Broken Words, Broken Hearts

by Elisabeth

  I heard a slight snicker from Dragos, so I turned to him to put my eyes through more pain. Damn, he was beautiful. He grew his hair out. It was no longer as black as night. Now, it had some streaks to it. He had a light beard that he was sporting. I could still see those dimples that were my favorite thing to trace over, his perfect nose, and my worst enemy, his big, baby pale blues. I used to call him my pale blue-eyed bear because of how much bigger he was compared to me, not only in height but in size. Now, he had filled out much more. He didn’t have that swimmer’s body I remembered. No. He was built like a lumberjack. He wasn’t too big, but he wasn’t small, at all.

  I blinked trying to get my mind off of him. I wasn’t going down memory lane. I shut my eyes, backing up as I knew this office like the back of my hand. Minerva’s voice stopped me in my tracks as I turned my back on them both.

  “Don’t forget the coffees. You know how I like mine,” she stated.

  “Yeah, I do. Two orders of coffee coming right up. One latte and the other black with a teaspoon of honey,” I said. I wasn’t thinking about anything else but getting out of there.

  “Did she get your coffee order right?” she asked Dragos.

  “Yes, she did.” Damn, that voice was worse than a siren’s call that only ended in death.

  “See! That’s why she’s awesome. I didn’t even tell her what you like, and she figured it out! She’ll be assisting us both on this project.”

  I almost choked on air as I quickly shuffled out of Minerva’s office. How the hell did I just give myself away like that? Jesus, Neema, come on. Do better!

  Chapter 2

  Dragos

  When Neema came back into Minerva’s office, she avoided all eye contact with me. I wanted to laugh at the audacity that she showed me, but I was going to give her that. This wasn’t the place for our awkward reunion to play out. If she wanted to pretend that she didn’t know me, then that was what we were going to do. Granted, she probably wanted nothing to do with me ever again, but could she blame me for the way I was acting? After seeing her one more time, every part of me awakened. All of this time, I had been seeing her only in my memories. Everything about her was now different; she was different.

  I watched her sit with us, pretending to fully focus on her work. Minerva gave her the time and space to tell us about the project she basically put together. Some things had changed, but not her ambition or drive. She had the same smile that she had when she talked about doing something opposite of what her family approved of, especially her father. She wasn’t afraid of him, but there was that unknown fear she grew up with. It was the fear of disappointing her parents and their families back home. I could never forget how much she hated it when they would ask her what would they tell their family back home if she went into fashion. The families back in Congo didn’t care about being a fashion editor or any of that. They cared about being an engineer, a doctor, or stretching it out as a lawyer. That was better than what they considered a money-less or jobless career path like the one she truly wanted to be in.

  I was proud of her. There she was doing what she said she would do. She followed the path she wanted to be on. She didn’t give up. My phone ringing pulled me out of the moment, and I reached into my pocket to see who was calling me. When I saw Amir’s daycare calling, I immediately picked it up.

  “Hello?” I answered in a panic. They never called me during the day.

  “Mr. Demir? It’s Ashleigh from Smiles Daycare.”

  “Is everything okay?” I asked as I stood. Not even bothering to excuse myself, I walked out of the office and kept walking towards the exit sign.

  “Yes, everything is okay, but Amir is a bit… uh, how do I say this? He’s been crying about his mother, and I don’t know how to calm him. He’s been asking for you.”

  I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Then, I ran the same hand over my face. Amir had been seeing a child psychologist. He was a very quiet kid, and he rarely expressed how he felt. After Defne passed, he resorted to not speaking for months. He started speaking once we moved, but not all the time. I worried about him so much sometimes.

  “Okay, can you get him ready for me, Ashleigh? I’ll come and get him.”

  “Alright, sorry. I really tried.” I knew she did. She really loved Amir, and he clicked with her the most, so I understood the defeat in her voice.

  “It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s really.” Except Amir’s waste of a bio-dad, but that information didn’t need to be given. “I’ll be there in about twenty. Can you put him on the phone? Is that possible?”

  “Yeah, sure!” There was shuffling in the background, then Amir was on the phone.

  At first, he didn’t say anything. He was silent, and I gave him the time he needed. Then, finally, he spoke up. “Amcam,” his little voice called out “my uncle” to me.

  “Amir? You okay, little buddy?”

  “Mmhmm, Ms. Ashleigh said you’re coming?”

  “Evet.” Yes. “I’ll be there in a little bit. Can you get ready with Ms. Ashleigh for me?”

  “Okay.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too, amcam.”

