The Goddess Gets Her Guy

by Ashlyn Chase

  “Oui, madam.” He walked briskly into the restaurant.

  “Nice one, Karma. You said French countryside. Now here we are in a densely populated city where I can’t shout at you without causing a scene.”

  “Oh, is that what I did?” Karma smirked, and Gaia’s eyes narrowed as she stared down her sister.

  At last, Karma sighed and snapped her fingers again, and they sat in a field of lavender. She opened a picnic basket and withdrew a bottle of champagne and one crystal flute, which she handed to Gaia.

  “Nice try again, Sister. You and I both know that lavender has a relaxing effect. Why do you think I invented it?”

  “Because people need to relax.” A loud pop exploded as she released the cork from the bottle and Gaia jumped. “And so do you, especially if we’re going to have any kind of polite discussion.”

  “Polite? Was it polite to completely shut me out of this little business of yours? And which goddesses are you employing? And how many humans know about this?”

  Karma filled Gaia’s crystal glass to the rim.

  The powerful goddess took a tentative sip. Then another. “Mmm… This is an interesting beverage. I like the little bubbles tickling my nose.”

  Karma smiled. “I knew you’d like it.”

  “Aren’t you having any?”

  “I will. You enjoy yours first.”

  “I think I will.” Mother Nature took a big gulp the next time the goblet met her lips and the next. She giggled.

  “Yummy, isn’t it?”

  “It really is. There’s a touch of sweetness but not too much.” After another big gulp, Gaia drained the glass.

  “Have another. This time, I’ll join you.” Karma watched her sister place one hand on the ground behind her and recline slightly, holding out her glass for more of the potent wine. As soon as she’d refilled Gaia’s glass, she began her sales pitch.

  “I didn’t think you’d want to be bothered with my little enterprise, dear Sister. After all, you have enough to do.”

  “Ain’t that the truth.”

  “I know, right? So when the goddesses were complaining they were bored just sitting around playing harps all day, I thought ‘What would Gaia do?’ Then it occurred to me that I’d seen good parents deal with this. The most effective strategy was to put them to work! The kids either welcomed the task or complained but did it anyway. The chores got done, and they didn’t complain about being bored anymore.”

  Gaia sipped her champagne quietly. Some of what Karma said made sense. She hadn’t seen her goddesses for quite a while, and that was just fine with her. She had enough on her hands trying to keep track of her modern muses. Former humans with minor goddess status required frequent monitoring. And the gods! Holy moly, they were always trouble.

  “I’m still miffed you didn’t share this with me. A human had to tell me about this enterprise. A human!”

  “Ah. So you were discussing the paranormal world with a human?”

  “I was offering her a job as a modern muse. She wouldn’t have been human much longer.”

  “Wouldn’t have been? Do you mean she didn’t accept the job?”

  “She will. She’s just too busy at the moment, she said. Too busy setting up her new psychic detective business with her paranormal husband—and too busy working for you!”

  “Ah. You must mean Dawn. She’s one of our stellar graduates. Imagine if we hadn’t helped her get out of that gang? She would have wound up in jail, just like her mother. And she never would have found that little girl.”

  “Granted, it sounds like a worthy cause, but really, what if the human fails? What if they tell every degenerate they know about you and your enterprise?”

  “First, they know we’re watching their progress. We’ll know if they’re backsliding. Plus they have regular check-ins with their karma officer.”

  “Karma officer? What are they? The karma police?”

  “More like probation officers.”

  “Hmm… And this works?”

  Karma smiled in earnest. “It works beautifully.”

  “Well, stop it!”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. I never sanctioned this. Any new activity by my gods, goddesses, and muses needs to go through me.”

  “That’s insane.”

  “It is not. I’m setting boundaries.”

  “Even when those boundaries are stupid?”

  “Who are you calling stupid?” Gaia snapped.

