Sandra finished up the last dishes and Honor dried them, stacking them in the cupboards.
“Now, how about you tell me how you’re really doing.”
Honor’s eyes filled with sudden tears which she quickly blinked away. “We’re doing fine. Like I said.”
Sandra nodded. “Jah. Like you said. Do you have any news?”
“News?”
“Am I to be a grossmammi soon?”
“Ach, Mamm. I’ve hardly been married more than a few months.” She didn’t dare say that her chances of being pregnant at that point were slim. She and Gabe… Well…
“It can happen in flash,” Mamm said with a knowing smile.
Honor let her comment slide. “I’d like to help with the puzzle.”
Sandra raised her brow and looked to be about to say something, but she evidently changed her mind. “All right. You go on in. I’ll be along later.”
“Do you need help with something else?”
“Nee. Run along and work the puzzle.”
Chapter Fourteen
Honor hung the dishtowel back up and went into the front room. The puzzle was set up on the coffee table. Funny that Honor hadn’t even noticed it when she’d arrived. She supposed she’d been too overwhelmed with everything. Trevor was perched on the edge of the sofa working on the puzzle, and her father was sitting opposite him, leaning forward on the rocker. He’d leaned over so far, the runners were mostly off the floor,.
“Dat, you’ll fall,” she said, joining them.
“Lookie here. This piece goes right here.” He placed a small orange piece into part of a field of flowers.
“Nicely done,” Trevor said, smiling. He looked up at Honor. “Want to join us?”
“Sure.”
He started to scoot over on the sofa, but she quickly sat on the braided rug at the end of the table. She picked up a piece and turned it around in her hand. “This looks like part of that bridge,” she said, pointing at the photo on the box.
“That it does,” Jerrod said. “We haven’t put much of the bridge together yet.
Honor picked up another piece, this one orange, and she tried to figure out where it went in the field. Before long, she’d placed three pieces, earning praise from Trevor. Hearing a compliment from Trevor, made Honor think immediately of Gabe. She wondered what he was doing right then. Likely just coming in from the fields.
She turned and glanced out the window. It was already dark, so no, he’d come in a long time ago. He was probably at the big house, finishing up dinner with his family.
Did he miss her? she wondered. Did anyone? Or were they having dinner like they’d had for years, like she’d never been there at all? She was surprised to realize that the thought bothered her. She concentrated back on the puzzle.
Another half hour passed, and Trevor stretched and stood up. “I need to be going,” he said. “Thanks so much for everything.”
Sandra, who had joined them a few minutes before, smiled. “We’re always glad to have you, Trevor.”
Trevor looked at Honor. “Nice to meet you.”
He smiled and again, his good looks were not lost on Honor. But this time, she felt ill at ease noticing it. She had a sudden urge to turn in for the night. Maybe she’d write a letter to Gabe. The idea was appealing.
“Nice to meet you, too,” she answered, realizing that he was still looking at her.
“I’m off, then.”
Jerrod stood and stretched, too. “I’ll help you hitch up,” he said, and the two men left the house.
“I’ll show you your room,” Sandra said. “This house has two bedrooms. We brought the old double bed with us, so it’s all ready. In truth, I’d hoped you would come visit sometime, so I have it all made up.”
“Thanks, Mamm.”
“Of course, I expected you to come with your husband, but—” She shrugged. “I’ll take you anyway I can get you.”
Honor couldn’t tell if her mother was criticizing her or not. She was tired—too tired to analyze anything further that night.
Her mother showed her to a small room that indeed was ready for company. Sandra set the lantern down on the dresser. “If you want an extra quilt, there’s one on the chair by the window.”
“I’m sure this will be perfect. It’s not cold.”
“And the bathroom is at the end of the hall.” Sandra paused and tears filled her eyes. “I’m so glad to have you here, daughter. Real glad.”
“Thank you,” Honor murmured. “Me, too.”
And with that, Sandra left the room. Honor went to the edge of the bed and sat down. She felt a strange sort of loneliness fill her. She hadn’t expected it. She was there with her parents. She’d expected to feel only relief to be with them again. And contentment. Why would she feel lonely? But she did…
She thought again of Gabe. Was he turning in for the night yet? For a fleeting moment, she wished she was there with him. The realization was startling. She thought of him banking the warming stove for the night and smiled. He always liked to have the wood just so. If she stuck the poker in there to fiddle with the arrangement, he always took it away from her, saying that he would fix the fire. They had shared more than one laugh about it. In truth, watching him bank the fire and her pretending to want to take the poker from him was the highlight of her evening.
So now, sitting in this unfamiliar bedroom without him, she felt a bit lost.
She missed him.
She felt out of place. Her parents’ lives had gone on without her—and gone on just fine, by all accounts. She hadn’t expected that. She’d expected them to be upset, regretful, and wishing they’d taken her up on her offer. Well, she was wrong about that, too.
Seemed like she was wrong about most everything these days.
She leaned over and opened the top nightstand drawer. As she’d expected, there were envelopes, stationery, and a pen inside. Her mother always kept letter-writing supplies handy in the bedroom. She took out the stationery and pen and scooted up on the bed, resting her back against the headboard.
