by Kahlen Aymes
"I hear I'm having your baby...” I teased through my chuckles.
She had laughed in response. "Are you sure it's mine? I want a maternity test." We both giggled and talked well into the night, and we paid for it later when both of our asses were dragging the next day.
"What about you, Cade?" The same reporter asked and someone screamed a response from the audience.
I struggled not to laugh, but a grin split my face because I couldn't bloody help myself. My cheeks actually ached with the strain of it.
"Um... getting her pregnant, I suppose." I leaned forward and stole a glance at Brook around Noah to find her smiling, trying to stifle her obvious laughter with her hand, her shoulders visibly shaking.
Somehow we made it through all of the bullshit, but didn't have much time to speak to each other. I reminded myself over and over that Pinnacle wanted the focus placed on Noah’s increased role in this film so they could feed their funnel of star power for upcoming movies. I did a fair job of pushing down the anger I felt that we had to hide our feelings for each other, but I wasn’t mad at Noah. I could see he’d developed a crush on Brook during filming, but he was acting very professionally and respectful. He was a good guy and I admired his acting ability and his commitment to the franchise.
I was fine... until the bloody E!News interview. Then I saw red and had to get the fuck out of there. Seeing Brook lean into Noah and throw her arm around him like she'd never do with me in public had my blood boiling and my chest constricting. I felt suffocated and I wanted the hell out. I wanted to be anywhere but there.
Brook glanced at me and saw me stiffen. Her eyes widened and as I turned and stormed out, praying to God that I'd have some sort of relief, some small reprieve from the crowds and the clawing. I needed a cigarette... I needed air. Now. I shoved on my sunglasses and my black hoodie, pulling it up over my hair as I moved through the crowds.
As if by some miracle, most of the people paid me little attention, those who did let me pass with only one or two who tried to stop me. As I passed, I put up my hands and said softly, "I'm sorry, I can't just now. Please forgive me."
Maybe those were the magic words I'd needed all along.
CADE WAS STANDING back, watching my interview with Ben Lyons from E!News and I could see him visibly stiffen with each passing second. I was doing what I was told to do to promote the film and refraining from any and all comments about him, so why was he shooting daggers at me with his eyes? Clearly, he was upset that Noah was with me, and he wasn’t.
Jesus, after last night, could he seriously be upset?
"So do you have a new love interest in the next film?" the interviewer asked, shaking me out of my focus on Cade and his tantrum. I laced my arm through Noah’s and leaned into him.
"You’ll have to see the film," I said, forcing a smile but felt my heart sink as Cade turned quickly and stalked off. Despite the heat of the day and the suffocating atmosphere in the convention hall, he threw on his black hoodie, pulled it up over his wild hair and shoved his sunglasses on his face.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Cade was obviously braver than I, taking off through the massive crowd at the Comic-Con event. I knew he was upset, but was he crazy? The mobs of fan girls would tear him apart if he wasn’t careful. One of the bodyguards moved to follow, but he held up his hand and glared, effectively halting the security guy in his steps.
Jesus, didn't he learn his lesson in New York? Instantly I was worried that he'd be mobbed, chased or worse, injured somehow.
I wanted to go after him, but we couldn't take on that type of publicity. Pictures of me frantically chasing him through the crowds would be headline news and it would wipe out every piece of the illusion we'd built up to this point. I'd have to wait until later, but my heart ached in my chest because I knew he was hurting and there wasn't anything I could do about it now.
Noah patted me on the back after we were finished with the interview.
"What?" I asked, wondering if he'd seen Cade's reaction.
"He'll be okay, Brook. I think he's just had enough of this crap."
I looked into Noah's warm expression and was thankful for his friendship.
"I know," I sighed and ran my hand through my hair and held it at the back of my neck as I looked down at the floor. "I'm gonna go see if Denise or Jeanne can help track him down. I want to talk to him."
