Counting Stars

by Renee Porter

  “I remember Jonathan coming back for that.”

  Charlie sighed as she sat back in her chair. “You don’t talk much about him.” Ryan didn’t know why she had said that. She was in no position to ask anything about Charlie’s life, especially since she had protected that part of her past as well.

  “I don’t, no.” Again Charlie sighed and shook her head. “We had a great relationship for a bit and then things changed.” Charlie glanced up at Ryan and held a sad smile. “Some things were said while I was away at college and we never got over it. I hadn’t seen him before he passed and I guess I regret not ever really allowing him to get to know me as an adult.”

  “I’m sure he was proud of who you became, Charlie.”

  Charlie tilted her head back and forth. “I’m sure he was proud of certain aspects of me.” She twisted the bottle in her hand as she considered how to continue. “Just like I was proud of certain aspects of him.” Charlie took a swig of her beer and waved her hand through the night air. “But enough about that. What do you think of this place?”

  Ryan breathed in, not wanting the conversation to stop but knowing that it must have been hard for Charlie to talk about. “I think it’s beautiful. I’m not sure if I’ve ever not heard the sound of cars in the distance.”

  Charlie nodded her head. “I know what you mean. Sometimes I forget that I used to fall asleep to the sound of the creek and rustling of the trees rather than the traffic of L . A.”

  “If I could have this in California,” Ryan held out her hands as an owl hooted in the not so far off distance, “I don’t think I would ever leave my house.”

  Charlie considered her for a moment. “Can I ask you a question?” Ryan nodded but wasn’t sure she should have. There were a million and one things that Charlie could ask but Ryan wasn’t positive she had answers for her.

  “You just seem so reserved for L . A.” Charlie chuckled and backtracked. “I mean, reserved not in a bad way at all. What I’m trying to say is…”

  “Why I’m still in L . A . when I don’t very much like what it actually stands for?” Ryan completed.

  Charlie nodded in agreement. “I know you have your charity there but I guess I just don’t understand why you chose to live there.”

  It was Ryan’s turn to stare into the fire to gather her thoughts. “I guess it’s hard to L leave somewhere where you grew up. There’s a lot that I know I haven’t told you about my past, but I guess I was never strong enough to leave the place that made me…me.” Ryan shrugged her shoulders and attempted to continue. With a deep breath she tried to explain. “Charlie…my father…”

  Her voice was interrupted by a loud shreak shriek coming from the inside of the house. Ryan nearly dropped her beer as Charlie looked behind her. Jonathan came barreling out of the house jumping up and down frantically. Charlie and Ryan both stood up, unsure of why the man was acting like a crazed lunatic.

  “What happened?” Charlie sounded a bit annoyed but also concerned. Ryan couldn’t help but feel like laughing at Jonathan’s disgusted face.

  “It’s in my room!” Jonathan said as he brushed his clothes as if there were ants crawling all over him.

  “What’s in your room?” Ryan asked, now fully fearful as well.

  Jonathan tried to explain but his frantic description of whatever it was sounded more monstrous than anything that Ryan or Charlie had ever seen.

  “Get it out Charlie. Please get it out! My clothes are in there!” Charlie huffed out a breath as she shook her head. Ryan and Jonathan followed her into the house as she grabbed a weapon.

  “A broom?” Jonathan squealed. “That thing is going to kick your ass if you show up with that!” Charlie shushed Jonathan as she rounded the hallway towards his room. She peeked her head inside. Jonathan’s suit was hanging upright where he was steaming the wrinkles. Ryan poked her head inside too, trying to see exactly what type of monster found its way into the house.

  “There it is!” Jonathan yelled. He flailed his hands up as he ran from the two women. Ryan caught the laughter shaking Charlie’s body as she pointed the broom handle toward the small black body on Jonathan’s bed.

  “What is that?” Ryan asked. Charlie moved more into the room as she grabbed a towel from the small adjoining bathroom. She shook her head as she continued to chuckle.

