My Sister's Hand in Mine

by Jane Bowles

  MRS. CONSTABLE When?

  GERTRUDE All these months down in Mexico. Twelve of us at least. Old ladies, babies, men, little girls, everyone jabbering, the noise, the screeching never stopped … The cooks, the maids, even the birds …

  MRS. CONSTABLE Birds?

  GERTRUDE Dirty noisy parrots, trailing around loose. There was a big one called Pepe, with a frightening beak.

  MRS. CONSTABLE (Rather delighted) Pepe?

  GERTRUDE Their pet, their favorite … Crazy undisciplined bird, always climbing up the table leg and plowing through the food.

  MRS. CONSTABLE (Ingenuous) Didn’t you like Pepe?

  GERTRUDE (Dejected, as if in answer to a sad question, not irritated) No, I didn’t like Pepe. I didn’t like anything. Where’s Molly?

  (Going to oyster-shell door.)

  MRS. CONSTABLE When are you going back?

  GERTRUDE Back? I’m never going back. I’ve made up my mind. From now on I’m staying in the house up here. It was a terrible mistake. I told him that. I told him that when he had to be there he could go by himself. We had a terrible fight … It was disgusting. When he stood there saying that men should never have given us the vote, I slapped him.

  MRS. CONSTABLE I never voted. I would vote all right if I could only register.

  GERTRUDE He’s a barbarian. A subnormal human being. But it doesn’t matter. He can stay down there as long as he likes. I’ll be up here, where I belong, near Molly. (Face clouding over) What was he saying before? What did he mean?

  MRS. CONSTABLE Who?

  GERTRUDE Lionel. He said he was quitting. He said he was leaving, getting out of here.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Lionel’s sick of the Lobster Bowl. I’m not. Molly likes it too, more than Lionel.

  GERTRUDE Molly. She couldn’t like it here, not after our life in the ocean house.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Tell me more, Gertrude Eastman Cuevas. Did you enjoy the scenery?

  GERTRUDE What?

  MRS. CONSTABLE Down in Mexico.

  GERTRUDE I didn’t enjoy anything. How could I, the way they lived? It wasn’t even civilized.

  MRS. CONSTABLE (Merrily) Great big lunches every day.

  GERTRUDE There were three or four beds in every single room.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Who was in them?

  GERTRUDE Relatives, endless visiting relatives, snapping at each other, jabbering half the night. No wonder I look sick. (Sadly to herself) But I’ll be fine soon. I know it. I will … as soon as I see Molly. If only she’d come back … (To MRS. CONSTABLE) Which way did she go? Do you think I could find her?

  MRS. CONSTABLE She always goes a different way.

  GERTRUDE She couldn’t like it in this ugly place. It’s not true!

  MRS. CONSTABLE They take long walks down the beach or go digging for clams. They’re very polite. They invite me along. But I never accept. I know they’d rather go off together, all by themselves.

  GERTRUDE (Alarmed) All by themselves!

  MRS. CONSTABLE When they play cards at night, I like to watch them. Sometimes I’m asleep on that bench, but either way I’m around. Inez doesn’t know about it. She goes to bed early. She thinks I leave here at a reasonable hour. She’s never found out. I take off my shoes and I wade home at dawn.

  GERTRUDE I don’t know what’s happening to the people in this world.

  (Leaves MRS. CONSTABLE.)

  MRS. CONSTABLE Why don’t you go back to Mexico, Gertrude Eastman Cuevas, go back to Pepe? (GERTRUDE looks in disgust at MRS. CONSTABLE. More gently) Then have a drink.

  GERTRUDE (Fighting back a desire to cry) I don’t like to drink.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Then what do you like? What’s your favorite pleasure?

  GERTRUDE I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t like pleasures. I … I like idealism and backbone and ambition. I take after my father. We were both very proud. We had the same standards, the same ideals. We both loved grit and fight.

  MRS. CONSTABLE You loved grit and fight.

  GERTRUDE We were exactly alike. I was his favorite. He loved me more than anyone in the world!

  MRS. CONSTABLE (Faintly echoing) More than anyone in the world …

  GERTRUDE (Picking up one of the two boxes she brought with her and brooding over it) It was a senseless dream, a nightmare.

  MRS. CONSTABLE What’s in the box?

  GERTRUDE Little macaroons. I bought them for Molly on the way up. I thought she’d like them. Some of them are orange and some are bright pink. (Shakes the box and broods again, troubled, haunted by the dream) They were so pretty …

  MRS. CONSTABLE Aren’t they pretty any more?

