The Plague, Pestilence & Apocalypse MEGAPACK™

by Robert Reed

of Perdita .

  During the five years we had spent together, a knot of happy hu-

  man beings at Windsor Castle, her blissful lot had been the frequent

  theme of my sister’s conversation . From early habit, and natural af-

  fection, she selected me in preference to Adrian or Idris, to be the

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  partner in her overflowings of delight; perhaps, though apparently

  much unlike, some secret point of resemblance, the offspring of con-

  sanguinity, induced this preference . Often at sunset, I have walked

  with her, in the sober, enshadowed forest paths, and listened with

  joyful sympathy . Security gave dignity to her passion; the certainty

  of a full return, left her with no wish unfulfilled. The birth of her

  daughter, embryo copy of her Raymond, filled up the measure of her

  content, and produced a sacred and indissoluble tie between them .

  Sometimes she felt proud that he had preferred her to the hopes

  of a crown . Sometimes she remembered that she had suffered keen

  anguish, when he hesitated in his choice . But this memory of past

  discontent only served to enhance her present joy . What had been

  hardly won, was now, entirely possessed, doubly dear . She would

  look at him at a distance with the same rapture, (O, far more exuber-

  ant rapture!) that one might feel, who after the perils of a tempest,

  should find himself in the desired port; she would hasten towards

  him, to feel more certain in his arms, the reality of her bliss . This

  warmth of affection, added to the depth of her understanding, and

  the brilliancy of her imagination, made her beyond words dear to

  Raymond .

  If a feeling of dissatisfaction ever crossed her, it arose from the

  idea that he was not perfectly happy . Desire of renown, and pre-

  sumptuous ambition, had characterized his youth . The one he had

  acquired in Greece; the other he had sacrificed to love. His intel-

  lect found sufficient field for exercise in his domestic circle, whose

  members, all adorned by refinement and literature, were many of

  them, like himself, distinguished by genius . Yet active life was the

  genuine soil for his virtues; and he sometimes suffered tedium from

  the monotonous succession of events in our retirement . Pride made

  him recoil from complaint; and gratitude and affection to Perdita,

  generally acted as an opiate to all desire, save that of meriting her

  love . We all observed the visitation of these feelings, and none re-

  gretted them so much as Perdita . Her life consecrated to him, was a

  slight sacrifice to reward his choice, but was not that sufficient—Did

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  he need any gratification that she was unable to bestow? This was

  the only cloud in the azure of her happiness .

  His passage to power had been full of pain to both . He however

  attained his wish; he filled the situation for which nature seemed

  to have moulded him . His activity was fed in wholesome measure,

  without either exhaustion or satiety; his taste and genius found wor-

  thy expression in each of the modes human beings have invented to

  encage and manifest the spirit of beauty; the goodness of his heart

  made him never weary of conducing to the well-being of his fellow-

  creatures; his magnificent spirit, and aspirations for the respect and

  love of mankind, now received fruition; true, his exaltation was

  temporary; perhaps it were better that it should be so . Habit would

  not dull his sense of the enjoyment of power; nor struggles, disap-

  pointment and defeat await the end of that which would expire at its

  maturity . He determined to extract and condense all of glory, power,

  and achievement, which might have resulted from a long reign, into

  the three years of his Protectorate .

  Raymond was eminently social . All that he now enjoyed would

  have been devoid of pleasure to him, had it been unparticipated .

  But in Perdita he possessed all that his heart could desire . Her love

  gave birth to sympathy; her intelligence made her understand him at

  a word; her powers of intellect enabled her to assist and guide him .

  He felt her worth . During the early years of their union, the inequal-

  ity of her temper, and yet unsubdued self-will which tarnished her

  character, had been a slight drawback to the fulness of his sentiment .

  Now that unchanged serenity, and gentle compliance were added to

  her other qualifications, his respect equalled his love. Years added

  to the strictness of their union . They did not now guess at, and totter

  on the pathway, divining the mode to please, hoping, yet fearing the

  continuance of bliss . Five years gave a sober certainty to their emo-

  tions, though it did not rob them of their etherial nature . It had given

  them a child; but it had not detracted from the personal attractions of

  my sister . Timidity, which in her had almost amounted to awkward-

  ness, was exchanged for a graceful decision of manner; frankness,

  instead of reserve, characterized her physiognomy; and her voice

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  was attuned to thrilling softness . She was now three and twenty, in

  the pride of womanhood, fulfilling the precious duties of wife and

  mother, possessed of all her heart had ever coveted . Raymond was

  ten years older; to his previous beauty, noble mien, and command-

  ing aspect, he now added gentlest benevolence, winning tenderness,

  graceful and unwearied attention to the wishes of another .

