Sins of the Father

by Fleur Beale

  The concerts are big events on the Coast. Retirement homes take busloads of their residents and families come from the surrounding district. The concert is styled as a love-gift for the local community.

  The dining hall is taken over for the season and decorated with elaborately painted hangings representing the theme, which in 2008 is the Rainforest Express. The walls are covered with a painted forest, the stage framed with trees on which toucans and other birds perch. A couple of lizard-like creatures respond to sound so that they bounce up and down when Hopeful strides the stage, preaching his version of the ideal family life to his captive audience. The musical performances are polished and flawless, the singing likewise. The skits are non-religious and funny but they are reminiscent of school concerts of the fifties. And all the while, girls in long blue dresses and headscarves serve the three-course meal. They have names such as Serenity, Hope, Mercy, Rapture, Angel. Other young women come quietly in and stand at the side holding their babies and watching for a few minutes. They all look like teenagers but some have several children.

  During the concert, Hopeful gets two boys to carry a large photo onto the stage and while they hold it up he explains that none of the children in that photo would have been born if Gloriavale was like the outside world and believed that two children were enough. According to him, the community loves children; they welcome them; they look after them.

  A phenomenal amount of effort goes into the concert. As well as the model train on stage, there is a miniature railway running around the back of the hall, built entirely by the community except for the engine. At dramatic moments in some of the items, the lights dim, the thunder rolls, and the floor beneath the audience moves up and down. The science teacher who introduces himself as Faithful, opens the play based on the story of Noah, fluently explaining for some minutes that the flood was a real event that produced the fossils of the world which in turn prove that the theory of evolution is wrong. Then the actors build an ark for the animals which parade in: a life-sized and beautifully constructed elephant, two camels, two ponies, a couple of rhinos, a lion, a cow and several other creatures. Everything looks professional. Everything has been made by the community.

  The whole concert appears to be controlled by Hopeful. He is 82, the same age as the Pope, but the contrast in vigour between the two men is startling. Hopeful leaps around the hall, untroubled by the stairs. He watches everything and moves about the room, making his presence felt. A young mother standing by the wall with her baby sees him looking at her and scuttles away. He wants more light on the stage and calls out an order. The lights come up immediately.

  At the end of the concert, Hopeful takes the stage again to explain that they don’t take anything from the audience; instead, they give each person a gift. On the visitors’ way out, girls of about ten hand out loaves of homemade bread and pats of butter. The girls keep their eyes lowered. They give the impression that they are schooling their features to conceal their shock at the sight of the worldly, immodestly dressed people they are serving.

  Gloriavale is a conundrum. The little children playing outside under the supervision of the pre-school teachers look like miniature adults in their long blue dresses and headscarves, or blue trousers and shirts. It is like looking through a time-warp at the American pilgrims. But the people of Gloriavale look happy. They care for each other; they have purpose, shelter and fellowship. The teenagers know how to work and don’t get into trouble. But everyone is tied there by indoctrination and economics. If they leave, they leave with nothing, and how do you live in the outside world if you know nothing about it, have no money and a big family to support?

  It looks pure and modest and seemly, but in the town, people speak of the Gloriavale men renting pornographic movies in the past. Do they still? Phil believes a leopard doesn’t change its spots and, by some accounts, the environment is still highly sexualised. One man reported in 2007 how at breakfast, Hopeful would ask, ‘Okay men, hands up those who fucked their wives last night.’

  The man telling the story saw nothing wrong with that. Hopeful was helping his followers be more open about sex. It is difficult to see how such an attitude fits with the modest clothing and the demand for purity before marriage.

  What will happen to Gloriavale when Hopeful Christian dies, or becomes incapable of leading? Some say it will keep going, that there are strong men who will step up, who have led it before when Hopeful was in prison – although he was apparently still very much in control even then, with daily phone calls and regular visitors. Others hope that with his death will come the opportunity for the community to fulfil its potential as a place of true Godliness. But whatever leadership follows, there are many who will be devastated when their current leader dies.

  The story of the Cooper family continues to unfold. September 2008 brought more contact with the community. Sandy, Dawn and Cherish rang several times to speak to Crystal and Andreas, urging them again to fly over, go to the concert and stay a few days. Yes, the concert season had ended but Hopeful said to tell them they would put on a special performance, just for the two of them.

  Neither wished to attend and they didn’t want to talk to their mother either if she was the one to ring. Crystal tries to talk to her and wants to have a proper mother-daughter conversation, but feels that when she talks to Sandy she gets no loving, motherly response. Andreas has thought about what a mum would be like, and he likes the idea of having one, but when she phones, he too feels there’s nothing there.

  When the caller ID showed that the September call was coming from New Zealand, Andreas ran from the room, refusing to answer. Phil picked it up, and thought he was speaking to Dawn, but it was Cherish. It was a powerful moment, hearing his daughter’s voice. ‘Wow! Honey, this is so nice – the first time I’ve ever spoken to you.’ He couldn’t believe that what he had hoped for since he discovered her existence was actually happening.