"We have that last interview with Entertainment Weekly at 4:00. It’s most of the cast. He won't miss that Brook. Maybe you should give him some space to get his head on straight," he said reasonably, and I nodded my head in agreement. "He seems so out of sorts."
I saw the logic in Noah’s suggestion. Maybe Cade was doing this to get me to blow our secret. Suddenly, I was angry. "Yeah, he is, and you're right, he probably does need some time. Thanks, buddy." I punched his arm playfully, although my insides were clenching and I was getting nauseous.
"He loves you, Brook. Don't worry."
I nodded but bit my lip. Yeah, he loved me, but the pressure of all of the mobs, the tabloid's constant rumor mill and the sneaking around had made both of us crack on more than one occasion. We were bound to do so again. That, on top of the months apart, was enough to break up any normal couple, and we were under a global microscope.
Jesus, it was impossible to deal with, and we'd been doing it for so long. But after last night...
My eyes scanned the crowds for Cade as we walked across the floor of the massive hall between four of the bodyguards. He was nowhere to be found. Noah and I went back to the lounge they had set up for the cast to wait the ninety minutes until that final interview. Maybe after that, Cade and I would be able to talk and sort this shit out. Ninety minutes would feel like forever under the circumstances. I'd tried to call, and texted him but all I got was voicemail, and he hadn't returned any of the messages. Shit.
I found a chair in the corner that was off by itself and curled into it, wanting to be alone. I shoved my ear buds in, turned on my iPod, and rested my arms on the back of the chair, burying my face in the crook of my elbow. The time couldn't pass fast enough. I hated this fucking shit. I closed my eyes, trying to relax and steady my uneven breathing. I would talk to him... and he would understand that I was just doing my job.
Someone pushing on my shoulder startled me. I lifted my head and tried to open my eyes. Jeanne was still shaking my shoulder to rouse me.
"Huh?"
"Brook, we have to go. It's time for that last interview."
"Sorry, I guess I was more tired than I thought. Have you seen Cade? He disappeared a while ago." I felt anxious; my stomach fluttering because I was scared of the answer. I realized I must look like hell as I rubbed my eyes and got up out of the chair.
"Denise called an hour ago and said he was really upset and wanted to leave. To go back to New York."
I drew in a deep breath and grabbed her hand. "She stopped him, though, right?" I asked anxiously.
"Yes. She managed to calm him down but said he was extremely moody and agitated. He wouldn't talk to her about why. Do you know what caused it?"
"Uh huh. It's my fault."
We started walking across the convention center surrounded by my bodyguards. More conversation was impossible as fans started screaming at me as we made our way the short distance to the private room where the interview was being held. "All this stuff is getting to us," I muttered as we walked into the room.
Jennifer, Noah, Cade and me, along with Martin Deering and the new actress, Leah St. Claire were scheduled for the interview, but Martin had taped his segment separately and had already left.
When I walked into the room, the three of them were already sitting on the small white couch across from the interviewer; Leah sidled up to Cade. Of course, I thought.
Another nameless interviewer, with the same tired bag of questions I’d already answered ten times, no doubt. Ugh.
Cade was bent over his knees with his forearms resting on his legs, but he glanced up at me and ran a ha
nd through his hair. Jennifer moved to make room for me between the two of them while Leah stayed plastered to Cade’s other side. I prayed this interview wouldn't be long because I was feeling weird about the whole thing now. He didn't say anything, so I nudged him with my elbow.
"Hey."
"Um, hey." His response was relaxed but distant. He had a bottle of water in his hand and he twisted the top off and took a long drink as the interviewer began asking the questions. After a few about the set, the new cast members, and if we were ready to get back to set, she turned to Cade and me.
"Brook and Cade, both of you talk about how Don’t Forget to Remember Me is your favorite book of the series. Can you tell us a little bit about that and why that one really does it for you?" She was nice and didn't seem like she'd be asking any of the personal questions that I dreaded. We'd been bombarded and I was struggling, openly bitching some guy out earlier, but this seemed okay.
