Sins of the Father

by Fleur Beale

  Phil wrote the following letter to his father, in the hope that Neville will one day read it.

  Dear Dad,

  There is so much I want to tell you and say to you. As I can never ring or talk to you I thought I would try and write. Dad, I know there are many times I have hurt you and I know I have disappointed you in not being the son you wanted, but like you I have gone my own way. The saddest thing with that is that you have turned your back on me and your grandchildren. It has been nearly 10 years since I tried to talk to you when I flew over to see you in prison. All I wanted to say is ‘I’m sorry if I have done wrong’ but you would not even give me two minutes and you turned your back on me. I know you blame me for sending you to prison but Dad, you know the truth. If only you hadn’t been so proud and stubborn you could have spoken to all the victims who laid those charges and you could have made right what you did. But you chose to deny it. Dad, you know the truth. For what you did to me, I forgive you. We must all live with our own conscience; remember that. There is so much more I could say and would like to say, but it would take many, many pages so I will leave it, hoping that one day you will pick up the phone and just say, Hi, son.

  Love,

  Your son,

  Philip.

  Phil knows it is unlikely that Neville/Hopeful will ever willingly speak to him again, but it doesn’t stop him hoping and wishing things could be different. On the other hand, he’s proud of what he’s done with his life in the years since he left the community. He’s proud, too, of his children. He has reason to be. They are extraordinarily resilient, forgiving and forward-looking. They are intelligent, lively and attractive.

  He deeply appreciates the strong relationship he now has with his oldest son. Israel is a remarkable young man: fresh-faced, and energetic, with a zest for life that seeks out challenges just for the thrill of overcoming them. That desire for action, and the appetite for problem-solving is strong in the Cooper gene-pool – Faith has it, as do Phil and Israel. Israel also has the Cooper determination and strength of character. Like Faith, he needs to analyse and research situations so that he understands them. He knows the destruction that determination and strength of character can wreak if not constantly monitored and used as a force for good.

  Phil mourns the loss of Dawn, and that he can’t be a grandfather to her children. Watching Justine, he marvels at the brilliant mother that she is. He wonders how this young woman who lost her own mother before she was five years old learnt such nurturing skills. He believes it is her inheritance from Sandy, part genetic and part memory.

  Of all Phil and Sandy’s children, Tendy travelled the most difficult road to adulthood, by her own admission messing up her teenage years. While life now isn’t always smooth, she faces the future with hope, humour and energy – and the knowledge that she’s deeply loved by her family.

  Phil’s relationship with Crystal and Andreas has been the least fraught; they don’t remember their mother being with them as children and, in that sense, adjusting to life without her was easier. For them, their dad was always the only parent, with Israel a constant, reliable and comforting presence in their lives. As the youngest, they also benefited most from Bev’s presence in the family.

  Phil himself is positive, forward-looking and jumping with vitality, and his message is simple: go forward, your destiny is in your own hands. He has seen how bitterness and hate can twist lives and wants none of that for his own children. However, for them the warning doesn’t seem necessary. They have inherited his own determination to lead good and productive lives.

  With his children pretty much grown up, and what he set out to do with his business achieved, Phil was ready for a new challenge. Between them, he and Israel decided it was time to tell their story. They felt there was enough distance from the searing events of the past to look back and get them in some perspective. They had seen that people were fascinated whenever they related one of the hundreds of extraordinary episodes that make up their history.

  For Phil, it was important to show what happened; he wasn’t interested in glorifying himself or vilifying Neville or the community. He wanted others to see that it’s possible to take control of your own life, and keep getting up again no matter how many times you are knocked down.

  He knew that setting his life down on paper would mean having to reach back into painful memories, something he had so far been able to avoid because of the way he lived his life. His way of coping, and of caring for his family, has always been to go forwards, to act rather than to look inward or analyse.

  Telling the stories was often distressing, stirring up emotions he’d never dealt with. But laying it out it has clarified things for him, and has given his children a deeper understanding of their childhood.