  “It’s just a small fruit bat. They come from the caves and hunt at night. This little guy probably got attracted by the light from the room.” Ryan watched as Charlie carefully placed the towel over the bat and gently grabbed the creature through the terry cloth. “See?” Charlie held up her hand where the bat was now comfortably placed. Ryan looked carefully at the creature and smiled.

  “It’s kind of cute.”

  “I can’t believe you’re touching it. It probably has rabies!” Jonathan was carefully placed out of the room and Charlie rolled her eyes. She went over to the window and carefully opened the towel. She watched as the bat flapped its wings and headed out into the night.

  “You’re such a sissy.” Charlie said as she closed Jonathan’s window.

  “I am not. That thing came in like a…well…like a bat out of hell!”

  Ryan chuckled as she patted Jonathan on the back. “It’s okay Jon. You’re just lucky we have a knight and shining armor to save us from everything that goes ‘bump in the night’ ” . Ryan smiled at Charlie who held her smile. Ryan’s words immediately brought Charlie back to her conversation with Naomi and she realized that she had been so close to finding out about Ryan’s past.

  “Yeah, well. That’s what lesbians are for!” Charlie quickly looked toward Jonathan who covered his mouth and started to cough. Ryan looked concerned but Charlie could have nearly killed him. “You know, Ryan.” He coughed again. “Because you’re here to calm me down?” He started to cough again as Charlie just shook her head.

  “Are you okay?” Ryan asked, seemingly unperturbed about what he just said. Jonathan nodded his head as he cleared his throat.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll go grab you some water okay?” Ryan quickly removed herself from the room as Charlie swatted her cousin’s shoulder.

  “Too close, Jon.”

  Jonathan rolled his eyes as he pretended to rub the sting away from her smack. “It’s going to come out eventually.” Jonathan narrowed his eyes at Charlie who took a deep breath.

  “Just not now okay? I need a little more time.”

  Jonathan raised his hands and let them land heavily at his side. “It’s always more time, Charlie. When is it going to be the time?” Charlie looked at him and shook her head. She was always wondering that same thing.

  ***

  “And how long has Buck been doing this?” Charlie took long strides along the well-worn path towards Jewel Cave. She looked over her shoulder to a huffing Ryan and slowed her pace so the woman could catch up.

  “About 40 years. H is e’s grandfather was one of the original founders of the cave and he’s been exploring it ever since he was a young teenager.” Ryan still looked wary even with Charlie’s reassurance.

  “Did I ever tell you I’m slightly claustrophobic?” Ryan tried to lace humor in her worry but Charlie caught on quick.

  “It’s okay if you don’t want to go. I just thought you’d enjoy doing something you’ve never done before.” Charlie had stopped and placed her hands on her hips, now fully regarding her hiking partner. “I can’t say that it doesn’t get a little tight in some places, but for the majority of the tour it’s mostly open space.” Charlie tilted her head and waited for Ryan’s response. She had wanted to show Ryan a piece of her past but if the woman was truly scared, she didn’t want to force her.

  Ryan sighed loudly. “No, it sounds like a lot of fun, really. It’s just that Jonathan told me that one time a kid got lost in there and it took them a couple days to find him.” Charlie chuckled as she shook her head, motioning for Ryan to follow.

  “It’s just an urban legend. No one has gotten lost in Jewel Cave.”<
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  “So then why didn’t he want to come?”

  The path opened up at the top of the hill and the large open mouth of the cave almost made Ryan stumble in her tracks.

  “Because he couldn’t wear his leather Italian loafers?” Ryan chuckled as they joined a small group of tourists huddling in the assigned meeting spot.

  “Well as I live and breathe. How you doin’, Cookie? , ” T t he thick Midwestern accent wasn’t lost on Ryan as she watched Buck take Charlie in his arms. The brunette chuckled as she tightened her hold around the older man and a pure, genuine smile rivaled the warmth of the South Dakota sun.

  “I’m good, Buck. How are you? How are Sharla and the boys?” Ryan was more than happy to stand back and watch the small reunion happen, but when she was beckoned over by Charlie to meet Buck, suddenly her nerves took over. Charlie didn’t have much family left besides Jonathan, and meeting someone from her past felt like a huge step. Well it would be a huge step if you were dating, she thought. You’re just friends , remember?