  The first secret that had existed between them was the visits of

  Raymond to Evadne . He had been struck by the fortitude and beauty

  of the ill-fated Greek; and, when her constant tenderness towards

  him unfolded itself, he asked with astonishment, by what act of his

  he had merited this passionate and unrequited love . She was for a

  while the sole object of his reveries; and Perdita became aware that

  his thoughts and time were bestowed on a subject unparticipated

  by her . My sister was by nature destitute of the common feelings

  of anxious, petulant jealousy . The treasure which she possessed in

  the affections of Raymond, was more necessary to her being, than

  the life-blood that animated her veins—more truly than Othello she

  might say,

  To be once in doubt,

  Is—once to be resolved.

  On the present occasion she did not suspect any alienation of af-

  fection; but she conjectured that some circumstance connected with

  his high place, had occasioned this mystery . She was startled and

  pained . She began to count the long days, and months, and years

  which must elapse, before he would be restored to a private station,

  and unreservedly to her . She was not content that, even for a time,

  he should practice concealment with her . She often repined; but her

  trust in the singleness of his affection was undisturbed; and, when

  they were together, unchecked by fear, she opened her heart to the

  fullest delight .

  Time went on . Raymond, stopping mid-way in his wild career,

  paused suddenly to think of consequences . Two results presented

  themselves in
the view he took of the future . That his intercourse

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  with Evadne should continue a secret to, or that finally it should be

  discovered by Perdita . The destitute condition, and highly wrought

  feelings of his friend prevented him from adverting to the possi-

  bility of exiling himself from her. In the first event he had bidden

  an eternal farewell to open-hearted converse, and entire sympathy

  with the companion of his life . The veil must be thicker than that

  invented by Turkish jealousy; the wall higher than the unscaleable

  tower of Vathek, which should conceal from her the workings of

  his heart, and hide from her view the secret of his actions . This idea

  was intolerably painful to him . Frankness and social feelings were

  the essence of Raymond’s nature; without them his qualities became

  common-place; without these to spread glory over his intercourse

  with Perdita, his vaunted exchange of a throne for her love, was as

  weak and empty as the rainbow hues which vanish when the sun

  is down . But there was no remedy . Genius, devotion, and courage;

  the adornments of his mind, and the energies of his soul, all exerted

  to their uttermost stretch, could not roll back one hair’s breadth the

  wheel of time’s chariot; that which had been was written with the

  adamantine pen of reality, on the everlasting volume of the past;

  nor could agony and tears suffice to wash out one iota from the act

  fulfilled.

  But this was the best side of the question . What, if circumstance

  should lead Perdita to suspect, and suspecting to be resolved? The

  fibres of his frame became relaxed, and cold dew stood on his fore-

  head, at this idea . Many men may scoff at his dread; but he read the

  future; and the peace of Perdita was too dear to him, her speechless

  agony too certain, and too fearful, not to unman him . His course was

  speedily decided upon . If the worst befell; if she learnt the truth, he

  would neither stand her reproaches, or the anguish of her altered

  looks . He would forsake her, England, his friends, the scenes of his

  youth, the hopes of coming time, he would seek another country,

  and in other scenes begin life again . Having resolved on this, he

  became calmer . He endeavoured to guide with prudence the steeds

  of destiny through the devious road which he had chosen, and bent

  all his efforts the better to conceal what he could not alter .

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  The perfect confidence that subsisted between Perdita and him,

  rendered every communication common between them . They

  opened each other’s letters, even as, until now, the inmost fold of

  the heart of each was disclosed to the other . A letter came unawares,

  Perdita read it. Had it contained confirmation, she must have been

  annihilated . As it was, trembling, cold, and pale, she sought Ray-

  mond . He was alone, examining some petitions lately presented .

  She entered silently, sat on a sofa opposite to him, and gazed on

  him with a look of such despair, that wildest shrieks and dire moans

  would have been tame exhibitions of misery, compared to the living

  incarnation of the thing itself exhibited by her .

  At first he did notD

  take his eyes from the papers; when he raised them, he was struck

  by the wretchedness manifest on her altered cheek; for a moment

  he forgot his own acts and fears, and asked with consternation—

  “Dearest girl, what is the matter; what has happened?”

  “Nothing,” she replied at first; “and yet not so,” she continued,

  hurrying on in her speech; “you have secrets, Raymond; where have

  you been lately, whom have you seen, what do you conceal from

  me?—why am I banished from your confidence? Yet this is not it—I

  do not intend to entrap you with questions—one will suffice—am I

  completely a wretch?”

