A Tear in the Veil

by Patrick Loveland

  The need to expel finally subsides and Felix hangs against the bar, breathing heavily but feeling a sense of release that seems to come from more than just throwing up. A light breeze hits him and his eyelids flutter closed.

  All the tension that’s been building up in him has washed away and he realizes for the first time since a day or two after he started taking Wahrheit’s pills that a feeling was building up along with the stress of anticipating an effect.

  Like existential constipation.

  Felix opens his eyes and chuckles then presses down against the bar, lifting himself up. He feels strong again and his legs are stable. His head and stomach feel fine. He feels great, actually. Other than his mouth and nose being a little gross but he can fix that.

  A spiderfly flutters down into the alley and comes to rest on the upper edge of a vague, dark rectangular shape on the wall behind him.

  Finally!

  He turns toward it and gets closer. He hears a vague hum coming from the blurry, wall poster sized rectangle. His approach spooks the spiderfly and it pumps and flutters off into the street and is quickly out of sight. Felix extends his hand toward the rectangle but stops when he hears odd mechanical sounds coming from inside. He instinctively steps back.

  A low, deep sound rises out of the bustle of people and cars back on the street. It’s like a long moan that frequently changes almost like humming or maybe di-tonal singing. As it gets louder, he realizes it’s getting closer.

  Felix looks up just in time to see a huge, translucent creature gliding through the air above the buildings. It’s long and bulbous like a glowing, deformed whale. He can make out most of its big pumping internal organs and what must be its digestive tract. The head is covered with several big eyes, which seem to have multiple spherical layers of flesh moving around inside. There are tentacles and misshapen fin-like appendages sprouting from its dorsal and ventral side and an asymmetrical cluster of both make up its rear end, some trailing far behind as it glides away above Chinatown. The undulating tentacles and fins give it the appearance of swimming through the air. At a quick glance, it’s like a submarine-sized paramecia flying gracefully through the air.

  Felix shakes his head and blinks deliberately then opens his eyes and sees the last bit of tentacles disappear over the rooftops only to be followed by smaller, similar creatures. The smaller ones seem to be trying to keep up with the really large…

  Uh… “blimpwhale”? Blimpwhale it is.

  The small blimpwhales try to keep up with the largest one, singing in a higher pitch as they go. They also seem to be trying to harmonize with the larger blimpwhale but aren’t succeeding.

  Felix can’t help but laugh as he shuffles back down to the sidewalk. Wahrheit didn’t tell him about the euphoria. He’s not sure if it’s more a side-effect of feeling so much better after throwing up or the pills themselves or both, but he feels fantastic.

  Colors even seem brighter and more lush. He looks up at the sky and the tiny patch of blue he can see peeking through clouds is vivid and lovely. He notices the vague impression of the strange, dark shapes in the sky but they are even harder to see and make out than they were in Rudy’s footage. The beauty is he’s too blissed to care what the ominous, unsettling shapes might actually be.

  As he reaches the sidewalk, he notices several people with translucent, pulsing bulb growths and one with burrowpedes cautiously pecking around on his face.

  Felix remembers his mission for Audrey and continues on toward the fish store, stopping once for a soda and a pack of tissues at a store filled with Chinese kitsch. He stands by a trashcan with a pyramid top for recycling and blows his nose then rinses his mouth with Future Cola. It’s like China’s version of Coke. Usually, it’s called China Cola here, if Felix remembers right.

  Guess I got the good stuff.

  He bends over and spits the cola into the trashcan then straightens back up and looks at the soda can.

  Parallel to the “Future Cola” written perpendicular top to bottom, it has the motto, “Future Will Be Better” printed smaller. Felix chuckles again while taking another sip.

  He makes his way through the intersection across California and cruises down the sidewalk to Sacramento, noticing more growths on other people. One of the bulb growths detaches from a person’s back and pumps through the air after a cat that seems to see it and run away down the sidewalk then into a touristy store. The bulb undulates and thrusts through the air after it like a little, creepy jellyfish.

