Fight to the Top

by S. L. Gape

  You wanna know exactly what we did tonight? I will tell you if that’s what you want. And yes, I do, very much so. Which is pissing me off x

  No, I’m feeling kind of shitty tonight, pretty low. So, I don’t think it would be wise for me to know why pissing you off? X

  You ok? Can I do anything? You want to talk? I can call you. I dunno, I guess because I’m not a drama kind of woman. I’m simple. I like simple things, and there’s a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t fancy you and then I think about you in a bikini. your soft skin against my fingers. How beautiful you are. Your loud, croaky sexy as hell laugh, and most of all the way you kiss me, then those reasons go out the window again x

  Wow you been doing a lot of thinking? Simple huh ;) X

  Shut up! Yup, you have got in my head! X

  Ditto x

  So why you feeling down? X

  Just shitty I guess. feel bad for my baby, I feel bad that I couldn’t make my marriage work. Pretty sure my wife has been cheating for God knows how long, and I feel guilty that I made you feel I lied to you. I feel guilty that I’m having completely inappropriate thoughts about you when I’m married, and I feel guilty that I cheated on my wife with you. Albeit we were separated and we haven’t kissed for a real long time, and over all the guilt I feel, the biggest guilt I feel is that even after all that, regardless of anything else, I regret having not spent the night with you! There I said it!! X

  Georgia read the words, surprised by what she was reading. She got out of bed and threw a shirt on. She couldn’t stay in here laid next to a naked woman she had just slept with, when all the time the person she wanted to sleep with was the person on the other end of the phone. Slipping into the spare bed, Georgia picked up her phone and dialled the number, unsure of whether she would actually answer.

  After the second ring tone, Georgia heard the soft American voice.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  Silence.

  “You ok?” Erika asked concerned.

  “Not really, I’m pissed off at myself and I’m concerned about you.”

  “Don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I’m always okay,” she sighed. “So why you pissed off?” she asked, thinking she already knew the answer.

  “Look, I don’t do this. Never, and I can’t deal with people that do. But equally, I was pissed at you for keeping something from me, so I needed to do this,” she sighed heavily. “Will you make me a promise?”

  “Well it depends what it is.”

  “Promise not to hang up until I’ve finished speaking?”

  Erika sighed, knowing what was coming, and she felt her tummy tighten and felt sick to her stomach.

  “Sure,” she said almost silently.

  “I slept with her,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. And I don’t know why, but I am. She tried it on when she was pissed, then I got your message and saw what you had put, or more how you had put it and it got my back up. So, I thought I’d prove that things were fine and you were just some woman and it didn’t matter. But I couldn’t do it, because every time I shut my eyes I kept thinking of you. I wanted to be making love to you and when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t you. I don’t know why this is happening. You’re married, and strangely I never do shit like that either. I just wanted to prove to myself I didn’t like you, that you were just a sexy Italian American that I kissed a couple of times and that was it,” she finished.

  Georgia listened to the silence, the only give away that she was still there were the soft breaths she could hear.

  “That’s um…probably more information than I needed to hear,” she said ever so softly.

  “I’m sorry. I just needed to tell you. How could I not after everything I said and did to you last week?”

  “So…what? I have nothing on you, you are a big girl and I can’t say or do anything.”

  “I regret it, and I want you to say something. I want you to tell me I fucked up. I was a fucking idiot and I shouldn’t have done it. Instead of being silent, I know I’m an idiot and I do like you and I can’t change that and I should just deal with it and move on. I want you to tell me you’re pissed at me. Just like I did to you, Erika. I want you to say it, because you like me too, and I shouldn’t have slept with someone else. Certainly, not in a bid to convince myself I don’t like you,” she said to Erika.

  “I’m pissed that it’s affecting me. I’m pissed that its making me feel sick. I’m pissed that I have to deal with her being with you for a whole week. I’m pissed she got to be with you,” Erika sighed loudly.

