. You’re still my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. You haven’t ruined anything. You’re still my buddy. Things haven’t changed. I promise :)

  Lie. Lie. Lie.

  I didn’t voice it, but I suspected things would never be the same between us ever again, and I think Kale knew it too.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Day three in York

  Lane?”

  I blinked away the memory that had taken hold of me and turned my head to the voice that called my name, and when I found the source was Ally Day, my gaze hardened.

  It was Sunday, the day after my uncle’s funeral, and my family, family friends and a bunch of other people had dropped by my parents’ home, some to talk about their good times with my uncle, while others were drinking.

  I made sure that I steered clear of alcohol. I hadn’t touched a drop of it in seven years, and even though I felt like I was at my lowest point, I kept my private vow never to use alcohol to mask my pain again. I had done that enough in my late teenage years, and I never wanted to fall back into that state of mind.

  “What do you want, Ally?” I quipped, pushing loose strands of hair from my face. “I’m not in the mood to be put down. I’ve had a shitty weekend, in case you haven’t noticed.”

  Ally winced. “I deserve that.”

  “You think?” I sarcastically asked.

  She played with the hem of her cardigan as she said, “Lane, I’m sorry.”

  I turned my body to face her fully. “For what?”

  She swallowed and said, “For how horrible I was to you when we were younger. I have no excuse for it. I was mean, horrible and a straight-up bitch to you for no reason. I wish I could take it all back.”

  I tilted my head as I stared at her.

  “I wished for that countless times too,” I stated. “I wished every night after that day in Anna’s house that I could rewind and not go there. Do you understand how much your words, and Anna’s, had an impact on me? I wanted to die because I felt so bad about myself. You played a part in making me feel like that.”

  Tears welled in Ally’s eyes.

  “I’m terribly sorry. I had no idea of the hurt we caused you.”

  I didn’t bat an eyelid.

  “Of course you didn’t. You were too wrapped up in Anna to see anything else, never mind seeing the impact your words and actions had on others.”

  Her tears fell from her eyes and splashed onto her now red-blotched cheeks.

  “I hate myself for how I behaved in school. I never wanted to be that person, Lane. I just acted mean to seek approval from Anna. I don’t know why I needed to be friends with her, because she was horrible to me, even worse than what she was with you.”

  I scowled. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you, Ally?”

  “No,” she answered, “I’m not trying to make this about me. I just wanted you to know why I was the way I was. I did some horrible things to fit into a nasty friendship with someone who wasn’t worth it, and I hurt you and many others in the process. I’ll forever be sorry for the things I said to you.”

  I didn’t know whether to accept her apology or not, even though it was obvious she was very sorry for what she had done. The heartbroken teenager within me wanted to watch her cry and have her feel horrible for what she had done to me, but I shook that version of myself away. If I did that, I would be no better than Ally or Anna back in the day.

  “I can see that you’re sorry,” I commented.

  “I am,” she sniffled. “I swear it.”

  I sighed deeply. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Ally. I can’t just switch off the dislike I have for you. You were a part of making growing up as a teenager more difficult than it needed to be.”

  “I’d take it all back if I could,” she vowed.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Why now?”

  “Huh?” she hiccupped.

  “Why are you saying all this to me now?” I clarified.

  Ally shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve wanted to apologise to you for years, but you’ve been in the States, and I didn’t want to find you on Facebook and send you everything I had to say in a text message,” she explained. “Anything short of the apology I’m giving you now wouldn’t have cut it, not to me.”

  That surprised me.

  “You’ve changed since I last saw you,” I commented after a moment of silence.

  I didn’t mean her appearance, and Ally knew that.

  “I have,” she said, nodding. “I’ve grown up, and I’ll have to live with the things I have done and said, but all I can do now is offer my apology and prove that I’m a better person.”

  My gut told me that she was being sincere.

  “I . . . I can’t believe I’m saying this, and meaning it, but I forgive you, Ally,” I said after a pregnant pause. “We won’t be friends anytime soon, but I do believe that you’re sorry for what you did, and I accept your apology. We don’t have to talk about it again; it’s in the past where it belongs.”

  Ally’s crying amplified until she was sobbing so much she couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to do for her, so I stood motionless before her and stared. I cringed as I put myself in her shoes.

  Is that what I looked like when I cried? I wondered. Did others feel as helpless as I did?

  “What’s going on in here?” Lochlan’s voice suddenly boomed from my right.

  I looked at him at the same time he locked his eyes on a still blubbering Ally, and I resisted rolling my eyes when Lochlan’s hardened gaze switched to mine. If looks could kill, I would have been dead and buried with the glare my brother shot my way.

  “What. Did. You. Do?” he growled.

  Here we go.

  “What are you talking about?” I quizzed. “I didn’t do anything.”

  He lifted his hand and gestured towards Ally. “Explain her state then!”

  I looked to Ally, who was trying to speak but was now hiccupping and couldn’t get any words out.

  “I didn’t make her cry – she did that herself.”

