“Yeah, you did, brother. By saying you were content with things the way they were, you were saying she’s not good enough for more than an occasional romp.”
“I’m not good enough for her, Hatch,” I admit. “Had to let her go, no matter how good we got along and I ain’t talking about in bed.” Another thing I miss, our movie nights, and how she would curl into me as we would quote lines from our favorites.
“Good, because as far as I’m concerned, she’s still that little girl with pigtails in her hair, not a grown ass woman who has stupidly fallen for a brother who has issues committing.”
“You don’t understand, brother.” Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of being misunderstood when it comes to my issues with relationships. But suddenly it all comes pouring out of me. “My old man was a prick and a bastard. Treated me and my ma like shit up to, and including, the day she left for good, leaving me with him. He told me that relationships weren’t worth it; that fucking them and letting them go was the way to be.”
We’ve reached my apartment and he parks before getting out of his truck and helping me out. I’m thinking the last three beers and two shots weren’t my wisest decision because it seems to take forever to get up the stairs. He helps me in, then closes and locks the door while I stumble to the couch, kicking my boots off along the way. “Hold that thought, brother,” Hatch states, before walking into my kitchen. I hear the refrigerator door open, then several cabinets are opened and closed before he returns, holding out a bottle of water in one hand and several pills in the other. “Figure you need to start hydrating and take something for that fucking headache you’re going to have tomorrow,” he says in response to my unasked question.
“Thanks, Hatch.” I thankfully accept the offer. A hangover headache is a bitch to get past. Not to mention, the spinning of a room and barfing into the porcelain throne… none of which I’m looking forward to experiencing.
He sits down on the loveseat opposite from me and I brace myself for whatever he’s about to say. “Maxum, you’re one of my brothers and you’ve been a good one since you patched into the club. You’ve watched each of us find someone and settle down, right?” At my nod, he continues, “Why don’t you think you deserve the same? Fuck, you know some of your brothers have been in worse situations growing up and they’re happy as pigs are when they get a chance to play in the mud. It’s not all sunshine and roses; we all have disagreements with our women, but we love, respect and treasure them first and foremost. And, Maxum? I’ve seen, fuck, we’ve all seen how you are around Lily. The two of you practically glow or some shit when you’re together. How can you think that she’s only good for a casual fuck?”
“She deserves better,” I insist. This is something I continually repeat to myself and anyone who’s asked about her and me. How can they not see the dirt that layers my body, heart and mind? It’s all over me, I’m coated in it, I see it clearly every single time I look at myself in a mirror.
“Better than what? Better than a man who’d lay his life down for her? Better than a man who supports whatever she wants to try? Better than a man who’s spent his fair share of time taking care of her when she’s down with one of her headaches? I don’t think so, brother. I think I’m staring at the best man for her, and it’s time you woke up and smelled the coffee and got with the fucking program. Do you really want to go the rest of your life without her in it? Not see her smile, hear her laugh? I’m not gonna discuss the sex aspect because I watched her grow up, but there’s more to life than sex, and from where I sit, the two of you have built a helluva foundation based on trust, honesty, and loyalty. You need to straighten shit out in your head and then go get your woman because right now, she’s vulnerable to anyone who comes along since she doesn’t think you give two fucks about her.”
I slump even further into the couch at his words. I wasn’t expecting this, for him to calmly discuss the situation with me. I figured he’d knock me around some, yell about hurting his niece, then leave me laying in a puddle of drool. “I think it’s too late, Hatch,” I mutter. There’s a strange sensation in my chest and I don’t have the mental capacity to examine it too closely right now.
But it feels suspiciously like… hope.
7
Maxum
The pounding making itself known in my head is only temporarily superseded by the banging on the fucking door. “Go away, I’m sleeping!” I holler from my position on the couch. After Hatch said his piece, he left me there, and I never managed to make it to the bed. I fell asleep with his words ringing in my head and now, with the hangover from hell, as well as whoever the fuck is at my door, everything is simply too much.
