A Tear in the Veil

by Patrick Loveland

  “Just down this hallway and take a couple lefts,” says the driver.

  “Let’s do it. Right, Felix?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Felix counts the light fixtures in the ceiling as Tim wheels him down the hall after the driver. They follow the receptionist’s directions and arrive at two large mirrored panels the width and height of the hallway which must serve as doors. Twenty-six fixtures. Backlit letters above the doors read “SECURE BEHAVIORAL WARD.” Secure must be a slightly nicer way of saying locked for public safety.

  The driver looks for a panel to call in to the ward but Felix can’t see one.

  “Felix Brewer?” Asks a female voice from near the glowing letters above the doors.

  Concealed speakers? Must be priceless when the really paranoid patients arrive.

  “That’s him,” the driver says, obviously ready to leave.

  He’s definitely no Tim.

  Felix looks down from the letters and flinches. There’s someone standing on the other side now, looking out through one of the mirror doors. It takes Felix a moment to realize that the mirrors aren’t opaque. The translucent tinting of the mirrors makes the person’s face a vague oval and he can’t see any detail. Just the rough silhouetted impressions of a head, face, and body. It’s a little unnerving and it reminds him of a dream he had but he can’t peg down why at the moment.

  The person steps away from the doors. They hum a bit and click, then open inward smoothly and quietly on a pneumatic hinge system.

  The person in the ward hallway is a comely young woman with light pink, thick-rimmed glasses, deep blue eyes, a nice tan, and baby blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun. She’s wearing a professional but tight-fitting white skirt suit, flesh-colored stockings, and white stilettos. She’s definitely attractive, but there’s something about her that really bothers Felix. It takes him a moment to place it then it hits him.

  She looks a lot like Audrey. Like a blonde, blue-eyed snow bunny version of her. This woman’s eyes and lips are bigger. Her mouth isn’t as wide, though. Curve of her chin is a bit different. Audrey is shorter, her breasts are smaller, and her hips are wider but if this woman had brown eyes and black hair, they could almost be sisters. The facial structure is that similar.

  Felix decides that Audrey is much more attractive to him but this woman is a bit hotter in a bombshell kind of way.

  Talk about your weird future wank.

  It occurs to Felix that maybe that’s why Doctor Fleischmann seemed surprised to see Audrey. He was probably as confused as Felix was just now.

  “Welcome, Felix. I am Sasha Menlo,” she says, a little more breathy and sultry than he would expect from a woman he assumes is a doctor of some kind.

  Is this a surprise stripper party?

  He realizes he’s being petty. Being intelligent and attractive are in no way mutually exclusive. Audrey is his favorite evidence of this. But this woman seems like a bad casting choice that was made based on her oral dictation skills in the producer’s office.

  Felix is just relieved she doesn’t sound exactly like Audrey. That would cross over from kind of weird to genuinely creepy.

  “Bring him in.”

  She gestures to the EMTs to enter then turns around and walks toward the main desk. Felix observes her posterior for similarities while Tim wheels him down the hall and the driver follows. Felix tears his eyes away from his research when he sees something odd in his peripheral vision.

  Three of the four rooms lining both sides of the entry hall are dark. The lights are on in the second on the right. There’s a curtain around the padded table in the room but it’s partly open and Felix can make out what must be restraint cuffs installed in it.

  Do they leave that open to nudge you toward good behavior?

  They make it to the desk and the driver has a short, all-business exchange with the head nurse. Her name badge reads “PEGGY.” Paperwork signed. Sasha observes quietly.

  Tim unbuckles the gurney straps and adjusts its angle. He helps Felix up and off it and hands him the crutch. Felix shifts around on his left foot until he gets the crutch under his right arm and stable.

  “Thanks, Tim.”

  “No problem, bro,” Tim says.

  A large black orderly approaches from the hall to the right of the desk. He’s taller than Felix and twice as wide. Not fat, just big. He wears cornrows and looks strong and tough but he has large, friendly eyes. The man’s name badge reads “RAY.”

  “Thank you, gentleman. Have a nice day,” Raymond says.