I began with my answer. "For me, it was just because it sort of felt like it was the first movie. I mean, since Julia didn’t know Ryan anymore. We got to build more layers into the characters. It was, it was, you know, I guess… that’s why it affected me the most."
Jesus, stutter much, Brook?
Cade listened with his head bent down the entire time, and then it was his turn to answer and I held my breath.
"My opinion of the whole series is… it’s about the relationship between the two characters that can’t be shaken, no matter where they are, or what happens to rip them apart. The devotion and attraction were undeniable. Even when Julia didn’t know who Ryan was. That was what I was trying to draw from and relate to," he took a deep breath and shrugged, "You know, when you find yourself becoming or being so in love with someone… and... it sort of transfers. You know what I mean?"
I sucked in my breath, hoping no one noticed.
Leah pointed to a TV above Cade's head where the interview was being shown live. He was distracted and he turned toward me.
"What?" He seemed exasperated at the obvious interruption, but we all laughed in embarrassment.
"Cade, you're on a, you're on a roll, I think you should keep going." I smiled at him.
He sighed and tried to continue, "Okay, you find yourself in love with someone, you become sort of ultra-aware of yourself, and that other person, even if there are obstacles that keep you apart. You know they’re ‘the one’ for you, and that’s it. That’s…. Ryan and Julia. "
I was trying not to listen too closely to his words because I knew he was talking about his feelings for me during the filming of The Future of Our Past when I was still with David, and also now, with the act we were putting on for the press. I knew it hurt him, so I absentmindedly played with Jennifer's ring, and he, apparently being hypersensitive to what I was doing, stopped.
"That’s it!" he breathed and started laughing; I burst out laughing too.
Jesus, couldn't anybody see what was going on between us? This subject was so sensitive and we were sworn to secrecy; which made us both clumsy and uncomfortable. Maybe that was the reason Pinnacle was so worried. I dropped my head into my lap and covered it with my arms for a split second before I got control of myself and sat back up.
"God.” Cade let out his breath and shrugged, "I can't concentrate anymore." We laughed again nervously and he took a moment to regroup and continue.
"Getting into Ryan’s head, I obsessed over being in love with someone I couldn’t be close to, and then you keep elevating the other person higher and higher...”
Is that how I made him feel back then? Like he wasn't good enough? He was so good and I didn't deserve him. I felt horrible and I had to interject; "Julia feels unworthy of this ‘perfect stranger’ who happens to be her doctor, who swoops in and takes care of her."
Cade turned and looked straight at me.
"But Julia is really the strong one.”
“You guys are gonna blow it.” Jennifer was whispering to me again, and Cade took a breath so deep that his shoulders rose and we heard the breath rush from his lungs. His brows raised and his lips twitched.
The interviewer smiled and looked from one of us to the other. “You guys seem close.”
"No. Whenever anyone asks if we have chemistry, I’m like, no way! She’s a complete pain in the ass!"
"Yeah, right!" I couldn't help but blurt out, and he glanced at me and we both laughed again.
Somehow we made it through and at the end of the interview we all filed out to the curb of the convention center among the bodyguards and masses of screaming fans to wait for the cars. We were all lined up for the photos and Cade and I didn’t protest when Cade’s arm slid around my waist, and I reciprocated so we were standing close enough, so our bodies touched. He felt so good and I tried to rub the side of his waist, hoping he knew what I was feeling about what went down in the interviews.
Out of nowhere, Wendy appeared on my right as Cade stood on my left. I didn't even know she would be in San Diego, so I was totally surprised by her presence.
She grabbed me in a huge hug and the cameras flashed.
Cade took a hold of my arm and roughly pulled me out of her embrace, casting a dirty look in her direction before letting my arm drop... I hoped, before anyone noticed. "Stay the hell off of her, Wendy," he almost growled under his breath.
I looked up into his face and he looked uncomfortable and pensive.
"Jeesh, Cade. Possessive much?" Wendy blasted at him.