  Lochlan growled. “I’ve never seen her cry like that, and all of a sudden she is alone with you for a few minutes and she’s a mess of tears.”

  Why does he care so much?

  “You better close your mouth, turn around and walk off before you say something you regret,” I warned him. “I am not at fault here. She is apologising for the shit she did to me when we were teenagers. She is crying because she feels bad about what she did. We’re talking it out. That’s it.”

  Some of the tension from Lochlan’s body disappeared.

  He looked to Ally and asked, “Is that true?”

  It pissed me off that he didn’t take what I said as truth.

  Ally sniffled and nodded her head to Lochlan.

  “Oh,” he said, then cleared his throat. “I didn’t know.”

  “How could you know?” I questioned. “You never gave me a chance to explain. You came in here pointing your stupid fat finger and jumped to your own conclusion. Typical Lochlan.”

  The tension that had left Lochlan’s body came back tenfold.

  “I know you, Lane, and you have a way of starting trouble out of nothing,” he sneered.

  He might as well have kicked me in the face. It would have hurt less.

  “You’re wrong, dear brother,” I mocked. “You don’t know me; you haven’t known me for a long time.”

  “And whose fucking fault is that?” he suddenly bellowed.

  Ally jumped, but I didn’t. Lochlan didn’t scare me. I was used to his outbursts.

  “I’m sorry, Ally,” Lochlan murmured, his voice incredibly soft towards her. “Can you give me a minute with my sister?”

  He said the word “sister” like one would say “cancer”.

&nb
sp; Ally nodded to both of us, tenderly touched Lochlan’s arm, then scurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. I blinked at the closed door, then looked to Lochlan, and my face lit up when I put two and two together.

  “I’m so stupid,” I said, laughing. “No wonder you defended her yesterday in the sitting room and just now: you’re shagging her.”

  Lochlan scowled at me. “Don’t talk about what you don’t know.”

  I laughed harder. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  He glared at me, his silence screaming a resounding yes.

  I shook my head. “For years you never let older boys near me, and now you’re shacked up with someone the same age as me? The exact age as your little sister, Lochlan. This is just bloody brilliant.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled.

  I ignored him. “Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and scare her away from you. It seemed to work out well when you did it to me all those years ago.”

  Lochlan’s gaze hardened. “That’s different. We aren’t kids anymore.”

  “Since when has maturity mattered between siblings?” I asked.

  My brother narrowed his eyes to slits. “Leave. Ally. Alone.”

  I held up my hands in front of my chest. “No problem, big bro. I won’t be here long enough to screw you out of getting laid. Trust me, the first chance I get, I’m out of here.”

  Lochlan’s whole demeanour went rigid. “Stop threatening us with that.”

  I looked away from him. “You know I’m leaving when everything is squared away with Uncle Harry’s things. It’s not a threat if it’s true.”

  He stepped towards me. “You can stay here if you want to; you know you can.”

  “Uncle Harry is gone,” I replied, gazing out the kitchen window. “What’s left for me here?”

  “Me!” Lochlan roared.

  I almost jumped out of my skin when he shouted. I quickly looked in his direction and backed up against the kitchen counter when I saw how tense his features were. I had never seen him look so infuriated before.

  “I’m here,” he bit out. “Layton is here. Mum, Dad and Nanny are here for you. Kale is here for you too, not that you’ve ever given a damn about him.”

  It was my turn to shout then.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I bellowed, rage flowing through my veins. “I left for Kale! I left so he could be with Drew and have their baby. I didn’t want to remind him of the bullshit I put him through every time he saw me, and I didn’t want to put a strain on their relationship, because I knew Drew didn’t like me around him. I left so he could finally be happy, so don’t you fucking dare tell me I never cared for him. I loved him with everything in me, you arsehole. I left my entire life for him!”

  What I didn’t say was that I also left because I couldn’t watch Kale’s life with another play out before my eyes, but Lochlan didn’t need to know that.

  He stared back at me with wide eyes.

  I shook my head. “I love you, Lochlan, but you make me hate you sometimes.”

  He swallowed as tension left his features. “I don’t mean to be so hard on you, but you didn’t just leave Kale or Uncle Harry when you went away. You left me too.”

  My heart hurt for him.

  “And I’m sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t know what else to do at the time. I couldn’t be here. It was too hard.”

  Lochlan blinked. “And now?”

  I frowned. “And now I don’t know how I feel. I’m a bundle of emotions with everything going on. I just need to get a handle on myself and think for a while.”

  “I’ve been in a relationship with Ally for the last four years.”

  Out of all the things I expected my brother to say, that was not it.

  “What?” I gaped. “Four years?”

  He nodded. “We’re engaged.”

  Thank God I had the counter to lean against because I was sure I would have fallen over without it.

  “It’s not just shagging, as you so nicely put it. I love her, and she loves me.”

  I blinked dumbly.

  “We’re getting married next June,” Lochlan continued, “and I – we – want you at the wedding.”