  “I didn’t call you stupid. I called your decision stupid. That isn’t personal.” Karma rose and placed her hands on her hips. “Now, if you want to get personal, Sister, you are not only a bitch but an impulsive control freak who lacks trust in anyone else. You even expect failure! What kind of mother is that?”

  Gaia was taken aback. Tipping her nose in the air, she rose several feet in the air. “Well, thank you for your input. I need to go somewhere to be alone.” She disappeared in a whirlwind, and a sudden rainstorm bombarded the field of lavender.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry, Karma. Did I get you in trouble?” Dawn asked. The two of them sat at her small kitchen table, sipping coffee.

  “No more than usual. Don’t worry. I can handle her. I’ve been doing this job ever since the first caveman screwed up.”

  Dawn grinned. “Really? How did—you know what? Never mind. I have a more important question to ask you.”

  Karma tipped her head. “Please, go ahead.”

  “Mother Nature wanted me to do something for her. I said I was too busy. Should I have said yes? Do you think that’s why she got so mad?”

  Karma took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she spoke. “It’s hard to say why she does anything. But if you’re truly too busy, you were right to say no.”

  Dawn’s brow wrinkled, and she remained quiet.

  “You’re not the first one to turn her down, you know.”

  “I’m not?”

  “Nope. In fact, I could introduce you to the brave woman if you like.”

  “Yes. I’d really like that.”

  “Now, you should know she eventually changed her mind…but you don’t have to.”

  “You mean she became a modern muse after all? Why? What changed her mind?”

  “I’ll let her answer that.” Karma tipped her face up to the ceiling. “Bliss? Karma to Bliss. Can you pop in for a moment?”

  A pretty brunette appeared. She glanced at the table and snapped her fingers. Suddenly, the kitchen table expanded, and an extra chair appeared. “Hi, Karma. And who might this lovely young woman be?”

  “Bliss Cameron, meet Dawn Forest, soon to be Dawn Fierro.”

  Bliss’s eyes rounded. “Of the legendary Boston firefighting Fierros?”

  Dawn smiled. “Well, yes and no. My future husband, Luca, became a cop.”

  Bliss chuckled. “Oh yeah. I heard about that. It must have caused quite the stir in a family of firefighters.”

  Dawn rolled her eyes. “You could say that. They called him the blue sheep. He’s a PI now though.”

  “Nice. My husband, Drake, is a firefighter. He worked with Jayce Fierro for a while. But that’s not why you called me, is it?”

  “No. Karma said you had originally turned down Mother Nature when she wanted you to become one of her modern muses. Did she retaliate?”

  “Who, Gaia? Not at all. She would never do that. She needs us too much.”

  “But if she needs me and I said no…”

  “Don’t worry about it.” Bliss snapped her fingers, and a cup of coffee materialized in front of her. “I said no for a very good reason. She wanted me to become the muse of the internet.”

  Dawn’s jaw dropped. “The whole internet?”

  Bliss chuckled. “Yeah. I’d have lost my mind. We eventually compromised. I�
�m the muse of email. It’s fairly easy. I just lean over a potential dum-dum’s shoulder and whisper, ‘You might not want to send that.’ Or ‘Just save it in your drafts folder and think about it for a while.’ If Gaia’s asking you to do something that’s too much, say no and stick to your guns.”

  Dawn scratched her head. “It’s not unreasonable. It’s just that I already have a job, and my fiancé and I are trying to grow his PI business, and now Gaia wants me to teach the original nine muses how to use technology.”

  Bliss groaned. “Good luck with that. They’re not known for their left-brain skills. They handle the arts, mostly—all right-brain stuff. That’s why Gaia’s hiring.”

  Dawn turned to Karma. “What do you think? Is it worth it to try? I also have my job with…well, you know.”

  Karma shrugged. “It sounds temporary. I can give you a leave of absence until you’re ready to come back.”

  Dawn glanced between Karma and Bliss.

  “It’s okay. Bliss knows,” Karma said.

