Zombie Goes To Camp

by Zack Zombie

  Endy also has some pet Endermites that he brought with him to camp. I think they’re kind of weird looking, but Endy likes them.

  And then there’s Flapper. He’s a Guardian from the Ocean Biome, which is kinda weird because we all thought Guardians couldn’t live outside of water.

  But Flapper said that was just a myth. He said that Guardians can breathe in air and underwater. He said he’s am-fi-bee-us, whatever that means.

  Flapper is kinda funny looking, though. He doesn’t have arms and legs so he just flaps around to get from place to place.

  He also has one big eye that looks like it’s following you around all the time.

  The Guardian of our dorm - Flapper

  Creepy said that our cabins usually have five mob kids, but for some reason ours only had four, until…

  “You guys have one more addition to your cabin,” the counselor said.

  All of a sudden, Nick, the Wither Skeleton walked in.

  All of us looked at each other with a look that said, Yup, we’re dead.

  “You guys get acquainted, and I will see you all at roll call,” the camp counselor said.

  “What’s up, Cretans?” Nick said. “Let me see, I think I’m going to take this bunk,” he said as he threw Endy’s stuff on the floor.

  I helped Endy pick up his stuff and find another bunk.

  Creepy was trying to be friendly, so he asked Nick, “Hey Nick, how come you’re coming to our cabin this year? You never choose Cabin Zero.”

  “Why do you care, Cretan?” he said. “But if you want to know, I got kicked out of my other cabin, because one of the kids blamed me for poisoning his pet squid.”

  “Did you do it?” Creepy asked.

  “Well, if you keep asking questions, you’re gonna find out,” Nick said.

  This is going to a long three weeks, I thought.

  After roll call, the camp counselors had a cabin inspection.

  The messiest cabin got to be first in line for breakfast.

  Well, I didn’t want to be the first to be cafeteria monster chow, so I had to make sure our cabin would lose the inspection.

  So while the counselors were checking the other cabins, I ran to my cabin.

  What could I do to make sure we fail this inspection?

  I know!

  After all five of us went in the bathroom earlier, we were sure to win the cabin inspection with the mess we left in there.

  So I flushed the toilet to make sure we would lose. They probably wouldn’t expect to see a clean toilet in a mob kid’s cabin.

  Worked like a charm! We were the last ones to get in the breakfast line.

  The cafeteria food monster must have been full after eating the other mob kids. Because when we got to the cafeteria, I didn’t see any mob kid body parts or remains.

  Man, that monster must’ve picked those kids clean, I thought.

  I found the other kids in my cabin and sat with them to eat.

  I made sure not to eat the food in case it had monster eggs. I can imagine them hatching in my stomach and then some monster bursting out of my chest.

  “I’m really sad that we failed our cabin inspection,” Creepy said.

  “Yeah,” Endy said. “I spent like an hour and four comic books trying to make sure the bathroom would help us win for sure.”

  Those young campers, I thought, they are so inexperienced with the horrors of war. I didn’t have the heart to tell them the truth.

  “Don’t worry guys,” I said. “It will all work out in the end.”

  They don’t know how close they came to certain death at the hands of the cafeteria food monster, I thought.

  Then Flapper the Guardian flapped over to our table.

  “Hey guys, did you hear about the talent show they’re having at the end of camp?” he said. “We should totally do something.”

  “I can play drums, “ Creepy said.

  We all looked at each other confused, especially since Creepy doesn’t have any arms.

  “I can play the Note Blocks,” Endy said. “My mom made me take lessons.”

  Endy’s instrument

  “I can jump on a tambourine,” Flapper said. “But we still need somebody to play guitar and sing. How about you, Zombie?”

  “I can do a mean air guitar,” I said, “so playing a real guitar can’t be that hard.”

  “That settles it, let’s make a band!” Flapper said.

  All of us were really happy to be in the talent show. But we still needed a singer.

  Hmmm, I wonder if Steve can sing.

  Monday

  Man, it’s only been two days and I already miss my video games, my computer and my TV.

  I still don’t know why parents would be OK sending their kids away to be tortured like this.

  The camp counselors tried to take our minds off of the screen by filling the day with activities.

  But I could tell it wasn’t working.

  I saw a Zombie kid with a dazed look on his face as he walked around, moving his hands like he was using his video game controller.

  Another kid made a video game console out of his macaroni art, and he kept trying to play it.

  And at lunch, another mob kid turned his food into a video game!

  This kind of torture is just pure evil…

  Tuesday

  Today we ran the craziest obstacle course ever.

  We had to climb walls, crawl under wire, climb up ropes, do parkour, and walk through mud.

  But the scariest part was when they made us climb some swamp vines. And they made us do it over water!

