Love and The Liffey

by Sarah Beth James

  “Shit.” I grabbed my dress, pulling it on as I chased after him. “Look, you can’t tell Adrian what you saw, okay?”

  He rolled his eyes at me. “If you want to be a skank and cheat on him that is your choice, but I sure as hell am not gonna hide it from him. He deserves to know what you are.”

  “A skank I may be, but a cheat I am not and never will be. We are not together! We haven’t been since long before this tour.”

  “That man is devoted to you, he would do anything to get back together with you and you damn well know it, but here you are giving it away like some cheap slut. You don’t deserve him,” Callum retorted.

  “Oh, so it is okay for him to sleep around but not me? Typical, hate on the woman as always. Perfect!”

  “Actually, he hasn’t slept with anyone since you. He just let you think he had. Think on that.”

  I was left alone with my thoughts, looking back into the room where the two guys were kissing each other. I couldn’t do this; this had been a complete and utter mistake. I wasn’t over Adrian and this was not the way to try to be. I wasn’t sure what was the way to get over him, but I knew I couldn’t stay here. The very idea of it made me feel ill. I fetched my belongings from my locker and headed out onto the street. Taking a long walk along the river to clear my head. I wasn’t even sure what country we were in now, or what city, but the skyline was beautiful. Nothing on the Liffey, but maybe it could do for one more night. Strange that even now, after everything, I still didn’t feel the desire to throw myself into the water. I guess I had to call that growth.

  Dawn was breaking as I got back to my hotel room, I was drunk still, more drunk than I had ever been. I found some off license about to close up and bought some cheap vodka to keep me company as I walked back. And yet, all I felt inside was empty. No buzz, no joy, just a huge gaping hole. I rode the lift to my floor, slipping the card into my door. I knew I wouldn’t sleep, but I had to try to at least pass out from the booze for a few hours. Just to try and sober myself up enough for work before I faced him again. Even if I felt much more like just grabbing my bags and running forever, not looking back.

  I slipped my heels off, dropping my jacket and bag to the floor. I could deal with that shit later on. As I turned towards the window, I saw a figure sat on the window ledge, an almost empty bottle of whisky next to him. I sighed, Here we go. I didn’t even like to ask where he got a key to my room. Probably stole Shelly’s master key. “Look, it has been a really long night, if you don’t mind, I would just like to sleep.”

  “Sit down,” he snapped.

  I did so without question, wishing I were more sober right now. Keeping my exit door in sight as I waited for the fight, or the fists to start.

  “Have I not always offered youse anything that you needed?” Adrian demanded, “Money, a home, a job, sex? Have I not always been there with that offer even if you refused it and asked for nothing in return other than ye not betraying me?”

  “Yes, you have always been more than kind.”

  “Then why the fuck would ye go to a sex club instead of asking me for what ye needed!” he snapped, taking a long swig from the remains of the bottle.

  “We broke up!”

  “Do you think that is any fucking excuse for what youse did?” he demanded, “Ye think I would want ye in some whore den when I could give you what you need here in safety? With no STDs or risk of you being raped or killed? Ye think I wouldn’t do that with no strings just to know that you were safe?”

  “I wouldn’t use you that way!” I retorted, glaring. “I won’t treat you like some free prostitute!”

  “But ye will do so to a stranger in some club? What is the difference?” he demanded.

  We were on our feet and glaring at each other now.

  “You wouldn’t understand,” I snapped bitterly.

  “Fucking try me, I am not as stupid as you think I am.”

  “Because I fucking love you!” I screamed back.

  A long silence as we both stared at each other. My admission chilled me to my core. I couldn’t take those words back, but honestly, did I want to? I was ready to belt out of the room, leave everything I owned, even go onto the street bare foot just to get away from this. Six short steps and I could be out of this room. I would manage somehow.

  And then, Adrian moved, crossing those few steps between us. Crushing my mouth to his in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. I couldn’t help but moan as he pushed me against the wall. I needed this. We needed this. Tonight, we were going to take what we needed from each other and to hell with what happened tomorrow. Tonight, we were each other’s.

  Chapter 33

  Adrian’s POV

  I lay cuddled up to Lily’s back, watching her sleep with the late afternoon light spilling into the room. She loved me; I couldn’t believe it. She still loved me and allowed herself to say those words after all she had been though. That was a start, right? If she loved me, then they had to be able to find a way to fix things surely? I kissed her shoulder as she moved in her sleep. Moments like this I wish I could stay in forever.

  She stirred looking up at him, blinking away sleep. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I smiled back, kissing her.

  She rolled over cuddling into my chest. I stroked her hair affectionately. “Shall I order us some food?”

  “Comfy,” she mumbled.

  “We kind of do need to talk about all of this, not that I want to ruin the moment here.”

  “I know.” She sighed.