  “Whew! I didn’t want to spill the beans again.” Dawn wiped invisible perspiration off her forehead.

  Karma chuckled. “And I appreciate that.”

  Bliss rose. “I think I’ve given you all the guidance I can. If you don’t need me for anything else, I sense an idiot about to commit career suicide with a scathing email. You can call me if you need me.”

  “Thank you. It was nice meeting you.” Dawn shook her hand.

  “Likewise.” Bliss grabbed her coffee mug, returned the table to normal size, and disappeared.

  “Well, you have a lot to think about. I need to leave too,” Karma said.

  Dawn nodded. “I’m grateful for your help. I’ll think about that leave of absence.”

  “Anytime.” And with that, Karma vanished.

  Chapter 4

  Pouting on a log in the El Yunque rain forest, Gaia picked up a coqui. Placing him gently on her open palm, she brought the tiny tree frog level with her face.

  “Why can’t my sisters, paranormals, and humans be more like you, coqui? All you want to do is climb leaves, eat bugs, and chirp your cute little song. Although, granted, when a bunch of you get together, you can make quite a loud racket.”

  The coqui just stared at her. At least he seemed to be paying attention.

  “You see? You’re a wonderful listener. That’s all I want…just someone to listen. If my sister thinks I’m a bitch, maybe it’s because no one listens to me.”

  “I’ll listen to you,” a low male voice said.

  Gaia bolted upright without turning around. “Was that you, coqui?”

  A chuckle sounded from behind her. “No, I’m not your frog, but maybe I’m your prince.”

  She whirled around, and the little tree frog jumped off her hand into the bushes. Standing behind her was a handsome gentleman of about fifty or sixty years. Silver strands lightened his sideburns, but the rest of his hair was dark. His eyes were a deep, soft blue and sparkled with delight.

  Gaia’s hand touched her décolletage as she took a deep breath and then laughed. “I thought it was strange that my little frog used a human voice.”

  The gentleman smiled. “That’s all right. I talk to myself too sometimes.”

  She reared back. “I wasn’t talking to myself. I was talking to my coqui.”

  “Ah, yes. Well, I’m afraid I don’t have a coqui to talk to. My daughters are all grown up, and I retired a bit early, so now if I stay home too long, I wind up talking to myself or my cat. I’m told it’s okay, and I guess it is, but sometimes I’d really like another opinion.”

  “You want my opinion?”

  “Sure. Do you mind if I sit with you?”

  She smirked. “You might not want to after you hear what I have to say.”

  “I’ll take my chances.” He winked and sat on the log.

  He winked at me? No one has ever winked at me before. Mother Nature lowered herself slowly to sit beside this odd stranger.

  “So what opinion do you think will scare me away?” he asked.

  She hesitated. She didn’t really want to scare him away. But she was used to speaking her mind, and most people didn’t seem to like it. Maybe she could try softening her words.

  “Well, I was going to say you talk to yourself because you’re lonely. Maybe. I could be wrong.”

  “No, you’re quite right.”

  She blinked. “I am?”

  “Yes, you are.”

  They just sat there, staring at each other for a long moment. Eventually, he held out his hand to her.

  “I’m Aaron Samuels.”

  “Oh.” She shook his hand. Now what? She couldn’t tell this human she was Mother Nature. “Um, you can call me Gaia.”

  “Lovely to meet you, Gaia.”

  “Really? It’s lovely to meet me?” She tipped her head back and studied his handsome face. There was nothing but sincerity in his eyes. “I thought you’d be defensive. Humans—I mean people don’t like being told they’re lonely.”

  He shrugged. “If it’s the truth, getting upset won’t help.”

  Gaia had never encountered a human like this. “You’re so…forthright.” And right right.

  He smiled. “It’s probably a holdover from my former career as a doctor. I had to give people the facts. Sometimes, their reality was difficult to hear and the news was unwelcome, but they had to hear it for their own health and safety. Lying wouldn’t do them any good.”