  The driver is already halfway to the door. Tim waves casually to Felix.

  “Take care of yourself, Felix.”

  “Thanks. You too.” Felix waves a little with his slung arm.

  Tim rolls the gurney after the driver to the doors and Peggy presses something at the desk, which opens them. The EMTs leave and the doors close again smoothly.

  Ray scans the chart the driver left at the desk.

  “How’s it going, Felix? I’m Ray. Uh, I’m looking here and I don’t see… Who’s your doctor?”

  “Hi, Ray. Doctor Fleischmann I think.”

  “That’s correct,” Sasha Menlo says.

  “No shit? The man himself?”

  Sasha frowns. “Raymond. That is hardly appropriate language to use in this facility.”

  “I apologize, Doctor Menlo. I meant gosh-willikers, really?” Ray says the last part like a white guy with penny loafers on and a stick up his butt. Felix almost laughs but holds it. Sasha Menlo seems pretty serious.

  “Raymond will see to it that you are situated and inform you of our policies and schedule, Felix. Please don’t hesitate to report any inappropriate language or behavior on his part to Doctor Fleischmann or myself.” She looks sternly at Ray. “He is quite good but he has the potential to offend patients and we cannot have that.”

  Ray meets her glare for a moment then relents and looks down to the side.

  She nods then turns and walks down the hall to the left of the desk. Ray and Felix watch her strut away until she enters a doorway down on the left and closes it.

  “If you were a lil’ bit thicker, I’d show you how good I can be,” Ray says under his breath.

  Felix is close enough to hear it and raises his eyebrows. Ray gently touches Felix’s shoulder with the backs of a few of his fingertips.

  “Who’m I kiddin’? I’d show her anyway, am I right?” he says low to Felix then laughs.

  Peggy chuckles softly and shakes her head. “What was that, Ray?”

  “Nothing, Peggy.”

  Felix chuckles, a little embarrassed.

  “There you go! Keep your sense of humor and you’ll be fine. Oh, hold up. Lemme get your shoes, man.”

  “My shoes?”

  “Policy. You’ll get ‘em back.”

  “Uh… okay.” Felix slips his left shell-toe off easily then gingerly nudges the right off of his taped foot and ankle.

  Ray picks up Felix’s shoes and hands them to Peggy over the desk counter. She puts them in a large bag, which already has his last name and first initial on it. Ray reaches behind the counter and produces a pair of disposable slippers in a plastic bag. He takes them out and places them by Felix’s feet. Felix steps into them.

  “Alright, let’s give you a tour. It’s kinda lean right now, population-wise, which is probably a good sign in a way. Come on, I’ll try not to lose you.”

  Ray walks down the hallway to the right of the desk. Felix limps after him on his crutch. Ray points at a large room on the right with floor-to-ceiling translucent mirror like the main doors. As they reach the open door, Felix sees that the walls are lined with comfortable looking chairs.

  “That’s the main group therapy room. Bring Your Own Tissues.”

  Ray moves on and Felix hobbles behind.

  “The rooms lining the north and south halls are the patient rooms. South, this side, is the female half. Females in these rooms only. Whether you’re gay or not, no patty-cake.”r />
  “I have a girlfriend. I think I still do.”

  Felix remembers Audrey coming back into the recovery room and Fleischmann explaining the transfer. She seemed upset by it. Fleischmann reassured her. The whole situation upset her, Felix supposed. He hates it when she’s upset.

  After Fleischmann left, Audrey sat with Felix for a little bit then made an excuse and said goodbye warmly and kissed him but something about it was strange. She kept the dead shark eyes and chaos-fuck distortions in check so it wasn’t that. When she left, Felix didn’t know what to think.

  Was this too much for her?

  “Even so. Cheating is not unheard of in this magical sleepover that is FMC behavioral. And cheating goes both ways. I’ve seen latent bi-curiosity blossom in here before too. Nothing wrong with that. Different strokes an’ all that. Just against policies. No fraternization. Now, back on the hetero side of the fence, sometimes unstable girls can be tempting something powerful for some reason,” Raymond says.

  “Tell me about it. I went to art school.”