  “I can get us some breakfast, and some coffee and we can try to work through this.”

  Lily sat up, wrapping the sheet over her naked breasts. “I’d rather do it without waiting to throw up everything I have just eaten.”

  I nodded. “I don’t know where we could even start on all of this.”

  Lily thought about it as she tucked herself separately from him with the sheets as best, she could. “Why did you come to find me? That very first night, why?”

  “I was in the city that night, heading home. I had been there in rehearsals too many times. Seen the nasty messages he sent ye and overheard the phone calls where he and that other guy bullied youse. I had seen some shit he had sent that night, and that ye were heading into my town. It wasn’t right, you didn’t deserve all of that.”

  “That still doesn’t tell me why you came, you just said this same thing like six different ways. That isn’t helping. It just sounds like a cover story, well-rehearsed as an excuse.”

  I sighed, maybe it was time to tell her everything. The full truth. I had almost lost her anyway by hiding it. “Ye aren’t the first person I saw him do it to.”

  “A friend?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “Does it matter? He is a great man when he is sober, a wonderful and loyal friend. Dedicated, loving, all ye could ask for. The kind of person who can steal hearts with a single smile. But, when he is high, he is a fucking animal. Manipulative, cold, cruel, abusive. He would sell his own mother for another hit and no matter how many times youse get him clean and sober. No matter how many times you help him get his life back on track. He always goes right back to the wrong kind of people. Getting himself, all fucked up again. He will make someone a great husband one day, if he can just fix his fucking life and get clean. For good! Not just for a few months. But he needs to be ready to give up totally on the darker path and the people who keep him there. Otherwise there is no saving his dumb ass.”

  Lily stared at me, finally understanding. “You, it was you he hurt. Only someone he broke could understand all of that.”

  I nodded. “I was young, stupid, naive. I thought it was amazing that someone like him was showing interest in someone like me. I fell for him hard. Next three years he fucked me up really good. When I eventually left, the band was all I had. They saved me. It took a really long time to be okay again. Real long time. Even now I miss him sometimes. Not that him now, but the man I first met. The one who could change my entire day with a single
text message. I tried to stay friends with him, but it was so complicated. When I saw him doing it to you, I knew you didn’t have anybody else. I wanted to see that you were okay. That you had money and a place to stay. A friend to talk to through the dark times. I felt drained after my confession, only the band and my team knew what had happened. I never wanted you to know about me and him. It is over, long over, long before he showed interest in you. It will never happen again; I don’t want it to.”

  “Why did you stay? Give me a home with you, not just a random place? Was it all a joke? Another game like he plays?” Did you want to break me, too?” she demanded.

  I looked tearful. “No darling. I fell in love with ye that first night in the bar. When we were dancing together. I knew that if I was ever to open my heart and try again. It would be you who showed me how to love again. I think we were meant to meet. And I want to call that asshole and thank him for hurting us both. Because now, we know what is real and what is worth fighting for. And we are worth fighting for. This is real, it’s love, and we both deserve it.” I broke off, embarrassed. “Or something like that.”

  Lily kissed me pulling me back onto the bed, whatever I had said. It clearly had worked.

  Chapter 34

  Lily’s POV

  I kissed Adrian goodbye at the hotel room door. “Go, we need to go down separately so no one knows.”

  “Is it such a big thing if they do?” he whined.

  “Yes! I would much rather be dating you again longer than forty-eight hours before we bring anyone else into the picture.”

  “Okay, that I will grant youse this once, but I don’t want to hide you or us,” HHe promised, kissing me.

  “I don’t want to hide you either, but give us more than two days please.”

  “Okay darling, I love ye.”

  “I love you too, my Irish Prince.”

  “Since when youse did start calling me that?”

  “Since I stopped wanting to kill you in your sleep.”

  “Fair point, well played.” Adrian pushed me towards the lift to go to breakfast first.

  I edged into the breakfast room, grabbing a juice, yogurt and a newspaper, hoping we were in a country where we had newspapers I could read. Sitting on a small table at the edge of the group, near Levi and Harry’s table.

  “Want me to get you a coffee? You look tired,” Harry asked.

  “You know I don’t drink coffee, H.”

  “Oooh, must be rough sans coffee after so little sleep.” Levi winked.

  “I have no idea what either of you mean,” I said, flicking through the paper, pretending to read something.

  Adrian came in glowering at my choice of breakfast, before filling two plates with fried food. Dropping one of them in front of me. “Ye need to keep your strength up.”

  “You will certainly be needing it later on.” Levi smiled.

  Adrian looked between us. “What did youse say?”

  “Dude, her room is right next to ours.” Harry laughed. “You two are nasty!”

  “I still have no idea what you two mean, and I am going to eat so shh.” I blushed, forking a mushroom into my mouth.

