From Sir, With Love

by Rachell Nichole

  He was losing the internal battle of assuring himself this arrangement was only about her. It was supposed to be only about her. But try as he might, he couldn’t quite convince himself that it wasn’t also about him. He wanted her. He knew he shouldn’t. Couldn’t. But that didn’t stop him. He took another step toward her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “I still want to help you. That hasn’t changed.” It was time to fight dirty. “What do you think will happen if we stop? Are you feeling like you have control of things again? Are you going to backslide if I don’t order you into the kitchen to eat breakfast? Do you want that to happen? I sure as hell don’t. We’ve made some serious progress. But if we stop now, will it all have been useless? I don’t want to go back to watching you struggle so much. It’s not good for you. You know that.” He hated poking at this. Hated that his words probably hurt her. But he had to help her see that if she really wasn’t ready to take off the training wheels, it was foolish of her to push him away, to go back on their deal. In the end, it would only make things worse for her.

  She shook her head. “I can take care of myself.” She didn’t sound very convincing.

  “I know you can, minx. You’re one of the most stubborn, strongest people I know.” If she weren’t, she’d never be able to stand up to him the way she did. She’d never look into his rage-filled murderous face and stomp as hard as she could on all of his buttons. She had nerves of steel, and maybe she was ready to give him up. Maybe it’s you who isn’t ready. Maybe it’s you who’s afraid.

  Shut up!

  He wasn’t going to give that thought any more room to grow. He couldn’t be falling for his brother’s submissive. He couldn’t. It would be the ultimate betrayal of Benson. Of his dying request to help Evangeline. He would never do that to his brother’s memory. Even if she wanted him. Even if Evangeline wouldn’t always wish that it was Benson by her side, and in her bed, instead of Leo.

  “I also know that you have a disease. That you’ve been through hell losing the man you loved, your Master, your Sir. I know that grief can do terrible things to our minds and bodies. To our souls. And I know that our arrangement isn’t just about your anorexia, it’s also about grief, about finding a way to cope. For both of us.” He could admit that much to her. That this was helping him, as well as her. He wouldn’t admit the rest. That the thought of going back to New York, to his empty, cold, studio apartment, left him hollow.

  “Please just think about it, minx.” He reached for her chin, tilted her head up so he could stare into her eyes, so she could see his. “You let me worry about my career. I’m not going back to New York anytime soon. So, you may as well take advantage of me while I’m here.” He grinned as he said it. As the idea of her taking very full advantage of him filled his mind.

  He would eventually have to figure out what he was doing with his life. He would have to choose a path. But for right now, he could pretend with her. He could let himself imagine that maybe he’d found a way to have it all. Even if it was only temporary. Even if he would eventually leave her. Even if he knew that she’d never want it all with him. He would always be her consolation prize.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Evangeline sipped her coffee and watched Leo cook breakfast, her mind still reeling. He’d just uprooted himself, left work on Broadway, and come across the country, for her. Not for you, idiot, but because Benson asked him to. It didn’t have anything to do with her. She shook her head, trying to clear her muddied thoughts.

  Last night had been... intense. All-consuming. Exquisite.

  And she couldn’t let it happen again.

  If Leo was intent to stay for his sister, fine, Evangeline couldn’t push back against that. But she wasn’t going to give him another reason to stay. She couldn’t be the reason he gave up something so huge. Listening to him sing had given her chills. Actual chills. His voice was utter perfection and she would be damned if she’d allow him to give that up because she couldn’t take care of herself. It was the kick in the ass she needed. She was going to get back on track. She was going to silence the voices in her head, and relearn to love herself, and unlearn that she was fat and ugly and all of the other things that had made her anorexia go out of control in the past.

  She wasn’t going to allow that to happen again. It had only been a few months since Benson died, and she still felt completely shattered. However, she was no longer going to walk around in this state of brokenness.

