Losing Faith

by Scotty Cade

  “Look!” Abel pointed down the dock. “There’s a new boat.” He smacked Cullen on the arm. “I’ll race you to the dock house.” Abel took off running.

  “Oh, no, you don’t,” Cullen said, taking off right after him.

  Cullen might be a seasoned long-distance runner, but he was nothing if not a sprinter. He caught up to Abel in seconds, passed him up, and was waiting for Abel when he reached the dock house. “Damn! Not again.”

  “Yep. Again.”

  “Just wait until I get you to the gym,” Abel said, looking up from under his eyelashes. His lips were now a little pouty, and it was absolutely adorable on him. Cullen looked at Abel, and a smile twisted his lips. He ran the backs of his fingers along Abel’s jaw and then took him into his arms and whispered into his ear, “I’m sure you’re gonna kill me at the gym.”

  Abel stilled for a second and then melted into Cullen’s embrace, and it was the most glorious feeling to have him fit so perfectly. For just one second, he allowed himself to think about love at first sight. He hadn’t believed in that crap until he’d met Cole. Could it happen to him again? Could he be so lucky? He remembered how he’d been so drawn to Abel when he’d first seen him sitting on that park bench. The connection he’d felt. Does lightning strike in the same place twice?

  “WHATAYA SAY we call it a night?” Abel looked around to make sure they were alone, took Cullen by the hand, and led him toward the boat.

  When they were safely inside, away from the prying eyes of Southport, Abel stepped up to Cullen, placed his hands on Cullen’s chest, and kissed him gently. He slowly and deliberately released the buttons of Cullen’s shirt, one at a time, and pulled the shirttails out of Cullen’s jeans. Abel ran his hands over Cullen’s bare chest, down his sides, up his back, and once again to his chest. He brushed his thumbs over Cullen’s nipples, pinched them gently, and released.

  Cullen sighed and threw his head back. Abel studied him closely, and when Cullen dropped his head to face him again, Abel held eye contact with him for one eternal moment. Cullen finally cupped Abel’s face and kissed him so completely, Abel felt it down to his toes. Cullen gripped the bottom of Abel’s golf shirt, and Abel lifted his arms. The shirt glided over his head and flew across the saloon. Cullen stared down at Abel with such an expression of desire that it took his breath away. He’d never been desired. Never been looked at that way. Something shone in Cullen’s eyes that Abel wanted to call love, but he didn’t dare. Instead he fought back the tears welling up in his eyes and put the thought out of his head.

  Cullen’s callused hands roamed freely over Abel’s broad muscular chest, caressing him in a way that made Abel’s entire body tingle. Abel closed his eyes and licked his lips in anticipation as Cullen again cupped his face and brought their lips together in a slow kiss that churned emotions deep inside, emotions Abel never knew he had. Cullen took Abel’s hand and led him down to his cabin, but once there, Abel took control, covering Cullen’s mouth with a wet, desperate kiss as he moved him toward the bed. When the backs of Cullen’s legs hit the mattress, Abel pushed with all his might, and Cullen went down on his back, looking up at him in surprise. Abel flashed his best seductive smile—not that he’d ever practiced a seductive smile before—and hoped it conveyed his longing for Cullen, his desire to have him.

  Cullen was breathing heavily and sweat was starting to glisten on his skin as Abel stared down at him. He’s so beautiful. Now that he knew he could be Cullen’s undoing, Abel wanted nothing more. He suddenly realized he’d succeeded in reaching an unreachable man, gotten inside a heart that had been locked away for almost two years. I can’t take this lightly. I have a responsibility to protect the heart I’ve penetrated no matter what it takes.

  Abel dropped down to Cullen’s feet and slipped off Cullen’s loafers and socks without ever breaking eye contact. He came up on his knees and released Cullen’s belt and jeans and pulled them down and off, along with Cullen’s underwear. Cullen’s long, lean, naked, and extremely chiseled body was a sight to behold. In the dimly lit cabin, the little bit of silver hair at Cullen’s temples glimmered brightly against his otherwise black mane, and his eyes were a brilliant blue. How could Abel be so lucky? How could this have happened to him?

