“Mom, that can’t be possible,” I insist. I’ve only ever been with Maxum, and we were careful. Always using precaution… he was so scared that this would come to fruition that he even checked my birth control pills. I don’t know why the possibility of pending fatherhood had him so scared, but any time the topic would come up, he’d turn white as a sheet and begin shaking… almost as if fear blanketed the rational part of his brain.
Her raised eyebrows have me gulping. “Lily, I know you know how babies are created and conceived. You’ve had the birds and bees talk with your dad. I also know that you and Maxum, until recently, have been in an intimate relationship.” My eyes close in humiliation from her acknowledging this. How embarrassing, please, earth, open up and swallow me into the pits of hell! There are some topics meant to be discussed with parents, and those that shouldn’t… in my mind, this is one of those instances that should not be talked about.
“Mom, I’m on the pill! And… until the last time, he also used condoms,” I defend vehemently. “How could this even be a possibility?” I haven’t been ill or taken any sort of medication that would lessen my birth control’s effectiveness, so I’m baffled at what she’s told me. We need to ask for further testing, my labs must’ve gotten mixed up with someone else’s and they’ve given us false results… yeah, we’ll go with that for my peace of mind.
“It just is, Lil. I’m going to forewarn you, though, that your father is equal parts ecstatic over our first grandchild and pissed at Maxum for his recent behavior, especially with all the things he’s done where you’re concerned,” she emphasizes.
Great. That’s just great, it’s all I need on top of everything else. I won’t get Braxton, the awesome, funny dad. No, I’ll get Axe, the mean as fuck MC president. Son of a fucking bitch, fucking hell that hole can open up right now! I sigh then drop my head. “I’m sorry, Mom. Never expected this to happen.” Disappointing my parents, aunts, and uncles, bothers me. I’ve never done well with upsetting any of them. I’ve strived to be the good girl.
“It’s not like you’re a sixteen-year-old teenager, sweetheart. You’re an adult who makes enough money to support yourself as well as a child on your own. It won’t be easy, but you know we’ll all help as much as we can.” The image of me sitting in a rocking chair, with a screaming baby as tears fall, overwhelms me. I never wanted to be a single mom, I always envisioned a loving man beside me as I fed our baby the nutrients he or she needed from my breasts. Now, all I can see is me alone, depressed and scared.
Let the good times roll.
I feel the tears trickling down my face. “How do I tell Maxum?” I whisper. “He didn’t want me before, he’s going to think I did this on purpose to trap him! No, no, no. I’m not saying anything and none of you can either!” Fear is taking hold, he’ll hate me, us, I can’t deal with that right now… maybe never. “I’ll just stay up here a little longer. I can work from the clubhouse just fine, as long as you’re still willing to go to the office and scan the paperwork for me.” The longer I think about it, the more positive I am this is the way it needs to happen.
“I don’t like it, Lily. He has a right to know,” she cautions me.
“I’ll tell him, eventually, Mom. Just… not right now, okay?” After the stuff he said, I’m not sure how to face him to drop this bombshell on him. I start to say something else when my dad walks in the room, looking almost defeated. “Dad?” I whisper. “Are you okay?” I’m pretty positive I know the answer to this but ask it anyway.
He walks over and sits on the side of the bed and takes my semi-good hand in his. “Lily, I just don’t know what to do with all of this,” he admits. “Part of me wants to beat the shit out of my brother for putting you in the position of being a single mom, but the other part of me is trying hard to remember that the two of you are adults who need to work this shit out on your own, without any interference from outside sources. But as your dad, this is hard to let go of. I vowed the day you were born and I saw you for the first time that I’d protect you from all harm.” I remember the story that Aunt Paisley told about how she took care of me until Dad came home. She says it was love at first sight when he saw me. After the shock of finding out he was a father, and my mother disappearing, leaving me behind that is.
All I can do is nod because I’ve managed to toss a wrench into the brotherhood and I wasn’t even trying. “I’m sorry, Dad. It shouldn’t have happened, though. We were cautious and used protection,” I vow.