  “Fuck this shit,” Adrian sighed, kissing me. To the cheers of everyone in the room.

  “About time you two, I was ready to lock you both in a room until you fucked it out,” Shelly commented. “Now, today’s schedule.”

  Chapter 35

  Adrian’s POV

  Our last night alone together before the final show of the tour, it would be weird to just go back to Dublin after all of this. Although I missed my city terribly, I knew Lily did too. The band was out partying, but I decided on something a little more romantic. Wining and dining with my beloved. These last few months we had rebuilt our relationship stronger than ever. I barely drank anymore; I rarely felt the need to other than the odd couple of beers with the band socially. Tonight, for example, I was on my third light beer with a virgin cocktail to follow with desert. I felt better for it, not being bogged down in all that crap all the time.

  I eyed Lily’s glass of rose, she was taking her time over the wine. I thought she was drinking less; she certainly didn’t have breath smelling like mint covering up rum. She was eating better, even gained a little weight, not in a bad way. More that she was filling out her clothes properly again. Even her boobs looked bigger. I cast my eyes down before she noticed me staring at them, but it was too late.

  “Maybe we should have dessert back at the hotel?” she suggested.

  “I think I would enjoy that.” I kissed her, letting her settle the bill. We had developed a rotating rule for who paid for things, she insisted on it. I tolerated it even though I would be far happier if I could still pay for everything. Yet, I could understand why she wanted her own independence. I gathered the coats off the backs of the chairs, checking the wine bottle in the cooler. Barely half drunk, and it was her favourite brand.

  As I walked my love back to the hotel, I mused thinking about when I had last seen her drunk or even tipsy. I couldn’t remember a single time since the night we had got back together. That was when I knew, it was finally time. I sent tout a group text when she wasn’t looking asking for their assistance in what I hoped would be the moment to change both of our lives.

  “Is everything ready?” I asked Rose for the twentieth time today, as we stood by the side of the stage.

  “Of course, Mr Sparks, all is as you requested. Harry kept Lily busy the whole day, so she saw nothing,” she replied promptly.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you all, thank youse.” I looked back at Levi. “And ye, I know you aren’t fond of me, so thank ye so much for doing all of this.”

  “You are my boss; I don’t have to like you. Lily is family, you make her happy. So, I am going to do this for her, but break her heart and I will make you regret it,” Levi said firmly.

  “Just keep her busy and away from everything is all I ask.” I said nervously, taking the ring box out to check my grandmother’s ring was still there. “I’m ready, I can do this.” I muttered under my breath.

  The concert went without a hitch, I was nervous, my energy all over the place. I must have got at least a dozen lines wrong, and I swear I have no idea what guitar chords I played for that final song. But somehow the others covered me, and it worked. Then it was encore before I even noticed. I strode out on the stage shhing the fans. “Normally, we would have a couple more songs for youse, but first. I have something I would like to say.”

  Behind me, on the video screen it started to light up with pictures of Lily and me from tour. Fairy lights lit up around the instruments and edge of the stage. The lights dimmed, leaving us in a semi dark, magical place.

  “Just over a year ago, I met and fell in love with a totally amazing woman. One that was my match in every single way. A woman that made me a better person just by being around her. A woman who taught me that I was living a half life without having a love of my own. Lily, darling, will ye come out here please?”

  She resisted, I could see Levi and Rose practically shoving her out onto the stage until she came over to me. “Hello, English,” I said, kissing her.

  “Well, this is all very pretty, but what are we doing here?” she asked.

  “Patience Lil, please.” I dropped to one knee. “I know youse know I have this. I have been carrying it for a long time now. Just waiting for the perfect moment, for us to be perfect together. I realised last night; I was waiting for nothing. We already are perfect in our own ways. Me and you, together, just like we should be.” I opened the box, holding it out to her. “Lily Marie Charmaine, will you become Irish instead of English? Will you take both my heart and my last name? Will you be my wife?”

  She kissed me pulling me to my feet. “I am already yours, mind, body and spirit forever. I would be honoured to take both your name and your heart. I offer in return my own.”

  “Ye know all you had to say was yes right?”

  “Oh, shut up and kiss me, Iri
sh!”

  I did, as confetti exploded all around us, as the audience roared with happiness, clapping, shouting, the band as well. I didn’t notice any of it. All I could see was my wife to be in front of me. “I love ye, Lily O’Connell.”

  “I love you, Adrian Charmaine.”

  Chapter 36

  Lily’s POV

  I sat at the table in the coffee shop, shredding my blueberry muffin into microscopic pieces waiting for my ex to appear. He was late, as always, some things never changed however much time passed. He eventually appeared as I was deep into my second hot chocolate with six sugars wishing it were something a hell of a lot stronger. Sitting across from me with some floaty iced coffee drink. “So, how have you been?” he asked.