  Wasting no time, Abel unbuckled his belt, toed out of his shoes, and removed his jeans and underwear. Lastly, he peeled off his socks and then looked down at Cullen, whose eyes were hooded with lust. The sight made Abel groan and bite his bottom lip. Abel climbed onto the bed, and when his skin touched Cullen’s, his nerve endings suddenly caught fire, as if a thousand volts of electricity went flowing through him at breakneck speed. Chill bumps instantly covered his body, and the hair stood up on the back of his neck.

  “Come here.” Cullen pulled Abel up to him, wrapped him in a strong embrace, and kissed the top of Abel’s head. “You are one gorgeous man. You know that?”

  Abel didn’t concur, but he felt the blush creeping up his face and fought the urge to disagree. “Thanks,” he whispered instead. In reality, whatever Abel was, it was because of Cullen and the confidence he’d given Abel to live his true life.

  Abel raised his head and looked up at Cullen. He ran his palm along Cullen’s jaw and hoped his eyes conveyed all the emotions jumbled inside him. Abel opened his mouth to speak, but Cullen pressed his index finger against Abel’s lips.

  “Shh…. It’s okay. I know.”

  Cullen rolled over, pinned Abel beneath him, and buried his face in Abel’s neck. He nibbled on the sensitive area where Abel’s neck met his shoulder and then trailed soft kisses down Abel’s torso and back up again. Wedged between their bodies, Abel’s cock was painfully hard, and it jumped each time Cullen moved or shifted, sending waves of pleasure coursing through him. When Cullen slid down again and took Abel into his mouth, the warm, wet sensation caused Abel to tremble with anticipation.

  “Cullen!” he gasped, arching his back and fisting the sheets, desperately needing something to hold on to.

  Abel shuddered when Cullen circled the delicate skin under the head of his cock and then swallowed him, holding him there until he could no longer breathe before sliding back up. Cullen gripped Abel and began moving his hand in unison with his mouth, up and down, applying a slight suction one stroke at a time that was about to undo Abel completely. Abel released his grip on the sheets and ran his hands through Cullen’s thick black hair, riding Cullen’s head up and down as he passionately tortured Abel with pleasures beyond his imagination.

  “Stop,” Abel moaned, and Cullen withdrew. “I’m getting too close, and I want this to last. I want more.”

  Since they’d already established what more meant, Abel and Cullen both knew what Abel was anticipating, and the thought made Abel shiver with expectation. He trusted Cullen and had no doubts of any consequence. Still, fear of the unknown was electrifying and frightening at the same time.

  Abel wanted to feel Cullen moving inside him, needed to be one with him, but why the urgency? Something was nagging at Abel just beyond his comprehension, and it lingered there like a dark cloud hanging overhead.

  Cullen was now kissing his way up Abel’s stomach and chest, and after teasing Abel’s nipples, he smiled and hovered just above Abel until their eyes met. “Are you sure?”

  Abel hesitated for a split second and then nodded. “I need this.”

  “I need this too,” Cullen said. “For so many reasons.”

  Cullen reached over to the bedside table, retrieved a bottle of lubricant, and as if something had just dawned on him, cursed under his breath. “I forgot about condoms. Haven’t used them in ten years.”

  “Are you… okay?” Abel asked sheepishly.

  “Yes. I’m HIV negative if that’s what you’re asking. And so was Cole. We were a monogamous couple, and I haven’t been with anyone since his death. I would never put you or anyone else at risk. But if you’d rather not, I totally understand.”

  “No,” Abel said. “I trust you.”

  Cullen rai
sed an eyebrow. “Remind me later to chastise you for being so trusting.”

  Abel rolled his eyes. “And remind me later to ask you not to talk so much during sex.”

  “Duly noted.”

  Cullen hastily kissed Abel on the lips and then settled between his open legs. Abel was still rock hard, his length lying flat against his stomach. Cullen flipped open the top of the lube bottle, gripped him, and drizzled the lube over his hand as he stroked Abel’s length. The combination of the lube and Cullen’s slick, callused hand moving up and down him teased another shudder out of Abel. Cullen raised Abel’s legs over his head, and as Cullen had done earlier, Abel grabbed his ankles and held his legs in place. The position was not altogether uncomfortable, but he felt exposed and vulnerable. He kept reminding himself this was Cullen, and he trusted him.

  With one hand still on Abel’s cock, Cullen spread Abel’s ass cheeks with the other hand and ran his tongue over Abel’s virgin opening. Abel sucked in a breath and released it. The sensation was all too brief, and Abel wanted to feel it again.

