Lawlessly in Love

by Mercy B

  “You like this one?” Gauge held up a black jumpsuit with the sleeves caped.

  “I thought you said you were getting her a dress?”

  “I did, but something is telling me she’d prefer this. Brielle wasn’t ashamed of that body of hers and flaunted it every chance she got. I think this is more her style.”

  “Fuck it then. Let’s go with that.”

  To be honest, we could’ve came out the bitch with a swimsuit, and I wouldn’t have given a damn. I’d been ready to roll since we stepped foot inside. The fact that we were near the finish line was gratifying.

  We headed for the register as Gauge began telling me what she had come to expect for Brielle’s funeral. “But with her parents planning everything, I don’t know how much of it I can actually make happen.”

  “Baby, you fucking with a nigga with unlimited funds. If you want that shit, then that’s what you’re getting. Money isn’t an issue. Besides, you have enough money stashed at your crib to pay for seven funerals.”

  “Sos.” She squinted.

  “I’m just reminding you, G. As a matter of fact, call her moms up and let her know to put everything on my tab. I want to make sure everyone is happy.”

  It was the least I could do after my people had ran up on her and forced her to hold the gun they’d put to her head before blowing her brains out. I honestly hated shit had to go down the way it did, but there was no room for informants in my world. If I ever discovered Gauge was on the same bullshit, I wouldn’t hesitate to put her out of her misery.

  That was the difference between Cayman and me. I could never lose sight of things. Pussy was good, and falling in love was an experience in itself, but that shit wasn’t enough to taint my morals or risk everything I’d worked hard to accomplish. Shit was never that deep. Not for me, and I loved Gauge’s dirty draws.

  “You kidding, right?”

  “Na, anything to see you smile again.”

  “Sosa, thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  We concluded our trip with a few scoops of ice cream and some chocolate-covered strawberries that Gauge just had to have. Admittedly, they were good. I’d never tried them before. On the way home, we shared a comfortable silence and allowed the music to fill the space that our words didn’t.

  When we made it home, I bathed Gauge from head to toe before blowing her back out in the shower. She hadn’t been to sleep in almost three nights, and I’d be damned if I let her make it a forth. I rubbed her body down with lotion and oil as I watched her fall asleep naked on the bed. She was the most precious thing to me. I watched for at least an hour before pulling myself from the bed and dressing to make a run. Waking her crossed my mind, but I was too afraid that she wouldn’t find sleep again, so I opted to leave without informing her of my departure. Prayerfully, I’d return before she woke to drain her bladder as she did every morning around four.

  When I made it downstairs, I checked the progress that was being made by Julio and his team. “Julio.”

  “Boss man. Everything is good for now, but I’m not sure how much longer.”

  “This is the calm before the storm. I can feel it. Give me at least an estimate, Julio. I need something.”

  “Eh. Another week, boss man. We have at least another week.”

  “Aight. Julio?”

  “Boss man.”

  “A week.”

  “A week.” Julio nodded.

  “Be mindful that G is upstairs sleeping. Don’t let none of these motherfuckers out of your sight.”

  “Got you, boss man.”

  Chapter 11

  Gauge

  “Is my living in vain?

  Is my giving in vain?

  Is my singing in vain?

  Is my praying in vain?

  No, of course not.

  It's not all in vain,

  Because up the road is eternal gain.”

  Although Brielle’s parents had chosen cremation due to the fact that they lived over 1,000 miles away and wouldn’t be able to visit their daughter’s gravesite as often as they’d like, her homegoing was nothing short of amazing. I tried blocking the mental restrictions I had for their choice and focused on the beauty of the service.

  The three women who were currently singing without the assistance of instruments sent chills up my spine. Even in the highly lit vicinity, there was a dark cloud crowding us all. The eulogy had been delivered, and our departure was near. However, I didn’t want to move. Leaving my friend behind would bring me a great deal of sadness, even more than I’d encountered in the last six days leading to her funeral.

  It was beautiful. Sosa had kept his word and spared no expense. I’d been sure to cover every base and made sure that my girl was sent out like the amazing being that she was. I still couldn’t believe she was gone and found myself dialing her number every other day just to see if she’d pick up for me.

  My throat was raw, and my face was swollen. I felt like shit, and I couldn’t help but wonder just how long this pain would last. It was too excruciating to consider living with it for the duration of life. I wanted her back. I needed her back. It was as simple as that. Not having her would drive me insane.

  “Baby, we have to get up.” Sosa nudged me.

  I realized the casket was being carried down the aisle, and it was time for the family to begin clearing. We were on the front row and due to head out first. But I couldn’t move. I was stuck.

  “She’s coming with me,” I wept.

  “G, baby. She’s gone, love. She’s in good hands. I promise.” He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Come on.”

  “I can’t. I can’t do this, Sos.”

  “You can, and you will. I know it hurts, but you’ve got to keep pushing.”

  “Why?”

  Sosa leaned forward and wiped my tears before standing and pulling me to my feet. “Because I’m not giving you another choice,” he stated.