Dear Gabe,
I suppose it’s silly of me to be writing you. After all, I’m scheduled to return to Hollybrook in three days. That hardly gives this letter time to make its way to you. But then, it should only take a day. You just won’t have time to write me back.
The house here is small, only two bedrooms. And the kitchen is tiny, not like what we’re used to at all. Dat had to make the table smaller. Can you imagine? My eyes nearly bugged right out of my head.
She paused. Was she trying to be amusing? She imagined him smiling over that last sentence, his mouth stretching to its full width. She closed her eyes. She’d never known anyone with such a wide smile. It had bothered her from the start, but then maybe she was just overly sensitive about it. Gabe didn’t seem bothered by it. Nor did Willa or anyone else. At least, no one could mistake it when he was happy or entertained. And there was warmth in his smile—even she couldn’t deny that.
She opened her eyes and was surprised to find that she was tearing up. She yearned to see his smile right then. She yearned to have his smile directed at her, revealing his affection and tenderness for her, and yes, even his love.
How are things? Did you and your dat and brothers work hard in the fields today? It’s odd that my dat isn’t working the land, but he seems happy enough. I never ever thought I’d see him happy again. But maybe happy isn’t the right word. Content. Or at peace.
I met one of his co-workers today. He came to dinner and stayed to work on a puzzle. Can you imagine my dat sitting around in the evening, working a puzzle? Used to be, he sat and fell asleep reading the Bible.
My ride here was fine. The weather is gut, if a bit chilly.
The weather? She scowled. That was what she was talking about with her husband? The weather? She pressed a hand against her chest and felt her heartbeat. She wanted to tell him that she cared for him. That she missed him. That she wished he was there with her.
Why di
dn’t she speak of that?
Tears spilled down her cheeks. Gabe would be over the moon if she spoke of such things. She wasn’t a fool—Gabe surely suspected her feelings didn’t match his. She knew she was hurting him with her stiff response to his affection. She’d been stand-offish to him, cold even.
And now, all she wanted to do was bury her face in his chest and put her arms around him. What had happened? What had changed?
Was she growing to love him as she had hoped?
The image of his smiling face filled her mind. Through her tears, she smiled back at his image. She started writing again, quickly.
I miss you, Gabe. I wish you were here. It’s odd being here without you. My mamm and dat are different. They’ve changed. I suppose I have, too. Maybe, I didn’t realize it, but it’s true.
All I want to do is come back home. All I want to do is go back to the daadi haus. It’ll be different this time, Gabe. I want to be there. I want to be with you. Ach, but I miss you.
She sucked in her breath. Dare she tell him this? He would know for sure then. Know for sure that she hadn’t really wanted to be with him in the beginning. Did she really want to confess her true motivation for marrying him?
She shook her head. No. No. That would hurt him even worse, wouldn’t it? She would keep her mouth shut. And certainly not tell him in a letter. She glanced back over what she’d written. She let it stand, but she wouldn’t say more.
She hesitated, with her pen hovering over the letter, and then she sucked in a huge breath and wrote her closing, the tears still falling down her cheeks.
I love you, Gabe. I’ll see you soon.
Your wife,
Honor
She waited for the internal cringing sure to come, but it didn’t. Instead, there was only a sweet, calm knowing.
She smiled as she folded the letter and slipped it into the envelope. Then she tip-toed out to the front room. She easily found the stamps, and then she crept outside feeling the cold sidewalk on her bare feet. She hurried out to the mailbox which was illuminated by a streetlamp, and stuck her letter inside the box.
It had happened. She loved Gabe.
She loved her husband.
Chapter Fifteen
“Honor!” The sharp voice pierced her dreams. “Honor! Get up!”
Honor turned over and rubbed her eyes. “Huh?”
She heard fumbling and then a lantern was lit, it’s light making her blink.
“Get up! Quick like.”
She sat up. “Dat? What’s wrong? Where’s Mamm?”
“She’s making you some food. Get up and dressed. You need to go home.”
His words startled her fully awake. “What is it?”
“We just got word. Your mother-in-law is in the hospital.”
“What? Tessie? What’s happened?”
“She had a stroke.”
Honor stumbled out of bed. “But how—”
“The bishop has been by. There was a call to a phone shanty. Thank the gut Lord someone was going by.”
“A stroke?” Honor tried to get her mind around the news.
“You ain’t got time to question it now. A van will be here in five minutes to take you back to Hollybrook.”
“All right. All right. I’m hurrying.”
Her father left the room, and Honor quickly shed her nightgown and got dressed. She fumbled under the bed for her suitcase and pulled it out. She threw her few belongings inside and hurried out to the kitchen.
“Ach, Honor. I’m so sorry. Give all the Chupps our love, will you?” Sandra handed her a brown sack. “Here’s some food for your trip.”
“Thank you,” Honor mumbled, feeling in a complete fog. How was Tessie doing? Could she talk? Didn’t a stroke take away a person’s ability to talk? And walk? Honor blew out her breath.
Headlights flashed through the window and Sandra glanced outside. “The van’s here.”