  GERTRUDE I had a dream about them just now, before I came. I was running very fast through the night trying to get to Molly, but I couldn’t find the way. I kept losing all her presents. Everything I’d bought her I kept scattering on the ground. Then I was in a cold room with my father and she was there too. I asked him for a gift. I said, “I want something to give to my child,” and he handed me this box … (Fingering the actual box) I opened it up, and took out a macaroon and I gave it to Molly. (Long pause. She looks haunted, deeply troubled) When she began to eat it, I saw that it was hollow, just a shell filled with dust. Molly’s lips were gray with dust. Then I heard him … I heard my father. (Excited) He was laughing. He was laughing at me! (She goes away from MRS. CONSTABLE to collect herself) I’ve loved him so. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’ve never been this way. I’ve always thrown things off, but now even foolish dreams hang over me. I can’t shake anything off. I’m not myself … I … (Stiffening against the weakness) When I was in the ocean house … (Covering her face with her hands and shaking her head, very softly, almost to herself) Oh, I miss it so … I miss it so.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Houses! I hate houses. I like public places. Houses break your heart. Come and be with me in the Lobster Bowl. They gyp you, but it’s a great place. They gyp you, but I don’t care.

  GERTRUDE It was a beautiful house with a wall and a garden and a view of the sea.

  MRS. CONSTABLE Don’t break your heart, Mrs. Eastman dear, don’t …

  GERTRUDE I was happy in my house. There was nothing wrong. I had a beautiful life. I had Molly. I was busy teaching her. I had a full daily life. Everything was fine. There was nothing wrong. I don’t know why I got frightened, why I married again. It must have been … it must have been because we had no money. That was it … We had so little money, I got frightened for us both … I should never have married. Now my life’s lost its meaning … I have nightmares all the time. I lie awake in the night trying to think of just one standard or one ideal but something foolish pops into my head like Fula Lopez wearing city shoes and stockings to the beach. I’ve lost my daily life, that’s all. I’ve lost Molly. My life has no meaning now. It’s their fault. It’s because I’m living their way. But I’m back now with Molly. I’m going to be fine again … She’s coming with me tonight to my birthday supper … It’s getting dark out. Where is she? (LIONEL enters at bar with basket of glasses) Lionel. Wait …

  LIONEL What is it?

  GERTRUDE What did you mean just now.

  LIONEL When?

  GERTRUDE Before … when I came in. You said you were going, getting out.

  LIONEL I am. I sent a wire just now.

  GERTRUDE Wire?

  LIONEL Yes, to my brother. I’m going to St. Louis. He has a business there.

  GERTRUDE But you can’t do that! I’ve come back. You won’t have to live in this stupid Lobster Bowl. You’re going to be living in a house with me.

  LIONEL We’ll never make a life, sticking around here. I’ve made up my mind. We’re going away …

  GERTRUDE You talk like a child.

  LIONEL (Interrupting) I’m not staying here.

  GERTRUDE You’re running away … You’re running home to your family … to your brother. Don’t you have any backbone, any fight?

  LIONEL I don’t care what you think about me! It’s Molly that …

  GE
RTRUDE What about Molly!

  LIONEL I’ve got to get Molly out of here, far away from everything she’s ever known. It’s her only chance.

  GERTRUDE You’re taking her away from me. That’s what you’re doing.

  LIONEL You’re like a wall around Molly, some kind of shadow between us. She lives …

  GERTRUDE (Interrupting, vehement) I’m not a shadow any more. I’ve come back and I’m staying here, where I belong with Molly! (LIONEL looks at her with an expression of bitterness and revulsion) What is it? Why do you look at me that way?

  LIONEL What way?

  GERTRUDE As if I was some terrible witch … That’s it, some terrible witch!

  LIONEL You’re using her. You need Molly. You don’t love her. You’re using her …

  GERTRUDE You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about me or Molly. You never could. You never will. When she married she was desperate. She cried like a baby and she begged me to stay. But you want to drag her away from me—from her mother. She loves me more than anyone on earth. She needs me. In her heart she’s still a child.

  LIONEL If you get what you want she’ll stay that way. Let her go, if you love her at all, let her go away … Don’t stop her …

  GERTRUDE I can’t stop her. How can I? She’ll do what she likes, but I won’t stand here watching while you drag her away. I’ll talk to her myself. I’ll ask her what she wants, what she’d really like to do. She has a right to choose.

  LIONEL To choose?

  GERTRUDE Between going with you and staying with me!

