by Gerri Hill
“Lisa?”
Shawn met troubled eyes, but Susan came back out and Lisa quickly looked away.
“I hate to even bring this up,” Susan started. “But have you talked to your father?”
Lisa made such a sour face that Shawn nearly laughed. She turned to Alex instead, trying to give them privacy.
“He’s called a couple of times. Wanted to know if I’ve talked to you, wanted to know if I can ever forgive him.” Lisa then glanced at Shawn. “I guess she knows about all this?”
Susan smiled warmly at Shawn and briefly touched her arm. “Yes. Shawn knows everything.”
“Well, I told him that I was mad that he hurt you, but really, this is between the two of you. But Mom, it’s weird, you know? It’s like he wants us to forget that he did this, that you found them in your bed, and for things to be like they were. I mean, what is he thinking?”
“He’s a man,” Shawn muttered, before she could stop herself. They both turned to stare at her and she shrugged. “Sorry.”
But Susan’s eyes were swimming with amusement. “Scum of the earth?”
Shawn grinned. “Don’t get me started.”
Susan turned back to Lisa and gave her hand a squeeze. “I know what you’re saying, honey. But what’s worse, your Aunt Ruth thinks I should just ignore this, too.”
“Aunt Ruth lives in another world. She and Uncle Franklin probably haven’t had sex in years. At least, not with each other.”
“Lisa!”
“Have you ever once seen them touch each other? Besides that, when’s the last time you’ve actually seen them together?”
“Ruth seemed to be extremely unhappy,” Shawn added.
Susan waved her away. “Ruth always looks unhappy.”
“Maybe it’s because her marriage sucks.”
“Lisa!”
“How do you think she feels? Here you are, living up here alone, you go and cut your hair and buy new clothes . . .”
“You bought new clothes?” Shawn asked.
“I haven’t seen you look this happy in years, Mom. I mean it.”
“Thanks. I certainly feel different than I’ve felt in years.”
“Mom, I would never have said this to you in a million years, but you’ve just looked so totally miserable, especially in the last year. I’m almost glad this happened.”
“Why, thank you, Lisa. I’m sure your father would be happy to hear that.” Susan turned to Shawn and whispered, “Do you think Ruth’s having an affair?”
Shawn laughed. “No way. She’s much too uptight to be having sex. I’m with Lisa. They probably haven’t slept together in years.”
“You both should be ashamed,” Susan said, but she joined in their laughter. “But you’re probably right.” Then she frowned. “That could be me.”
“What are you talking about? You mean you and Dad . . .”
Susan pointed her finger at Lisa and shook her head. “No. I will not go there with you.”
It was Shawn’s turn to laugh and she finally got up. “Let me get the steaks on. You two look like you’re having too much fun with this conversation.”
“No. I’ve had enough,” Susan said.
“Well, I’ll still get the steaks.” Shawn paused at the door. “I could use another beer, though.”
Susan smiled, then glanced at Lisa and shrugged. “You want another?”
“Where are they stashed?”
“Shawn’s got a cooler on back of her truck.”
Susan got up and Lisa followed.
“I’m glad you’ve found a friend, Mom.”
Susan linked her arm through Lisa’s. “Me, too. Shawn’s been great.”
“She doesn’t seem your type, though,” Lisa said.
“Oh, you’re right. We should have nothing in common, yet we can talk for hours. I’ve told her things I would never dream of telling anyone else.”
“Mom, you know . . . she’s gay, right?” Lisa asked hesitantly.
Susan laughed. “I haven’t been living in a cave, Lisa. Of course I know she’s gay. But I don’t care about that. She doesn’t really talk about it, anyway.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve got a friend. But you know Aunt Ruth is gonna shit a brick if she finds out she’s gay.”
“Who cares,” Susan murmured. “It’s not any of her business.” But she stopped walking. “You don’t have a problem with this, do you? With Shawn?”
“Yeah, right,” Lisa said sarcastically. “I’m not Aunt Ruth’s daughter, Mom.”
Chapter Eleven
“Oh God,” Susan groaned. “Not again.”