  “I’m sorry, Erika,” Georgia whispered.

  “Yeah me too, Georgia. Look it’s late, I should probably,” Erika said, before hanging up on her.

  Georgia stayed on the line for a few moments, feeling shitty all over again. She needed to be truthful to her, but then it backfired anyway. She knew she had done right in telling her. What the fuck was she doing? Georgia looked back to six months ago, when none of this was on the cards. She worked, and there were no women in her life. Her job was guaranteed, and then this major turn of events. But interestingly out of all of it, she missed the feelings that had started to creep in. She missed being silly, laughing, feeling the stirs when a beautiful woman comes into the room. She’d been single for three years and honestly, she didn’t think she would ever get with anyone again. When a relationship breaks down over work and those dynamics don’t change, then how do you ever get past that? Georgia thought sombrely. Katie had cheated on her because she didn’t pay her enough attention. The ease of having a second life because she spent so much of her life at work. So why would she ever consider getting into another relationship? Why would she put herself through all of that again?

  ***

  Erika lay there in silence, listening to the nocturnal noises from outside the window. Should she have ended the call that way? She had no rights to Georgia, but hearing her say the words made her realise the situation she was potentially getting herself into. She was married, and she was about to start a process of divorce. Plus, she had a five-year-old daughter, and she was chasing after someone. For what, because she felt she missed out on sleeping with her? Because she paid her some attention? Surely, she’d just screw her and that would be it, done. So why would she put herself through the agony? Yeah, she enjoyed the feelings of someone wanting her and looking at her with desire, but she was a grown ass woman; a mom, an area director. She needed to start behaving like one.

  Chapter Sixty-Nine

  “I’m sorry again,” Georgia said.

  “Please stop saying sorry. It’s fine.”

  “It isn’t though, it really isn’t. That’s not who I am.”

  “Yeah, and I know that, George. I’m not going to lie, if all of this hadn’t happened I wonder what would have happened between us. But equally, you don’t know what’s around the corner. A year is a long time for anyone to put their lives on hold. But seriously, you aren’t a bad person. Granted, you made a bit of stupid judgement on Monday. But equally, consider the way I was coming on to you and offering you ‘free shags’, and the circumstances. Your attraction to this woman, I can get it. I was in this place a few years back with you remember? I shagged anything that moved in a bid to get over you, but it doesn’t work that way. Honestly, when you are a decent person, it makes it ten times worse as you have to deal with the way it leaves you feeling. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think you should lose out on this. If something’s there, I think you should go for it. Think about that TV series we were watching the other night…The Bachelor. People spend their whole lives searching for love. If you have one iota that is interested in this woman, don’t risk losing it, for all you know she could be the one.”

  “You are such a lesbian. You sure you don’t want to transfer here? I could do with a friend,” Georgia said, cuddling Julia one last time. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

  “I don’t think Erika would be too happy with that, babes, but I thi
nk she seems pretty cool from what you’ve told me. I think…and this is probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said to you, but…it is my belief that there is one true love for everyone out there. I’m not saying that it’s her or that it isn’t, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So, don’t hold back, George. You’re a good woman with a lot to offer. Stop overthinking everything and follow your heart.”

  “Wow, that was all a bit deep. You’re talking like we’ve known each other months and I’m in love with her or something. Follow your heart? Blimey. Seriously, she’s a sexy woman, and I’ve never had an American. It’s just my body being naughty craving what it can’t have.”

  Julia stopped looking at her. “Keep telling yourself that darling! As I said, stop overthinking. You are purposely putting barriers in the way, because you know it is more than just a ‘sexy American you can’t have’. Just remember,” she said seriously. “Where do lesbians go for their second date?” she laughed.

  “Shut up, you dick. Get on that plane. Thanks, and sorry again,” she said, hugging Julia one last time.