  With trembling hand she gave him the paper, and sat white and

  motionless looking at him while he read it . He recognised the hand-

  writing of Evadne, and the colour mounted in his cheeks . With

  lightning-speed he conceived the contents of the letter; all was now

  cast on one die; falsehood and artifice were trifles in comparison

  with the impending ruin . He would either entirely dispel Perdita’s

  suspicions, or quit her for ever . “My dear girl,” he said, “I have been

  to blame; but you must pardon me . I was in the wrong to commence

  a system of concealment; but I did it for the sake of sparing you

  pain; and each day has rendered it more difficult for me to alter

  my plan . Besides, I was instigated by delicacy towards the unhappy

  writer of these few lines .”

  Perdita gasped: “Well,” she cried, “well, go on!”

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  “That is all—this paper tells all. I am placed in the most difficult

  circumstances . I have done my best, though perhaps I have done

  wrong . My love for you is inviolate .”

  Perdita shook her head doubtingly: “It cannot be,” she cried, “I

  know that it is not . You would deceive me, but I will not be deceived .

  I have lost you, myself, my life!”

  “Do you not believe me?” said Raymond haughtily .

  “To believe you,” she exclaimed, “I would give up all, and expire

  with joy, so that in death I could feel that you were true—but that

  cannot be!”

  “Perdita,” continued Raymond, “you do not see the precipice on

  which you stand . You may believe that I did not enter on my pres-

  ent line of conduct without reluctance and pain . I knew that it was

  possible that your suspicions might be excited; but I trusted that my

  simple word would cause them to disappear . I built my hope on your

  confidence. Do you think that I will be questioned, and my replies

  disdainfully set aside? Do you think that I will be suspected, perhaps

  watched, cross-questioned, and disbelieved? I am not yet fallen so

  low; my honour is not yet so tarnished . You have loved me; I adored

  you . But all human sentiments come to an end . Let our affection

  expire—but let it not be exchanged for distrust and recrimination .

  Heretofore we have been friends—lovers—let us not become en-

  emies, mutual spies . I cannot live the object of suspicion—you can-

  not believe me—let us part!”

  “Exactly so,” cried Perdita, “I knew that it would come to this!

  Are we not already parted? Does not a stream, boundless as ocean,

  deep as vacuum, yawn between us?”

  Raymond rose, his voice was broken, his features convulsed, his

  manner calm as the earthquake-cradling atmosphere, he replied: “I

  am rejoiced that you take my decision so philosophically . Doubtless

  you will play the part of the injured wife to admiration . Sometimes

  you may be stung with the feeling that you have wronged me, but

  the condolence of your relatives, the pity of the world, the compla-

  cency which the consciousness of your own immaculate innocence

  will bestow, will be excellent balm;—me you will never see more!”

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  Raymond move
d towards the door . He forgot that each word he

  spoke was false . He personated his assumption of innocence even to

  self-deception . Have not actors wept, as they pourtrayed imagined

  passion? A more intense feeling of the reality of fiction possessed

  Raymond . He spoke with pride; he felt injured . Perdita looked up;

  she saw his angry glance; his hand was on the lock of the door . She

  started up, she threw herself on his neck, she gasped and sobbed; he

  took her hand, and leading her to the sofa, sat down near her . Her

  head fell on his shoulder, she trembled, alternate changes of fire

  and ice ran through her limbs: observing her emotion he spoke with

  softened accents:

  “The blow is given . I will not part from you in anger;—I owe you

  too much . I owe you six years of unalloyed happiness . But they are

  passed . I will not live the mark of suspicion, the object of jealousy . I

  love you too well . In an eternal separation only can either of us hope

  for dignity and propriety of action . We shall not then be degraded

  from our true characters . Faith and devotion have hitherto been the

  essence of our intercourse;—these lost, let us not cling to the seed-

  less husk of life, the unkernelled shell . You have your child, your

  brother, Idris, Adrian”—

  “And you,” cried Perdita, “the writer of that letter .”

  Uncontrollable indignation flashed from the eyes of Raymond.

  He knew that this accusation at least was false . “Entertain this be-

  lief,” he cried, “hug it to your heart—make it a pillow to your head,

  an opiate for your eyes —I am content . But, by the God that made

  me, hell is not more false than the word you have spoken!”

  Perdita was struck by the impassioned seriousness of his assev-

  erations . She replied with earnestness, “I do not refuse to believe

  you, Raymond; on the contrary I promise to put implicit faith in

  your simple word . Only assure me that your love and faith towards

  me have never been violated; and suspicion, and doubt, and jealousy

  will at once be dispersed . We shall continue as we have ever done,

  one heart, one hope, one life .”

  “I have already assured you of my fidelity,” said Raymond with

  disdainful coldness, “triple assertions will avail nothing where one

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  is despised . I will say no more; for I can add nothing to what I have