“Well, as Nan has always stated, children are never to be viewed as a mistake. The circumstances might not be the best, but they’re always blessings. We’ll make the best of it, sweetheart,” he tells me.
“I’m going to stay up here for a while,” I admit to him. When he gives me a look, I continue, “Just until I can figure out how to tell Maxum the news, Dad. He deserves to know but we didn’t exactly leave things on the best of terms.” I feel more tears slide down my face, struggling to not completely break down in front of him. I’m going to be a mom! It’s time to pull up my big-girl britches and face shit head on, without hiding behind my parents. “I’m self-sufficient, so even if he doesn’t want anything to do with me, I can support myself and my baby. Y’all made sure all of us kids could take care of ourselves. But I’ll need to get more clothes and stuff up here.” The last part is me thinking and rattling words out loud, I didn’t mean they had to figure this out for me, I’m just problem solving in my head but verbalizing things as they hit.
“I’ll get some more of your things packed, Lily. Well, since I’m here, I’ll see if Rae and Claree can do it, if that’s okay,” Mom interjects. That could work and be beneficial to us all. That way, my folks will be here to help me settle in and come to terms with the news that is still hard to believe.
“I’m fine with that, Mom. Thank you.”
8
Maxum
I’m once again sitting at the bar at the clubhouse, having a much-needed beer when I overhear something that has my heart clenching. “What did you just say?” I ask Ralynn. My body poised for running, surely my brain is intoxicated by beer suds and I didn’t hear what I think I did.
She glances at me and I see her eyes narrow briefly before she masks her expression. “Lily is going to stay with Luca and Gypsy while she heals,” she says. My hackles rise, my hands involuntarily clench into fists as she says this so nonchalantly to me. If she wasn’t a club member’s old lady and Hatch’s daughter, I’d ring her damn neck. She’s always been a sassy little thing, but now isn’t the time to portray that attitude.
“Heals from what?” My heart is now hammering profusely in my chest as I feel sweat begin to bead on my forehead. Lily was hurt? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Fear wars with rage and I find myself fighting the urge to keep from punching a hole in the wall. Nan would have my ass for messing up her well-thought-out decorating.
“She, uh…” She looks around the room for someone to step in and help her. “Lily had a mishap at the clubhouse late last week,” she stammers out.
Claree eventually pipes into the conversation and adds what she knows. “Spent a few days in the hospital and is now recovering at their clubhouse. I got some of her stuff packed up, as soon as Talon arrives, we’re planning to drive up and drop off her belongings while Mom and Dad watch the kids.”
I don’t even think about what I’m saying. “I’ll take it,” I say to the two of them. I may not be what she needs, but I have to put my eyes on her to make sure she’s okay.
Both of their eyes widen comically at my outburst. “A-are you sure, Maxum? We don’t mind at all,” Claree stammers out.
“Easier for me to do it so y’all don’t have to uproot the kids,” I justify.
“Mom and Dad don’t mind watching them,” she states. “And it would give us a little break, plus I need to see her for myself.”
“Same,” I mutter.
“Well, how about this—why don’t you come along? I’m sure she’d want to see you.” She chews on
her bottom lip as the last words leave her. She and I both are nervous, wondering if her words hold any merit of truth.
Yeah, I bet I’m the last fucking person she wants to see, especially if she’s been hurt. Someone needs to hide any and all sharp instruments from Lily when I enter the same room as her. “That’s a good idea, brother,” Hatch interjects, coming up behind us. Apparently, he just so ‘happened’ to be within eavesdropping range, overhearing enough of our conversation, adding in his two-cents mind you, that he knows we’re talking about Lily.
“You think so, Hatch?” Ever since he, Jaxson, and Talon had their talk with me, I’ve been seeing a local therapist. I wasn’t fully sold on having a female to talk to, but she’s helping me unravel the shit in my head. I get homework every week, and while I sometimes feel like a weak-ass pussy, I have an end goal in mind so I do it. I am determined to come out the victor, leaving my father’s words of ‘wisdom’ behind in the dust.
