Love and The Liffey

by Sarah Beth James

  She smiled back at me. “Okay.”

  Chapter 14

  Adrian’s POV

  It was the second time I had found Lily staring at the Liffey. The sun was setting, the fading light dancing off the motion of the waters. Just sitting there on a bench, staring out, not paying any attention to those passing by or the fact that I was now standing beside her. Long moments passed before I spoke, studying her face, the unshed tears in her eyes.

  “So, do I offer to buy you a drink again?” I asked as I sat beside her. Trying to tell if she was still wanting to give up. I couldn’t see why, what did I do wrong this time? Yes, we had that big fight a little while ago, but I had been trying so hard to make her feel safe ever since. We were good together, weren’t we? She had been happier? We both were. That couldn’t all have been lies and pretend could it? I had thought I showed her a better way. Lily curled into my shoulder, crying. Oh God, what had I done? Only a handful of hours ago we had been at the studio working on our song together with the band ready to record it in London.

  I felt terror pooling in my stomach as I held her tight. “Darling, tell me what’s wrong? I can say sorry, fix it, whatever you need. Youse just need to talk to me. Anything, please.”

  “I can’t, you can’t fix this. No one can,” Lily cried.

  “I will try, I promise. Whatever is hurting youse, we can fix it. Together!” I vowed, and I meant it. I would cut off my own arm for her. Give her my own heart in some tacky chick flick moment just so she could go on living.

  “You can’t stop the tour,” she sobbed.

  I was dumbfounded for a moment, not following the line of thought. “What do ye mean? Youse are coming on the tour with me.” Then something clicked into place in my mind. “You don’t want to,” I finished with a sigh.

  “I do,” Lily insisted, wiping at her puffy eyes.

  “Lily throw me a fucking bone here. A subject header. Anything! I am not a mind reader,” I snapped.

  “This!” Lily said waving her hand towards the river, “How can I leave all of this behind? These last few weeks I have had a home here. My first real home. With you, with the band and this city. All of it. I belong somewhere, finally. How can I just leave all of this behind?”

  “Oh.” I said softly, playing her words over in my mind. “Do you want to stay behind? Live here until I come back for ye? The flats here, you could get a lot of sketching done. You wouldn’t have to want for money, you know that.”

  Lily shook her head, burying her face into his sweater, breathing him in.

  I stroked her hair. “It’s hard. Every single time. Dublin isn’t just a city. It’s a living, breathing person. She’s alive, she becomes a part of ye soul. Changing ye. Helping ye be who and what ye should be. I was lucky to be born in a city where anything really can happen. Yeah, I worked hard for what I have. Bloody hard to get to where I am now. Years busking on Grafton street. Playing the pubs, never thinking I would be anybody. Hell, even playing weddings. Whatever I could do to make rent. Just making the music, that was what was important. Keeping it real. Putting the effort in. It’s hard for me, too. Hell, probably a little harder each time I pack and up leave. Not knowing if the tour will extend or shorten, or when I will see my home again. Sometimes I wish that I never had to leave at all. I think about giving it all up, touring, music and settling down right here to raise a family and get a normal job.”

  “You would go mad; the touring is far too much a part of who you are.”

  “You are probably right.”

  We stared at the water in each other’s arms watching the sun set. Trying to burn every last second into both of our memories. To hold that moment in our minds for as long as we needed it before we could come home to it again. A photo could never be enough. Never express the same level of emotion as this single moment in time was stirring in our joined hearts. I found my cheeks damp, my voice rough with emotion when I could finally speak.

  “How do ye want to spend your last night in the city?”

  “Can we just go for a walk?” Lily asked.

  I smiled down at her. “Yeah, I think I would like that too. Come on, English, will buy ye some chips or something on the way.”

  As we walked away, she pulled me closer for a stolen kiss before asking me, “What is your real name?”

  “Real name?” I asked, confused.

  “Sparks is hardly an Irish name, dude.”

  I laughed. “Oh, that. Yeah, I forget you didn’t know me before all this shite. Adrian Edmund O’Connell, the boy who did the busking around the town for enough coin to get the cover costs to see a ‘real’ band play in the Button Factory. Feels like eternity ago.”

  “O’Connell, like the street?” she asked.

  “Yes, English, like the street.”

  “I like it, it suits you.”

  “Maybe I think it suits you better,” I half joked.

  She didn’t answer, but she did crawl under my jacket as we walked down the Liffey for our last night of freedom.

  Chapter 15

  Lily’s POV

  We had flown in late last night, making the most of every possible moment we had left in Dublin. A picnic in the park in Nov had not exactly been a cosy affair, but it had been romantic. Just the two of us. If things were different, and I wasn’t so broken. I might have actually thought about us having a future together as more than just casual sex buddies. Now, I was watching the sunrise over breakfast, looking down at the Thames from my hotel window. Waiting for my Irish Prince to arrive.