Ruth parked her car behind Susan’s and got out, carrying an overnight bag. Susan sighed heavily, then made herself go out to meet her sister.
“Ruth?”
“I see you’re still here.”
Susan spread her hands. “What are you doing?”
“Well, I’ve come to visit,” Ruth said. “I’ve seen Dave. I think we need to talk.”
Oh, Jesus! Susan grabbed the side of her head with both hands and gave a silent scream.
“Ruth, can’t you just accept that I’m separated from Dave? I don’t really want to talk about him.”
“Separated? Nonsense. You’re running from this, Susan. You’ve got to talk about it, you can’t just ignore it.”
Susan followed Ruth into the cabin, but stood with her hands on her hips in defiance. “I’ve talked about it, Ruth. Just not with you.”
“So, you’ve found a therapist?” Ruth whispered.
“No. I’m talking about Shawn.”
“She’s a stranger, for God’s sake! How can you talk to her about it?” Ruth demanded.
“And a therapist would not be a stranger?”
Ruth waved her protest away. “Oh, you know what I mean. I can’t believe you’re airing all the dirty laundry to a complete stranger. You don’t know who she’ll tell.”
Susan shook her head in amazement. “Oh, Ruth, you’re something else.”
“No. You’re something else. I can’t believe you’ve not bothered to call your husband. He is a total wreck.” Ruth dropped her bag on the floor and sank onto the sofa. “He’s positively beside himself.”
“I’m sure. He has no idea how to cook, clean or do laundry and he doesn’t even know the housekeeper’s name. Is his new girlfriend not helping him out?”
“I’m going to ignore that, Susan. I know you’re not yourself.”
“I’m more myself than ever, Ruth. I may not be the person you’re used to, or even a person you like, but this is me,” Susan said, lightly tapping her chest. “I don’t want to talk to Dave. He’s knows why I’m here. If I decide to file for divorce . . .”
“Divorce?” Ruth gasped.
“Yes. Divorce.”
“You can’t be serious. You’ve been married twenty years, Susan. You’re forty years old.”
“Thirty-nine,” Susan corrected.
“You’ve lost your mind,” Ruth insisted. “I told Dave I could talk some sense into you, but . . .”
“Oh, Ruth. This has nothing to do with you,” Susan said. She wanted to try to explain her feelings to Ruth, but knew she would never understand. For whatever reason, Ruth lived in a completely different world now. “Whatever happens between Dave and me is not a reflection on you.”
“Of course it is! Don’t you think people will talk?”
“Who cares?” Susan nearly shouted. “Surely they have better things to do than talk about my failed marriage.”
They faced each other in silence for only a moment.
“You’ve given up,” Ruth stated.
“Oh Ruth,” Susan shook her head. “I’m just not in love with him,” she said honestly.
“For God’s sake! What does that have to do with it?”
Susan stared at Ruth in shock. “That has everything to do with it.”
“Susan, you’ve been married twenty years. You can’t expect it to still be like it was.”
Susan opened
her mouth to argue, then closed it again. Ruth would never understand her feelings. Susan didn’t even want to try to explain to Ruth how much she needed . . . craved unbridled passion. She had never had that with Dave. They had always been comfortable together, but they had never lost control of their emotions. She doubted Ruth would even know what she was talking about. Susan decided a change of topic was in order.
“Where’s Franklin?”
“He’s in San Francisco. Some meeting,” Ruth said vaguely with a wave of her hand.
Susan nodded. So, Franklin had someone on the side, too. “Oh. So I guess you’re going to stay the weekend?”
“Just tonight. We’ve got tennis Sunday morning. It’s the Memorial Day tournament, you know. I’m playing a doubles match with Claire.”
“Sounds like fun,” Susan said with only a hint of sarcasm. She had forgotten it was Memorial Day. “Well, I haven’t started dinner. I wasn’t expecting Shawn until tomorrow.”
Ruth shook her head disapprovingly. “I don’t know why you cook for her all the time.”
