Raven

by Allison van Diepen

  “How’s it going tonight?” I ask Mig and Richard.

  “It’s going,” Richard replies. I laugh, because it’s so not the usual thing he would say.

  “They’re keeping us busy,” Mig says. “We just had to reject a belligerent bunch and they were none too happy.”

  “I guess you expect a letter to the manager, huh?”

  “Yeah.” He seems distracted. “It’s cold out. You should go back in.”

  “Okay . . . see you later.”

  I go back inside, a little hurt that Mig wasn’t up for a chat. But I know he’s busy, and I shouldn’t take it personally. The lineups are full of drama these days, so I shouldn’t be distracting them. I might as well use the bathroom, then go back to work.

  I hear gunshots.

  Chaos swirls around me. I push myself flat against the wall as a horde of screaming people runs in through the front doors.

  The music stops, and a cacophony of shouts and shrieks rings out through the club. Everyone scrambles as far from the front doors as possible. Some escape through the back door.

  I run out front to find a small cluster of people on the sidewalk surrounding Mig, who’s bleeding profusely. I realize they are all Jiang Shi.

  Carlo lifts Mig effortlessly, all two hundred and fifty pounds of him, and slips around the back of the building, heading for the office.

  I turn to Zin. “He’ll be okay, right?”

  “Yeah. We’ve got to clear people out of here. Let me know if you see the cops.”

  Zin, Richard, and I have a job to do, and we do it. We go back into the bar, trying to calm people down and guiding them out the back and side doors without letting them trample one another. Meanwhile, my mind is spinning. I bet the group Mig had refused entry to came back seeking revenge. Thank God no one got caught in the crossfire.

  It dawns on me that Mig must’ve guessed that they might come back, and that’s why he sent me inside. If I’d been out there one minute later, standing beside him . . . then I would have regretted not letting Carlo change me into a Jiang Shi right away.

  I focus on crowd control. Within minutes we have the bar cleared of everyone, including those people who were huddled in the bathrooms, change room, and balcony.

  I spot Carlo and Richard at the front of the building, talking to the police. I wonder how they are explaining the blood on the sidewalk if they can’t produce a gunshot victim.

  In the office, Mig is lying on the couch, his face contorted in pain, while Viola kneels beside him, pressing blood-soaked towels to his torso. He doesn’t look so immortal.

  Zin puts his arm around me. “He’ll be all right. You’ll see. Even if we just left him like this for a few days, he’d heal naturally. But Carlo has come up with a much quicker way to heal a Jiang Shi.”

  He goes to Mig’s side. “How many times have you been shot in the last century—five?”

  Mig groans. “Fuck you. I didn’t ask for this.”

  “I told you bartending was easier.”

  I see the corner of Mig’s mouth pull up as if he’s trying to smile, but instead he grits his teeth. “Can we get started already?”

  “Carlo will be back in a minute,” Zin says. “He’s handling the cops.”

  The office door opens, and Daniella hurries in. “Mig, not again!” She runs up to him and kisses his forehead.

  Moments later Carlo and Richard come in, removing their jackets and rolling up their sleeves. “Ready?” Carlo asks everyone.

  The Jiang Shi gather in front of the couch. I hang back, but Carlo gestures for me to come closer. “You must watch, Raven.”

  I stand behind the couch as Viola peels the towels off him. There are two gaping wounds—one near the center of his chest, the other in his left abdomen. Carlo passes his hands over Mig’s skin with no hesitation or horror, even as the blood flows over his hands. And he starts to list off: “Three shattered ribs, collapsed right lung, hemorrhaging in lower chest cavity . . . ”

  I try to take it all in. These injuries probably would have been fatal for a mortal. And yet there’s no sorrow in this room, only resolve.

  Carlo places the hands of the Jiang Shi on different parts of Mig that need healing. Zin’s hands are above the shattered ribs, while Viola’s are sunken into his chest wound. When everyone has their position, Carlo says, “Now.”

  Carlo’s light appears first, flooding Mig’s chest. The lights from the others pour into Mig, and his dark brown eyes fill with white light. His expression goes from anguish to wonder.