  Adrian came in, his hair still damp from the shower, kissing my cheek. “Morning, English, I know it’s not quite the Liffey, but I hope the view helps.

  “There is more than one beautiful view here,” I smiled.

  Adrian laughed as he poured himself some of that vile coffee. “Are youse coming to the studio today for the interview recordings?”

  “Do you mind if I don’t, there is somewhere I need to go.”

  “Do ye need me to come with?” he started flicking through messages on his phone. “I might be able to move a few things around this afternoon if Shelly isn’t on the rampage.”

  I shook my head. “I’ll be okay, I kinda need to do this one on my own.”

  Adrian dropped the phone by her plate. “At least take this until Shelly can get youse one set up. You can call her or one of the guys if you get in any trouble, I would rather know ye are safe on the streets here.”

  “I grew up here, you know that right?”

  “Your ex is also no doubt in the area, so I would prefer to know where youse are.” I went to put the phone away, but it rang. Ade sighed, grabbing it. “Yeah, yeah I’m coming in ten. No, I’m not. Okay, fine. Two minutes.” He gave her the phone back again. “Sorry darling, duty calls.”

  I sighed but wished him a good day at work anyway. I knew it wasn’t his fault. Being dragged off in the middle of any conversation we tried to have. It was just his job and being so close to tour things like this were bound to keep happening. I’d been around my ex long enough to know what the life was like. I just didn’t have to like it.

  There was a piece of my past I needed to deal with today. I grabbed some pastries to eat on the tube as I travelled across the city. It was strange to be back here, even after only a few short weeks. Two years I lived here with my ex in his/our apartment, just off the edge of Soho. Personally, I would have preferred a more normal part of London, like Hammersmith. And my normal, no I do not mean straight before you get any ideas. Just because I am doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the company of or being in gay bars. They tend to be less full of drama, and better music than most of the trendy wine bars in the city. However, I did not so much enjoy the entitled uber stars or the expensive flats the size of a shoebox that were dotted all over the area due to the easy access to the theatres. At least in Hammersmith you had the great Odeon theatre or whatever name it was currently using. Where all the greats once played. I would love to perform on that stage one day.

>   As well as the kind of shops everybody could shop in without a bank loan. Including some secondhand clothes places where I used to get designer clothes for a fraction of the price. The problem with being trendy in London, you could never be seen wearing the same thing twice. So, brand new clothes worn once tended to turn up weeks after they came out. As well as those amazing outdoor food stalls I always ended up visiting. I had even hoped to buy my own flat there one day, before everything happened.

  At least I knew my way around the tube network, it had taken me a while not being used to traveling on my own. Until I had worked out there were several ‘central hub’ stations that everything ran through. After that, it was easy. Although I still preferred to walk where I could. I skirted by the building that we used to live in. I couldn’t help but pause to look up at it, there were some good times there before that blonde guy moved in, convincing my ex to throw me out. So much for my name being on the deed, clearly if you had enough money, nothing legal mattered anymore. You could just bribe your way out of any situation. Christmas lights already stung their way across the window where I used to sleep. I hated to think how it looked inside as they prepared for their first holiday together. All that cute was too much to think about, I would throw up my breakfastA little as it had been. I wondered where I would end up this Christmas. Alone no doubt.

  I forced myself to carry on down the street towards the crappy little storage until they had rented for my belongings after throwing me out. I had literally gone to work, come home to find the bimbo at the door, throwing my overnight bag at me and the key to a storage unit. I wasn’t allowed to pack my things myself to keep them safe, or even told they wanted me to move out. Bimbo decided it all, and of course my ex wouldn’t take any of my calls. I spent a few days in a hotel trying to get in touch with him, until the funds I had left almost ran out. Other than the ticket to Dublin I booked as a trip for us away together. It was all paid for, so I might as well go. I had cashed in his ticket as well as my return flight so I could afford to eat at least while I was there. Seemed Bimbo helped himself to my accounts, cleaning out the joint account, most of my savings and maxing out all of my credit cards. He hadn’t just left me penniless; he left me in huge debts I couldn’t afford to pay back as well as telling my employment lies so I got fired on the spot. What a total mess; I submitted fraud claims, but they could take forever if I even won. Another reason I had ended up at the Liffey that night, everything felt so hopeless, I lost it all.

  I gave the unit number to the man at the desk, who pointed me to a tiny unit the size of a shower. Boxes upon boxes lay on the floor. Clothes, books, sketch pads, shoes, all spilling out onto the floor. He could at least have packed them nicely! I pulled open the nearest box. “What the actual fuck!” I pulled out a handful of shredded cloth. Someone took a knife and sliced through every single item. I threw the box to one side and opened the next. It was exactly the same, every single box was. Shredded clothes, shoes covered in what smelled and looked like bleach. The books fared no better, piles of torn or burnt paper. Every single thing in the room was ruined. Everything that I owned my whole life, destroyed. Making sure I had nothing at all left.

