Pictures of Lily

by Paige Toon

  ‘Did you drive home?’ I asked him. I’d assumed he’d be catching the bus himself.

  ‘Yeah,’ he replied defensively.

  ‘When you were pissed?’

  ‘I didn’t have that much to drink.’

  ‘You bloody did!’

  ‘What are you – my mother?’

  At that point I remembered that his mother was dead so decided to shut up about it, but he’d continued to justify himself. ‘I drank a few beers, but it was over several hours, and I ate loads. I felt fine.’

  I shook my head in disgust.

  ‘Don’t tell Dad,’ he urged.

  So here I am on Monday morning getting the third degree from Ben.

  ‘That bloke is a menace behind the wheel,’ he mutters, as he passes me the broom. We’re mucking out the koala enclosures. ‘Are we paying you for this yet?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I reply. ‘I think Michael is speaking to Trudy today.’ A little flutter of nerves passes through me. I so want a job here.

  Good news comes at lunchtime, but my enthusiasm takes a nosedive when Michael presents me with my uniform.

  ‘Did Trudy say yes?’ I squeal, closely followed by, ‘Do I really have to wear the shorts?’

  ‘What’s wrong with them?’ Ben enquires, ploughing into his homemade cheese sandwich.

  ‘I hate my legs,’ I moan.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with your legs,’ Michael scoffs.

  ‘How would you know?’ I whine. ‘You’re practically elderly.’

  Ben finds this very amusing.

  ‘You can talk, you’ll be thirty soon,’ Michael jibes.

  ‘Not for another two years,’ Ben objects.

  ‘The time will fly by, you mark my words,’ Michael says knowingly. I just stare down at the shorts in despair.

  The next morning my mum waits outside the door to my bedroom demanding a fashion show.

  ‘Come on, Lily, they can’t be that bad.’

  ‘They’re worse,’ I cry.

  The door handle turns. I leap to the door, holding it closed.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she snaps.

  ‘Come on out!’ Michael shouts.

  ‘I look a right state,’ I shout back. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the front of the wardrobe and want to cry. My mum turns the door handle again. I’m too slow to stop her and she bursts in.

  ‘Go away!’ I squawk, bending down to hide my legs.

  ‘What are you going on about?’ Mum says crossly. ‘You look fine.’

  ‘I do not!’

  ‘You’ll have a tan in a few days,’ she tells me.

  ‘Not if I keep applying Factor 30 like it’s going out of fashion. I’m so bored of wearing suncream every day,’ I whine.

  ‘Well, you won’t get any colour if you wear jeans all the time,’ she says. I peek at myself in the mirror, warily, and she senses that my reluctance is waning. ‘Think about what you’ll be able to buy with the extra pocket money,’ she adds.

  I’m not getting paid much, but I’d work for free if they asked me to, so anything is a bonus. As it is, I’m doing five days a week until I start school at the end of January, which is about seven weeks away. I still can’t believe how lucky I am – many people would kill to be in my position.

  ‘Come on, darl. We’d better get to work,’ Michael says.

  Trying to buck myself up, I follow him out of my bedroom door and immediately spy a sleepy-looking Josh in the corridor. He notes my shorts and sniggers.

  ‘Bugger off!’ I shout.

  ‘Language,’ Mum says, annoyed.

  Michael tries to jolly me up on the way to work. ‘So, it’s your birthday tomorrow. What time are you doing your theory test?’

  Since Sunday I’ve been religiously studying the Drivers’ Handbook – the Australian version of the Highway Code. The way it works here is I have to take a theory test before I can get behind the wheel, then I’ll have to use Learner plates until I can take my proper driving test. If I pass, I’ll switch to P – Provisional – plates for a year. I’ve wanted my licence for so long that I used to read the Highway Code just for fun, and the laws are not that different here.

  ‘Eleven o’clock,’ I reply to Michael’s question. ‘Will anyone mind me taking the day off?’

  ‘Of course not. Especially not with all the work you’ve done up until now. We’ve been lucky!’

  Ben doesn’t even acknowledge my shorts when I see him, and I’m grateful. For him, it’s business as usual.

  ‘The vet’s coming shortly for his weekly check-up and I want him to take a look at one of the koalas.’

  ‘What’s wrong with it?’