  Is that why cats are always tripping out on what seems like nothing? Weird.

  He reaches Sacramento and hikes the short stretch up the hill to the fish store. He hears strange squeaking sounds and looks up. One of the seal-sized air swimmers with the whale-like mouth that Felix saw on Rudy’s video footage is chasing a swarm of spiderflies through the sky above the Chinatown rooftops.

  Felix opens the door and enters the fish store smiling. He walks down the center aisle and marvels at how beautiful the bright, colorful aquariums are. There are more glowing, fluorescent fish on the ceiling, frozen in a tableau as if they’re swimming through the dark blue light. All of these things are even more vibrant and vivid now, which also makes them dreamier. A Cocteau Twins song is playing loud on the record player, which makes the fog of dreaminess even worse. He can’t remember the name but he’s heard it. Something about tragediennes and meridians or something? Their stuff is pretty but he’s always had trouble figuring out what it means. Great song anyway.

  He’s halfway down the aisle when he spots something out of place in one of the aquariums and stops. There’s a tiny, glowing creature swimming with the fish in the tank like it’s maybe trying to socialize but doesn’t get that they can’t see it. Or… can they? That cat thing was weird.

  Felix smiles even bigger and titters to himself as he leans forward to get a better look. It’s like a baby crawdad with so many miniscule organs pumping in it that it’s only vaguely translucent. There are lots of thin antennae stalks and several eyes on its head and it swims backwards with the help of a curved stalk of many fine tentacles. In place of claw arms it has more tentacles with asymmetrical groupings of nodules all over them. The weird, almost cute thing notices Felix watching it and swims out of the aquarium through the glass and into the air between the aquariums in the aisle. He watches it swim through the air down the aisle away from him, into another tank on the right, then out of that one into the parallel aisle and out of sight.

  Felix continues down the aisle. As he emerges from the aisles into the back counter area, he looks around and sees Siobhán with her back to him on a ladder near the wall of aquariums on the left. She’s painting a fish on the ceiling with bright fluorescent paint. There’s a strong black light on a tripod near the ladder that is aimed up at her work area on the ceiling. It’s stronger than the installed ones that are always on to light the fish paintings. She bobs her head to the music, practically entranced.

  That’s just unfair. She looks fucking great. Weird, of course, but great.

  She’s wearing tight, shiny day-glow lime pants, a thin pale blue sweater which is stretched and loose, one end drooping down around a shoulder and revealing a pink bra strap, and hot pink and zebra print creepers. Her black and blue half mane is pulled into the tightest bun Felix supposes you could pull wild hair and thin dreads into and it’s secured with crimson chopsticks.

  Felix notices that in the sections of skin exposed on her shoulder, neck, and arms that he can see, intricate patterns glow in her tattoos. Like another layer of intricate design only visible under the black light. It’s beautiful. It makes the whole effect even more entrancing than just the flowing petals and yak sea monster designs he’s already seen.

  The song goes into a breakdown and it’s just drums and backing. Siobhán stops painting and drifts off for a moment.

  Antici– …pation?

  Felix remembers now. It’s a live take of the song Musette and Drums, so the guitar arpeggio line comes back in hard
and Siobhán swoons, swaying back and forth a little on the ladder and closing her eyes. With the brush still in her hand, she starts dancing on the ladder, rhythmically undulating and curling her arms near her sides then raising them to “sweep the cobwebs” as they used to call it at the goth clubs Felix frequented when he was younger and single. Her arms end up bent and together behind her head like she’s stretching and the paintbrush leaves little fluorescent orange strokes between her shoulder blades and on the back of her sweater as she sways. As into it as she is, he assumes she wouldn’t care even if she knew.

  Felix clears his throat as gently as he can and still expects her to hear him.

  Siobhán jolts and spins partway back toward him and almost loses balance.

  “Fuck!” She yelps.

  The ladder sways from her startled motion and Felix steps toward her. The ladder lifts off the ground slightly on one side and the can of fluorescent paint almost tips from its foldout platform but she grabs the ladder top and can and recovers expertly with the balance and muscle control of a highly trained gymnast. Felix stops advancing and marvels at her agility.