  As if reading his mind, Cullen licked him once more, this time lingering and wiggling his tongue for a few moments. Every muscle in Abel’s body contracted and then relaxed again when Cullen withdrew.

  The tingling sensations in his groin and ass were driving Abel wild with passion, and he secretly wished Cullen would do it again. Deeper. Longer. But he was too shy or embarrassed to beg.

  Finally, Abel’s wish came true. Cullen’s warm, wet tongue started licking and prodding continuously. Wiggling and probing. And as if that alone wasn’t pleasurable enough, Cullen started moving his hand up and down Abel’s length in time with his lashing tongue. Abel instinctively started to wiggle and thrust his hips up into Cullen’s hand, riding the waves of pleasure that surged through him. Abel could feel his opening relaxing with each movement of Cullen’s tongue. And then the laving ceased.

  Abel sighed and silently cursed Cullen for stopping until he heard the flip of the lube bottle’s top again. Soon after, he felt Cullen applying the slick liquid to his opening, swirling his finger around the sensitive nerve endings, probing ever so gently, and then swirling again. Every muscle in Abel’s body tensed with delight and anticipation, but he didn’t have to wait very long. Cullen slowly slipped one finger inside him, and Abel nearly came off of the bed, his internal voltage meter hitting the red zone. But when Cullen passed over a particular spot inside Abel’s body, Abel screamed as a jolt of something coursed through him. Passion. Electricity. Boundless desire.

  Cullen withdrew, and Abel gasped loudly in protest. But when Cullen pushed in again and began to move in and out, Abel felt a stimulating rush of pressure each time Cullen brushed his prostate. Without conscious intent Abel let out a moan that seemed to go on forever.

  “You okay?”

  Abel heard Cullen’s voice somewhere in the distance, but for some reason his tongue and lips just wouldn’t come together to form a response.

  “Abel? Do you want me to stop?”

  Sounding closer now, Abel heard the concern in Cullen’s voice and somehow forced his tongue to cooperate with his brain. “No, I’m good. Better than… actually… great.” He knew his words were fractured, but it was the best he could do.

  Abel flinched and tensed for a second when he felt a slight pinching sensation as Cullen stretched him open, obviously slipping a second finger inside him. The sensation was odd and a little uncomfortable, but not at all bad. He relaxed and his body adjusted rather quickly to the intrusion.

  Cullen worked his fingers in and out of Abel in a slow, steady rhythm that sent surges of pleasure up and down Abel’s spine. The more Cullen moved his fingers, the more relaxed Abel became, his body naturally compensating. Abel was a mindless mass of male flesh, and he was enjoying every minute of it.

  “You ready?” Cullen asked.

  Abel nodded but didn’t speak. He heard the familiar sound of the flip top and opened his eyes to see Cullen coating his own length in long, slow strokes. That sight was almost enough to send him over the edge before they even got started, so he closed his eyes again tightly and tried not to imagine what Cullen was doing.

  The next time Abel opened his eyes, Cullen was positioning himself, and Abel felt the head of Cullen’s length pressing against him, skin smooth against Abel’s slicked opening. Abel tightened his grip on his ankles and did his best to relax.

  You want this, Abel. Relax!

  Cullen pushed slowly, purposefully, inside Abel’s body, and Abel cried out as though Cullen had pierced his heart. The pain. The pinching. The stretching. All seemed unbearable for a short second, but Cullen never took his eyes off Abel, and it was what Abel needed. To see his face. To hold their connection.

  Then Cullen stopped and gave Abel time to adjust, and Abel felt himself slowly relaxing around Cullen’s girth. Cullen supported Abel’s legs now, and Abel let go of his ankles, bringing one hand instinctively to his erection and the other to Cullen’s thigh.

  Abel stroked himself, an act that began to turn the discomfort into something else. Not pleasure yet, but not quite pain either. When Cullen started to move again, Abel was ready. Cullen slowly pushed in farther and farther until Abel felt the slight tickling of Cullen’s crotch hair against his balls.

