by Gerri Hill
Rebecca stirred sugar into her coffee and waited for Shawn to begin. Shawn didn’t know where to start.
“She’s living in a cabin in the National Forest. I met her on the trails in early May. Her husband was cheating on her, she left him and is going to file for a divorce.”
Rebecca stared open-mouthed.
“Did I mention that she’s straight?”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Apparently.”
“Look, honey, take my advice. Don’t get mixed up with a straight woman whose husband just cheated on her. You’re looking for nothing but heartache. I’ve been there.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shawn listened to the message again. And again, it tugged at her heart.
“It’s Lisa’s birthday and she wants you to be here. I want you to be here, too. We’re going to have a house full, but you can put your tent up behind the cabin. Please?”
Please?
Did Susan have any idea what that one word did to her?
“Shawn’s coming, right, Mom?”
“I haven’t talked to her, Lisa, but I left a message on her machine.”
That was on Wednesday. Susan had hoped Shawn would come up yesterday so that they could talk, could have some time alone. But perhaps it was better this way. They would hardly have a minute alone today, if she came at all.
“I can’t believe you invited Dad.”
“Aunt Ruth insisted. Besides, he’s your father. He should be here.” But Susan actually prayed he would not show up. She wasn’t sure she was up to seeing him, not now. Especially not now when Shawn was awakening feelings in her. Feelings she didn’t know she could even have.
“It’s going to be weird, Mom.”
“Yes, I know. But I’ll try to be civil to him.” She shoved a bowl of chips at Lisa. “Go on out. I’ll bring the dip.”
Susan stood at the counter stirring onions into the cream cheese when a light tap on her shoulder brought her around.
“Shawn.” Her breath was taken from her as their eyes locked.
“Hey.”
Susan intended her hug to be brief, but when Shawn’s arms closed around her, her own tightened. She breathed deeply, inhaling Shawn’s scent.
“I missed you,” she whispered into Shawn’s ear.
“I missed you, too.”
“Oh God, Shawn, there’s so much we’ve got to talk about,” Susan said, her face still pressed against Shawn, her body still molded to the younger woman.
“I know.”
They both heard the kitchen door open at the same time and they pulled apart guiltily. Sheri stood staring at them.
“Excuse me, but . . . Lisa wanted me to get a couple of Cokes.”
“Of course,” Susan said, knowing her face was flushed. Her hands nervously tucked hair behind her ear. “They’re in the fridge.”
“I better go say hello to everyone,” Shawn said. “And rescue Alex.”
Susan only nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She had thought that two weeks would be enough for her to come to her senses. Apparently not.
Shawn left, intending to search out Lisa when Gayle grabbed her arm.
“I want you to meet my husband, Shawn. This is Howard McKenzie.”
Shawn shook hands with a man who appeared much younger than Gayle.
“Shawn Weber,” she said. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said.
Shawn grinned. “Now, Gayle, you’re not spreading gossip, are you?”
Gayle blushed only slightly, but nodded. “Of course.” Then she leaned in close to Shawn. “Franklin is here.”
“Ruth’s husband?”
“Yes. Can you believe it?”
Shawn smiled, but was thankful to be rescued by Lisa.
“You came. I’m so glad.” Then she whispered, “So is Mom.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Come on, you have to meet Sheri.” Lisa tugged at her arm and Shawn followed.
“I saw her in the kitchen.”
“She told me.”
“What did she tell you?”
“She said you and Mom were . . . close.”
“Close? We were just . . . hugging hello,” Shawn explained.
“Uh-huh.”
“Really.”
“Right,” Lisa grinned.
And so it went. Shawn was introduced to all the family, including Ruth’s two children and their spouses. And Franklin. He was not at all what Shawn would have expected. A little on the heavy side with thinning hair, he and Ruth stood several feet apart while they talked. Lisa had been right. These two haven’t had sex in years.