  When I hung up, I cracked my neck. I shut my eyes for a second, letting go of all of the anger that I held for my brother-in-law. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands, but the fact that he had gone into hiding meant he was guilty and knew I would kill him if I ever spotted him. He had something to do with my baby sister dying. When I found everything out about the so-called car accident, I would end his life in front of his entire family.

  When I opened my eyes, I turned, and there Neema stood. She was just staring at me as if she heard my entire conversation.

  “Can you let Minerva know that I have to go? Something important came up.”

  Neema shrugged her shoulders.

  “Sure, she’ll ask what, and what do I tell her? Your girlfriend or wife needs you?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. I chuckled as I shook my head.

  “Does she want to know, or is it you that wants to know? I’ll tell you if that’s the case.”

  Neema had the nerve to act surprised. She took a step back as if realizing how close in proximity we were. This was always our problem. We’d always gravitate towards each other without even noticing it.

  “I don’t care. You don’t matter to me. I just want to know what to tell my boss.”

  I scoffed.

  “Sure.” I nodded. Her words, which shouldn’t have phased me, ticked me off. She didn’t care. I didn’t matter. “Don’t worry about it then. Tell her whatever you want.”

  No longer in the mood, I walked off passing Minerva’s office, leaving a shocked Neema behind me. I had to focus on Amir and my anne. They were the only family I had left, and this love I had for Neema was gone. I buried the younger version of Dragos Demir, the one who was hopelessly in love with her. He couldn’t be with her, and he understood. Who I had become would never be a reflection of who I was then. Never again.

  ****

  Neema

  He had a girlfriend or maybe a wife. I didn’t know which one, but I shouldn’t have cared. That’s all I could tell myself. I made my way back to Minerva’s office to explain why Dragos just walked out of the building without so much as a look back. The way he didn’t look back caused me to flinch. It brought me back to a time I didn’t want to be in. It was a time that broke my heart into a million pieces. He and I, we were good. We were almost perfect, but none of it was worth it. Look at us. We can barely hold a conversation.

  I remember when we would sit on the couch in our secret place and talk all night long. We would laugh and laugh until we no longer could. Yet years later, we were left with broken hearts and no words left. All I could do was lie and say that I didn’t know him, and he just went along with it. Maybe this was for the best. It wasn’t an actual lie. I didn’t know him, and neither did he know me. The Dragos I knew years ago always smiled. This one was serious. He had a certain look in his eyes
that spoke to him seeing things that he couldn’t un-see. I was a Neema who no longer cared to give my heart out because I never got it back.

  I walked into Minerva’s office as she continued to go over the project by herself. Then, she looked up at me.

  “Mr. Demir had an emergency, and he had to take off. He said to inform you.”

  She gave a look that I knew all too well. She was sort of a drama queen. She stood, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “So, let me get this straight. You let our most valuable photographer, big-named photographer, leave without us signing a contract with him? Not only that, but we haven’t even shown him the presentation of the whole project!”

  As her sentences finished, she got louder. She was basically screeching, and that was why I always tried to avoid giving her more than one cup of caffeine. I eyed the two cups of coffee, wanting to knock them over her damn desk because they had shared the drinks together. I took a deep breath. He wasn’t mine.

  “He’ll come back,” I reassured her as I began cleaning up her desk. I was making sure she didn’t have the urge to knock the coffee over all our hard work.

  Minerva scoffed.

  “Oh, he’ll be back. You’ll make sure of it by going to his place tonight to make sure he signs the contract. You wanted the chance to be the fashion editor. Well, you’ve got it.”

  I stopped what I was doing and stared at her.

  “What do you mean?” I asked cautiously as my heart pounded.

  “You, Neema, are going to be doing the editorials for this project. You’ll still be Mr. Demir’s lackey. On top of that, you’re going to work very closely with him. This is so that you can write us a good piece on each of the photos and concepts that are captured by him. Make sure that you get his words. Intertwine them with yours and give me something worth keeping your job. Now, get his number from Gayle, and your schedule is cleared for the day. Focus on bringing me the contract and Dragos Demir, or your job is open for someone else.”

  I stood there, not able to do anything but process all of this information. I was excited that she wanted me to finally step up and show her what I had been trying to do here, but it came at the cost of my job. Not only that, I had to work closely with Dragos. She wanted me to go to his house. I didn’t want to do any of this, but I thought about how much I’d been wanting this opportunity. I put my big girl panties on and made my way out of her office with the coffees and mock-up portfolio in hand. My heart pounded in my ears but not because of the crazy position I was being given. Not even the weight of all the responsibilities got to me. It was the fact that I would have to spend time with Dragos again. I would have to see him all the time when I hadn’t seen him in ten years. Even if I wanted to forget what he looked like, my dreams would never let me forget. Now, my reality was clashing with my dreams.