  Ray chuckles then something seems to occur to him and he sobers completely and stops so Felix does.

  “You know, I’m not gonna lie, Felix. You seem pretty chill and with it to be in here.”

  “I guess I have my less than chill moments.”

  “I trust the main man, so I’ll take your word for it. Just don’t let any of your fellow patients get to you. Some of them are a lot less with it than you. Not dangerous, just… weird.”

  “Gotcha.”

  “I mean it.” Ray looks him in the eyes. That look is all Felix needs to realize that Ray is not someone you want to cross, nice and funny as he is.

  “I understand.”

  Ray looks satisfied and he starts walking again so Felix follows.

  Felix sees a woman through a partially open door on his right. She’s sitting on her bed watching something on her wall. It’s like there’s a spider and her eyes are following it but there’s nothing there other than striped wallpaper and a generic painting of some flowers.

  Ray says, “That’s Gina. She’s getting out later today. Probably should stay a little longer… She should be fine, though.”

  She’s not spooky. Not drooling or cackling. More sad than anything else.

  Then it hits Felix that the strangest thing about this creepy mental hospital is that it isn’t creepy at all. It’s more boring and generic than anything.

  Instead of concrete walls smeared with blood and/or feces or disintegrating wallpaper laced with water stains due to neglect, the only bad thing about the décor is that it’s a cross between bland office building and sweet old grandma’s house.

  No long, open rooms lined with rusty, wrought iron beds with dingy, scratchy sheets. From what he can see, each decent-sized room has two nice double beds parallel covered in decent sheets and comforters. Scariest thing about the rooms is their disturbing ability to emulate a pleasantly inoffensive guest room.

  “Okay, that’s the dining room. Breakfast is at seven fifteen. Don’t worry, we’ll wake you.”

  Through the large windows on the closed doors to the left, Felix sees tables, chairs, cupboards, and a refrigerator.

  They move on.

  “And this is the common room.”

  The common room is the largest open area Felix has seen. To his left, there’s a large HDTV on the outer wall of the dining room flanked by large whiteboards with day and evening schedules written neatly down them in slots. There are five padded benches with padded back supports installed as seating for the TV area. They each seat about four or five comfortably.

  Felix wonders how many people can be in here at once. Right now, there are only two people in sight. An older woman sits on the last bench from the TV watching a fishing show. She looks half asleep.

  Past the benches is a ping-pong table. Currently, the paddles are resting on the table, one of the four propped at an angle on a ball.

  There are tables and padded chairs installed past the ping-pong table. Near those is a large, long box filled with what look to be board games.

  The other person in sight is a man standing stock-still, staring out through two large tinted doors, which take up the center third of the east wall past the common area. Looks like an outdoor area from the vague shadows.

  “What’s past those doors?” Felix asks.

  “That’s the patio. It’s practically a small park. It’s usually for smoke breaks and lunch on good weather days. A lot of times people take visitors out there. Mostly smoke breaks, though. Facilities in this area usually don’t let you smoke but Doctor Fleischmann doesn’t see a need to add any stress on top of whatever a patient is going through. You smoke?”

  “Used to.”

  “Good for you. Don’t do it or at least keep it moderate. You don’t want to end up like Mitch over there. Barely eats. Never does anything but smoke and wait to smoke. Like it’s his job. Then, when he’s finally smoking…”

  Ray lowers his voice a bit.

  “He doesn’t think I notice, but he wastes half the time he’s smoking going through the ashtrays for butts he can smoke. Problem is, I distribute and light all the cigarettes so after he gets back in here, even if he burned a couple, he’s got a pocket full of nasty butts he can’t use.” Ray chuckles and shakes his head.

  “Let me show you your room.”

  “Sure.”

  Felix follows him around the TV area and down the hall past the other side of the dining room.

  Ray leads him to an open door with a backlit “7” set flush in the floor at the base of the threshold. The carpet is cut perfectly around the number. To the left and right of the door are slick electronic readouts. Black background, pale blue letters. The left one reads “J. Oldham” and the right already reads “F. Brewer.”