  Siobhán sets the brush down on the tray next to the can and steps down off the ladder. She points back at the ladder and narrows her eyes like she’s scolding a child or telling a dog to stay then makes an exaggerated hand dusting motion and turns toward Felix.

  Over the bright fluorescent work light, Siobhán’s face is aglow with the beautiful patterns which radiate out and around her from a point above and between her eyes on her forehead. The pattern starts at an incredibly fine circular design of entrancing complexity and whips out from it like layers of a fractal mandala.

  Siobhán walks toward Felix and away from the work light and the glowing tattoo fades from view as she smiles big.

  “Hey, Mister Spoken For. How goes the war?”

  Dark blue eye shadow and lipstick. Lime green vertical strip down the center of the lips. She’s cut the shorter hair on the front of her head and around the base of her skull to about a quarter-inch again and this time it’s a blue-black base with sprinkles of bright, colorful dye peppered around. The beads on her lower nose chain today are tiny plastic eyeballs of varied size and iris color.

  Those unsettling contacts of hers seem glassier than usual and she looks really happy to see him.

  Must be a little “enhanced” at the moment.

  Felix says, “Uh… I’m cool. How are you?”

  She smiles, sizes him up, and says, “Better now… wowie-wow. Be even better when I get off, though.”

  “Get off?” Felix repeats and raises his eyebrows.

  The song comes to an end and he can hear the sound of the tone arm automatically raising and clicking back into place on its holder.

  “Off work. I’m going to a party later. I know about your pervery, Felix. Don’t you dare tease me unless you mean it. I’m delicate.” Yeah, right. “Anyway, what can I do for you? Fish product-wise.”

  “I just need some refill cartridges for my filter.”

  In an “oh so professional” voice, Siobhán says, “Right this way, good sir.”

  She leads Felix over to the rack of filters and refills. She looks back and catches him watching her walk in her shiny pants. She narrows her eyes.

  “Just as I sus-pected. You vile fiend. If it’s not in a tank or on the racks, keep your eyes off. I ain’t down with O-P-P. To you, I am the fish store girl, glamorous mistress of all things aquatic. Well, at least those we have here.”

  Felix chuckles and says, “Sorry. Guess I was hypnotized by your ridiculous pants.”

  “Oh, come on. You and I both know they’re draining your brain of blood as we speak. I’m watching your grubby hands for attacks of entirely unsolicited freshness.”

  She points at her eyes with her left index and middle finger, then gestures toward his hands.

  Felix laughs and says, “Speaking of draining blood, can you even feel your legs at all? Those look pretty damn tight.”

  “I’d say they’re just tight enough. Perfectly tight, actually.” Siobhán cocks her head at an angle and looks at him, playful and expectant.

  Instead of following her further down this dangerous road, Felix swallows and scolds himself for letting it get this far. She picks up on his new shyness and moves on.

  “So, what type of filter do you have?”

  The door to the store opens with a tinny jingle and Felix hears feet shuffling down the center aisle.

  In a raspy, distorted voice, an older woman screeches, “Hello?!” The words sound like they were said at a normal volume, but the noise layered in amplifies it and he winces then looks at the mouth of the center aisle. The woman comes into the counter area and Felix unconsciously takes a short breath and holds it.

  Her face is barely visible through what look to be deformed, glowing tentacles. They’re thick and layered enough that almost no facial features can be seen and that gives Felix a chill. The thick tendrils twitch and wrap around each other, slithering together as they fill her mouth, obscure her nose, and pulse in her unseen eye sockets.

  Darker versions of the burrowpedes he’s seen crawl around in the mess of tentacles, careful not be crushed by the constant swelling and pumping of the tentacles and the odd organs inside them.

  Felix does his best to act casual but knows he must be visibly nervous. Siobhán notices and looks over at the woman. Her playful, flirty demeanor drains instantly and she seems to swallow a scream but recovers just as fast and puts on a stoic face.

  Siobhán forces a smile and says, “How may I help you?”