Sheri turned out to be very pleasant, if a bit shy. It took several attempts at conversation by Shawn before she opened up. Before long, she and Lisa and Shawn were talking like old friends. Mostly they were talking about Lisa’s cousins, who kept staring in their direction.
“If you want to keep them from talking about you, you just need to come clean with them,” Shawn said. She reached out a hand to stroke Alex, who was a bit nervous around all these strangers.
“Yeah, sure. Mom would shit a brick.”
“It’s not like they don’t already know.”
Susan came out of the cabin, her eyes searching for Shawn. She found her with Lisa and Sheri, Alex by her side, and she ignored Ruth’s call of her name as she walked over.
“Found someone to talk to?”
“Yes. Actually, we’ve been gossiping about the family,” Shawn said.
“Well, they’re gossiping about you, so all’s fair,” Susan teased. She finally pulled her eyes from Shawn and turned to Lisa. “Everything okay, birthday girl?”
“I’m just waiting for Dad to show up,” Lisa said. “Can’t wait for the reaction that will cause.”
“If he shows,” Susan said. She had spoken with him only briefly and only about the birthday party. He said he would come, but Susan was not convinced.
“Mom, are you going to be okay if he does?”
Susan looked quickly at Shawn, then away. “Of course, Lisa. I’ll be fine.” Then, to Shawn, “I didn’t have a chance to tell you,” she explained. “Actually, I don’t know what my reaction will be when I see him.”
Shawn tried to ignore the tightness in her chest. “How was it when you talked to him?”
“Strained.” Susan’s eyes locked with Shawn’s. “We didn’t talk about . . . anything.”
Shawn suddenly wanted to escape. Her feelings had gotten out of hand, she had lost control, and now she would be meeting the husband. And she would watch them together. And she would hear Ruth encouraging Susan to make amends with him. She glanced around her, wondering why she thought she had ever belonged here. Susan had made her feel as part of the family, but she wasn’t really. She was an outsider, always would be.
Susan watched the emotions skirt across Shawn’s face and it hurt her. She could see exactly what Shawn was thinking, could see the look of panic on her face. She reached for Shawn’s hand and squeezed gently.
“Don’t you dare think about leaving,” she whispered.
“I don’t belong here.”
Lisa spoke before Susan could. “Of course you do.” She motioned with her head toward the others. “They are only here because they’re family and we have to invite the family. You’re here because we want you to be here.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I wanted to be here.”
Susan felt Shawn’s hand relax in her own and she squeezed it again. Shawn returned the gentle pressure without hesitation. When their eyes finally met, she saw something in Shawn’s that frightened her a little. She wondered if her own showed the same.
“I missed you,” Susan whispered again before looking away. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
“I wish . . . I wish we could be alone. I need to talk.”
Their eyes locked and Shawn nodded, ignoring the curious ears of Lisa and Sheri.
“Susan! I think your husband is here.”
Ruth’s words hung between them and Susan held on to Shawn’s hand when Shawn moved to reclaim it.
“I’m sorry,” Susan murmured. “It doesn’t mean . . .”
“I’m fine.”
Susan finally stood, ready to face Dave, not knowing what her reaction would be after three months. She needn’t have worried. When she looked into his eyes she felt nothing. No anger. No love. No familiarity. No regrets.
“Hello, David.”
“Susan.”
He walked to her, but she leaned away when he would have kissed her.
“Lisa’s glad you’re here.” How dare he?
“It’s good to see you, finally. Perhaps we’ll have a chance to talk.”
“I don’t think there’s a whole lot to say.”
“Hi, Dad.”
Lisa’s hug was sincere, at least, Susan thought.
“Happy birthday, honey. Thank you for inviting me.”
Susan noticed that Lisa did not take credit for the invitation. Then Lisa was drawing Dave away and Susan sighed with relief. But it was short-lived. Lisa was taking Dave to meet Sheri and Shawn.
Shawn swallowed nervously. She never had a mental picture of David, he was just a name. But she would never have guessed him to be this man walking toward her. Tall, with dark hair just beginning to gray, he was a handsome man. Lisa had his dark hair and eyes.