  With his assistance, I slowly made my way into the aisle as associates, old classmates, friends, and people who Brielle knew from around the way gave their condolences to Sauni and me. My world was so damn dark without my sunshine. Brielle was the light of our friendship, and the gaping hole that she’d left was one that would never be able to be filled. That tore me up inside and made me wish that I’d stayed with her a bit longer and made sure that she was okay. Hell, I could’ve stayed the night with her or even at my own house while we shared the guest room.

  There were so many what ifs and fingers I was pointing at myself, but I had to keep being reminded that Brielle was a determined being. I couldn’t stay close to her side every hour of the day. If she had been having those thoughts, then she’d probably fall through on them and never mention them to me, as she hadn’t. It was all still foggy and one big mystery, but there was one thing that I was certain of, and that was the lone fact that I wished I could’ve done more to prevent this.

  Outside of the memorial, we were bombarded with people all trying to give hugs, and I simply wasn’t feeling any of the attention I was receiving. “Baby.” I nudged Sosa.

  “Yeah?”

  I wasn’t aware of how many mutual associates we had until I saw them either gawking or making a dash to speak to Sosa, who seamlessly ignored them all. His attention was locked and loaded on one individual. Gauge Miliani Morrison.

  “I need to get out of here.” It was beginning to be too much, and my solitude was the only place I found an ounce of piece. “Where’s Sauni?”

  “She’s talking to Brielle’s parents. Would you like to say goodbye?”

  “No. She’ll understand. I need to get out of here.”

  “Okay. The repast is—”

  “I can’t be around all of those people, Sosa. Sauni isn’t going either. We’re having our own gathering. Just the two of us.”

  “Say no more.” He nodded, and we set out for his car.

  On the walk over, I noticed Cayman a few feet away. He was notably sad, head hanging and body s
luggish. His street clothes had been swapped for a nice dark suit. His hair had been freshly trimmed around the sides, and his curly top was rather fluffy.

  “Baby, there’s Cayman.”

  “I see him,” Sosa replied, but we continued without slowing the pace.

  I’d at least expected him to address Cayman’s presence, but I knew that wouldn’t be happening by the time we made it to the car. Once inside, I pulled off my heels and reclined the seat. Exhaustion was wearing me down and had been for the past few days. Brielle’s passing was so much to digest, and I still hadn’t stomached it yet. I felt like at any time, she would come yelling and declaring her presence in the world.

  “Buckle up.” Sosa reached over and placed a hand on my thigh. He gripped the wheel with the other, and we pulled out into traffic.

  Sosa

  Gauge and Sauni had decided to celebrate the life of their friend at Gauge’s place. Before leaving and heading to meet Detective Lancer, I made sure that they were both good. I’d gotten food catered at the last minute, a shitload of alcohol, a box of Kleenex each, and a fresh batch of DVDs. It was no secret what their plans were. They wanted to be alone in a judgment-free zone so that they’d have the freedom to cry their pretty eyes out.

  I promised I’d return for Gauge and take Sauni to the crib if it was too late for her husband and kids to come scoop her. She’d been advised against driving herself because she would be in no shape to get herself back home.

  As I tightened the hoodie around my head and secured the shades on my face, I prayed that I heard some good news for once. To hear that Brielle’s death would splinter their case would’ve been good. Shit, even the thought of them dropping the case altogether would satisfy me, but I was aware that it was highly unlikely.

  In the travel shop, there were tons of people crowding the store and shopping for gas and other travel necessities that made a road trip more intriguing than the idea itself. It was a great distraction from the encounters I’d been having with Detective Lancer the past few weeks.

  The seat behind him was occupied, and there were none available around him. Instead of taking the booth three rows back, I decided to order a meal and let the rest work itself out. As Lancer noticed me taking my place in the long line, he did the same. He was a rather small man, short and just as dark as me.

  While he’d been digging up dirt on everyone involved with my case, I’d been snooping around his front door as well. Besides gambling debt, he happened to be clean. He’d been on the force for over ten years and was making strides and receiving promotions left and right. He was a hardworking dude.

  “Anything new?” I began.

  “Yeah.” Lancer was regretful in his response.

  “Shit, I thought their only new lead was Brielle.”

  “It was. They had plans to use her as bait. But they’ve caught a bigger pun now.”

  “Someone else willing to turn state?” I couldn’t contain the rearranging of my facial expression.

  This was news to me. I couldn’t think of a bigger player. My operation was solid, and everybody was eating good. No one had a reason to fold. Even niggas who had taken losses and been imprisoned, I had their sentences reduced to mere months, and their families were good as long as I had breath in my body. No stone had been left unturned.

  “Yes. Someone who is facing real time, someone on your team.”

  “Everyone on my team is free, and if I can help it, it’s going to stay that way. I look out for mine.”

  “Well, this one is not too thrilled with the death of his girlfriend.”

  “Cayman?” Life flashed before my eyes. The brink of death seemed more tangible than ever now.

  “Cayman.” Lancer nodded. “I gave him my card to call me in case he ever decided he wanted full immunity—as we offered him—to give up everything he knew about you and your operation. He was livid that we would even consider him to be a snitch. Neither of us thought we’d get anything out of him.”

  “Until Brielle…” Defeat weighed heavy on my heart.