  I looked away from my brother then, but he shot forward and got in my face.

  “Don’t do that! Don’t turn away from me. If you’re not going to come to my wedding, then say it to my face.”

  I was shocked to the core when I saw unshed tears, real tears, sitting in my brother’s eyes.

  “I just forgave her for everything she did to me when we were younger, but I don’t exactly like her, Lochlan. How can I stand in a church and pretend like I do?” I asked, my eyes searching his.

  Lochlan’s gaze lost some of its intensity, and his lip quirked. “You can sit down the back if it helps?”

  I was surprised when a laugh burst out of me. Lochlan laughed too. Then, without warning, he put his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

  “You’re still the biggest pain in my arse, little sister, but you’ve always been my number-one girl; you know that, right? I love you to death, and I’ve missed you with all of my heart.”

  Tears fell from my eyes as I hugged him back.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry for leaving you.”

  Lochlan squeezed me tightly.

  “Congratulations,” I said then as I pulled back from our hug. “I mean it. I’m happy for you.”

  Lochlan winked at me. “Thanks, kid.”

  I teasingly grinned. “I’ll have to share Lochlan’s number-one-girl title it seems.”

  He smiled wide. “Yeah, it appears to be that way.”

  I got serious then and said, “If she ever hurts you, you tell me, and I’ll hunt her down and kick her arse.”

  Lochlan almost doubled over from laughing, and it caused my lip to twitch.

  “I’m glad you find it amusing, but I’m dead serious.”

  He laughed harder.

  I nudged him. “I’m going to kick your arse if you don’t bring it down a notch.”

  Lochlan tried to compose himself.

  “I’m sorry, Rambo,” he snickered. “I’ll keep your offer in mind. I’ll just have to pray Ally never hurts me.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, smiling, before going in for another hug.

  “So you’ll be here for my wedding?” he asked.

  I nodded against his chest. “Do you think Mum or Nanny would let me miss it?”

  He pulled back from me, thought on it, then smirked.

  “They’d personally go over to New York and put you on a plane home.”

  They would – that was God’s honest truth.

  I cringed. “I can only imagine.”

  Lochlan smiled at me, then leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes, then reopened them and looked up at him. “Are we cool?”

  He gazed at me for a moment and said, “Yeah, Lane, we’re cool. I’m tired of being angry with you. I know it’s because I just miss you and worry for you, but if you want to live abroad, then I’m going to deal with that. Things will change between us, I promise.”

  He hugged me again, and just like that, the tension between Lochlan and myself disappeared. It felt damn good too. I pulled back from my brother when I heard the sound of a throat clearing, and froze when I saw Kale standing in the open kitchen doorway, his hands in his trouser pockets. His lifeless eyes were trained on me.

  “Lane?” Kale’s voice murmured quietly.

  Oh, God.

  “How . . . how long have you been standing there?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

  He licked his lower lip. “Long enough.”

  Did he hear everything I said about him? I panicked. Fuck.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “I have to go.”

  I needed to get away from everyone and be on my own. I pushed myself away from Lochlan and practically ran by Kale, only to be brought to a halt next to the sitting room when a bo
dy stepped out in front of me.

  “You aren’t going anywhere!” This voice belonged to my father.

  I refused to look at anyone.

  “I meant I’m going to my hotel room. I promised Mum and Nanny I’d stick around to help with Uncle Harry’s house and his belongings. I’m not skipping town – I just want to be on my own for a while.”

  My father didn’t budge. “You can be alone up in your room, you don’t have to—”

  “Sweetie, let her go,” my mother said softly.

  I wasn’t so surprised to hear her say that. I looked up and found her in the doorway of the parlour, watching me through exhausted eyes.

  “We’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked me.

  I nodded my head.

  “Then go on to the inn and get some sleep, sweetheart.”

  I walked over to my mother, gave her a big hug and kissed her cheek.

  “I love you – you know that, right?” I whispered in her ear.

  She nodded and squeezed me tightly. “I love you too, darling.”

  I turned then and headed towards the front door of my parents’ house but froze when his voice spoke.

  “I’ll walk you.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’ll be fine.”

  I felt him behind me.

  “I wasn’t asking for permission, Lane.”

  Oh, damn.

  I licked my lips. “I can’t be alone with you right now.”

  Kale rounded on me and got in my space, not caring that everyone in my family was behind us, watching with intent.

  “Deal. With. It.”

  How? I wanted to scream. How the hell can I deal with anything when it comes to you?

  I exhaled. “Kale—”

  “Lane.”

  I set my jaw and looked up at him. “Why do you have to be so difficult?”

  He shrugged. “It gets results when it comes to you.”

  What the hell does that mean? I frowned.

  I shook my head. “You’re being a complete arsehole right now for no reason. You realise that, don’t you?”

  His lip quirked. “I’m aware of it, yes.”

  I ignored the snickers from behind us.

  Kale’s eyes showed that he wasn’t backing down on his offer to walk me to the inn, so I shook my head, pushed past him and opened the front door.