  ‘My perspective keeps changing. Ten years ago I would have had more bitterness, more wanting to lay blame. One thing I’ve learnt is that blaming others for your troubles never helps.’

  His story is what it is. The important thing, he says, isn’t the hand you’re dealt in terms of parents and upbringing; it’s what you do with that hand. If Phil and the Cooper children had a motto, it would probably follow the spirit of Proverbs 3:15 which discusses wisdom. Theirs would read: ‘Freedom of choice is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto that.’

  The Coopers know that most people take freedom of choice for granted. However, the freedom to chart one’s own path isn’t something any of this family will ever take lightly. They live in hope that their Gloriavale family will one day be able to make at least some of their own decisions about how they live their lives.

  The story is not complete, as Phil knows only too well. Even during the year of writing, so much happened; family dynamics changed, children were born, tentative contact was made between both branches of the family.

  But Phil hopes that, above all, his story will inspire.

  ‘I believe you can turn your life around and make the most of it; you have the power to do it, not anyone else. You choose your own feelings. This is not a sad story but one of hope; yes, it’s a story of struggle but through struggle comes strength.’

  Dedications from Phil to his family:

  ‘I want to say thank you to Mum and Dad for giving me life. What I do with that life is my choice. How I let my upbringing affect me is also my choice.

  ‘To my beloved children: always try to see the good in people. I’m glad I gave you freedom of choice. I’m proud of all of you. I haven’t been the best dad in the world, but I hope you will be able to give your kids more time than I was able to give you. Go out and make a difference in this world, always reach out to your fellow man and fulfil your God-given dreams.

  ‘To my grandchildren: Grandad loves you all very much; may your dreams be big. As you grow older and read our story, I hope you will understand that in life we have struggles, but you at least have freedom.

  ‘To Sandy, thank you for being part of my life and bringing into the world our beautiful children. I know you love them. ‘To my children and grandchildren whom I have never met: if you ever read this, know that I love you. Dream big and never be controlled by any man. Reach out and become the person God wants you to be.’

  Israel and his wife Jess at their wedding – Christchurch, January 2007.

  Acknowledgements

  I wish to thank the following people.

  Fleur Beale who spent 14 months trying to get me to sit down long enough to put this together. You have done an amazing job.

  To Bev, my wife for the past 13 years, who took on six kids and me, which makes seven kids. Thank you for being part of our lives. Thank you Mitch, you were two years old when you joined this full-on family and you are now very much part of us.

  To my brother John and my sisters Faith and Mercy, thank you for your support and help throughout the years.

  To my late brother Michael, thank you for your friendship, support and laughter. You are always in our thoughts.

 
; To the Wenborn family, thank you for your support in the early years.

  To Wes and Ellen Anderson, thank you for giving so much of your love. Your gift of the use of the bach in the Sounds made so much of this possible.

  To Melanie Reid from TV3, thank you for your courage in helping bring this story to life through your documentaries, and for your willingness to experience the pain and struggle with us.

  To my dear friends in America, the Hutterite people who helped so much: thank you for three wonderful years.

  To all the many others who helped us in so many ways: thank you.

  Lastly to my children: thank you for being who you are. This journey with all its ups and downs has often been difficult, but we are stronger for the experience.

  I love you all.

  Phil Cooper

  Gloria Cooper, Neville’s first wife, with their six oldest children, c. 1962. Left to right: Hope, Charity (holding toys), Faith, Gloria holding John, Grace, Mercy.

  A still from a home movie of Neville and Gloria’s family at an Australian beach, mid 1960s.

  A still from a home movie showing ‘Voice of Deliverance’ preacher and flock, Australia, 1960s.

  A still from a home movie of the ‘Voice of Deliverance’ tent, Australia, 1960s.

  Left to right: Mark, Charity, Phil, Hope, Neville holding Miracle, Faith, Gloria holding Michael, Grace, Stephen, Mercy, John – Fielding, New Zealand, 1967.

  Baptism in the duck pond built by Phil and Mark at Springbank, c. 1980.