  “Until his girlfriend committed suicide.” Not even Lancer knew that I’d put the price tag on Brielle’s head. “He called me this morning. I’ve never heard a grown man cry like that. It’s really fucking with him, and I think he blames you.”

  “So what’s the next step? Keep it one hundred with me.”

  “He’s talking, Law.” Lancer shook his head. “When I left the office an hour ago, he’d come in.”

  “How long do I have?” That was the most important question.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, man. How long do I have?”

  “He wasn’t specific with his confession. It’s still all hypothetical to us. We have to dig through his coded tongue and figure out what he meant by everything. He smelled like the liquor store. In an hour, we’d only gotten a few words out of him. I advised the team to return tomorrow to get a full confession because we weren’t making good progress.”

  “So he’s supposed to come back tomorrow?”

  “First thing in the morning.”

  “Good looking.”

  I didn’t get the burger I’d planned to order. My appetite had suddenly diminished. The thought of Cayman turning state because of a bitch that didn’t give two shits about him and was prepared to throw him under the bus had me sick to my stomach. Immediately, I removed myself from the line and headed to my car. I needed time to consider what the fuck was going on and what needed to happen in order to redirect the situation and keep the odds in my favor.

  With a confession from Cayman, my freedom would be stripped in a matter of minutes. He’d been with me since the start of this shit, my right-hand man. Him turning me over to the crackers just didn’t seem logical.

  “Fuck!” The steering wheel of the Honda caught a quick beating due to my raging temper.

  I’d tried to fight it, the notable uneasiness in my stomach that felt much like I’d been bitten by the bug of betrayal, but it was apparent. My nigga was willing to rat me out. When I noticed his condition at the funeral, I knew some shit wasn’t right. I felt it in my gut. He’d more than likely visited the nearest liquor store and drunk his sorrows away before calling Lancer to make a deal.

  There was only one way to rectify this situation, and it wasn’t through a conversation. If a nigga wanted to see me taken out of this bitch, then it would be in the afterlife because they wouldn’t live to see my dismantling if I had anything to say about it. Friend or foe, anybody was welcome to feel my wrath. I grabbed my burner phone and dialed up Cayman’s cell.

  “Caym, you good?” His words were sluggish, but I could understand him clearly. It was obvious the alcohol was on his ass and not letting up.

  “Man, I’ll be aight. Bitches come and go every day, B.”

  He still wouldn’t admit that he’d fallen in love with a woman who only wanted to have a good time. Now she was near ashes because of his foolish mistakes. If there was anyone to blame for Brielle’s murder, it was him.

  “Right. Where you at? I’m about to pull up on you. I need to rap with you about some shit.”

  “I’m chilling by the crib. Pull up.”

  I was definitely pulling up. When I ended the call with Cayman, I placed another to Andre, my top hitter. He would’ve taken the job if I’d offered it to him, but this was personal to me. I’d break his neck before I allowed him to lay hands on Cayman.

  “Dre.”

  “What’s good, Law?” Defiant by nature, he was one of the few niggas that referred to me by my last name.

  “I need you to ready the potion. Warehouse. When you’ve gotten the shit together, you can leave.”

  “Ain’t nobody going in? Where’s the fun in that shit?”

  He was ready to murk something, but I didn’t have anything for him. Brielle was the last hit, and I prayed there wouldn’t be more. I tried walking the straight and narrow, but some shit called for a bit of chaos. This happened to be one of those cases.

  �
��This one is on me, fam. Just make sure that bitch cleared out after you get it together.”

  “Bet.”

  Cayman was surrounded by beer cans and liquor bottles when I arrived at his place. He was so far gone that he had passed out on the couch by the time I let myself in with the spare key. From the looks of things, he’d been self-medicating since the death of Brielle. The rolled up hundred-dollar bill was a clear indication that Cayman was in way over his head.

  He was derailing quick, and it pained me to even think that he’d stoop that low. Yet I couldn’t deny the cocaine residue on his living room table. I now knew why he’d been talking out of the side of his neck and willing to fold. He was out of his mind.

  “Caym!” I kicked his foot. “What the fuck you got going on in this bitch?” We lived like kings, not like peasants.

  “Sosa.” He stirred.

  “Yeah, nigga, get up. Come take a ride with me so that I can run some shit by you. I’ll have someone to come clean this shit up while we’re gone.”

  “I’m good. I can clean this up myself. Ain’t much. Where we going? To get up on some hoes?”

  “I ain’t free, Caym, and neither is my time. Fuck these hoes.”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. You passing up pussy ‘cause you got in-house pussy.”

  “I’m passing up pussy because them bitches don’t compare to my in-house pussy. Know the difference, nigga.”

  “She changing you, Sosa. Shit ain’t a good look, dog.”

  “Only thing my bitch done changed about me is the ice around my heart. I’m still the same nigga. It’s you who let a bitch change you.”

  “I really fucked with her, dog.”

  “But she wasn’t fucking with you, Caym. You were simply something to do because there was nothing else to do. Ole girl had just got through with her nigga, still getting over him. You in yo’ feelings when ole girl ain’t even have none. Not for you, nigga.”