Jerrod and Sandra walked her out. Honor gave them each a quick hug.
“We’re sorry you couldn’t stay longer,” Sandra said, “but you’re needed in Hollybrook. Ach, poor Tessie. You write us now. Right away. We’ll want to know how she is.”
“I will, Mamm. Gut-bye.” She hurried down the sidewalk and climbed into the van.
“Morning, miss,” the driver said. “To Hollybrook, then?”
“Jah, please,” Honor said, and her voice shook.
* * *
Gabe paced the hallway, unable to sit down. He’d already been in to see his mother. Already witnessed her lying on that bed, surrounded with all sorts of contraptions he didn’t recognize. Her coloring was pale, and one side of her face sagged like an old woman’s. When he’d gone into her room, she had stared at him. Stared at all of them. She didn’t speak.
The doctor said he wasn’t sure of the damage and wouldn’t be sure for a while.
The damage. The damage. The damage.
Gabe’s stomach twisted. He was a grown man and had been for some years. But his mother was still his rock in so many ways. She was always there, always caring for the family, always offering her bit of advice, always seeing that things went well. What in the world would they do without her? How would the family function? He had no sisters. While he and his brothers and dad worked the land, who would take care of the house?
Who would take care of his mother?
Tears stung his eyes. Would Honor? He stopped pacing and a sour taste filled his mouth. He had kidded himself long enough. He’d tried pulling the wool over his own eyes for weeks now, but the truth of the matter now stared him in the face. He couldn’t pretend anymore. Not with his mother’s care involved or the well-being of his whole family at stake.
Honor didn’t love him. She’d proven it over and over and over. He’d tried to excuse it as shyness, or as sadness over her parents leaving. He’d excused her as going through a period of adjustment.
But Honor wasn’t shy. Nor was she one to mope about. Before they were engaged, she’d been happy and passionate and curious and charming. He’d watched her for years. Admired her for years.
But once they became engaged, she’d changed. Night and day changed. He didn’t even know who she was anymore. But of one thing he was certain: She was not a woman who loved her husband. She was not a woman who was happy being married to him.
Sometimes—in his desperation—he’d thought he’d seen evidence of her thawing toward him. Evidence of some affection in her eyes. But, he might as well admit it. He was seeing nothing more than his own reflection—his own desperation.
And now she was gone. Her three days, now cut short. He’d gotten word to the bishop in Baker’s Corner. He didn’t even know if the message of his mother’s stroke had reached Honor yet. He almost wished he hadn’t called that phone shanty. The fact that someone answered was a complete surprise—a miracle in itself. When he found himself talking to someone, he’d almost hung up. Why would Honor even care about his mother?
Wait. He was being unfair. Surely, Honor had some esteem for his mother.
But he had no idea whether she would leave her parents earlier than planned to come back. And the fact that he didn’t know, ate at him. Gnawed at him. He let out his breath in a heavy sigh.
In truth, when she’d climbed into the van that would take her away to Baker’s Corner, Gabe wondered whether she’d be back. Whether her three days would stretch into three weeks would stretch into three months.
“Ach, Honor,” he muttered. “Come home.”
But did he want her back? The way things were? His jaw tightened. He wasn’t some kind of charity case, was he? Didn’t he have something to offer a woman? He wasn’t unlovable was he? Anger toward Honor surged through him.
“Gabe?” his father called him from the doorway of the ICU.
“Jah?”
“The doctor wants to talk to us.”
Gabe squared his shoulders and walked to join his father.
* * *
Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up.
; The phrase played over and over in Honor’s mind. She sat tensely on the vinyl seat, staring through the front window. She hadn’t eaten breakfast, and the food her mother had sent with her lay untouched on the seat beside her. She couldn’t eat. Her stomach was knotted with worry.
She should have been there when this happened. Should have been with Gabe. They all must be worried sick.
“How much longer?” she asked the driver.
“Not long now. Another twenty minutes.”
“Thank you.”
She remained silent until they entered Hollybrook. “You’ll go straight to the hospital, right?”
“That’s where I’m headed, yes.”
“Thank you.”
When the van pulled into the parking lot, she grabbed her suitcase and the bag of food. “Do I need to pay you?”
“No. Your father took care of it.”
“All right. Gut-bye then.”
She dashed out of the van and hurried through the front door of the hospital. She hadn’t been to the hospital much in her life, but she did remember where the information desk was located. She asked for the room of Tessie Chupp and was directed to the intensive care unit. She hurried to the fourth floor, using the elevator—which frankly, made her nervous. But someone else was on it with her, which helped. When the bell dinged for the fourth floor, she emerged into a brightly lit hallway. She wasn’t sure which way to go, but then she saw Gabe. Her heart pounded as she went to him.
“Gabe!”
He turned to look at her. At first, his face registered surprise and then relief. A smile started on her lips, but stopped and his expression clouded and then went hard. Dread filled her. Had Tessie died?
She nearly ran the rest of the way to him. “Your mamm? She’s not … she’s not—”
He stood ramrod straight. “Nee. She’s not dead. She’s had a stroke.”
Honor's Wedding (Hollybrook Amish Romance) Page 7