  I can’t vouch for their behavioral science skills yet but I’m pretty sure they would sweep the Mental Hospital Style Awards.

  Ray stops in front of room seven and points down the hall toward where Sasha Menlo must have escaped to.

  “Those are the doctor’s offices and interview rooms. When Doctor Fleischmann comes by, you’ll most likely speak with him in one of those. Alright, you’re in room seven with Jesse. He’s cool. Runs up the water bills a bit.”

  “Huh?”

  Felix hears the sound of a toilet flushing from the bathroom in the room.

  “Dammit. Jesse, come out here!” Ray yells, loud but not threatening.

  A muffled curse and one more flush are heard then Jesse comes out of the bathroom. He’s probably in his late fifties but he could be younger. He has thin grey hair and his unshaven face has deep crags in it and the dark skin is leathery. Probably homeless. When he’s not here, anyway.

  “Wh-what’s up, Ray?” Jesse says, guilt written on his face.

  “I know it’s hard, but please stop flushing the toilet, Jesse. It’s a huge waste of water.”

  Jesse’s eyes dart sideways and he nervously watches the bathroom through the open door.

  “But–” Jesse looks desperate to go back in the bathroom.

  “I know what you think is happening. This all got worked out last time, remember? Once the meds have time to get back in your system, you won’t see it anymore. And this time, keep taking them. I know it’s comfortable here but you should try to find a shelter or something, man. Anyway, this is Felix. He’ll be rooming with you for a while.”

  Jesse looks at Felix and waves from his hip area, not moving his upper arm at all.

  “Hi,” Jesse says before looking sideways at the bathroom again.

  “Jesse,” Ray says.

  Jesse looks at him again. “Yeah, what’s up, Ray?”

  “Just try for me.”

  “Yeah, definitely. For sure, man,” Jesse says, practically vibrating due to the intense effort it must be taking not to look back at the bathroom.

  “Alright, dinner’s in a little while. Spaghetti and meatballs or glazed salmon. Oh, and Portobello mushroom ‘steaks
’ for the veg-oriented. Try to contain your understandable excitement. See you gents later.”

  Ray walks down the hall out of sight.

  “I’m more vag-oriented, y’know?” Jesse says then lets out an icky, raspy little laugh. “The female side has a couple hotties right now. One’s barely legal I’d say. Makes my head hurt… mmmnnnn–”

  Jesse’s lustful moan is cut off by the realization that he’s neglecting his duties in the bathroom. He cringes and slaps the side of his head a few times then crosses to the room door. He peaks into the hallway, looks around, then rushes back into the bathroom and starts to close its door.

  Just before it closes, Felix thinks he sees something blurry whip around from where the toilet must be. More a disturbance of the air than an actual thing. The lockless door closes with a click.

  The toilet flushes.

  Felix sighs. He sets his crutch against the wall and sits down on the bed that isn’t messed up.

  The toilet flushes again.

  When placed in proximity can crazy synch up and multiply?

  8

  Felix struggles to get his salmon open. It’s hard to hold the package and pop the seal on the cellophane with the angle his fingers come out of the sling. He’s actually really hungry, so it’s getting more frustrating by the second.

  Part of him regrets getting here after Jesse had already finished so he could have helped. The other part realizes it’s probably best that Jesse isn’t here because who knows if he even washes his hands.

  With a guy like that, it can be even more important.

  Felix considers taking his sling off but remembers the pain and strange feeling in his shoulder the last time he did. He’s hungry but he decides it’s not worth all that.

  In a stroke of genius, he punctures the cellophane near the edge of the packaging with his plastic spork and penetrates it with his fingers. Finally, the battle is won. Felix tears off all the cellophane and digs into the lightly glazed salmon with his spork hoping for at best something edible.

  This is incredible.

  He almost doesn’t believe it. It’s like nice restaurant quality. Flaky, sweet but not overly so, with a light crispiness. Felix slows himself down. Don’t blow too soon. He tries what looks like rice pilaf. Best he’s ever had. Cooked yellow squash. Lightly buttered broth and it’s perfectly balanced between firmness and pleasant squishiness.