  “What? They go to the estate agents,” she giggled. “Yeah, we may move fast as a general stereotype, but if you are into someone, why the hell would you waste any time? And if you think you’re into someone, why would you waste time focussing on what could go wrong? Why not put your heart on the line and enjoy it for what it is and see what happens? It may blossom, it may end horribly, or it may end with just a little bit of fun.” She shoved her shoulder. “But life’s too short to waste time, and if it doesn’t work out, then I guess at least you can have some fun over the next year. But I do have to go. Have fun and come see us soon, yeah?” she said, kissing Georgia on the cheek and leaving.

  Georgia felt all the worse now. She had used her friend and colleague to sleep with her, and now she was talking to her like she’d met the love of her life. She was a horrible person, who didn’t act this way normally, and that was the harsh reality of it.

  ***

  Georgia thought about what Julia had said on the drive over. She hadn’t spoken to Erika at all other than anything work related, since their call this time last week. She had been honest with Julia, and despite it being driven by Georgia, Julia had revealed that she was completely aware that Georgia had faked it. Just what any single woman wants to admit, she thought. Admittedly, Julia had confirmed that she could see something behind Georgia’s smile and eyes about this woman, was that right? Georgia didn’t know. What she did know is that when she was at work and saw Erika, or in a meeting with her she felt different. She felt…happy, happy just to see her. When she didn’t see her she just wanted to see her, speak to her about nothing in particular. Merely to be close to her and listen to her laugh, her voice. But the fact of the matter was, it was all wrong. She was married. She had a kid, and they were two complete opposite ends of scale from each other. They were chalk and cheese, so why the fuck was she even thinking about any of this? What was it about Erika that was making her feel this way?

  Chapter Seventy

  Georgia’s alarm went off at five forty-five am. She’d slept quite well, and was thankful for a night off the booze. She got into her gym gear and grabbed some water before making her way to Emily’s house.

  ***

  They arrived at the Pilates class, which Emily was sure would be what she needed to clean up her head. Emily had told her she needed something mentally stimulating, given she thought it was acceptable and appropriate to sleep with a woman to get another woman out of her head. She was not happy and was making it very clear, and Georgia liked that about her. She wasn’t pussy footing around her. Their friendship, which had been very quickly established, allowed Emily to make it clear exactly what she thought, feeling confident enough to let her see her disappointment. It was like being with her mum all over again. But she wouldn’t change it for the world. This woman was the best friend she had had for a bloody long time.

  “So, you coming to Torr’s meet on Friday? I thought we could maybe go out. Have a girl’s night after? Maybe go for dinner and dancing?” Emily asked.

  “Yeah, sounds fantastic. I’m definitely up for that. I’ve never been to a ‘meet’ before,” she said. “And like I said I don’t dance, but I will happily watch you and drink,” she added, laughing at Emily.

  “Ohhh, but maybe if I was a hot ass, Italian, American lesbian you would, huh? Typical, you lesbians are no different to guys.” She winked, looking back to Georgia. Emily had told her she’d never met any gay people before. She wasn’t homophobic at all, but Texas was a state where they were probably a little behind the times. Especially compared to some other states. Either way, Georgia was happy that she didn’t seem to have a problem with her. If it wasn’t for her and John, there’s no way she would have lasted.

  “Shut up. Come on, let’s go and see if Pilates stimulates my mind enough to make me stop misbehaving,” Georgia laughed, getting out of the car.

  “Not funny, Georgia, not funny!”

  ***

  The class was harder than she expected. She was fit and always keen to maintain that, but Emily was right, it was more about focussing your mind on your core. It made her stop thinking and focus, which had been Emily’s point. As they were getting ready to leave, Georgia noticed Erika’s nanny in the class. She looked around to see if Erika was there too, but was disappointed to find she wasn’t. Taylor looked up and spotted Georgia, looking as though she was trying to place where she knew her from.

  Georgia turned to Emily, “I’ll be two minutes,” she said, walking over to the woman.

  “Hi, its Taylor, isn’t it?”