  Time passes. The Jiang Shi do not move or speak or falter. Their light fills Mig and the room.

  Abruptly Carlo lifts his hands, his light vanishing. And one by one the others remove their hands. The glow of light in the room fades, and now there’s just a bunch of blood-soaked, exhausted people.

  I am in awe. I’ve witnessed the power of souls to heal, and it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen.

  “I need a shower,” Mig grumbles, sitting up.

  “We’ll need a new couch,” Daniella says. She’s already gotten a mop and is cleaning the floor around the couch.

  Zin is in front of me. He wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “You okay?”

  I nod.

  Now I know what my decision will be.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Zin takes my hand as we walk. I feel so buoyed with love that I’m not sure my feet are touching the ground.

  When we get inside his apartment, Zin heads right to the bathroom to peel off his bloody clothes and shower. I sit on the couch, feeling almost giddy as my mind replays Mig’s miraculous healing.

  Zin emerges with a bath towel wrapped around his waist. It isn’t the first time I’ve seen him shirtless, but it startles my system anyway. His eyes meet mine for a brief moment before he goes into his bedroom and closes the door. He comes out soon after in shorts and a T-shirt.

  Sitting down on the couch, he turns to face me. For a second I think he might kiss me, but he just looks into my eyes. I feel my soul rise up to meet his. “Nic. Sweet Nic.”

  He leans in to kiss me, but I’m smiling so much it interferes. “I’m so happy we’re going to be together,” I say. “Forever.”

  He pulls back, a frown between his eyes. “What do you mean?”

  I take a breath; now is the time to tell him. “I guess Carlo didn’t tell you about his vision.”

  “What vision?”

  “He said I’m destined to become a Jiang Shi.”

  Zin looks like I splashed him with cold water. “Explain this to me.”

  “You were right that he was calling me Raven for a reason. He says he had a vision of a raven with a teardrop in her eye decades ago. Apparently it means that a new era is coming for the Jiang Shi, and I’m supposed to be part of it. He’s offered to change me.”

  “You’re just going to accept everything Carlo says as the truth? He’d have to bring you to the point of death—you know that, don’t you?”

  “I know. I don’t like to think about that part, but—”

  “This is what I was afraid of! He changed Josh, and everything’s roses, and now you’re agreeing to let him change you. Damn it, Nic, I thought your beliefs were stronger than that.”

  “I don’t know exactly what I believe, Zin, but I believe in the soul. I believe in the healing I just saw. It was so beautiful.”

  “That’s only one part of what we do. Didn’t I explain that it’s not all sunshine?”

  “You did. I know it wouldn’t be the easiest life. But Zin, I could’ve been killed tonight. I was standing outside with Mig one minute before he got shot. What would you think then? Would you be glad I stuck to my mortality?”

  “Don’t ask me that. It’s not fair. You know it would destroy me if anything happened to you.”

  “Then why are you so against me becoming a Jiang Shi? Is it just because you don’t trust Carlo?”

  He seems deep in thought. “I haven’t heard anything from Gabriel. Which could mean there
really are Heng Te out there. Maybe they—” He breaks off, refusing to finish the thought.

  “That would mean Carlo has been telling the truth.”

  “And it would also mean we’re all in danger. If the Heng Te catch Gabriel, they could follow his trail back to us. Is that what you want? To live your life always running?”

  “At least I’d have a life to protect. When you’re mortal, you can’t take the next day for granted. Anything could happen.”

  “You’re pretty set on this, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me something. Do you want to become a Jiang Shi to be with me?”

  I sit beside him, putting a hand on his back. “It’s part of it. Isn’t it what you want?”

  I feel his back tighten against my hand. “I can’t guarantee what I’ll want a few years from now.”

  I draw back, pain slashing my insides. So that’s how he sees us. Temporary. Whether I’m mortal or not. And I thought he wanted me forever.