“Answer the fucking door, asshole!” Fuck. It’s Jaxson and he won’t go away, he’s one hardheaded motherfucker when he wants to be. Cursing a blue streak that would make any sailor proud, I stumble while getting up. When I finally make it to the front door, I unlatch the chain then unlock the bottom lock. I open my front door with gusto ready to chew his ass out but stop my tirade when both Jaxson and Talon push their way through. I throw my hands up in the air… might as well give the fuck up. I have no chance between the two of them.
“What the fuck? This ain’t Grand Central Station. Last I knew, it was perfectly fine for a guy to lie around and do nothing.” The smell of coffee increases as Jaxson shoves a cup in my hands. Normally, the shop is open on Saturdays, but with the interns, we’re caught up and I decided we needed to take the day off. Well, that and the fact that I’ve been such a surly bastard, even I can’t stand myself.
“Drink this, brother. Hatch said you needed us so we’re here,” he says as Talon sets down a bag full of donuts. My stomach rolls at the scent of fresh java and the icing on the donuts.
“What the fuck?” I ask. Before either of them can answer, I head into the kitchen and grab some more aspirin, as well as another bottle of water.
“Guess he figures that since we’re all the best of friends, and the three of us are closest in age, that we can help unfuck your head or something,” Talon says around a mouthful of donut. I feel my stomach cringe and realize that I probably shouldn’t eat just yet.
“Jesus fucking Christ. Y’all gonna braid my hair next?” I ask. At Jaxson’s smirk, I throw one of the pillows that Lily helped pick out at him. “Shut it, asshole. I’m fine, it’s all fine.” Secretly, even though I’m hungover, it touches me that the two of them are taking one of their only days off to be with me instead of their old ladies. Not gonna say anything, though; I’m no pussy.
“If it’s so fine, why’s Lily up with Luca and Gypsy? Why’ve you been walking around like a surly bear who got shot in the ass with a BB gun? We know shit wasn’t all that great for you growing up. Hell, man, I think most of us have fucked up histories. But since we all came into the Rebel Guardians family, have you ever seen any one of our other brothers treat any of the women horribly? No, you haven’t and if nothing else, ditch the shit you grew up with and fill it with those memories. Lily loves you, brother, and if you were honest with yourself, you’d realize that you love her too,” Talon states. He’s usually somewhat quiet but apparently, in this ‘Let’s Help Maxum Get His Head Out Of His Ass’ quest, he’s taken a vow of verbal vomit or some shit. “Don’t push her so far away that you don’t get her back. I nearly lost Claree doing that shit, brother, and I won’t let you do it to yourself or to Lily.”
I drop my head in my hands at his words. “Y’all have no clue, no idea at all about the fucking monsters I deal with thanks to my dad. Until my mom left when I turned sixteen, I was regularly screamed at, beaten, and treated like I was a waste of space with no redeeming qualities. When my mom left, it got worse. If what my parents had was love, I don’t want any part of it.” I probably sound like a pussy right now, but I remember shaking beneath the covers as a kid while the screams and thumps against the wall went on, night after night. Hell, it’s one of the reasons I typically don’t drink all that much because that’s w
hat he would do and I don’t wanna be like my old man.
“Fuck, man, you’ve been holding this shit in for a long ass time,” Jaxson mutters. “Why didn’t you ever say something before? We would’ve helped you fight those demons and put them to rest.”
“Because I’ve never intended to take an old lady, brother. Was just gonna take what I could get when I needed it from anyone willing,” I reply.
“And then along came Lily,” Talon says in understanding, giving me a knowing look. Fucker. He knows I’ve been drawn to her for more years than I wanna think about.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “But I think I fucked it all up six ways from Sunday and there’s no coming back from the shit I said.” It sounds like all I’m doing is coming up with excuses, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Facts are facts, and it’s a given that I pushed her away and hurt her more than any love she could potentially still feel from me could overcome.
“Do you not know Lily? Cause brother, you sure aren’t acting like you do,” Jaxson asks, laughing. “She’s one of the most forgiving, caring people I know.”