  ‘He’s been losing weight for a few days. Can you grab the record sheets from the office?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  When I get back, the vet has arrived. Ben introduces me. ‘Lily, this is Dave. Dave’s an old friend of mine from uni.’

  ‘Hi.’ I shake his hand. He’s taller and lankier than Ben, with brown hair and a crooked smile.

  ‘Ben told me you want to be a vet?’ He speaks softly so as not to disturb the koala, but the question still catches me off-guard.

  ‘She said her grades weren’t good enough,’ Ben chips in, adding, ‘Lily’s still at school. She’s only fifteen.’

  ‘Sixteen tomorrow,’ I remind him.

  ‘You’ve got time to turn them around,’ Dave says.

  I shift on my feet awkwardly.

  ‘Birthday tomorrow?’ Ben changes the subject as Dave lifts the koala onto a bench and starts to check him over. I notice his ears are back, one of the signs of ill health, as Ben informed me on my second day here.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Do you know what you’re getting?’

  I give him a cheeky look. ‘Do you know what I’m getting?’

  ‘No.’ He quickly averts his gaze.

  ‘You bloody do, don’t you,’ I whisper loudly. ‘Does everybody know I’m getting a car except for me?’

  Ben glances at me in shock and then stifles a laugh.

  ‘Whoops,’ I say under my breath as Dave looks up at us.

  ‘Who told you?’ Ben persists.

  ‘Josh. But keep that quiet.’

  ‘That dimwit,’ he mutters, then speaks to Dave, who’s making a note on the record-sheet. ‘Her mum’s hooked up with Michael Fredrickson. She’s living in the same house as Josh.’

  ‘Sheesh.’ Dave does a sharp intake of breath and bends down to zip up his black veterinary bag.

  Will somebody please change the record?

  I don’t consider myself to be a particularly good actress, but I think I do a fine job the next morning of pretending to be surprised when Michael whooshes open the door to reveal a faded green Ford Fiesta sitting on the road in front of the house. My excitement, however, doesn’t have to be faked.

  ‘THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!’ I scream at the top of my voice, running down the veranda steps and onto the path. I barely register the sharp stones digging into the soles of my bare feet as I race towards the car and tug on the door handle.

  ‘WHEREARETHEKEYSWHEREARETHEKEYSWHERE-ARETHEKEYS?’

  ‘Here, here.’ Josh grins as he lopes down the path with a set of car keys dangling from a keyring. My mum and Michael beam at my reaction as they follow him. I hastily unlock the door and climb into the driver’s seat, sticking the keys into the ignition.

  ‘EEEEEEEEEEEEE!’ I squeal. ‘ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT!’

  ‘Do you think she likes it?’ Michael says to Mum and Josh.

  ‘I think she does,’ Mum replies, smiling.

  ‘Who’s going to take me for a test drive?’ I ask Michael hopefully.

  ‘Whoa,’ he says, leaning in and swiftly extracting the keys. ‘Not until you pass your theory test.’

  ‘Oh,’ I moan. ‘What time do they open?’

  Mum drives me into the city to take my test. It’s easy. It’s multiple choice, so even if I hadn’t revised my bum off I would ha
ve stood a good chance of passing. Mum makes a snide comment about why I can’t apply myself to my education in the same fashion, and I make one back about it being hard when your mother has dragged you from school to school all your life in pursuit of men. That shuts her up. But I don’t want to have a go at my mum today. I have a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe, just maybe, it’s going to be okay living in Australia.

  Chapter 5

  ‘Fuck me, you’ve stalled again!’

  ‘Piss off!’

  ‘Hurry up, would you. This is embarrassing.’

  ‘You are such a dickhead!’

  Josh is teaching me how to drive. I know, I’m clearly not right in the head. Michael has been letting me get behind the wheel on the way to work over the last week and a half, but it’s Saturday now and he’s taken Mum on a weekend break to a town called Clare in the Barossa Valley to tour the wineries. I stupidly begged Josh to pick up where his dad had left off.

  I wind down the window, but the hot air outside makes me feel like I’m in the direct airflow of a giant hairdryer so I put it back up again. Thankfully the car has air-conditioning, even if it’s not very powerful. I flip down the sun visor and instantly flinch as I remember Michael’s story about giant spiders hiding behind them. All clear.