“Yeah, I do, but you can always make a phone call and double-check,” he replies, giving me a look. Is he trying to tell me to call, or not? I can’t decipher if he’s setting me up, or trying to help me out. He’s a hard man to read, which isn’t helping me out in the decision-making process here.
“Wait, is that where Axe and Cara have been?” I knew they’d been gone for about a week, but just presumed that they had decided to take a mini-vacation or something. Since my ‘talk’ with Axe, I’ve been keeping a low profile. I know I’ve disappointed him and the other brothers and all I can say is, I’m trying. It’s not a lie, although, I haven’t gone to him and told him as much.
“Yeah, they took off pretty much after getting the call,” Rae states. “Shocked the hell out of Lily, that’s for sure, since Cara is usually so organized,” she says on a snort which has her dad slipping out a small laugh.
I chuckle because after all the years of being around her, that’s something I know first-hand. Cara is almost OCD about certain things and when it comes to trips, she’s usually got her suitcase packed at least a week ahead of time. “I-is she okay?” I question.
“She messed herself up pretty good, actually,” Rae says. “Broken nose, broken wrist, stitches in the back of her head, nasty concussion.” I send a bold, scathing look in Hatch’s direction. I find it amusing that all of a sudden his boots need a closer inspection.
“What in the fuck happened?” There’s nothing I can think of that would cause injuries to the front and back. I refuse to examine how my voice sounds nearly panicked. Closing my eyes, I count to ten. When that doesn’t work, I expand it to twenty. One of the coping techniques the therapist is assisting me with.
“Some of Maddox’s crew were replacing shingles on the leaking rooftop of their clubhouse when part of a bundle slipped, falling from the stack, smacking her in the back portion of her head. She fell forward, and apparently tried to break her fall by using her hands to support her, sprained one and broke the other,” Hatch states. “Gave her a pretty good concussion too; she was unconscious for almost three days.” Three days! That’s a long period of time to lose consciousness for.
Jesus motherfucking Christ. Lily was badly hurt; yet, every one of my brothers and friends had the audacity to keep this from me! What, no one had the thought that it would matter to me? Every single one of them knows how I feel about her. I’ve been open and honest with them in that regard, I’m working hard to be the man she deserves. I push down the anger that comes roaring from deep within to the forefront. I’m sure they were just protecting Lily but that doesn’t ease my fears any. I’m a bit hurt, but I’m also trying to understand where they were coming from. But that voice in my head reminds me that loyalty to me isn’t what I thought it was. We’re brothers, we’re supposed to be there for each other and share important information. For the first time since joining RGMC, I feel left out, an outsider, something my father always warned me about.
I’ve only got myself to blame.
I put my trust in someone other than me. All the work I’ve done comes crashing down over me in waves.
If I can’t believe in the brotherhood, who can I trust?
I shake those feelings of betrayal away. Without another word, I step outside and pull my phone from my pocket. A phone call with my therapist is needed. I’m desperate for someone to help me figure out the jumbled emotions running rampant in my brain. Bandit found me a therapist who specializes in childhood abuse. It’s someone different than Rae used, which put me at ease. I wanted someone who didn’t counsel my friends. I needed someone with fresh eyes, to be my sounding board when I needed it.
“Dr. Graves,” she answers. She’s a sweet older woman, the grandmotherly type.
“It’s Maxum. Do you have time for a quick chat?” I ask her.
“I’m in between patients right now so it’s a great time to talk,” she sweetly states.
“I’ve got some shit running through my head and it’s leading me in a direction I don’t wanna go,” I admit.
“Tell me what’s going on with you today.” She has that tone in her voice that lets me know she’s intently ready to doctor me. I rattle out every conversation I’ve had and what I’m thinking in regard to my brothers.
