Where the Devil Says Goodnight

by K. A. Merikan

He was done sweeping by the time the mass attendees emerged from the church, and waited for Adam at the back door, only to startle him as he left for the parsonage. His playfulness made Adam smile, even though he did scold Emil. Soon after, once they both rejected Mrs. Luty’s offer to stay for supper, the two of them went for a walk, with some food packed for later.

  It was one of those rare days when Emil’s entire body buzzed with excitement. He had a lot to tell Adam, and since the wind had died down, they chose a longer route through the forest instead of their usual shortcut.

  The damp air smelled of the colorful leaves piling under their feet. Many of the trees growing on either side of the path were nearly bare, but with the forest stretching on both sides, the path still felt private as the sun descended, turning the sky dusky.

  “And then Nowak offered me Radek’s old car. It’s like someone put a spell on all of them. You won’t see me complaining. Maybe it’s the magic of the fern flower at work?”

  Adam grinned and, after a quick look around, pushed his fingers between Emil’s. “Or maybe it’s because you got rid of the figurine?”

  Emil stilled, hit by this possibility. “How wild would it be if, after a lifetime of bad luck, things finally turned around for me like this? Because of something I could have done a long time ago at that.”

  Adam smiled and leaned into him as they continued down the path. He seemed more relaxed now, as if the presence of a little piece of wood and hair had really put a strain on him. And now they were both free.

  “I’ll ask my parents if you could stay in my old room first, before you find a place of your own. It’s always easier that way.”

  Emil beamed at him and picked a dry leaf out of Adam’s hair. “This day is just getting better and better. You would really do that for me? I promise not to wear any Satanic T-shirts for your Mom’s sake, but I do only have black ones. And I’m not cutting my hair.”

  Adam’s squeezed Emil’s hand, as if they were a normal couple just enjoying the last of the sun on a warmish day at the end of October. “It would have been a shame if you did.”

  A faint scent of smoke blew their way, but Emil dismissed it, angry that one of the villagers was likely burning something they shouldn’t and sending toxic fumes into the air, but he was too focused on Adam’s sweet promises to pay much attention to it.

  “You love my long hair, don’t you?” Emil teased, feeling like he’d grown a couple of inches.

  Soon enough, they’d be treated to the view of the sun setting behind Emil’s house, and his day would be complete.

  Adam gave a nervous laugh and reddened, as if it were the first time Emil teased him. “You’re embarrassing me,” he said and nudged Emil with his elbow as they neared the edge of the woods. The fields were ablaze with the orange glow that would transform Adam’s blue eyes into two beacons. Emil couldn’t wait to see it.

  They turned behind a giant oak after which they’d have a steady downhill trek in the light of the setting sun, but the sight in the valley blinded Emil with its unimaginable nature.

  The sun was indeed setting behind his house, but its glow extended, as if it were devouring his home. Instead of the sunshine, his house raged with fire, spitting dark smoke into the air.

  Emil’s heart stopped. “Jinx!” he yelled and charged down the hill.

  Chapter 18 - Emil

  The wooden house was a fireball. By the time Emil and Adam reached the fence, the fact that there was no chance at all to salvage anything was as clear as the dying day. The wide open door was alight as if it had been covered with gasoline, revealing the inferno inside. The walls were still up, but flames had licked their way to the roof, transforming it into a death trap about to collapse.

  Emil could barely breathe as he took in the scale of destruction, the home he’d spent all his life in turned into a pyre of memories. Worse yet, the heat licking his face took him back to the most tragic event of his life, the night he’d set fire to his parents’ home.

  The smell of smoke mixed with that of burning wood. The thatch shriveled like the hair had on the figurine he’d thrown into the stove, but thoughts of curses and Chort’s revenge had to stay at the back of his mind, because Jinx was priority.

  “Stay back!” he yelled to Adam, afraid that in a frenzy, he’d approach the fire, but Emil didn’t even get to attempt opening the burning barn when Jinx burst out through the front door followed by flames that reached for the stallion as if they wanted to pull him back in.