  Someone toots their horn behind me.

  ‘Yep, I know how you feel, mate!’ Josh calls out.

  ‘Stop winding me up!’ I snap, feeling the bite of the accelerator against the clutch. The car lurches forward and we fly through the traffic-lights.

  ‘Whoa! Who do you think you are?’ Josh says snidely. ‘Michael Schumacher?’

  I’m so angry by the time we get home that I refuse to speak to him for the rest of the day. He finally comes to make amends.

  ‘Do you want to come to Stirling tonight?’ he asks, after finding me sulking in front of the telly at seven o’clock.

  ‘Not with you,’ is my blunt response.

  ‘Oh, don’t be mad.’

  I glare at the television screen in silence.

  ‘It’s Saturday night . . .’ he carries on.

  ‘Who’s going?’ I ask, thinking that if the answer involves Lou, I’ll stay right where I am.

  ‘Just Alex, Shane and a few of the guys from work.’

  ‘No girls?’ I check, because I’m not risking it.

  ‘Nup. Not unless I get lucky later. I’m joking!’ he exclaims when he sees my face. ‘Come on,’ he adds. ‘You need a drink after all those near-crashes earlier.’

  ‘Go to hell!’

  ‘Hey, get a sense of humour. I’ll even let you get me back by picking on my driving.’

  ‘I’ll pick on it on the way there. But we’re catching a taxi home, geddit?’

  ‘Whatever.’

  Stirling is a pretty town. The streets are lined with long rows of single-storey shops, set back under a shady canopy of trees. Some colonial-style buildings are built out of cream stone and have intricate wrought-iron balconies.

  The pub we go to is packed, smoky and full of drinkers. I know the only way I’ll have a good time is if I join everyone else in their game, so when Josh goes off to play pool with one of his mates and Shane drags me to the bar to do a shot of tequila, I go gladly.

  ‘Another?’ he offers when I knock back the first.

  ‘No.’ I’m trying not to wince.

  ‘Pommie lightweight,’ he jokes.

  ‘I bet I could drink you under the table.’ As if!

  ‘Is that a challenge?’ He raises two dark eyebrows at me and flashes me a cheeky smile. He’s actually not bad-looking. I don’t think I’ve noticed before because it’s hard to notice anyone else when Josh is standing in front of you.

  ‘I wouldn’t want to embarrass you,’ I reply childishly and he laughs and pulls out a cigarette packet.

  ‘Want one?’

  ‘No, thanks. I didn’t know you smoked,’ I say as he lights up.

  ‘Only sometimes.’

  ‘Does Josh smoke?’

  ‘Nah. Too much of a cheapskate,’ Shane shrugs.

  ‘Right . . .’ Shane grins and I try not to smile. ‘How long have you two known each other?’ I ask.

  He leans his elbow against the bar and manoeuvres himself closer to me. ‘About six years. We were at high school together.’

  I wonder if Shane knows how Josh’s mum died. Before I can ask, Josh himself appears.

  ‘You’re not making my little sister drink shots, are you?’ he asks, wrapping his arm around my waist and giving me a squeeze.

  ‘Get off,’ I grumble, pushing him away, but secretly craving the contact. I haven’t been held like that for what feels like a very long time.

  ‘Can we get some more shots, here?’ Josh calls to the barman. He hands one to me a minute later and I find I don’t have the will to decline.

  ‘Cheers.’ The three of us chink glasses and knock back the booze, me trying hard not to cough.

  ‘You alright, little sis?’ Josh grins as he pats me on the back.

  ‘Bugger off.’

  Someone vacates their bar stool beside us. Josh props himself against it and wraps both of his arms around me from behind. I curse myself for blushing as I meet Shane’s teasing eyes.

  ‘Where’s Lou tonight?’ Shane asks Josh.

  ‘Fuck knows,’ Josh replies. Another stool becomes available behind Shane and he pulls it up so I find myself sandwiched between the pair of them. I try to stay cool.

  ‘Oh man, you’re not doing shots, are you?’ Brian and Alex appear from out of nowhere. ‘How many have we missed out on?’ Alex whines.

  ‘Only one,’ Josh replies, not taking into account the shot that Shane and I did earlier.

  ‘Can we get a few more?’ Alex shouts to the barman.