  Sandy just before her marriage to Phil in 1981.

  Girls from Springbank community knitting at a market day in Rangiora, c. 1985. On the left is Patience, the youngest Cooper daughter. The Press

  Neville at Springbank with the first accommodation block (Phil later abducted his children from this building) and the foundations of the second, 1983. The Press

  The back of the first accommodation block. Phil and his brother Mark are on the roof.

  Sandy and Phil on their wedding day shortly after Phil’s nineteenth birthday, May 1981.

  Sandy at Springbank, c. 1985. She was pregnant with Justine.

  Phil holding one-day-old Israel. (Phil had been building a pool table for the community four days earlier when he cut off his thumb with a Skilsaw. His thumb was reattached and a steel rod inserted.)

  School buildings at Springbank, Canterbury.

  Sandy in the kitchen at Springbank before the accommodation blocks and kitchen were built, c. 1988.

  Gloriavale buildings as seen in ‘Children of the Mist’ documentary. 60 Minutes/TV3

  A still from undercover film footage of a concert given at Gloriavale. Sandy/Prayer is fourth from the right. Melanie Reid/TV3

  Sandy holding Andreas, with Dawn (plaits) and Tendy while in the US.

  Phil in Hutterite clothing, holding Andreas, February 1991, while living in the Woodcrest Community in New York state.

  Phil and children with their Hutterite surrogate family from the Catskills Mountains Community, 1992, after Sandy left.

  Israel holding his six-day-old brother, Woodcrest Community, February 1991.

  Andreas in the Catskills Mountains Community riding the bike Phil made for Israel from wheelchair wheels and motor.

  The photo of Sandy that Phil kept on the table in each house the family moved to.

  The card that Dawn made soon after Sandy’s departure, 1991.

  Clockwise: Phil, Dawn, Israel, Tendy, Justine, Crystal, Andreas shortly after the family arrived in Australia in 1993. Dawn gave her mother this photo when she and her dad visited the community immediately after Phil found out about Cherish.

  1993, in the first of the many houses Phil rented in and around Coffs Harbour in Australia. Clockwise: Phil, Crystal, Justine, Tendy, Dawn, Israel, Andreas. Sandy’s photo is behind the milk bottle.

  Left to right: Andreas, Justine, Crystal, Tendy, Mitchell, Israel, Bev, Phil in Coffs Harbour, 1997, taken a few months after Dawn’s departure.

  A still from film footage of Gloriavale Christian Community, Lake Haupiri, 2006. 60 Minutes/TV3

  Far back: Andreas, Phil; left to right: Israel’s wife Jessica, Israel holding Zion, Mitch, Bev, Tendy, Crystal, Justine holding Annabelle, her husband Dion, Jess in front – Gold Coast, Australia, 2008.

  About the Author

  FLEUR BEALE has been writing for over thirty years, has twice been awarded the Gaelyn Gordon Award for a much loved book and has been short-listed several times for the NZ Post Children and Young Adults Book Awards. When she was asked if she’d be interested in writing Sins of the Father, she didn’t hesitate as she’s always been captured by stories where people are subjected to control of one sort or another. The genesis for her 1998 book I am not Esther (2009 recipient of the Gaelyn Gordon Award) came from hearing of a young man who had been thrown out of a fundamentalist sect for non-compliance.

  She lives in Wellington, dividing her time between writing, assessing manuscripts, visiting schools as part of the Writers in Schools scheme, and travelling to visit her two adult daughters overseas.

  Copyright

  This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without the written permission of Longacre Press and the author.

  Fleur Beale asserts her moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  © Fleur Beale

  ISBN: 978 1 775530 44 2

  All photographs and home movie stills are from the Cooper family collection unless otherwise stated. Every effort has been made to trace and contact copyright holders.

  First published by Longacre Press, 2009

  30 Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand.

  Book design by Christine Buess

  Cover design by Nick Wright/Christine Buess

  Cover image courtesy Melanie Reid/TV3

  Printed by Astra Print, Wellington

  www.longacre.co.nz