  The horse ran at full speed, muscles twitching under his shiny black coat as he fled the blaze, but instead of rushing into the safety of the fields, he dug his hoofs into the ground and gave an unnatural screech, stopping between Emil and the house. As if to make his intention clear, Jinx stomped his hoof right in front of Emil, shaking his black mane like a creature possessed.

  Emil’s thoughts were like the smoke floating into the darkening sky, but just as the sun disappeared between the twin hills, leaving behind a shadow of its intense color, the roof gave in and fell into the house with a deafening crash. It could have as well been a chamber in Emil’s heart collapsing, because the pain the sight caused him made him howl.

  “Emil,” Adam said in a tight voice. He held two surviving chickens, each under one arm, but there was no joy to his expression.

  Emil darted to the side, wanting to enter the barn and get Leia, but Jinx was quicker and got in his way again, going as far as to nudge Emil hard with his head.

  “Move out of the way!” Emil yelled in desperation, but the sinking feeling in his chest hurt like a punch and took him to the verge of falling. This couldn’t be happening.

  Emil looked back at Adam, but everything turned blurry as his eyes welled up. “The infusions…”

  Adam’s face was twisted in anguish, but he let go of the chickens and grabbed Emil’s arm with both hands. “I know, but at least Jinx is okay.”

  A car stopped behind them, and Emil’s neighbor from across the large field got out, crossing himself as he watched the destruction. “My wife called the fire brigade but—”

  He didn’t finish, but it was clear what he wanted to say. Emil would lose everything.

  Everything.

  “You were insured, right?” Adam asked in the softest whisper.

  Tears spilled down Emil’s cheeks and he had no energy left to stand so he hugged Jinx’s neck for support. “I couldn’t afford it,” he whimpered, adding shame to the fire of his agony.

  Was this nightmare really his life or had he entered hell on earth? Everything he owned was going up in flames along with his hopes and dreams for the future.

  The labor of the past three months had been for nothing.

  His memories of the night his parents died were vague, but what he did remember hit him like a truck. The air had smelled the same, and as his grandfather had pulled him away from the flames, all he could see were shadows in the windows upstairs. He didn’t know whether those were of his mom and dad trying to find a way out, or their souls locked in the fire of Emil’s guilt.

  The distant sound of the fire engine was like yet another memory. And just like back then, the voluntary brigade couldn’t make it on time.

  The smoke was already eating into his lungs when he turned to Adam. “I should have known nothing good can ever happen to me,” his words were barely a rasp. The heat beckoned him closer, told him he could end his misery, even if not without pain, but Jinx once again stood in his way, as if he knew all of Emil’s thoughts.

  Adam’s hands trailed down his arm and held his in a grip that could break fingers if it became any harder, but Emil’s head was already clouding, as if his body couldn’t cope with the loss.

  He spoke to Adam, because no one else would understand his despair. “I’ve worked so hard—” he swallowed a sob.

  In the light of the fire, Adam’s eyes appeared somehow darker, but he leaned in and pulled Emil into a tight hug that expressed all his support, even if it couldn’t help Emil. “It’s
not your fault. I’m here.”

  Emil glanced toward the house when another terrible crash resounded through the air. The firefighters yelled something to each other as they spilled out of the fire engine, but he couldn’t hear through the pounding of blood in his ears.

  He squeezed Adam in his arms, but as he watched the roof of the barn collapse, so did he. Overwhelmed, shattered into a million pieces, his knees gave in, and he landed on all fours, choking on air so full of fumes it made him cough.

  The house was a pyre to send off Emil’s past, but when he looked into the flames, the smoke parted, revealing shadows on the edge of the woods. Emil’s breath caught, and when he blinked away tears, the murky silhouettes took on the form of deer. A wolf. A bear. But as Emil stared at the animals witnessing the destruction of his life with their burning eyes, the wind changed and blew smoke over the scene, leaving him uncertain whether he’d seen them at all.

  ***

  Emil opened his eyes to stare at a flower-patterned lampshade. Its glow was dusky and cast a spider-shaped shadow on the ceiling above. The air smelled of green tea and sugar, but he didn’t realize where he was until Father Marek leaned over him with a frown. “You’re awake at last.”