  She would call Monday and get an appointment with another therapist. It had been years since she’d needed counseling. But she was going to go back; she had to. And she would help Charlotte. Much as they’d never really gotten along, the other woman had obviously been through hell with her husband, and she did just lose her brother. Sometimes, mired in her own grief as she was, Evangeline forgot that both Leo and Charlotte were grieving right alongside her. Their grief was different of course and she wouldn’t say either was better or worse; it was all simply different.

  “You do realize you’re making enough food for an army, right?” she finally said into the silence of the kitchen. She hadn’t given him an answer in the media room, with his hand on her chin, and those dark eyes of his demanding, yet also somehow begging her to keep to their arrangement. Even though last night, they’d trampled all over the no kissing, and no sex mixed with kink, rules he’d laid out for them. She didn’t want to stop. She wanted to let herself get lost in the intensity between them. To hide in it. Even though she knew that wasn’t healthy. She didn’t care. But she did care about him giving up on something he loved so much for her.

  “I know. But Charlotte’s love affair with food is even stronger than mine. Trust me, this won’t go to waste.” He glanced at her from the stove for a moment, giving her a brief smile, and then he returned to his work.

  The smell of sizzling potatoes, onions, peppers, and bacon was making her mouth water. At least she wouldn’t have to fight too hard to eat this morning. She was hungry. Probably all those calories they’d burned off last night. Her face grew warm. Nope, she was definitely not thinking about that right now. He wanted to help her, and she wanted to help him, but letting him dominate her, or sleep with her, rather than sending him back to his life? She didn’t know if that was actually helpful.

  Charlotte took that moment to appear in the doorway, so Evangeline schooled her thoughts away from what the hell she and Leo had done last night, and focused on the list of counselor names in her head, deciding who she would call first on Monday.

  “Morning,” Charlotte said, glancing between them.

  Great. It was clear from the awkward silence and the look on Charlotte’s face that she knew what Leo and Evangeline had been up to last night. At least she wasn’t jumping all over Evangeline, or glaring daggers at her. That was improvement.

  “Hey. How’d you sleep?” Leo asked his sister.

  “I got some rest,” she said.

  Evangeline got up and grabbed another coffee cup and poured one out for her guest. “Here. We made it extra strong this morning.” She handed the steaming mug to Charlotte with a small smile. She wasn’t exactly happy with her new living arrangements, but she wasn’t going to be a bitch about it either. Benson would want her to help his siblings. Now she just had to figure out what that meant. For both of them.

  “Thanks,” Charlotte said, taking the mug.

  “Sure. There’s sugar on the counter, and milk and creamer in the fridge. Help yourself to any of it.” Evangeline went back to the table and her own mostly empty cup of coffee. She’d certainly need another cup this morning. With extra milk, as Leo had pushed this morning. He even knew she counted the calories in her coffee every morning. Though she was usually sipping her first cup when he came down to make breakfast each day, he always made her a second cup. With extra cream and sugar.

  “It smells amazing in here,” Charlotte said. “I’m starving!”

  Leo grinned at Evangeline. “See?”

  She chuckled.

  Charlot
te looked between them. “What?”

  Evangeline got up to refill her coffee cup. “I told your brother he was making too much food, and he told me that once you were up, the two of you would decimate it in no time.”

  Charlotte grinned. “Well, he wasn’t wrong. I love food. I’m a fat ass. What can I say?” Her smile faltered. “Shit... sorry. I...”

  “Nope. No apologies necessary. Everyone’s relationship with food is different. I literally talk about food all the time. It doesn’t bother me. It’s actually one of the ways that really helped me to overcome my anorexia all those years ago – being surrounded by people talking about food. Knowing that every person has some kind of relationship with food, some healthier than others. For instance, you just called yourself a fat ass. That’s often super derogatory, and something I’ve called myself repeatedly, in a disgusted way, because I thought I was fat. But you just said it as if it was a fact, that you love food and you’re a fat ass, and that you’re entirely at ease with that descriptor of yourself. You said it in a way that indicates that you think you should call yourself fat, because others might, but that to you fat is just a word. Not a judgment. Not a sin. It’s kind of refreshing, to be honest, to not have people watching everything they say around me. And now I’ve totally psychoanalyzed you and invaded your personal shit, and I’m sorry. I’ll shut up now.” Sometimes, she got carried away. Her analytical brain ran amok, zeroing in on things other people never noticed, things a lot of people didn’t want to know about themselves.