  I’m not sure how long I sat there staring at the mess that was left of my life before I thought to document the damage in photos on Adrian’s phone. Before I locked the door and got a taxi back to the hotel. I felt empty, I could not believe even as much as that man hated me, that he would do such a thing. It was unthinkable.

  I slipped quietly into the meal the band was having, taking a plateful from the buffet table. I ate it quietly as the conversations flew around me. It was easy not to talk when everyone else was so animated.

  Rose noticed, trying to engage me a few times. “Are you okay?” she asked as I cleaned my plate, having followed me. “You haven’t really said anything all meal.”

  “Just some bad personal stuff today, it’s nothing. Can you give Adrian back his phone please and tell him I will see him in the morning?”

  “Yeah sure, but don’t you want to talk or something? To me, him? One of the others?” she asked, taking it.

  I shook my head. “I just want to sleep before we set off tomorrow. I’m fine, don’t worry.”

  Adrian caught up with me before I even got to the lift. “Come for a walk and tell me what’s happened. I won’t take no for an answer.”

  We walked along the water for a while, until we found a quiet little bar where we could talk in semi privacy. Ordering a pitcher of cocktails, politely waiting for me to get through my second glass before asking again. “Where did ye go today?”

  “My ex, he put my stuff in storage, so I wanted to pick up a few things for tour. I didn’t want to have to ask you to buy me anything else.”

  “Oh, good point, ye need clothes for Scotland. I’ll get youse a credit card charging to my account.”

  “Not the point I was making,” I snapped.

  Adrian nodded. “Sorry.” He put the card back in his wallet. “What happened?”

  “Check your phone.”

  He pulled it out, flicking through the photo roll. “Fucking asshole.”

  “Yes, everything I have ever owned is now gone.”

  “A. I will buy you anything you need, no arguments or insecurity. B. I am going to kill him,” he snapped.

  “No, he isn’t worth it. I will deal with it somehow.”

  Adrian’s POV

  I walked Lily back to her door, “Get some sleep, we leave early tomorrow.”

  Soon as she was gone, I rang that dreaded ex. “What the fuck did you do to all of Lily’s belongings?”

  “What? My baby boxed it all nice for her, more than she deserved.”

  “Oh really? Did you know your ‘baby’ slashed, burned, bleached and ruined everything she owns?”

  “Oh, whatever, I don’t care of her or your lives. My baby would never do such a thing.” He dropped the call.

  How is this fake you dumb fuck??! I texted, along with a few of the more graphic images.

  “Bitch did it herself to blame my baby, told you she is insane. Get her locked up before I do!”

  “No, youse are the insane one.”

  I rang my manager. “Release the pictures.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  Time to play dirty, no one messes with someone I consider to be mine.

  Chapter 16

  Lily’s POV

  I set my alarm for early, to hit the shops before the tour bus left. I needed basics; we would be in Scotland for weeks. A few bags of jeans, shirts, pjs and underwear later along with dragging a fresh suitcase I shoved it all inside of. I was about done. It was gutting to have nothing of my own, but at least I had something until this blew over and I had time to take stock of my life again or what was left of it. There were days I regretted not jumping that first night. To have nothing but the contents of two suitcases was a surreal emotion. I got to the tour buses just in time, throwing my cases inside.

  “Get everything you needed, Lil?” Adrian asked, sipping his coffee, trying to wake up.

  I shrugged. “I grabbed all I could in half an hour, it will do.”

  “He will get his comeuppance, karma always kicks in eventually.” He smiled to himself. “Shelly has youse a phone waiting in the hotel. She, Rose and Brad went ahead late last night to make sure everything is in play for the teaser pre tour tour.”

  “Pre tour-tour. I really do not understand all of this,” I muttered following him inside the bus, laughing as he banged his head. “Not such a bad thing to be short now, huh?”

  “Fuck you,” he muttered.

  “Not in public my love,” I retorted.

  He growled, “Go find ye bunk, English.”

  I moved down the bus, passed a small fridge and sofas where the band members were sprawled. Candles burning, fluffy blankets, bottles of beer open even though it wasn’t yet eleven am. I found some pretty basic ass bunk beds with a privacy curtain. Mine was the lowest bunk, w
ith a cute little Irish Teddy holding a piece of paper with my name on it. I threw my bag on it and sat down.

  “So, you got enough snacks? I have some spares,” Harry asked as he squeezed by from what the bathroom area must be.

  “Sandwich, couple of bags of sweets, a soda or three,” I replied.

  “Dude, do you not know how long we are gonna be in here?” he asked.

  “Couple of hours?” I asked.

  Harry laughed. “Hey guys, ‘greenie’ thinks we will be in Edinburgh by lunchtime.” More laughter as I blushed in annoyance. “Greenie, it’s a hundred and eighty miles give or take London to Edinburgh. We will be there for a late dinner, somewhere between eight and nine pm depending on traffic. If ya ain’t got books, or a phone for movies and music, good luck to you.”