  “Buck, this is my good friend Ryan Stark. Ryan, this is Buck Baldwin.” Buck grinned wide and Ryan held out a hand in greeting but Buck had a different idea. Suddenly, Ryan’s two feet were lifted off the ground as the seemingly scrawny, older man hefted her into a deep hug.

  “Any friend of Cookie’s is a friend of mine.” Buck released Ryan back to the ground and Ryan couldn’t help but ask.

  “Cookie?” Buck’s grey eyes sparkled and he slapped his knee with fervor.

  “Just a childhood nickname,” Charlie said. Ryan couldn’t be too sure but from the sound of it, Charlie seemed a little embarrassed.

  “Back when Charlie was a little one she would sneak out of her daddy’s house and run over to our place to help my wife bake cookies. She was always livin’ up to her last name. Weren’t you, darlin’?” Charlie shook her head as Buck reacted with another hearty laugh. “But in any case, it’s good to have you back. I saw that new movie you were in. I’ll tell ya, your father would have been mighty proud of you. It’s your best yet.” Ryan again looked towards Charlie, if possible her cheeks had grown even redder but there was also a steely gaze upon her deep blue eyes.

  “I’m sure he would have had his opinions,” Charlie stated. Without delving more into the conversation, Charlie tilted her head over to the waiting group. “What do you say we get to some exploring? I haven’t been in so long and I can’t wait to see what you all have done.”

  Buck nodded his head as Ryan and Charlie started to follow him to join the group. “Not much has changed. We tried to level the floor out a bit but you have to still be careful. I’m gonna put you in charge of this one here while I watch the little ones up there.” Buck pointed to the group of young children who were hanging excitedly and jumping next to their parents. “We don’t want another kid to get lost in here, deal?”

  Ryan’s eyes narrowed as Charlie gave her a shy smile. “Deal.”

  ***

  Even though Ryan was thoroughly nervous when they started their tour, she had to say that exploring Jewel Cave had been one of the most interesting things she had ever done. She listened carefully as Buck told of the history of the cave to the front group. She and Charlie had stayed back some from the main group as Charlie pointed out details along the cave wall. Ryan reached out and pointed to where the wall was black amongst the crystals formed thousands of years ago.

  “The discoloration is caused by the oils of the skin. See how it reaches across the middle of the wall? That’s where people generally touch, even though they’re not supposed to.” Ryan nodded as she continued to follow Charlie. Their one flashlight between them was enough to illuminate their walkway. However, Ryan was sure that the woman in front of her wouldn’t even need to see where she was walking. Charlie seemed to know every dip and curve of the floor.

  “How many times have you done this?” Ryan asked as Charlie took her hand to walk down some steps made from the cave floor itself.

  “A few,” Ryan could hear the smile in Charlie’s voice and her heart fluttered at the mental image of that smile. Ryan bit her tongue as she attempted to stave off the growing attraction. Ryan had been extremely aware of how the cave walls were narrowing, which she should have been even more nervous about. However, she couldn’t help but think that maybe Charlie had cured her slight claustrophobia with her being forced to walk a little closer.

  As they moved deeper into the cave she noticed the gradual decrease in temperature and the waning light. She kept her flashlight in front of her, afraid that she would make a fool of herself with taking a misstep. The last thing she needed was to show Charlie just how much of a klutz she could be. And of course, since Ryan wasn’t really paying attention to anything but the inner musings of what it would be like to take Charlie’s hand again and feel her warmth on her body she missed the slight protruding rock that she was sure she just heard Charlie point out to her. Ryan’s feet shuffled and she waited for the inevitable pain that would come from the fall.

  “Woah, careful.” Charlie grabbed Ryan as her flashlight fell from her hands. The light went out right before she took a tumble from the uneven ground. Ryan stood with an embarrassed smile, gripping onto Charlie’s arm for support. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Ryan heard Buck talking about how if they were to turn off their lights they would be in absolute blackness, but all Ryan could feel was Charlie’s hand still firmly attached to her torso, steadying her.