  “Hey, Georgia, right? I couldn’t quite place you when I saw you then, but the accent gave it away.” She smiled softly. “How are you?”

  “Yeah, seemingly not as fit as I thought I was, but outside of this class I’m okay. How’s things? Pilates is the de-stress for looking after kids I see.” She smiled.

  “Yeah for sure. That and law school. You look pretty fit to me.” She smiled. “So, I hear Fort Worth went well. I’m glad you guys sorted things out. I know it’s not my place to say, and I hope you don’t mind an American’s directness. But we spoke, and honestly, Erika isn’t like that. She was just in a bad place with everything that was going on at home, and like you, at work,” she said.

  “Wow, you are a nanny and training to be a lawyer. Jesus you’re a glutton for punishment. Well, I just hope that things work out for Erika. I know it can’t be good to be separated when you have a kid, too,” she said, trying to be as diplomatic as possible so it didn’t look like she was snooping.

  “Oh, she’s sorted everything out now, and she’s in a much better place, too,” she said seriously, watching Georgia a little too intensely.

  “Oh right,” she said, trying to hide her disappointment. “I’m glad for her. Well, I guess I should get back, before she kicks my arse for being late.” She smiled. “Nice to see you again, Taylor.”

  “She likes you, ya know,” Georgia heard Taylor blurt out. “She doesn’t know how to deal with that. She was with Dana for fifteen years and has a child with her, but Dan doesn’t really give a hoot. Not about either of them. But one thing’s for sure, she likes you. A whole lot. I know her better than anyone, and no matter how much she ignores it, it isn’t going to go away,” she said seriously.

  “Was with? You just said she had sorted everything out with her wife now,” Georgia said confused.

  “She has sorted the situation. The day you guys got back from Fort Worth, Erika told Dan it was over and she wanted a divorce. She is single, Georgia, or in the process of being. Look, I should go. I have to go pick up Dulcie. Have a good day at work. And Georgia? Please don’t mention this conversation to Erika. You don’t wanna make an Italian American mad,” she smirked as she strolled off.

  ***

  “Was that the girl with Erika?” Emily said, walking out to the car.

  “Yeah,�
� Georgia said quietly, taking in the words.

  “What were y’all discussing?”

  “Erm, nothing she was just saying hi,” Georgia said distantly.

  “Liar. But you don’t wanna discuss it, so I won’t push. You know we got your back right? You wanna talk, you know where I am.”

  “She’s divorcing her wife. She told her the day we got home.”

  “For real?” she squealed. “So watcha gonna do?”

  “What do you mean? I do nothing. Why would I? She has been in a relationship for fifteen years, Em. Has a kid and is now getting divorced, what the hell am I supposed to do?”

  “Well for starters, think why you’re snapping at me. Because if you didn’t wanna do nothing, then you wouldn’t be getting pissed at me, now would you? Seriously, are all you Brits this uptight over love? Heck, no wonder y’all get married so late,” she said.

  Georgia was looking at Emily shaking her head. “Sorry, just surprised I suppose,” Georgia said.

  Chapter Seventy-One

  Georgia was probably the least productive or functional she had ever been in work today, following the conversations with Emily, Julia, and Taylor in the last twenty-four hours. It all seemed to be influencing the direction of her thoughts, and it especially wasn’t helping that Erika looked beautiful again today. They had spent the most part of the day in meetings together, alone. Georgia finished the salad she had gotten for lunch and grabbed the documents, before making her way back up to Erika’s office to continue with their brain storming session. She could already smell her perfume coming from the room as she knocked on the door and walked in, stopping as she heard Erika’s voice raised. Georgia stepped back, trying to ignore the conversation.

  “No way, Dan! Fuck you. She’s your daughter too, and I’m not having you ignore her…yes, I know she loves spending time with your folks, but she needs her mom. She needs reassurance through this, you’re just being a selfish bitch is all.”