  Mother Nature nodded sagely. “I’ve always felt that way too. So why do people get angry when they’ve been told the truth?”

  “You mean if someone tells them they’re lonely?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why do you think?” Aaron asked.

  “Maybe they think it means they have no friends.”

  “Ah. That’s a pretty typical misunderstanding,” he said. “People can have loads of casual friends and acquaintances, but that’s different from having real or close friends.”

  She tapped her chin as she mulled it over. “What exactly is a real friend?”

  “Real friends are the people who you can trust and tell your secrets to.” He picked up a pebble. “Although I wouldn’t call this rock my friend.”

  “No. You probably wouldn’t call my tree frog a friend either.”

  He smiled but didn’t say anything.

  She let out a long sigh. “I have sisters. Could they be my friends?”

  “Sure. Can you tell them anything? Can they tell you anything?”

  Not without causing a tsunami or avalanche… Mother Nature suddenly realized what the problem had been. Sure, she could tell just about anyone the truth, but could she handle it when the situation was turned around?

  “You know what, Aaron? You’ve given me something to think about.” She was glad she had talked to and listened to him.

  “Good. Getting us to think is one of the major advantages a real friend can offer.”

  “Oh. So does this mean you’re my friend?”

  “I can be. Would you like us to be friends?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t even have to think about it.

  He rose and offered his hand to help her up. “Do you have a cell phone number you can give me?”

  “No. I don’t need a phone. When I want to talk, I’ll just come and find you. How’s that?”

  “But what if I want to talk? How will you know?”

  She was tempted to say she’d just keep her frequency open, but that would alert him to the existence of a paranormal world. She couldn’t tell him who she was. And because she couldn’t tell him who she was, that meant she wasn’t telling him the truth—that she couldn’t tell him her secrets. Damn. He couldn’t be her real friend after all.

  “I—I guess it won’t work out after all. I’m sorry.” She ran down the hill, a
round a thick copse of bushes, and disappeared.

  “Wait! I’ll buy you a phone!”

  Like I need someone to buy me a phone when I hired a muse whose whole job is keeping track of those damn things. Peeking at him from the ether, she noticed he hadn’t moved. He stared in the direction she’d run off to but hadn’t chased after her. Disappointment warred with relief.

  * * *

  “Don’t do it, Pan.”

  “Why not?”

  Karma reclined on her opulent blue-velvet fainting couch. “Because she’ll eat you alive.”

  Not to be discouraged, Pan laughed. “She’ll never get past my horns or my hooves. They’re very hard to digest.”

  Fate, who was looking on from Karma’s matching armchair, rolled her eyes. “It’s an expression, you goof.”

  “I’m not a goof. She doesn’t make mistakes.”

  Both Fate and Karma burst out laughing.

  Pan could see he wasn’t going to get anywhere with these two. He would simply have to go around them and approach Gaia directly. She seemed to appreciate the direct approach anyway.

  “Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be going now.”

  “Wait,” Karma said.

  But before she could try to talk him out of it, he popped into the ether. If he went to the GAIA office building in Boston, he’d have to make an appointment and wait around for her. Goddess knew how long that would take. She could let him sit there forever. Some of the gods hung out and played cards all day, but that wasn’t for him. He wanted to have some fun, and if he could get her to have a little fun with him, he’d be a shoo-in. If anyone needed fun…

  Now where was she? “If I were Gaia, where would I be?” Somehow he realized an Eastern European brothel might not be the right answer. That’s where he’d be, if he could be anywhere. Would she come if I call her?

  There was only one way to find out. “Gaia? Gaia, I need to speak with you—in private.”

  The white-haired goddess appeared but not in front of him or beside him. She hovered a few feet above him.

  “What is it, Pan?”

  “Ah! Delightful to see you, Goddess. Can we go somewhere pretty and talk?”