  I get up to leave, and I’m reminded of another night he rejected me here on this couch. I’m doing the right thing for you, he said. But the truth was, he only pushed me away to protect me. And that’s exactly what he’s doing now.

  I sit back down. “So be it, then. If we don’t last, we don’t last.”

  He lifts his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know.”

  A look of determination fills his eyes. “I didn’t want to do this, Nic—I didn’t want to have to tell you why I don’t want you to be one of us. But you’re giving me no choice.”

  I swallow. “Tell me then.”

  “I’ll show you.”

  “What do you—”

  But it’s too late for questions. His palms are pressed to the side of my head, hot against my skull. He’s staring into me, his eyes burning like match flames. “Put your hands on my head, like I’m doing to you.”

  I place my hands on either side of his head, looking into his eyes. Within seconds I can see his soul in all its brilliance. Suddenly I’m falling into it, sliding down a wormhole inside him.

  I blink, and I’m in a place of darkness. Cold and frightening. I huddle into myself, wishing myself away from here. It’s not a quiet darkness. Screams come at me, almost shattering my eardrums, goading me, tormenting me. I try to run, but the walls catch me with strong arms. I’m trapped. A scream of panic rises in my throat.

  “Let me out!”

  And now I’m on the couch again, sobbing. Zin’s arms are around me.

  “W-what was that? Where was I?”

  “You were inside me.”

  “But I thought your soul . . . ”

  “Was a place of light. It is, partially. But inside it, there’s a dark place. A place that’s created when you take your first soul. I’m not talking about a small tear, or a void, like most people have. I’m talking about a whole room. A place where rage and chaos live.”

  “You . . . live with that?”

  “Every day. That place calls out to me, Nic. Tries to drag me in. In my dreams, I go there almost every night. We all do.” He holds my gaze. “You can’t trap souls inside you and keep your own soul intact. They rip a hole in you.”

  “Can’t you stop them?”

  “No. They keep at you until they weaken your own soul. You need to take another one to restore its energy. It works for a while, until the new soul joins the others and rebels.”

  I’m still shaking. I don’t want to think about him dealing with that place every night. I don’t want to think about Josh having to know that place.

  He lifts my chin. “Look at me, Nic. Nothing would make me happier than to have you with me forever. But not at the expense of your soul. Do you understand?”

  I nod, still shaking.

  SHADOW

  Josh taps his foot as we ride the subway toward Carlo’s. “I feel like a kid meeting his adoptive family for the first time.”

  He looks so clean-cut and handsome, it’s still hard to believe it’s really him. His dark brown hair is wet from the rain, his eyes clear and blue. He’s wearing a khaki spring jacket, a button-down shirt that matches his eyes, and dress pants—probably one of the outfits Mom bought him in high school for Debate Club competitions.

  It’s still drizzling when we get off the subway, so we hurry across the street to Carlo’s building, huddling under my umbrella. The doorman lets us in and we take the elevator up to Carlo’s apartment.

  “Swanky building,” Josh says. “Looks like Carlo’s doing well with Evermore.”

  “I’m sure he is. Who knows how much you can put away in a few centuries?”

  Daniella greets us at the door, taking our coats and leading us into the living room. This is a Jiang Shi Only night, with no mortals but me. Their eyes are fixated on Josh.

  Carlo says, “I present to you Joshua, the newest member of our family.”

  Warmth rises up in the room as everyone gets up to give Josh hugs, handshakes, or European cheek kisses. Zin is the last one to come up. He gives Josh a bear hug and a slap on the back. “Welcome to the family, brother.” I know Zin means it. He’ll think of Josh as his brother. He’ll take care of him.

  Josh and I sit on a love seat while Zin balances on the arm beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder.

  Across from us on the couch, Richard leans forward. “We met before under different circumstances. Do you remember?”

  Josh flushes. “I remember.”

  “So what’s your story?” Daniella wants to know. “Carlo won’t tell me anything.”

  Josh squirms in his seat. “I was a drug addict. I OD’d. Carlo came to the hospital, saved my life.”