  (LIONEL is silent. After a moment he walks away from GERTRUDE. Then to himself as if she were no longer there.)

  LIONEL This morning she was holding her wedding dress up to the light.

  GERTRUDE (Proud) She’s going to wear it to my birthday supper. It’s a party dress, after all.

  LIONEL (Not really answering) She didn’t say anything to me. She just held her dress up to the light.

  GERTRUDE Go and find her. Get her now. Bring her back … tell her I’m here.

  LIONEL If you go half way up those stairs and holler …

  GERTRUDE No, Mrs. Constable said she was hunting mussels on the beach.

  LIONEL She’s upstairs. (LIONEL goes up to landing and calls) Molly! Your mother’s here. She wants you. Come on down. Your mother’s back.

  (MOLLY enters down stairs. LIONEL backs away and lurks in the shadows near the bar.)

  GERTRUDE (Tentative, starts forward to embrace her, but stops) Molly, how pretty you look! How lovely … and your wedding dress.

  MOLLY (Spellbound, as if looking at something very beautiful just behind GERTRUDE) I took it out this morning for your birthday.

  GERTRUDE I’m glad, darling. How are you? Are you well, Molly? Are you all right?

  MOLLY Yes, I am.

  GERTRUDE (Going to table) I have something for you. A bracelet! (She hooks necklace around MOLLY’S neck) And a necklace! They’re made of real silver. Oh, how sweet you look! How pretty you look in silver! Just like a little girl, just as young as you looked when we were in the ocean house together. The ocean house, Molly! I miss it so. Don’t you?

  MOLLY I knew you’d come back.

  (They sit down.)

  GERTRUDE I knew it, too, from the beginning. They were strangers—all of them. I couldn’t bear it. Nothing, really nothing meant anything to me down there, nothing at all. And you, darling, are you happy? What do you do in this terrible ugly place?

  MOLLY In the afternoon we hunt for mussels, sometimes, and at night we play cards … Lionel and me.

  GERTRUDE (Uneasily) I spoke to Lionel just now.

  MOLLY Did you?

  GERTRUDE Yes, about St. Louis.

  MOLLY (Darkening) Oh!

  LIONEL (Coming over to them from the bar) Yes, Molly. I’m arranging things now for the trip tomorrow. My mind’s made up. If you’re not coming with me, I’m going by myself. I’m coming down in a little while and you’ve got to tell me what you’re going to do.

  (LIONEL exits upstairs.)

  GERTRUDE You see. With or without you he’s determined to go. Don’t look frightened, Molly. I won’t allow you to go. You’re coming with me, with your mother, where you belong. I never should have let you marry. I never should have left you. I’ll never leave you again, darling. You’re mine, the only one I have … my own blood … the only thing I’m sure of in the world. (She clasps MOLLY greedily to her breast) We’re going soon, but we’ve got to wait for them, Mrs. Lopez and Frederica. They’re calling for us here. You’re coming with me and you’re never going back. Tonight, when you go to bed, you can wear my gown, the one you’ve always loved with the different colored tulips stitched around the neck. (She notices MOLLY’S strange expression and the fact that she has recoiled just a little) What is it, dear? Don’t you like the gown with the tulips any more? You used to …

  MOLLY (As if from far away) I like it.

  GERTRUDE Tomorrow, after Lionel has gone, I’ll come back to pack you up. (Fingering the necklace) Did you like the paper with the dancing girl on it?

  MOLLY I have your letter here.

  GERTRUDE There are different ones at home—a toreador with peach satin breeches and a macaw with real feathers … (It is obvious to her that MOLLY is not listening) You’ve seen them, dear … Those big parrots … (Anxiously) Haven’t you?

  MOLLY What?

  GERTRUDE (Trying to ignore MOLLY’S coldly remote behavior) How could you bear it here in this awful public place after our life together in the ocean house?

  MOLLY I used to go back and look into the garden … over the wall. Then the people moved in and I didn’t go there any more. But, after a while …

  GERTRUDE (Cutting in) I’ll make it all up to you, darling. You’ll have everything you want.

  MOLLY It was all right after a while. I didn’t mind so much. It was like being there …

  GERTRUDE What, Molly? What was like being there?

  MOLLY After a while I could sit in that booth, and if I wanted to I could imagine I was home in the garden … inside the summer house.

  GERTRUDE That’s over, Molly. That’s over now. All over. I have a wonderful surprise for you, darling. Can you guess?

  MOLLY (Bewildered) I don’t know. I don’t know.