  Some of the mob kids got so scared that they fell apart.

  The camp counselors had to take them to the infirmary to see if they could put them back together.

  When it was my turn to do it, I got halfway across, and then I got so scared I froze.

  All the kids were laughing at me. And the other camp counselors were yelling at me to hurry up.

  But I was too scared to move.

  All of a sudden, one of the camp counselors climbed on the vine next to me and started talking to me.

  “What’s your name?” he said.

  “My name is Zack…but my friends call me Zombie,” I said.

  “Hey Zombie,” he said. “My name is Billy, Billy Carrion.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Zombie, you know what? I used to be a camper here a few years ago too,” he said.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, and you know, when I had to do the Vine Cross, I was so nervous that I lost my head,” he said.

  “For real?”

  “Yeah, came clean off. And my body was still stuck up here on the vine. It took them two days to get my body down,” he said. “After that, all the kids called me Headless all summer.”

  Just thinking about Billy’s body stuck up on the vine without a head made me laugh.

  “Feel better?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “How about we climb the rest of the way, and we grab a few booger snacks after,” he said.

  “Uh, Ok.”

  So I climbed the rest of the way till I made it to the end.

  Afterwards, Creepy, Endy and Flapper ran up to me.

  “Are you alright, Zombie?” they all asked.

  “Yeah, I’m OK,” I said.

  “Man, the first time I went on the Vine Cross I got stuck up there too,” Creepy said. “Billy helped me get down too. Billy said that if I ever feel afraid, that I should just think of something funny to make the fear go away. When I do the Vine Cross now, I just imagine Billy’s headless Zombie body up on the vine for two days, and it helps me get through it real fast.”

  I was going to ask Cre
epy how he does the Vine Cross without any arms. But what I really wanted to know was why Billy could be so nice, especially since he was one of the bloodthirsty camp counselors that were out to eat our brains.

  Confusing…

  Wednesday

  Today I had to go to the Nurse’s office because I hurt myself while doing some team building exercises.

  We did a team building exercise called the Trust exercise.

  I had to close my eye sockets and fall backward, and my cabin mates were supposed to catch me.

  I don’t think the camp counselors thought that one through very well.

  Since Creepy and Flapper didn’t have any arms, the only ones left to catch me were Endy and Nick, the Wither Skeleton.

  Endy and Nick were supposed to hold hands, but right when I fell, Nicked pulled away and I fell smack on the floor.

  Man, it hurt.

  The nurse was the same nurse I saw the last day of school at the carnival.

  She was really nice too, which was confusing, since she was supposed to be a rotten flesh eating witch that could swallow you whole.

  “Hey Zombie,” she said, “it’s good to see you again.”

  “Hi, Nurse Golem,” I said.

  I was looking around to see if I could find any of her instruments of torture, but I couldn’t see any.

  She must have them in a hidden chamber behind a secret wall, I thought.

  “Looks like you got a nasty bump on your head,” she said, “Good for you. A few more of those and you’ll be the best looking Zombie at camp.”

  “Thanks, Nurse Golem,” I said.

  I wanted to ask her if she was a rotten flesh eating witch, but I thought she might eat me whole because I had discovered her evil plan.

  “Nurse Golem…” I said.

  “Yes, Zombie?

  “Nuthin…” I said.

  I went back to my cabin, trying to figure out why the camp counselors and the nurse were being so nice to me.

  Oh no! I thought. They must want to put a spell on me so that afterward, I can lead the other unsuspecting kids toward their doom!

  Diabolical, I thought.

  Well, it’s not going to work.

  I’m sure there’s some sort of potion to ward off a witch’s curse.

  I’ll ask Steve. He gets here on Saturday. I’m sure he’ll know what to do…

  Thursday

  Today they took the kids cave exploring so we can discover our true selves, whatever that means.

  I’ve been in caves like a million times. So I thought this cave trip would be as boring as ever.

  Except these caves were different. The camp counselor told us that we were going to a cave that had a recently discovered Stronghold in it.

  Strongholds are really cool, because it’s like the only place you can find an End Portal.

  Endy was really excited about the trip. He said the End Portal was how his family first emigrated to our world. He said his grandparents told him all kinds of stories about it when he was a little kid.

  I thought it was cool too, because there is only one other End Portal that has ever been found.

  The person guiding us on the tour was a famous archaeologist mob Skeleton lady, named Lara Craft.

  Before we went in, she made us wear helmets so that we wouldn’t get hit by falling cave stones and stuff.

  So, after exploring the caves for a few hours, we finally arrived at the Stronghold. It was awesome.

  The Stronghold!

  There were all kind of cool rooms in there. There was a room with a fountain, a room with a pillar in it, and a library.