“Let me ask you a question. Do you think they set out to betray you? Is it possible that they were stuck between a rock and a hard place? From what you’ve shared with me when it comes to them, they seem more loyal to you than you are to yourself.” This makes me stop and think.
“Lily is my president's daughter,” I say out loud. “I don’t know, all I can hear is my father’s voice telling me that no one cares about me, that I’m only passing time, I’m no more than a pet they have to care for.”
“No offense, Maxum, but your father is a nuisance that doesn’t deserve space in your head.”
“I know, but I can’t help the ghosts that plague me,” I reiterate.
“If you had a daughter, Maxum. What would you have done in this instance?” she questions.
“The same thing,” I hesitantly admit.
“Then that’s what you need to think about when these feelings overcome you. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, think of how you’d react, and let that lead you to how you’re feeling on the subject.”
“Thanks, Doc. I needed to hear that.”
“Don’t hesitate to call me any time. Day or night; you can do this, Maxum. Have faith in yourself and those around you. They are your family; your dad, he’s a blip on the radar.”
Lily
No one has given me any time alone to adjust to my new, upcoming life. I know everyone means well, but it’s grating on my last nerve. I’ve managed to escape into my room here at Luca’s clubhouse, but I know my peaceful existence is only for a short time period. Mom has literally fluffed my pillows every night before I sleep and my dad has been underfoot every time I roam around.
I’m feeling suffocated and want to scream each time I see the two of them. Is it too much to ask to use the restroom by myself? It’s not as if I can harm myself or my unborn child sitting on the toilet for Christ’s sake.
A knock on my door has me groaning before hollering, “It’s open!”
“Oh good, you’re awake. I didn’t want to disturb you if you were sleeping,” Mom says as she barrels into the room. I put a pillow over my face and force the scream that wants to escape me to the back of my throat. “Don’t do that, Lil. You won’t get the oxygen your body needs.” Rolling my eyes, I remove said pillow from my face.
“What’s up, Mom?” I ask even though all I want to do is order her away from the only place I can come to escape the madness.
“Just heard from Claree. She, Talon, Rae, Jaxson and Maxum are on their way with your belongings.” The last name she sped through. Surely she didn’t say he was coming.
“Mom!”
“Don’t you Mom me in that voice, Lily Callahan.” She scolds me as she places her closed fists on her hips. “I said it was okay, you’ve hidden from him long enough, young lady. You two ar
e grown-ups and have a little one on the way that needs both of you. Don’t be a coward, you can do this.”
Coward. Me? He’s the one who ran from me… from us. And she has the audacity to call me a coward? “He’s the coward,” I mumble like a sullen child.
“Lily. This isn’t something either of you can run from. You were both in that bed and you both need to face the consequences. Your father and I have abided by your wishes, but it’s time. Maxum needs to know, come to grips with the fact that his life is forever about to change. You owe this to that baby growing in your belly. He or she has a right to have their father in their life. I know this is hard on you, but this isn’t just about you or him anymore. It’s time you both face your fears and talk things out. If y’all can make a good thing come of this and be together, that’s splendid, if not, that’s okay too, as long as your baby grows up loved by both of you, it’s all that matters.”
“I don’t think I can be around him when he finds his one,” I admit.
“This frame of thinking is you basing it on the presumption that his one isn’t you.” She gives me a deadpan look.
“I know I’m not. He threw me away so easily, that there’s no way I’m his heart and soul.” Saying this out loud has me grieving what should’ve been. I love him so much that the thought of him with someone else causes my heart to shatter into a million fractured pieces.
“Honey, that boy has demons he needs to face. Do that with him, show him there’s someone willing to fight for and with him.” Her advice has merit, I’ll admit, but I don’t want to be the only one fighting for us. It’s not fair for anyone to ask me to do that. “You have about an hour to pull yourself together. I came to give you the news and let you process. I’ll send him right up before your dad and brother get a chance to get their hands on him,” she says, as she turns on the heels of her feet and leaves the room as quickly as she came in.
Maxum & Lily: Rebel Guardians Next Generation Page 6