  The pain was definitely subsiding and being replaced with a feeling of fullness. Odd and unfamiliar, but not altogether unpleasant. Cullen retreated, pulling out slowly, and when he slid against Abel’s prostate again, Abel cried out, “God in heaven.” When Cullen pushed in again, what was left of the pain turned to instant pleasure. Every nerve ending in Abel’s body was on fire. His pulse was racing and his heart was pumping at breakneck speed. Every time Cullen pulled out and drove back into him, Abel felt sweetly and thoroughly penetrated. His moans were now flowing freely, and the sounds emanating from his own body seemed foreign and completely out of his control.

  It was almost as though Cullen had turned Abel’s skin inside out and was lightly teasing every one of his nerve endings simultaneously. Abel felt his orgasm forming from deep within. His balls tightened, and he stroked himself in time with Cullen’s thrusts.

  “Cullen! I’m so close.”

  “It’s okay, Abel. I’m right behind you.”

  Abel locked eyes with Cullen as the man steadily pounded into him. He continued to stroke his length, bringing on the spasms that would lead to his gut-wrenching release.

  Surfing on the first wave of his orgasm, Abel cried out as pearls of white liquid covered his neck and chest. Abel pumped harder as his body convulsed, the remaining waves dotting his torso from his pectorals down to his belly button. He milked himself until he was completely empty.

  “Abel!” Cullen moaned as he pumped frantically.

  Abel watched Cullen through a haze of ecstasy as his lover convulsed and muttered incoherently until his thrusts finally slowed and he sighed in the aftermath of his orgasm and collapsed on top of Abel.

  They lay there breathless, wrapped in each other’s arms. Abel was pulsating with a feeling so new he couldn’t really understand it. He realized he was no longer the man he had been a few days ago, or even a few hours ago. He felt so alive and so filled with a warm light he imagined he must be glowing.

  And then in a split second, doubt worked its way into Abel’s brain. He quickly identified the familiar feeling teetering just beyond his grasp. Fear. In an instant he questioned whether Cullen could ever really be his. Cullen seemed to belong wholeheartedly to Cole. Abel had known this after that first dinner when Cullen had broken down and told him about Cole.

  If God had truly sent Cullen to him, why would he take him away again? At that moment Abel understood a little about what Cullen had been going through losing Cole.

  Abel had no doubt in his mind now that Cullen would eventually leave him. His life and his business were in New England, and Cullen had given no indication he would ask Abel to join him. That was a reality Abel would have to get used to. He knew he wasn’t strong e
nough to leave Cullen, so he had no other choice but to enjoy the ride until it ended.

  Just keep your feelings in check. That’s all you can do.

  He tightened his grip on Cullen as tears threatened to spill from his tortured eyes.

  “Was that okay?” Cullen’s voice penetrated his thoughts.

  “Amaz—” Abel’s voice cracked. He swallowed hard. “That was amazing.”

  “You were amazing,” Cullen said. “The way you moaned when I moved inside of you. You were driving me mad with desire.”

  Cullen climbed out of bed and came back with a warm wet towel. Abel allowed Cullen to clean him from his chin down to his nether regions and then watched as Cullen tossed the towel back into the head.

  Abel rolled onto his side, and Cullen pulled him back against his chest, trailing little kisses across Abel’s back and shoulders. “Thank you.”

  Abel sighed. “Because of you I’m a different man. I will never forget you, Cullen.”

  Cullen wrapped his arm around Abel’s waist and pulled him even closer. Abel dissolved into him, wanting to stay there forever.

  I love you, Cullen Kiley.

  CULLEN LAY awake long after Abel had drifted off to sleep. His arms were still securely wrapped around Abel, and Abel was breathing calmly and rhythmically.

  There were so many emotions coursing through Cullen. He thought about Cole. He knew Cole would want him to be happy. He would have wanted the same for Cole if their positions had been reversed. Except Cole wouldn’t have been so stupid and pigheaded about it.

  And then there was Abel. Cullen was surprisingly okay with what he and Abel had done earlier. No flashbacks of Cole had entered his head. He hadn’t screamed Cole’s name when his release seemed imminent. What did that say?

  His eyes had locked on to Abel’s, and they hadn’t wandered. He was right there with Abel. Feeling his emotions, sensing his wants and needs. They had been perfectly in tune with each other. How could all of this happen in less than a week? And something Abel had said right before he drifted off to sleep rang through Cullen’s head. “Because of you I’m a different man. I will never forget you, Cullen.”