  “Wow. That was... impressive,” Charlotte said. “You got all of that out of a couple of words.”

  Leo silently handed Evangeline the milk for the second cup of coffee she was making, then went back to the stove. “Breakfast is ready.”

  Evangeline put milk in her coffee and shrugged. “I try not to share that kind of stuff outside of sessions, because people find it really invasive.”

  “I don’t mind.” Charlotte grabbed a plate and held it out for Leo to scoop a pile of breakfast on it. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” Leo filled a plate for Evangeline and handed it to her. “Here you go.” He didn’t make any comments about eating it all, or anything, just handed it to her with barely a second glance and left her to her own devices.

  Because that’s what she told him she wanted him to do. Suddenly the plate felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. It was too heavy. Too full. This was way more than she could eat. It was certainly way more than she should eat. She took a deep breath and carried the plate to the table and sat down. You can do this. It isn’t actually that much food, you just think it is. Because... anorexia is a lying liar who lies.

  Leo got his plate and joined them at the table. He and Charlotte started eating and Evangeline picked up her fork. I can do this. She shouldn’t need the reminder. She had been doing so well. Yeah, only you fucked that up, too, didn’t you? Telling Leo you were fine, that you could take care of yourself, that you didn’t need him any longer. It had all been a lie. Why hadn’t he just bowled right over her protests, shoved her up against the wall, and kissed her until she acquiesced? Because you said no, dipshit, and he isn’t an asshole rapist who doesn’t believe in consent. Oh, right.

  She bit her bottom lip and glanced at him, pleading with her eyes. Help.

  The look in Evangeline’s eyes was like a kick to the solar plexus. The plea left him unable to breathe. He knew he should have pushed harder this morning. Knew that she was lying. But she’d said no. What the hell was he supposed to with that?

  Now, she was staring at him, desperation in her eyes. Desperation he couldn’t ignore. Even though she’d said no.

  “Eat, woman.” The two words were a rough command, and Charlotte’s head snapped up, glaring at him.

  He shook his head at her. Just let it go. Please, just let it go.

  Evangeline sighed and lifted a forkful of food to her mouth. He watched her eat for a moment, and then returned his attention to his own plate. Charlotte watched the whole exchange carefully. He hadn’t exactly given her all the details in the hallway in the middle of the night when she’d caught him sneaking out of Evangeline’s bedroom, but he had confessed that one of the aspects of his helping Evangeline was because of the anorexia.

  Charlotte went back to eating. The silence between the three of them wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t filled with angst either. If Charlotte was going to stay here, she no doubt would witness some of this, like she was doing now, and he had wanted to be sure that she at least didn’t try to interfere. Even if she didn’t understand. He’d made it clear that Evangeline had asked for his help, and that he was giving it to her freely, in the kind of ways she needed him to, and not at all the way Pete had done for Charlotte. His poor sister.

  “So, we’re all in agreement that you’re welcome to stay as long as you want, right?” Leo said. He wanted to make sure that they were all on the same page. “And I’m going to be here. To help you deal with whatever needs doing, filing for divorce, getting back on your feet and whatnot. Are you going to go back to work?”

  “Divorce? Work?” Charlotte looked up from her plate, eyes wide.

  “Leo. Maybe let’s take a step back and give your sister a little time to think and figure out what it is she wants, okay? I know you’re trying to help, but let’s just take this one step at a time.”

  Leo sighed. Evangeline was right. He’d already pushed Charlotte enough last night to file a police report against her husband. “Right. None of those things need to be decided right now, Char. I just want to let you know that you’re not in this alone.” He’d abandoned his family long enough. Sure, he and his sister had never been close. She was a bulldozer, and she pushed too many of his buttons. Kind of the way Evangeline did, but in an entirely not adorable, sexy way.