  We found all kind of chests inside with cool stuff, too. But they didn’t let us keep the stuff we found.

  I was bummed too because Endy had found some Redstone in one chest, Flapper found a Gold ingot, and Creepy found a pickaxe that he had trouble picking up.

  In the library, I found a chest with an Enchanted Book.

  This might come in handy against the camp counselors, the witch nurse and the cafeteria monster, I thought.

  So I decided to hide it and keep it to myself.

  But Nick saw me hide it, which I knew meant trouble.

  “What you got there, Cretan?” Nick asked me.

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Looks like a book,” he said. “What are you going to give me so I don’t tell the camp counselors that you took it?”

  Oh man, here comes the blackmail. Why is it that bullies always have to blackmail you? They’re probably practicing so when they grow up they’ll make good mobsters.

  “What do you want?” I asked him.

  “Well, if anybody gets poisoned in our cabin, I want you to take the blame for it,” he said.

  “You planning on poisoning somebody?” I asked.

  “Well, it’s not like I can help it,” he said. “It just keeps happening in my sleep. And my parents warned me that if I poisoned anyone else that I would get in real trouble.”

  “Why don’t you go to a witch doctor for that?” I asked him. “We are in the Swamp Biome, you know.”

  “Look Cretan, it’s none of your business. And if you tell anyone, then everybody is going to know about your special book, got it?!!” he said.

  “Yeah, I got it,” I said.

  So for the rest of the trip, Nick just gave me a look to tell me he owned me.

  But I didn’t care, because with the Enchanted Book, I could ward off any spells the nurse witch or camp counselors could use on me.

  Friday

  Today was official prank day. This is the day that the camp counselors allow the mob kids to prank each other as much as they want.

  But what usually happens is that all the cabins with the tough kids usually prank all the cabins with the nice kids.

  The good thing about having Nick, the Wither Skeleton in our cabin, is that nobody would dare prank our cabin.

  The only problem? It was open season for Nick to prank all of us.

  First thing, we all woke up to Flapper screaming and yelling.

  Since Flapper was in the bottom bunk, Nick had created two walls out of duct tape and locked Flapper in.

  We could hear Flapper screaming and yelling and flapping in his bunk.

  It took us a while, but we got him out.

  But we were all scared because we knew we were next.

  Later, me and the guys were in our cabin reading comics during the morning break.

  All of a sudden we saw the door open and somebody chucked like 12 cans of shaving cream in the cabin, all tied to a small block of TNT.

  After the explosion, all of us were white from head to toe.

  After we got cleaned up, we tried to get out of the cabin to go to lunch. I didn’t even get through the door because Nick had covered the top part of the door with plastic wrap. Almost took my head off.

  After lunch, Endy went to the bathroom with his comics to do his duty.

  Next thing you know, we heard him yelling and screaming that he’s bleeding and about to die.

  We went into the bathroom and saw his legs and the walls were covered with red stuff that looked like blood.

  Creepy got up real up close to it, smelled it, and then licked it.

  “Eeewwww,” was all we could say.

  “Hey guys, its only ketchup,” Creepy said.

  Then we lifted the toilet seat and found about fifty ketchup packets that Nick had put under there.

  Man, camp life is hard.

  Saturday

  Steve finally made it to the Swamp Biome today.

  He was all covered in brown and green paint, and had a green bandana around his head.

  Steve is battle ready!

  I could tell he was ready for war.

 
“Steve, man, I’m so glad you’re here,” I said. “Trying to hold down the fort by myself is hard.”

  “Good job, soldier,” he said. “So what do you know so far?”

  “Well, first, I think the camp counselors are going to try to put a spell on me, to turn me into one of their minions,” I said. “They’ve been really nice to me, but I know what they’re up to.”

  “How do you know that they haven’t put a spell on you already?” Steve asked.

  I just looked at him…confused.

  “Well, anyway, I found an Enchanted Book in the Stronghold that’s near camp, and I thought you could use it to make a protective spell or something around us.”

  “Yeah, well, my enchantments aren’t very good,” Steve said. “But we can always ask Glenda, the Swamp Witch to help us. The full moon comes out in a few days, so she’ll be back by then.”

  “Also, the cafeteria food monster eats like twenty kids a day,” I said. “And it picks them clean. I haven’t seen any body parts or mob kid remains at all.”

  “Whoa,” was all Steve could say.

  “So where are you staying?” I asked Steve.

  “I built a small dirt house right outside of your camp,” he said. “That way I can stay close.”

  “Awesome.”

  Man, having Steve around is going to be great.

  I was going to ask him to help me with my Nick problem. But I didn’t want to distract him from the mission.