  “I need some food for my turtles!”

  Siobhán winces slightly but noticeably as the woman speaks. Felix notices the aquarium glass all around vibrating with that weird, low hum as the woman speaks.

  “You can help her first,” Felix says, watching Siobhán’s reactions closely. She looks at him and he nods.

  “O-okay,” Siobhán says then crosses to a different rack closer to the counter. The woman walks over to stand next to her.

  Felix tries to act interested in the filters.

  “Do you know which type you need?”

  “They’re aquatic!”

  Siobhán fingers through the shelf and finds a sealed plastic cylinder to her liking.

  “This one then.”

  Felix can’t help wincing at her gravelly, unnatural voice. It’s like metal grinding on metal in her throat. He looks at the counter and sees Siobhán ringing her up. Siobhán is staring at him in an unsettling way. He looks back at the filters and grabs the first box of cartridges that looks even close to what he needs. He walks closer to the counter and stands behind the woman.

  “Do you need a receipt?”

  “Yes, thank you!” The words are pleasantly intoned but the sound of them is so grating. Felix notices Siobhán’s eyelids flutter a bit as the woman speaks.

  So… she can see and hear this shit too?

  Siobhán places the receipt in a bag with the turtle food and hands it to the woman with a smile. The woman turns to leave and seems to give Felix a rude look but it’s hard to tell through that squirming mess and burrowpedes playing wacky wall crawlers in it.

  Felix and Siobhán watch the woman leave. He sets his filter cartridges down and acts like nothing happened but he’s secretly truly relieved the woman is gone.

  Siobhán focuses her gaze on Felix now and looks like she is fighting herself internally.

  She starts, “Did y–”

  “Tshee-fohn?” A female voice says in a thick Chinese accent from the dimly lit stairwell behind the counter to the left. A middle-aged Chinese woman comes down the stairs.

  “What’s up, Mrs. Long?” Siobhán asks.

  “Hello, sir,” Mrs. Long says to Felix.

  Felix says, “Hi.”

  Mrs. Long smiles at him then looks back at Siobhán and releases a stream of Chinese at her. Felix thinks it’s Cantonese but he can’t be sure. To his surprise, Siobhán responds with what so
unds like perfect fluency. If he had closed his eyes and heard it, he would have thought that she’d been switched with a Chinese woman who was raised speaking it from birth. It’s undeniably her voice, but the mastery she has makes him think she must have lived in China or somewhere in Asia for years. Sounds more like decades but that’s obviously not possible. She doesn’t look a day over twenty-five. Definitely not over thirty.

  Their body language leads him to think they’re talking about him at first then it’s on to something about the aquariums. Siobhán gestures toward Felix again and Mrs. Long says something agreeable and starts inspecting the aquariums closest to her.

  Siobhán starts to ring up Felix’s cartridges. Felix gives her a twenty. She makes change and hands it to him. As she places the cartridges and receipt in a small paper bag, something seems to occur to her and she grabs another square of paper from behind and under the counter. Looks like a coupon. She hesitates for just a moment, looks at Felix, then puts the coupon in the bag and hands it to him.

  Felix says, “Have a good time at the party.”

  “Always do,” Siobhán says, studying him with a look of suspicion and confusion which has a defensive quality about it. This is not the naughty, playful flirt he’s used to. He feels like he’s under the keen eye of a dangerous, albeit beautiful, predatory creature.

  I really have to be more subtle about noticing the weird stuff… and fast.

  He turns and walks down the aisles closest to the register. When he opens the door to leave, he looks back and sees Siobhán leaning on the back counter on her crossed forearms, watching him down the length of the center aisle.

  The little cute thing from before pumps out of the row of aquariums on Felix’s right and back through the air between the aisles about halfway between he and Siobhán. He tries not to look at it while Siobhán stares him down, not looking either.

  Staring contest? No problem. I can go all– Shit.

  He can’t help himself and his eyes follow the fascinating little thing for just a sliver of a moment. He looks back at Siobhán and she narrows her eyes at him, sure now.