  GERTRUDE I ordered the platform built, and the trellis, and I know where I can get the vines. Fully grown vines, heavy with leaves … just like the ones … (She is stopped again by MOLLY’S expression. Then, touching her face apologetically) I know, I know. I don’t look well. I look sick. But I’m not … I’m not sick.

  MOLLY No, you don’t look sick. You look … different.

  GERTRUDE It’s their fault. It’s because I’m living their way. But soon I’ll be the same again, my old self.

  (Enter MRS. LOPEZ and FREDERICA carrying paper bags.)

  MRS. LOPEZ ¡Inez! ¡Inez! Ya llegamos …

  GERTRUDE Here they are.

  INEZ (Coming downstairs with a heavy tread) Something tells me I hear Fula Lopez, the girl I love …

  MRS. LOPEZ (Grabbing INEZ and whirling her around) Inez … Guapa … Inez. Aquí estamos … que alegría … We are coming back from Mexico, Frederica, Fula … (She spots GERTRUDE) and Eastman Cuevas. (Then to MOLLY, giving her a big smacking kiss) Molly … Hello, Molly! Inez, guapa, bring us three limonadas, please … two for Fula and one for Frederica. Look, look, Eastman Cuevas. We got gorgeous stuff. (She pulls a chicken out of a bag she is carrying and dangles it for GERTRUDE) Look and see what a nice one we got … Feel him!

  GERTRUDE No, later at home.

  MRS. LOPEZ Pinch him, see how much fat he got on him.

  GERTRUDE (Automatically touching chicken for a second) He’s very nice … (Then swerving around abruptly and showing a stern fierce profile to the audience) Why is he here?

  MRS. LOPEZ (Looking stupid) Who?

  GERTRUDE The chicken. Why is he here?

  MRS. LOPEZ The chicken? He go home. We put him now with
his rice and his peas.

  GERTRUDE (In a fury manifestly about the chicken. But her rage conceals panic about MOLLY) But what rice and peas. You know what we’re having … I ordered it myself … It was going to be a light meal … something I liked … for once … we’re having jellied consommé and little African lobster tails.

  MRS. LOPEZ (Crossing back to center tables and stopping near MRS. CONSTABLE) That’s right, jelly and Africa and this one too.

  (She hoists chicken up in the air with a flourish. Enter MRS. CONSTABLE.)

  MRS. CONSTABLE A chicken. I hate chickens. I’d rather have a dog.

  (FREDERICA pulls a thin striped horn out of one of the paper bags and blows on it.)

  GERTRUDE Frederica, stop that. Stop that at once! I told you I didn’t want to hear a single horn on my birthday. This is a party for adults. Put that away. Come along, we’re leaving. We’ll leave here at once.

  FREDERICA (In her pallid voice) And Umberto? My uncle …

  GERTRUDE What about him?

  FREDERICA Uncle Umberto say he was calling for us to ride home all together.

  GERTRUDE (Automatically) Where is he?

  FREDERICA He is with Pepe Hernández, Frederica Gómez, Pacito Sánchez, Pepito Pita Luga …

  GERTRUDE No more names, Frederica … Tell him we’re coming. We’ll be right along …

  MRS. LOPEZ And the limonadas …

  GERTRUDE Never mind the limonadas. We’re leaving here at once … Collect your bundles … Go on, go along.

  (The Mexicans start to collect everything, and there is the usual confusion and chatter. FREDERICA spills some horns out of her bag. MRS. LOPEZ screams at her, etc. They reach the exit just as INEZ arrives with the limonadas.)

  MRS. LOPEZ (Almost weeping, in a pleading voice to GERTRUDE) Look, Eastman Cuevas, the limonadas!

  FREDERICA (Echoing) The limonadas … ¡Ay!

  GERTRUDE No! There isn’t time. I said we were leaving. We’re leaving at once …

  INEZ (To MRS. LOPEZ as they exit, including MRS. CONSTABLE) Take them along … Drink them in the car, for Christ’s sake.

  MRS. LOPEZ (Off stage) But the glasses …

  INEZ (Off stage) To hell with the glasses. Toss them down the cliff.

  GERTRUDE Molly, it’s time to go. (MOLLY starts for stairway) Molly, come along. We’re going. What is it, Molly? Why are you standing there? You have your silver bracelet on and the necklace to match. We’re ready to leave. Why are you waiting? Tonight you’ll wear my gown with the tulips on it. I told you that … and tomorrow we’ll go and I’ll show you the vines. When you see how thick the leaves are and the blossoms, you’ll know I’m not dreaming. Molly, why do you look at me like that? What is it? What did you forget?