  He wished he wasn’t. He wished it all could have been a bad dream, but reality always caught up with him in the end, and he had no energy to fight it anymore.

  “Am I at the parsonage?” he whispered, looking around for Adam.

  His whole body was an icicle. If he was lucky, he could still take Mrs. Golonko up on her offer and slog his guts out at a job he despised while Adam drifted away from his life forever. He would call at first, but they would contact one another less and less until the thread of connection that now felt like a lifeline finally broke.

  He’d be gone from Emil’s life, like everyone else.

  “Is he awake?” Adam stormed into the room, dressed in a cassock. His forehead was wrinkled with worry, and he put down a glass of water, nudging it across the side table. For a moment, it seemed he was about to lean in and sit on Emil’s bed, but he must have remembered about the pastor’s presence and walked across the small room to rest on the other bed.

  Father Marek exhaled and finished his tea. “I’m sorry about your home, but at least you’re alive. That’s all that counts. Earthly possessions can be replaced.”

  Emil knew Father Marek had the best intentions, but this was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Leave me the fuck alone.” He felt sick thinking about Leia, about the chickens, the infusions he and Adam worked so hard on, and all the family heirlooms lost to the fire. He’d never get any of it back.

  The pastor opened his mouth, brows lowering in anger, but Adam got up and stepped closer, tense as a string in his somber outfit. “I’ll take it from here. He’s in shock.”

  Father Marek chewed on unspoken words and rose, muttering something too quietly for Emil to hear. “Very well. I’m sorry this happened. You need to remember you have friends at this parsonage,” he said and backed out through the open door.

  Emil looked up at Adam as soon as the door was shut. “Tell me it’s not real.”

  Adam stood still, his shoulders low as he studied Emil before doing what he’d clearly wanted to before. He sat at the edge of Emil’s bed and brushed the back of his hand along Emil’s jaw.

  “I am so sorry.”

  “Is Jinx hurt?” he asked in a voice so deflated he hardly recognized it as his own.

  Adam’s lips curved into the slightest of smiles, and he leaned down, caressing Emil’s cheeks with his thumbs. “He’s fine. One of your neighbors took him in for the time being. He’s safe. And so are you.”

  “Are they still putting it out? Maybe I should go—” He closed his fingers on Adam’s hand, but the moment their eyes met, he saw there was no hope left.

  “I’m sorry. It collapsed. Last time I heard, the fire had been extinguished. They might investigate how it happened, but you should rest for now. Please,” he said and pressed a soft kiss to Emil’s forehead.

  Emil let out a bitter laugh and covered his face. “I thought my life has been bad until now, but this takes the cake. I just can’t win, can I?”

  “Don’t say that. I know this is hard, but my offer still stands. I’m sure my parents will agree to house you until you find a job and a place of your own,” Adam insisted, petting Emil, but even the tender touch caused him pain as if he’d been burned.

  The gentle words were like claws, and they scratched his skin until he bled. He wasn’t a stray dog in need of charity. He’d been on his own for so many years and longed to prove himself to the one person who believed in him. But he was just a man all the same, and the sense of loss created a gash in his chest, a gash that kept growing and which would eventually swallow him from the inside. “Can you just be with me now?” he asked, pulling on Adam’s sleeve.

  The sharp intake of breath meant Adam understood, and his gaze drifted to the door, which had no lock. Adam excused himself and blocked the handle with a chair before returning to Emil’s side in the faint light of the small lamp.

  “I’ve got you,” he said as he lay down next to Emil in the narrow bed and put his arms around him in a hug Emil so craved.

  Emil’s walls cracked with shame. “I’m not weak. I want to be your rock, but there’s only so much a man can do when falling down a bottomless pit.” He hugged Adam back and took a long inhale of his scent. He must have showered because there wasn’t even a trace of smoke in his soft hair. “I will get my shit together.”