“Because it’s easier to cook here than over a campfire.” Susan walked into the kitchen, dismissing Ruth’s objections. She shouldn’t have to explain herself to Ruth, of all people.
But Ruth followed her into the kitchen and settled on one of the barstools. “I will have a glass of wine, if its not too much trouble.”
“Of course. Where are my manners?”
“And I know I shouldn’t be fussy, but that vegetarian thing you made the last time was hardly edible.”
Susan gritted her teeth and placed a full glass of wine in front of Ruth. “As I said, I wasn’t expecting company tonight. I’ve got some ground beef. How about a burger?”
“Cooked over the grill?”
Susan gritted her teeth even harder. “Of course.”
Instead of bothering with the charcoal, Susan pulled the cover off the gas grill. She normally enjoyed the slower cooking charcoal, using the time to sit quietly with Shawn and talk. But not with Ruth. The quicker the better. Susan forced herself to be sociable, and she pulled her chair next to Ruth’s. Ruth had been rambling about events at the country club and now she had moved on to the weekly tennis matches. Susan sighed and swirled the wine in her glass. She longed for a beer, a cigarette, and Shawn’s company instead.
“And Leslie Mercer, of all people, has taken your spot in the tournament.”
“Such a tragedy,” Susan murmured.
“She had the audacity to ask me to be her doubles partner,” Ruth continued.
Susan sipped her wine and let Ruth’s voice fade into the background. What was really sad, she thought, was that a few short months ago, she would have been contributing to the conversation, discussing tennis and the country club as if that was all there was in life. And sadly, for her, that was her life.
She heard the truck door slam only seconds before Alex rounded the cabin and jumped on the deck, his wet nose nudging Susan’s hand excitedly.
Susan raised her eyes and met Shawn’s, relief flooding her own at the warm friendliness she found there. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face.
“Well, what a nice surprise. I thought you weren’t going to make it up until tomorrow.”
Shawn shrugged. “I got away early.” She lifted her hand, revealing two bottles of beer, ice still clinging to the sides. “Want one?”
“Oh, you’re a goddess. I was just thinking of that very thing.”
Shawn nodded hello to Ruth and sat down on the steps.
“Let me get you a chair,” Susan offered.
“No, this is fine. I won’t stay long. I haven’t put the tent up yet.”
Susan opened her mouth to offer dinner, but remembered Ruth’s obvious dislike of Shawn. Besides, she doubted that Shawn would want to stay.
Alex came back from the woods with a dirty ball, one he had apparently buried last weekend. He dropped it onto Shawn’s lap and waited expectantly for her to throw it for him. Susan relaxed as she watched the familiar routine between woman and dog. The silence was comfortable and she felt her tension subside. That is, until Ruth shifted in her chair, bringing Susan back to the here and now.
Susan sighed.
Shawn glanced up, then away.
Ruth coughed.
Susan sighed again. The hell with it, she thought.
“Shawn, we’re having burgers. It’s just as easy to do three.”
Their eyes met. Shawn’s were questioning, Susan’s pleading.
“Please stay.”
“Okay. If you’re sure it’s no problem.”
Susan smiled. “No problem. I would love another beer, though.”
Shawn finally turned to Ruth. “Can I offer you a beer, Ruth?”
Ruth glanced at Susan disapprovingly, ignoring Shawn. “I’ll have another glass of wine, I think.”
Shawn and Susan locked glances for only a brief second, then Shawn sauntered off in that walk of hers and Susan grinned at Shawn’s indifference to Ruth.
“Why did you have to invite her to dinner?” Ruth hissed.
“Because she’s my friend.” Susan shut the door on Ruth’s reply and refused to get angry. If Ruth chose to come up here uninvited, then she could just suffer the consequences. She took out the rest of the ground meat and formed another patty for Shawn, pounding it perhaps just a little too hard.
“It’s already dead, I think.”
Susan jumped. Shawn had come in through the living room and set a cold beer bottle in front of Susan.
“As you requested.”
Susan relaxed. “Thank you for staying.”
“It’s only because I’m starving,” Shawn teased. “How was your week?”