  Okay, so it’s out there. It’s on the table. But the Jiang Shi aren’t done. They have questions. Part of me wants to grab Josh’s arm and run. Weren’t most of these people from a time when politeness was everything? They have the tact of a wrecking ball.

  I glance at Carlo, who is watching all of this with satisfaction. I get it. Josh is one of the family now; there must be no secrets among them.

  Carlo looks at me, and I know he’s thinking that I’ll be the next one to join the family. But I’m not sure anymore. Not after what Zin showed me last night.

  Finally the Josh inquisition is over, and the conversation flows into other topics. Josh whispers to me, “Trial by fire.”

  “You did great. You’ve got a clean slate now.”

  He nods. “Tabula rasa.”

  At dinner the atmosphere is jovial, and Josh enjoys himself, busting his gut laughing at Mig’s obnoxious jokes. He’s taken my advice not to assault the Jiang Shi with dozens of questions, but he manages to slip in a few well-placed ones, and he cleverly asks for stories that will give him some of the answers he’s looking for.

  Once dessert is finished, people carry their conversations and teacups back to the living room. I help Carlo gather up the dishes, and so does Zin. I’m not sure if Zin is just being helpful or trying to keep Carlo and me from having a moment alone.

  “Your brother is adjusting well,” Carlo says.

  “He is. It’s a relief.”

  “I told you, there was no reason to worry. Immortality is a gift.”

  I notice the tension in Zin’s jaw, but he doesn’t interrupt our conversation. He keeps on loading the dishwasher.

  “Any word from Gabriel, Zinadin?” Carlo asks.

  Zin answers without turning around. “No. None of us have heard from him.”

  Carlo knows. I don’t know how, but he knows. Maybe he sees in our souls that we know more than we’re saying. Maybe it was obvious all along.

  “I hope he finds what he’s looking for,” Carlo says.

  Zin slowly turns around. “Just say it. You know why he left, don’t you?”

  Carlo’s face is impassive. “He needed answers that I could not give him. Maybe Gabriel has found the truth already. Maybe he had to die to find it.”

  Zin stiffens. “You think he’s dead?”


  “I fear it. I know the Heng Te exist.”

  I touch Zin’s arm, wanting to support him, but he pulls away and gets in front of Carlo. “You know everything, don’t you? How can you know there’s nothing after death? How can you know when you’ve never died?”

  “My beliefs are based on scientific observation. I’ve seen souls leave bodies and then dissipate. To me, that means they are gone. Is it possible I am wrong? Yes, it is possible.”

  Zin’s eyes are wide. “You’re admitting you could be wrong.”

  “Of course. I do not profess to know all the secrets of the universe. I only know what I have observed, and I have always presented my Jiang Shi with the truth as I know it.”

  “And you want Nic to change because of this raven dream you had? What if you’re wrong?”

  “It is a vision, not a dream. And I have never been wrong in that area, Zinadin. Ever.” Carlo looks at me. “I see that you haven’t made your decision yet, Raven. You must overcome your fear. There’s not much time.”

  So he sees the fear in my soul. I wonder if he knows what Zin showed me.

  Carlo turns back to Zin. “If she could see your soul, would she see that you don’t want her to change? Or would she see the truth?”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “You never called me back yesterday, Nic,” Chen says the next morning at our lockers. “I wanna know what the hell happened at Evermore Saturday night.”

  “One of the bouncers got shot, right?” Slide says. “My buddy Paul was in line, and he swears it was the big Hispanic one—Mig, I think. But then in the paper it said no one got hurt.”

  I hate lying to them, but I don’t have a choice. “The paper is right. Some guys who got turned away came back and did a drive-by, but no one was hurt.”

  “I’m telling you, Paul swears that one of the bouncers was bleeding,” Slide insists. “Says his friend saw it too.”

  “I guess Paul and his friend have overactive imaginations. Mig’s fine. Drop by this week and see for yourself.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” Slide says. “Whoever the trigger man was must’ve been on crack not to hit anybody, but thank God he didn’t. Scary, huh? Evermore’s the last place you’d expect that shit to go down. There’s never any fights there.”