  “Don’t you have a life to get back to in New York?” Charlotte asked.

  Evangeline raised her brows and cocked her said, as if saying, see, you need to go. I told you so.

  He ignored her, and she kept eating, like a good girl. “I don’t have anything there that is more important than what I’m doing here. Besides, it’s kind of nice to be back in Nevada, after so long in the northeast. Things are quieter here. Slower. Warmer.” Sure, there were things about the hustle and bustle of New York that he missed. But he wasn’t lying. There was nothing in New York more important to him than his duties here to both Evangeline and Charlotte. He’d let the rift between himself and Benson go on far too long. And he’d missed the chance to ever make amends with his brother. Benson was gone now, and he’d never get the opportunity to tell his brother just how much he’d meant to Leo, to thank him for saving Leo’s life. He’d be damned if he wasn’t going to show up for Charlotte now, when she needed him most. “So, whatever you need. I’m here, okay?”

  Charlotte’s eyes widened. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks.” She finished eating and drank some more coffee, and the three of them sat in the quiet for a bit. “Obviously, I’m going to withdraw the case in probate contesting the will for ownership of Kempert Manor.”

  “That sounds like a good plan,” Leo said.

  “Do you think the DA will charge Pete?” Charlotte asked.

  “I don’t know. That’s more your area of expertise, being the lawyer and all.”

  “It’s been a lot of years since I practiced.”

  “But you kept your license current?”

  She nodded. “Pete convinced me to stop working so we could try to have a baby, but I did what I could to not let my license expire. That really pissed him off at first, until I convinced him that it could be helpful to him, if he ever got into trouble.”

  The fucking manipulative prick. Thank God they hadn’t had kids.

  After clearing her throat, his sister said, “But, yeah, I’d like to go back to work.”

  “Do you want to go back to practicing law?” Evangeline asked. “Or do you have your heart set on something else?”

  “I don’t know, really. I guess I always
kind of wanted to be my own boss. I could open my own law practice, or...” his sister trailed off. “If I’m honest, I kind of always wanted to open a B&B. To be helpful in other ways to people. Why are you being so nice to me?”

  Evangeline chuckled, “Because you haven’t once accused me of being a money-grabbing slut today.”

  Charlotte cringed.

  Leo was about to tell Evangeline to back off when Charlotte said, “Yeah. Sorry about that. I think I was probably projecting a lot of my issues on you and Benson, especially when you first got together. I didn’t get it then. But... I understand now. And I’m sorry.”

  Whatever had happened between Evangeline and Charlotte had been more than a few nasty words, he was pretty sure. But now wasn’t the time to dredge that up. They were apologizing, and that was enough.

  “I’m sorry too,” Evangeline said. “So... and I really hate to say this, but if the DA doesn’t file charges, and Pete isn’t arrested, I assume he knows about this house? Should we be worried he’d show up here?”

  It was a question Leo had been wondering himself. He wasn’t going to leave either of them here alone for the foreseeable future if there was any chance Pete would show up.

  “Maybe if he was sure I was alone, he would show up here. I’m not even positive he’d think I would come here. I turned my phone off last night after Leo picked me up, and I presume he’s been calling non-stop, but I have no intention of telling him where I am if I speak to him. But he knows Leo is in town, since we saw you at the funeral. So, it’s unlikely, but sure, it’s possible. I wouldn’t put it past him. Even though he’d be suicidal to try.”

  “Damn right he would. If he shows up here, I’m gonna –”

  “You’re going to call the cops, that’s what,” Evangeline cut him off. “And that’s the end of the discussion, you hear me? You’re not to put a hand on him, or you will make everything worse. Guys like that will work the system. If you hit him, he’ll try to get you brought up on charges. You can’t help your sister if you’re behind bars. So, don’t be an idiot.”