  She was reserved to start with, telling him it wouldn’t be possible for them to meet unless he came to live in Gloriavale. Then she started crying, saying she’d always wanted to have a dad like everyone else in Gloriavale.

  Phil said she’d probably heard a lot of bad things about him, but that there were two sides to every story.

  ‘What about Grandad? And why did you leave me?’

  He assured her that what had happened between Neville and him had nothing to do with her. As to why he left her, she needed to ask her mum. ‘Ask her to tell you what’s on your birth certificate. It says “father unknown”, but your mum knows the truth.’

  Cherish told him how much she would have loved to be part of a big family, to have brothers and sisters – but only Dawn was a Christian. The others weren’t, they didn’t walk with God.

  ‘Don’t judge as you’ve been told,’ Phil said. ‘Judge as you see.’

  Sandy/Prayer took the phone then and began talking to him, something she hadn’t done since she’d left America. She didn’t accuse him outright of influencing Crystal and Andreas to stay away from her and the community, but he got the strong impression that she believed it. The conversation was fairly predictable. Phil found it interesting that she wasn’t able to grasp that each of the kids was their own person, that they made up their own minds. Phil believes that Sandy and Neville are so used to Neville making the decisions that neither of them understands that Phil’s children have the freedom to act according to their own beliefs and wishes – that Neville assumes Phil is the same as him in controlling every aspect of his children’s lives. But Phil also believes that at the same time, Neville is trying to win the children back, now that they are old enough to defy their father.

  Neither Crystal nor Andreas went to the concert. They say they might go over one day and spend time with their family. Both would love to see Dawn again, and get to know Cherish. About their mother they’re not so certain. They’d like to be able to relate to her as a mum, but they haven’t yet felt any reaching out from her. Not from her heart, anyway.

/>   The family all hope that Gloriavale will change with time to become a place of true Godliness where people choose freely to stay or go. Their mother, Dawn, and Cherish are happy there and all the ‘outside family’ want is to be able to visit freely and for the community family to be able to visit them without penalty or preaching. They hope the community will open its doors and allow contact with the outside world so that those who have been born inside can judge for themselves where they want to live. They see the Hutterite model as the ideal: a community that lives apart from the world while retaining links to the outside – a community which doesn’t shun those who leave.

  There is much about Gloriavale that is good and admirable. That alone, the family believes, should be enough to draw people to live there of their own free will.

  Justine’s wedding day, Christchurch, 2004. Left to right: Andreas, Tendy, Israel, Crystal, Justine holding Jessica, Mitchell.

  CHAPTER TWENTY: TIME FOR REFLECTION

  Until now, I’ve never had time to figure out who or what I am. I’ve always had a plan; I’m never happy unless I’m busy. Part of me is still running – I’m not sure what from, but being busy is all I know how to do. PHIL

  For Phil the story isn’t finished and he admits that it might never be. His children have achieved a certain peace about their mother leaving them, although it gets shaken every time the community reaches out to them. His own relationship with his children is changing. Now that they are adults he has found he can be more open with them about how events impact on him. He can ask them for support instead of feeling he must always appear strong and invulnerable.

  Phil’s challenge now lies in dealing with the damage from his past, something he’s been able to avoid so far in the hurly-burly of the life he created for himself. Part of what he has to deal with is the inheritance from his father, both in his characteristics and his way of relating to others. He strives not to be like his father and has succeeded in many important ways, one of the most crucial being that his children haven’t had to suffer the abuse that he did. But he’s aware, too, that his father’s legacy is insidious; he continually has to fight to keep the difficult side of his own personality in check and he doesn’t always win that battle. Sometimes he finds himself reacting to situations in exactly the same way as his father would do, and it shakes him. As with Neville, Phil likes to be the one calling the shots and it isn’t always easy to give up that power. A history like his must leave emotional scars, some of which will probably never be healed. He knows that as a family they all need more time to heal. It’s a slow process and Phil has never been used to going slowly. He understands that in many ways he’s very like his father, but the difference is that Phil doesn’t want to be like Neville. He is determined to stop the sins of his father from being visited on the next generation and on those still to come.

  Did he do the right thing in taking the children out of the community? They have definite opinions on the question which has haunted him for the past 18 years.

  Israel: ‘I’m sure Dad’ll question that till the day he dies because regardless of what he sees in us and what we say to reassure him, he still asks: Did I do the best thing for my children? Maybe I should have just let them go back to the community with their mother.

  ‘The day our mum left was a huge day that’s continued to have resounding repercussions for my dad and for all of us. Should he just have given up and let us go with our mum? I’m sure they would have had that conversation – I’m sure Dad could have done that if he’d thought that was the best thing. There would have been very different outcomes for all of us kids.

  ‘Definitely, I think he made the right choice. I think it’s better to have freedom and the ability to understand and to make your own choices. And that’s what we’ve done – we’ve chosen, all of us at different times, to go back into the community and see her; none of us were ever forced. It’s better to be able to choose to go and see it, than be forced to live there and have no freedom to choose your way of life.