  “I know you will,” Adam said and kissed the top of Emil’s head, shifting to pull it to his chest. He hadn’t used his usual cologne and now smelled of generic soap, but everything gained an alluring quality on his skin, and Emil found himself closing his eyes and breathing in the aroma.

  He couldn’t think of a safer cocoon to ride out this storm in than Adam. It only took a small move to roll on top of him and kiss the soft lips.

  “I just don’t want to deal with any of it until tomorrow.”

  Adam’s body sank into the mattress as he exhaled, watching Emil from behind his long lashes. “I won’t leave your side.”

  “I love you,” Emil whispered and kissed him again, sinking into the soothing touch. Here, in this room, with the door locked, they could be together and pretend the world outside wasn’t falling apart.

  Emil slid his hands down Adam’s thighs, pulling up the cassock.

  Adam’s breath caught, and he grabbed Emil’s hands before they managed to reach bare skin. “I… don’t think this is a good moment. They could hear us.”

  “I just need you with me. We can be quiet.” Don’t make me beg.

  Adam’s handsome face was tense with worry, but his grip on Emil’s hands loosened. He spread his legs to let Emil closer and buried his face in Emil’s neck, caressing it with that wonderfully hot breath. “All right. But really quiet.”

  The words opened the dam that had been holding Emil back, and he pushed the skirt of Adam’s cassock up, eager to get rid of the pants it hid. The whole outfit was a chastity belt to make fucking harder. Emil knew this wasn’t ‘the right time’, but there was nothing he wanted more right now. This moment in Adam’s company was the only thing keeping him sane. He needed to know he could be Adam’s lover at least, or he might as well drown in his sorrow.

  If he could be useful this way, to see the flush on Adam’s face darken, to see his eyes roll back in pleasure, his teeth bite down on his hand because he couldn’t keep in moans of ecstasy, then Emil wasn’t a complete waste of space.

  Emil was still kissing Adam when he hurriedly pulled his pants down all the way to his ankles. Nothing mattered right now but the need to bury himself in the man he loved until they became one being—inseparable forever. Adam held on to him, helping Emil by kicking off his pants, but the cassock was still gathered at his waist. Emil wouldn’t waste time unbuttoning the damn thing.

  He wanted Adam now and seeing his beautiful cock harden added fu
el to the arousal ravaging him. “I’ve been dreaming of this for so long. You don’t know what you do to me.”

  He’d been in this room many times, so only took him a second to remember Adam kept his hand cream in the nightstand.

  Adam’s eyes kept darting to the door since they’d started touching, but he stilled when he saw the tube, and Emil could sense resistance coming before Adam opened his mouth. “What are you doing?”

  Emil pinned him to the bed with his gaze alone. “I want to be close. Please, let me show you how much I need you.”

  Adam’s exhale came out as a rasp, but his eyes sharpened, the haze of initial arousal gone. “We can’t do that. We will still be close,” he whispered, touching Emil’s mouth with two fingers.

  Emil helplessly clenched his fist. “You can do me if you’re scared.”

  Adam’s lips trembled, and he bit his lip as despair passed through his features. In the yellow light of the lamp, his face was so soft, so gentle that Adam’s doubts didn’t seem like outright rejection. Not yet. “I’m sorry…”

  Emil couldn’t stand Adam’s touch anymore, as if the warm flesh had suddenly turned into sandpaper. He couldn’t bear being turned away by the one person who he needed to accept him. But he really was the mutt no one wanted.

  He threw the cream back in the drawer and started pacing the room, which right now felt like a cage. Behind him, Adam shuffled around as he dressed, but Emil faced away, knowing he might snap if he met the blue gaze.

  His shadow was tall but elongated and could break like a twig if it were a real-life being. Maybe it was the accurate representation of his soul?

  Behind him, Adam gave a loud exhale. “Emil, please. Let’s just sleep on it.”

  Yeah. They could do that. In separate beds.

  Chapter 19 - Adam

  Adam was hot as hellfire despite the air prickling his skin with needles of ice. The dichotomy between the scorching heat of his insides and the cold grass created steam clouding Adam’s mind, as if someone had tossed ice cubes into flames.