That spark of hope ignites once again at his words but I try to tamp it down. “You’re still gonna have to work hard to get her back, brother,” Talon cautions. “She’s not a pushover by a long shot, even if she is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known.”
“I can’t afford to fuck things up, y’all. Axe would kill me if I hurt her more than I’ve already done. Hell, Cara would probably do the deed,” I state.
“Then we need to find you someone you can talk to, besides us that is, so you can get your head on straight,” Jaxson replies. The look he gives me lets me know that this isn’t something I can just push to the side.
“At the risk of sounding like a fucking chick, fine,” I grumble. “Not sure how talking to someone would help.” Do bad ass bikers talk to counselors? Fuck if I know, but if it helps me get Lily back and keep her forever, I’d be willing to do about anything to make that happen. I still don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for her, but I’m feeling a bit selfish. I have missed the ever-loving fuck out of her since we parted ways.
“I promise, brother, it helps. Look at Rae. You work on yourself, let the rest of us worry about Lily,” Jaxson says. When that flicker of hope sparks again, I decide that I should embrace the flames and see where it takes me.
Lily
Standing outside of the clubhouse, I’m laughing my ass off at Maddox and Luca as they banter back and forth. Tig’s head is bouncing back and forth like a ping-pong ball. If I’m being completely honest, he looks sad that they won’t let him get a word in edgewise.
“Why are you two mad at me?” Tig pouts and crosses his arms across his chest.
“Ain’t no one mad at you, Tig. Everything isn’t always about you.” Luca rolls his eyes in response.
“It is in my world,” Tig shouts.
“Hey, where’s Danika?” I ask him. He turns around, gives me a glaring look then turns and stomps away.
“Hey! How’d you do that? I need to learn all of your tricks,” Luca laughs. “I’ve been trying to get him to get lost for nearly an hour now. I’m jealous of your skills, little sister.”
I roll my eyes because we’re technically the same age. “All I did was ask him about Danika,” I admit. “I thought they were… uh… getting close. At least that’s what it seemed like the last time I was here visiting.”
“Yeah, I have absolutely no clue what the hell happened there, and he sure as fuck won’t talk to me about it at all. Good going, though. Hey, I had an idea for you,” Luca says. “Since you keep hogging my dog, what if we go look for one for you since you’re a single woman living on her own? Well, not totally on your own while you’re here, but you know what I mean.”
I’m about to reply when I hear, “Watch out! Shit! Fuck! Y’all move!” screamed from the roof of the clubhouse and look up in time to see a small bundle of shingles sliding off the edge of the roof. Before I can move, I feel the impact against the back of my head and I fall forward, face planting in the grass. I hear Luca and Maddox screaming my name as the darkness engulfs me.
Waking up, I realize quickly that I’m in the hospital. My head feels like I’ve got the whole percussion section of the New York Symphony in it, pounding away so hard that just moving my head a little bit has me swallowing back bile. I see Luca asleep in the chair, my hand loosely clasped in his, with Gypsy curled around him. When my eyes meet my mom’s, I gasp, causing Luca and Gypsy to both wake up.
“Oh, thank God, Lily,” Mom cries out, coming over to my side and reaching out to smooth back my hair. I melt into her embrace, just as I’ve always done, but I hate that they’ve had to come all this way over a little bump on the head. Plus, this makes me worry. If they know, does he know? If so, why isn’t he here too?
“Luca? Why did you call Mom and Dad?” I ask, my voice raspy from disuse.
“Lily, you’ve been unconscious for days! There’s no fucking way I wasn’t going to let them know that you’d been hurt,” he replies before grabbing a cup filled with water. He holds the straw up to my lips and I take a few swallows, grateful for the soothing feel of the cold water as it slides down my throat. I didn’t realize how parched I was and I greedily suck it down until Luca pulls it away, saying, “Not so fast, Lil. I’ll give you more in a little bit.”