“Dad, this is my friend, Sheri. And this is Shawn, Mom’s friend.” Then, as if realizing how it sounded, “My friend, too.”
As soon as Shawn met his eyes, she knew that Ruth had filled him in about her. His eyes were nothing but suspicious. But Shawn squared her shoulders and shook his hand.
“Shawn Weber,” she said. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said.
“I’m sure you have,” she said easily.
Susan filled yet another pitcher, preparing to make frozen daiquiris again. As the ice blended, she felt eyes on her and turned to find Shawn leaning casually against the wall.
“Did you sneak off?” Susan teased. “I noticed Mother had you cornered.”
“She loves to gossip.”
“Yes, I know.”
Shawn shoved away from the wall and stood by the bar, waiting until Susan faced her.
“I don’t have to stay here tonight. I can find a spot in the forest to put up my tent.” Shawn’s offer was only halfhearted, but she felt she needed to make it. “I thought you might be more comfortable if I wasn’t around.”
“Why would I be more comfortable if you weren’t around?”
Shawn opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. She suddenly felt childish. And presumptuous. As if her mere presence affected Susan in some way.
“Or maybe you would be more comfortable?” Susan asked. She didn’t know where this conversation was leading and she felt out of sorts. She wanted nothing more than for everyone to leave so she and Shawn could have some time. They needed to talk. They needed to talk about what was happening between them. She wasn’t going to ignore it any longer.
But Shawn shrugged. “I don’t know what I want.”
Susan gripped both of Shawn’s hands. “Well, I do. I want you to stay here. Dave is leaving. Ruth’s kids are leaving. Ruth and Franklin are leaving. There will only be Mother and Dad and Lisa and Sheri staying tonight. We’ve got to talk.” Then Susan’s voice faltered. “I need . . . I want to spend some time with you, Shawn. I missed you more than I should have. We need . . .we need to talk about this, Shawn. I’m feeling things . . .”
The door opened quickly and Susan dropped Shawn’s hands and turned back to her blender. Ruth’s eyes missed nothing.
“Thought you might need some help with the drinks,” Ruth offered. “But I see you have help.”
“I’m through, actually,” Susan said, choosing to ignore Ruth’s comment.
“I think Lisa’s waiting on you to open gifts.”
Susan nodded. “If you’ll take the pitcher of daiquiris out, Ruth, we’ll be right behind you.”
“Of course. I’m sorry I interrupted . . . whatever it was I interrupted.”
Susan and Shawn both ignored her, keeping silent until the door closed. Then Susan took Shawn’s hand again, pulling her closer. “I swear, she gets on my very last nerve,” Susan whispered. “But I don’t care what she thinks. We’ve got to be alone. We’ve got to talk.”
“Susan . . .”
“Maybe tomorrow. Right now, they’re waiting on us.” Susan dropped Shawn’s hand as she opened the door. She turned back to Shawn. “Why do I feel like everyone is staring at us?”
Shawn smiled. “Maybe because they are.” Shawn followed Susan out to the deck, watching as Lisa eyed the gifts around her. The grin on her face was not that of a twenty-year-old.
“You shouldn’t have,” she said, then laughed. “But that’s the whole point of birthday parties, right?”
Shawn sat away from the group and watched this ritual that she had never enjoyed as a child. She was thankful that Lisa and Susan had included her after all. She was especially thrilled by the surprised look on Lisa’s face when she opened Shawn’s gift.
Their eyes met across the deck. “Is this what I think it is?” Lisa asked, holding up the two tickets.
Shawn nodded and was rewarded with a quick hug around the neck. “There will be women for days,” Shawn whispered. The three-day women’s music festival was always a big draw and she thought Lisa would enjoy it.
Lisa laughed. “Got one. I’m just going for the music.”
“Sure you are.”