  “And now this is where we turn off our lights.” Immediately the cave was encased in pitch black. Ryan tried to get her breathing to calm as colors flashed in her vision as if her eyes were closed. She could still hear Buck in the distance but it was almost tuned out by Charlie’s equally heavy breaths. She felt the hand tighten on her waist as Charlie’s fingers grasped her harder, pulling her more fully against the front of her body. Ryan swallowed thickly afraid to say anything. With the lack of any light she couldn’t see Charlie at all, but the way she was holding her was almost as if…

  Those heavy breaths drew closer and she felt them whisper against her lips. Unconsciously, Ryan parted her own lips, as she felt Charlie’s warmth growing with every second. Ryan’s grip tightened against Charlie’s forearm and she was sure that she was about to be kissed.

  “And if we turn our lights on again, we’ll continue on. Pretty cool huh?” Ryan felt Charlie move away from her as spotlights from flashlights started to dance across the cave walls. She could see Charlie’s silhouette take a few more steps back as she heard the brunette exhale heavily.

  “We better rejoin the group.” She opened her mouth to ask Charlie to stay, but as the woman and group moved further away from her the cave started to grow dark again. With a frustrated groan and more confusion than she ever thought that one moment could bring, Ryan followed Charlie further into the cave.

  ***

  “Are you sure it’s not too much trouble? Don’t you want to give Sharla a call to let her know you invited us over?” Ryan yelped as Buck hit another bump along the dirt road. She tried desperately to stay seated in the middle of the bench seat of Buck’s truck but at the next sharp turn her body failed itself and she was pushed into Charlie’s body. The woman was attempting to hold her body upright herself, but was also failing. When Buck drove out of the turn Ryan quietly apologized while pushing herself off of Charlie. The brunette gave a small smile but didn’t hold Ryan’s gaze.

  “Of course it’s alright. She’d be damn happy to see you. The boys won’t be able to make it but it don’t matter much. She’d just be thrilled to have you over.”

  Charlie nodded and looked out the window and Ryan held back an exhausted sigh. The day had taken so much out of her and if she were honest with herself, she would rather be discerning the day’s events in her room at the cabin. But Buck had invited them over for dinner before Ryan could even attempt to talk to Charlie about what had happened in the cave and immediately Charlie had accepted. Nothing happened in the cave. She shook her head at her own stupidi
ty. Charlie hadn’t tried to kiss her, she was sure of that now. Charlie was just making sure that she was steady on her feet. And with it being so dark, she must not have known just how close Ryan was.

  The explanation sounded just as stupid in her head as she tried to piece together the puzzle. But she relegated to pushing it aside. Whatever Charlie was thinking was only for Charlie to know and Ryan wasn’t confident that she really wanted to find out exactly what happened in the cave. She couldn’t. Charlie was her friend. She was basically her best friend’s sister and a large part of Charlie’s life was a part of Ryan’s life that she tried so desperately to separate herself from.

  “And you’re in luck too, ‘ cause Sharla said she was makin’ her famous stew tonight.” Buck’s eyes glittered in the evening sun as the car came to a stop. Ryan glanced out the front window and saw a large wooden cabin, much like the one the three friends were staying in. “I really can’t wait for you to meet her. You comin ’ ?”

  Ryan looked over to Buck who was the only one in the car. She glanced to her right and hadn’t realized that Charlie had already made her way up towards the cabin. She furrowed her brows at the woman’s sudden departure but smiled and nodded at Buck just the same.

  ***

  “Honey? You’ll never guess who I ran into down at the cave today,” Buck called out across the large foyer. The home was decorated modestly with what looked to be old furniture. A large deer head hung over the fire place and Ryan’s eyes widened slightly, not wanting to believe it was real but knowing that it probably was.

  “Well as I live and breathe. Is that little Cookie Baker?” Ryan heard Charlie chuckle as she embraced a small, round woman with graying short hair. “Let me take a look at you.” Sharla held Charlie at arms length arm’s length as she took stock of the woman in front of her. “Gorgeous as usual.” Sharla’s smiling eyes danced over to Ryan. The woman’s smile was just as bright as Charlie introduced the two to each other.