  ‘Most of us have come to find faith and belief in God, as our mother so dearly wanted us to. We understand clearly that our teachers in matters of faith are, like us, human and fallible. All of us seek to know the word of God; none of us claims to be the ultimate authority. This in itself is testament to the power of choice.’

  Justine: ‘I’m definitely glad Dad took me out. Definitely. He sometimes gets real upset and tries to apologise for taking us away from our mother. But I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way if that’s what it took to get out of there. I’d rather be out than be with my mum because I didn’t know her. She’s a stranger, so it’s not as big for me. Why would you say sorry? I can see where Dad’s coming from because he did take us away from her. But weighing it up, I’m pleased I’m out. I don’t know what I’d be like or who I’d be married to if I was still in there.

  ‘Dad’s my hero. I love him. I’m the most protective person of my dad.’

  Tendy: ‘In the end, after going to the community, I said to Dad, “Yes, we’ve all made mistakes.” It’s just that he’s never forgiven himself. I think he still questions if he made the right decision. I asked him all these questions – why this and why that – and I said, “Dad, you’ve got to move on. You’ve got to put the past in the past and leave it there.” I think that’s been the hardest thing for me, every time I go home or we’re together, the community is the thing that comes up. It’s always about the community. I know there’s a lot of hurt with my family towards the place but I don’t have any hurt towards them. Yes, I wish my grandad wasn’t there and Mum was out, but I don’t hate the place.

  ‘I think Dad always thinks he’s never given us enough. But being older now, I don’t regret anything. I loved the way I was brought up – I’ve lived with friends who didn’t even know how to do the washing. And we were all washing our clothes and doing the cooking when we were seven. I look at that now and I appreciate it. At the time I hated it, but now I look back and go wow! I’m at the stage where I really like who I am and if that all didn’t happen, or the crap that I had to get myself into to finally wake up to myself hadn’t happened, I don’t think I’d be who I am now. I said that to Dad and said I just want to be able to ring him up and tell him all my crap whether he cares about it or not, and for him to say, “I love you, Tendy.”

  ‘I’m pleased that he took us out and gave us that option. Maybe our life could have been different – all the hurt and all the mistakes that we made, we might have prevented all that. But I’m not sad that it’s happened. In a way, it was supposed to happen. He gave us the choice. I’m glad that he did.’

  Crystal: ‘Dad asks us the question and we always say, “No, Dad – we’re happy to be out of that place.”

  ‘When we were younger we’d probably have said, leave us with Mum, but you have to be older to see that it was a good thing that he took us away. It was better for us, otherwise we’d still be in there, still living the way they live and having no realisation of life. They have the same thing every day. I feel sorry for them. They don’t experience life. They don’t go out and experience anything that God has created.

  ‘Dad did the right thing when he took us out. I love my dad. I’ve always been close to him. When we were little I grew up with my dad – the older kids miss Mum more than I do because I didn’t really know her even though everyone says I look like her. My grandma tells me that all the time.

  ‘Dad’s made mistakes in his life – but everybody has and we’ve all done stuff we regret. He’s a good man and he’s got a big heart. He cares – he probably cares too much about some things. He’s very generous, and he’s like – my dad.’

  Andreas: ‘I’m definitely glad I’m not in there. It’s too controlled. I wouldn’t mind the work, but I wouldn’t like never being able to travel, always having someone watch you, never meeting new people or never having a fire on the beach – never going to the beach.

  ‘I’ve heard about it all through Dad and through all the
stories, but it’s been easy for me. I know how he saved us, how he worked hard and started with nothing. He made the right choice and he gave Mum the choice. He did the right thing and he rose up. He’s been like a mum and a dad.’

  Their answers are unequivocal. They like who they are; they enjoy being able to make their own way in the world and to chart their own courses. They value very highly having been able to choose for themselves how to live and what to believe. They know their father isn’t perfect, but they love him and want him in their lives.

  And what of Cherish, the daughter Phil’s never been able to meet? In 2008 Prayer rang to say that Cherish would like to talk to him. It was something he’d yearned for ever since he’d heard of her birth. Speaking to him by accident when she’d rung last time had apparently helped Cherish to realise that he was an ordinary person and not a monster. They spoke for some time, with her asking the questions and him doing his best to answer them truthfully. Whether he’ll ever be able to meet her he doesn’t know, but at least he has spoken to her and that is a memory he treasures.

  At the end of 2008 Cherish was sent with Sandy for three months to India to be part of the community outpost there. Phil thinks that the community saw it as a way to direct her restlessness. On the other hand, there is apparently no suitable young man at Gloriavale for her to marry, partly because Hopeful has decreed that cousins may not marry and the only available young men are her cousins. Phil is still hoping that one day he will be able to meet her, but knows it is unlikely to happen while his father is alive. He doesn’t want Cherish to go through life without having a relationship with her father.

  However his relationship with his own father may never be resolved because of Neville’s refusal to have any contact with his son.