Susan watched this exchange with pleasure. Lisa was so comfortable with Shawn. Susan knew that if Lisa ever needed anything, Shawn would be there for her. Shawn had become a part of their family. When Shawn looked up, Susan was still watching and their eyes met. Susan smiled and Shawn did the same. Then Susan looked away, aware of Ruth watching them.
Then Dave came and pulled his chair next to Susan’s and she had to force herself to stay seated. The day had grown much too complicated. She felt Ruth’s eyes on them. And Mother’s.
“Are we going to get a chance to talk?” he asked.
“Not today. Not here,” she said. “Besides, what can you possibly say to me?”
“I’m sorry?”
Susan laughed. “Oh, that’s rich, Dave.”
“You can’t really want a divorce, Susan. We’ve got twenty years we’re talking about.”
“And one blonde. Or have there been others?” At one time, the answer to this question had been very important to her. Now, it was simply a question. The answer no longer mattered.
“I don’t have an excuse, Susan. It just happened. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“And as long as I didn’t know about it, I wasn’t hurting, is that it?”
“I don’t want to end our marriage, Susan.”
He sounded so sincere and Susan wondered how she would be responding if he had said that three months ago. Even two months ago.
“Dave, our marriage ended a long time ago. I just don’t think either of us knew it.” Then her eyes softened. “You’ll be getting papers soon.”
“Susan, I still love you,” he said softly. “Don’t do this.”
She didn’t have the heart to tell him she no longer loved him. A part of her wanted to say the words, wanted to hurt him. But she knew it would serve no purpose.
“Dave, I’m not the same person who left three months ago. I doubt you would even like me very much.”
“I know you’ve changed. Your hair, your clothes,” he said, really looking at her for the first time. “You look younger, Susan.”
“Well, we know you prefer them young.” The words were out before she could stop them.
“I deserved that,” he said. “I deserve all of this, I know. Lisa can barely stand to talk to me on the phone, let alone take the time to have dinner with me.”
“She’s hurt, too
, Dave. Give her time.”
He leaned closer, his voice low. “Who’s the girl?”
“Sheri?”
“Yes. Ruth has some crazy idea that they’re . . . well, that the girl is . . . influencing Lisa. Ruth’s words.”
“Influencing her?” Damn Ruth. “Dave, if you’re trying to say what I think you are, don’t. This certainly is neither the time nor the place for that. Besides, Lisa is all grown up. Whatever is going on in her life is none of our business.”
“How can you say that?” he hissed.
“If she’s happy, then we should be happy. Look at her. When have you ever seen her like this?”
“Her last birthday?”
“You know what I mean.” She watched Lisa as she went through her presents, her eyes sparkling. And when she looked at Sheri, it was joy in her eyes. And love. Susan turned her gaze to Shawn, but Shawn’s eyes were on Lisa.
Dave’s eyes followed hers. “Who’s your friend?”
“Shawn? I thought you met her,” she said. No doubt Ruth had filled him in on Shawn as well.
“She’s certainly different from your usual friends.” Then he looked pointedly at her. “Ruth seems to think you may be in some sort of danger.”
“She’s a good friend. The only danger I seem to be in is from Ruth’s gossiping. And frankly, it’s not anyone’s business but my own.”
“Susan, surely . . .”
But his statement was cut short by Lisa. She squatted down beside his chair.
“Thanks for the check, Dad. Really, it was too much,” she said.
“You’re only twenty once, right?”
“Right. But with all you’re paying for school . . .”
“Lisa. It’s your birthday. Just say thank you, okay?”
Lisa nodded and turned her eyes to Susan. “Why don’t I help you with the burgers, Mom?”
“It is that time, isn’t it. Thanks.”
Susan put an arm around Lisa’s shoulder and whispered, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Then she grinned. “But you were holding your own, right?”
“How could you tell?”
“Because he didn’t look too happy.”
“I’ll tell you about it later,” Susan promised. “Maybe you need to rescue Shawn instead of helping me,” Susan suggested.