  Josh downs his shot left-handed and doesn’t remove his right hand from around my waist. The next thing I know, it has slid under my top and his thumb is stroking the lower part of my stomach. I suddenly feel light-headed.

  Brian nudges Josh. ‘Karen’s just walked in.’

  Josh’s hand whips out from under my top and my skin instantly feels cool from his lack of contact. I turn to see who this Karen person is and spy a slim, beautiful brunette wandering into the pool room.

  ‘Fancy a game of pool?’ Brian asks Josh mischievously.

  ‘Let’s go.’

  Josh hops down from his stool and he and Brian stride purposefully after Karen, leaving me standing there with Shane and Alex.

  ‘What are you drinking?’ Alex asks me.

  ‘Um, cider, please,’ I reply, confused and disheartened by what has just happened.

  ‘Is it Mount Barker High School you’re starting at?’ Shane asks.

  ‘Er, yeah.’ Like I really want to talk about this now.

  ‘I’ll have to introduce you to my sister,’ he says.

  ‘Really? Is that where she goes?’

  ‘Yep. She’s sixteen too, so you’ll be in the same year.’

  ‘That’d be good.’ I mean it. I would love to walk into a new school and know someone. ‘What’s her name?’

  ‘Tammy. She just broke up with her boyfriend so she’s not too happy right now. You might be able to cheer her up.’

  ‘A new year makes everything seem a bit better too, doesn’t it?’ I say.

  ‘As long as the Millennium Bug doesn’t wipe us all out,’ Alex comments.

  ‘Bloody Millennium bug,’ I mutter. ‘That’s all anyone’s talked about for years. I bet nothing actually happens.’

  ‘I’ll be stocking up on extra cans of baked beans just in case,’ Shane comments, and I smirk at him.

  ‘What are you doing for New Year?’ I ask. I’m starting to forget the fact that Josh deserted me. At least these two aren’t making me feel left out. To think I liked it when he touched me! My face prickles with embarrassment. I won’t let him get away with that again.

  ‘We’re all going into the city to a club,’ Alex replies. ‘You should get your ticket soon if you
want to join us – otherwise they’ll sell out.’

  My heart sinks. ‘I’ll probably get asked for ID again.’

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ Shane comments. ‘That was a bit of a bummer.’

  ‘Hmm. I suppose I’ll think of something.’

  At eleven thirty, Josh finally reappears – sans Karen.

  ‘Shall we head off?’ he asks me.

  ‘Yeah, why not.’ I slide off the stool and stumble slightly. Shane reaches in to grab me.

  ‘It’s alright, I’ve got her.’

  Josh’s steady arms take over from Shane, and as he grins down at me, I’m annoyed to find myself feeling flustered. Calling for a taxi doesn’t even occur to me.

  ‘No Mum and Dad tonight,’ Josh comments a couple of minutes into the drive. TLC’s ‘No Scrubs’ is playing on the radio. He glances across at me and says meaningfully. ‘We’ve got the house all to ourselves . . .’

  No, no, no, I tell myself sternly. He’s not sexy. Not sexy at all. He’s a wanker. And then I see the koala.

  ‘Shit!’ Josh exclaims as the weight of the animal thuds into our vehicle.

  My senses violently kick into action. ‘YOU’VE JUST HIT A KOALA!’ I scream. ‘PULL OVER! PULL OVER!’

  He screeches to a halt and I stumble out of the car and run back in the direction we just came.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Josh calls after me.

  ‘We’ve got to find it!’

  ‘It’ll be dead.’

  ‘Shut up!’ I don’t want to hear that.

  I arrive at the place where we had the collision. There’s no sign of anything on the road so I squint down the slope into the darkness.

  ‘Lily, come back!’ Josh cries.

  Just then, I hear a faint rustle in the undergrowth and, heart picking up pace, I carefully make my way down the steep incline, hoping and praying to find a living animal at the end of it. My feet hit something solid and I reach down to find my fingers sinking into thick, soft hair. It’s still. Silent. Warm. Dead.

  ‘No, please, no.’ My eyes adjust to the darkness and I collapse on the ground in despair as tears prick my eyes.

  ‘Where are you?’ Josh hisses into the darkness.

  ‘You idiot!’ I wail up the incline.

  Again, a rustling in the undergrowth.