“Days?” How the hell have I slept for days? All I can seem to remember is being in the courtyard at Luca’s clubhouse; like a whisper in my head, I remember someone scream from above us to watch out, then the memory overcomes me as I remember that something actually hit me… hard. Everything else is a dark, blank void, buried deep inside of my memory bank… one that I hope stays hidden in time, if the looks on my family’s face is any indication of what I’ve suffered.
“Yeah, honey, days. Gypsy called while Luca rode with you in the ambulance since he pretty much knows your medical history. Your dad and I packed a bag, sent the twins to your Aunt DJ and Uncle Hatch, then we hit the road a few minutes later.” My eyes widen because my mom is a lot of things, but spontaneity isn’t really a strong point. She’s a planner, using lists full of bullet points to ensure she accomplishes her goals and she regularly sets herself tasks to accomplish. When she sees my non-verbal response, she chuckles then says, “We shopped for what we needed when we got here, sweetheart. Whatever we left behind; we now have. Lord only knows our heads were jumbled as we tried to remember all of the necessities. Needless to say, we left with a few essentials missing. You should’ve seen your dad, he was like a raging bull, hollering at me to hurry my butt up, we could get whatever we needed when we got here.” Visually, I can see all of this taking place in my head… but, I can’t fathom my father using the word butt… in this instance it was more like ass, but Mom still can’t bring herself to use ‘inappropriate’ words.
God, I love my parents. I know that biologically, Cara isn’t my mom, we don’t share the same blood, but she came into my life when I was six and has been the only mom in my life. I couldn’t have asked for a better woman to come into my life, step into the role she did, and unite us as a family. She’s never treated me any differently from Luca or the twins. Nope, in Caraleigh Callahan’s eyes, I’m hers, plain and simple.
“W-what’s wrong with me?” I stutter out, holding the tears at bay that want to slip free. I don’t want to worry anyone with my emotional outburst. My heart and soul are damaged, and it’s not their place to glue everything back together again. I feel like Humpty Dumpty right about now.
“Where do I start? When you fell, you face planted and neither me nor Maddox were close enough to catch you, so you managed to break your own damn nose,” Luca states. “The stack of shingles fell and hit you in the back of your head, so you’ve got a large gash back there that required twenty stitches. Apparently, you subconsciously threw your arms out when you fell and managed to break your left wrist and sprain your right one. You have a grade three concussion, too, which is why your head is p
robably killing you.” I didn’t want to mention the marching band that’s sharing headspace with me, but yeah, my head is aching and I could use a Tylenol… something. It could also explain the light sensitivity I’m suffering. The list is ever growing of the pains racking my body at this moment.
Damn, all I can think of right now is that because I couldn't get out of the way, leaping tall buildings in a single bound, that I am the unluckiest girl on the planet. I need a Midol, I’m having an emotional breakdown, only I don’t want to show that since everyone is already concerned enough about me. I’m about to ask something else when Mom gives Luca a perturbed look, he shoots one back at her before standing up and stretching his arms above his head. He then ends up reaching his hand out and taking Gypsy’s in his, then silently begins walking away taking my soon-to-be sister-in-law with him. “I’ll go look for Dad and let him know she’s awake,” he says over his shoulder to Mom. She nods and comes to sit in the chair where Luca was recently sitting. What I really wish she’d do is climb into bed with me, hold me tightly to her, and reassure me everything wrong in my world will be alright. But I won’t ask that of her, she looks stressed enough as it is.
“Mom? Is there something else?” I ask, remembering the scathing look she sent in my brother’s direction when he was opening his mouth to tell me something. Something that seemed important. It was odd that Mom shut him up with one look alone… my big, badass biker brother, can still be brought to his knees by our mother… and his woman, it seems.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Yeah, my Lily Bug, there is. Sweetheart, you’re pregnant.” Umm… excuse me? Did she just say what I think she did? Surely not… there’s no way that could be possible! I’ve obviously suffered a major head trauma because I could have sworn she said I was pregnant.
Maxum & Lily: Rebel Guardians Next Generation Page 5