Susan grinned. “I hiked the Summit Trail, like you suggested. I had a great time and shot a whole roll of film. Other than that, I was a lazy bum. I slept late, read two books and actually sunbathed on the deck.”
“Oh, my. Not in the nude, Susan! Whatever would the neighbors think?”
Susan burst out laughing at Shawn’s attempt to mimic Ruth, limp hand to her chest and all. “Not in the nude,” she finally said. “But I did get a bit daring and took off my top.”
Shawn raised her eyebrow mischievously. “You’re such a wild woman!”
“Yes. For me, anyway.” Then she glanced toward the deck and sighed. “I guess we better get back out.”
Shawn stopped Susan with a light touch on her arm. “Don’t let Ruth spoil things for you, Susan. It’s your life. If you want to drink a beer, then drink a beer. If you want to share a cigarette with me, then do it. Screw her.”
“You’re right, of course,” Susan said. “It’s just that I haven’t had a whole lot of practice at being independent.” Susan glanced toward the deck again. “I think I frighten her.”
Shawn nodded. “Yes. Change is frightening. Especially when you’re not the one controlling it. Ruth is used to having her way with you and I’m sure it’s driving her crazy that you’re not obeying her now.”
“Yes,” Susan agreed. “She doesn’t quite know what to make of me anymore.” Susan grabbed her beer with one hand and the wine bottle with her other, then grinned wickedly. “Maybe I’ll get her drunk.”
Alex entertained them on the deck and conversation was kept to a minimum. When Shawn finally lit a cigarette, Susan’s eyes followed every movement as Shawn brought it to her lips. Shawn looked at her and raised her eyebrow. Susan nodded. Shawn leaned back and handed Susan the cigarette. They both ignored the faint gasp from Ruth as Susan inhaled and let out a soft sigh.
“Thanks,” she murmured.
Shawn turned her attention back to Alex, lighting another cigarette in the process, forcing Susan to keep that one.
“First beer, now cigarettes. My, my, Susan, you certainly have changed. I doubt your husband would even recognize you.”
“I doubt he would care,” Susan replied indifferently.
“Of course he cares!”
Susan rolled her head slowly to face
Ruth. “Not now, Ruth. I’m really not in the mood to talk about Dave.”
The silence was thick among them, then Shawn stirred. “I guess the grill is plenty hot. I’ll get the burgers.”
Susan smiled warmly at her friend. “Thanks.”
“You let her cook?” Ruth hissed after Shawn had closed the door. “Next thing you know, she’ll be moving in.”
“Why do you dislike her so?”
Ruth leaned back in her chair, her eyes leaving Susan. “I certainly don’t dislike her, Susan. I hardly know her.”
“Right. You hardly know her, yet you are intentionally rude to her.”
Ruth’s reply stuck in her throat as Shawn returned, expertly balancing plate in one hand and two beers in the other. She handed both beer bottles to Susan, then unceremoniously put their three patties on the grill, closing the lid on the hot flames that erupted.
Susan had Shawn’s beer opened when she turned around and Shawn took it without comment. Susan suddenly realized how familiar things had gotten between them in such a short time. She knew Shawn would toss the ball to Alex for a few more times, then rise to flip the burgers. If Ruth were not there, they would probably share another cigarette before going inside to eat. And they would talk. Or sometimes just sit in silence. But this silence was nearly deafening and she knew that Shawn felt it, too.
The small talk they made over dinner amounted to little more than polite conversation, mostly for Ruth’s benefit. Susan was not surprised when Shawn rose a short time later and carried her plate to the sink.
“My turn to do the dishes?”
Susan smiled and met Shawn’s teasing eyes. “No. My turn.”
“Well, I gotta go. Judging by the cars up here, I may have to search for a camping spot.”
“Come by tomorrow?”
Shawn hesitated.
“I think Ruth is leaving early. Maybe we could go on a hike?” Susan hinted.
“Yeah. That’d be nice. I’ll come by after lunch.” Shawn turned to Ruth, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “Good to see you again, Ruth.”