"We don't need your bloody bullshit. Just keep the hell away from her, Wendy. I'm serious. No one is buying your rubbish anymore."
Wendy mocked Cade by smiling up into his face and looked like she was ready to speak, but he leaned toward me and I moved closer to him, turning my back to her without a word to her.
"It's okay. Relax, Cade."
"She's poison. I don't want her anywhere near you."
If this weren't a photo call, I'd think it was just another setup photo op for Wendy to be in the press. No one could ever say she wasn't on the ball, even if she was the most irritating, two-faced bitch that I knew. I was still uncomfortable around her after all we had been through, but supposedly she was dating some new up-and-coming director. Yeah, right.
I knew it was just to save face after we basically banished her from the set when her filming had ended last April. She had to be attached to someone before we went back to set so it wouldn't look like she was still pining over Cade. And the more potential a new relationship had for moving her career forward, the better it would be for her; damage control for the press and her reputation. This wouldn't last and I was sure she'd be sniffing around Cade again soon enough. The new guy didn't have a fucking clue that he was only her latest tool.
Cade and I got into different cars that would take us back to the Hard Rock Hotel. I couldn't wait to talk to him and I pulled out my phone to send him a text the minute I was alone.
Meet me in my room. I need to talk to you, please. Love you.
Thirty seconds later, my phone vibrated in my hands.
Yes, we do need to talk, Brook. I love you, too, but this charade is too much for me. I'm sorry.
I ran up to my room as fast as I could. I was shaking and worried, but this needed to happen as soon as possible. It was normal for Cade to get mobbed by fans, so I knew he'd be a few minutes behind me, so I stripped off my clothes and hopped in the shower. The hot water felt wonderful on my tense muscles and I prayed it would help me to relax before he got up to my room.
I threw on some clean jeans and a T-Shirt and as I was running a comb through my hair, he knocked on the door.
I opened it and he looked stoic, but I was still so happy to see him. I stood on my tiptoes and slid my arms around his neck and tried to place a soft kiss on his lips. He was pretty much unresponsive, except for his hands lightly touching the sides of my waist. His lips were unmoving under mine. What a difference a few hours made.
My heart fell and he removed my arms from around his neck and walked into the room. When h
e turned to face me, I could see that he was still angry, so I just waited for whatever was to come.
"What the fuck was all that about today, Brook?" The tone of his voice was hard, guarded and pain flickered in the depths of his blue eyes.
"Do you mean my interview with Noah? That's what they told me to do, Cade. I thought you knew that!" I wrung my hands in front of me, struggling to figure out what to say next. "You don’t think…?”
"Fuck, no. But you didn't have to hang all over him, did you? Do you know how I bloody feel? Denise and Jeanne are working to ease our relationship out into the public. Tomorrow there’s another magazine breaking a cover article about my ‘secret feelings’ for you, and you have to keep making it look like it’s one-sided! How bloody long will I have to play the fool in this mess? It's fucking People magazine, for Christ sakes! Don't you get it? Did you forget about that?"
He was pacing back and forth as he spoke to me, his hands running through his hair over and over, and the look on his face was so hurt, it broke my heart. People magazine had slipped my mind and I balked. Out of so many, it was one that was taken seriously, they were known for not printing unsubstantiated information.
I took a couple steps toward him, but he held up his hands to stop me.
"I'm sorry, Cade. I guess with everything going on, I did forget. I never want to hurt you."
"Yeah, well, you do! Over, and over again! Hmmph!" His breath left in a whoosh as he walked to the bed and sat down, bringing his fisted hands over his eyes; he rubbed them back and forth before he continued. "I know that it's for the movie, but the whole world is watching us."
He hesitated and I froze where I was standing.
"Like at the MTV Awards before I went to New York... We were supposed to kiss, finally giving a clue to the truth of our relationship, finally allowing me to validate all of the feelings that I have professed for the past fucking year and a half! Then with minutes to spare, you decided not to go through with it. When do I have something to say about any of this? I feel literally ridiculous! I look like a bloody moron!"