  Chapter 3

  Dragos

  When I got to the daycare, nothing else was in my mind besides making sure Amir was okay. I got the chance to experience love before, but the love I had for my nephew was different. Having him in my life was not only a reminder of my sister but a memory of her. It didn’t make me as sad as I thought it would. Instead, it made me happy that I had something left of her that I would cherish for the rest of my life.

  The moment I stepped into the daycare, Amir spotted me. The sad look on his face disappeared as he ran over to me. I smiled at him as I got down on one knee to catch him in my arms. I swear he was getting taller every time I blinked. He was the spitting image of my sister with his blonde, curly hair. We decided not to cut it because he cried that he wanted his hair like mine. We did shape it so that it wouldn’t fall over his eyes but just over his forehead. He had our family’s trademark pale blue eyes, and his eyes were big and round. He was going to be a heartbreaker someday.

  I took him in my arms, and he held on tight. I kissed the side of his head as I stood.

  “Merhaba,” I said “hi” to him.

  “Merhaba,” he responded, still hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

  These were the moments I was talking about. Defne used to be so shy as a kid. She would always hide behind me, no matter where we were. When I went away for school, she cried even though we talked every day. She made the decision to listen to our family and marry someone who wasn’t right for her. I regret that I wasn’t there and the fact that she kept that from me. If I’d known at the time, I would’ve dropped everything to be by her side and fight my entire family so that she wouldn’t have married Ehren. Our families grew up together, but I never liked him or his brothers. They were always hotheaded. I remember telling Defne that, and she laughed and told me I was just as hotheaded. Or did she call me bullheaded? I shook my head. The memory made me sadder than I wanted to be right now.

  As I signed Amir out, my cell rang. I moved Amir and his backpack to my right hand before I answered. The number wasn’t saved, so I figured it was Minerva calling.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Demir?” I knew that voice anywhere. It brought a smile to my face.

  “Neema…” I couldn’t help but call her name out as if it were a morning prayer.

  “Dragos.” I could tell she was putting up a front. I smiled as I walked out of the daycare towards my car. “I just need for you to look over the rest of the project and sign the contract.”

  “I’ve read the entire contract. Gayle sent me a copy before I got to the office. I’ll sign it the next time I’m there.”

  She sighed. She didn’t like my answer.

  “No. Unfortunately, I need you to take a look at this revised one that Minerva drew up after you left. There isn’t too much of a difference. If you can meet me somewhere, I’ll have you look at it.”

  I was silent for a second. Yes, I understood that she wanted to meet with me, but I had Amir. I didn’t want to have him in public when he was already having an awful day. He wasn’t the type of kid to disrupt the place or anything; he just needed to be home and to know that I wasn’t going to expose him to more things. Amir was diagnosed with ASD or Autism Spectrum Disorder. Specifically, Asperger’s was what he was diagnosed with before the accident. Amir was in the car with his mother when it happened. He saw her body as it was thrown through the windshield. From what the paramedics told us, Defne died the moment her body hit the pavement. I wish I were there to comfort Amir or even hold my sister as she breathed her last breath, but I wasn’t. That was why, now that I had him, I was never going to leave him.

  I sighed as I started my car. The Bluetooth speaker caught the call, and Neema’s voice took me out of my memories.

  “Dragos?”

  “Oh, sorry. Can you come over? I can’t make it out tonight.” I didn’t give her a chance to say no as I rushed the conversation. “I’ll text you the address now. I’ve got to go.” I hung up.

  Yes, it was rude, but I didn’t feel like explaining over the phone what was going on and who Amir was. When she saw him, she would ask me about him anyways. I glanced in the rear-view mirror at Amir, who was in his booster seat staring out the window. I felt for my nephew. He was going through a lot, and he couldn’t properly deal with his emotions. It wasn’t his fault, but a lot of times, it looked like my little buddy had a lot on his mind from the way he would just sigh out loud or when he stared at something. The fact that he had ASD didn’t help when Defne passed.

  Amir only spoke again after getting speech therapy, and the daycare he went to accommodated him. The teachers and staff there were all trained to deal with children like him. It was hard for Amir to make friends with his condition. Not only that, after the accident, he became a much quieter kid. He was shy to begin with, but now, he barely spoke a few sentences to anyone else but his grandmother and me.

  “Amir?” I called his name out as I began driving away, looking away from him to the road.

  “Uncle Dragos, do you know why firetrucks are the color that they are? Or why are they so loud when they pass by?” Amir asked. He didn’t give me a second to res
pond as he continued. “But then again, it’s probably so that people can see it when it’s on its way to rescue others. Also, it being that loud alerts others to understand that help is on the way.”

  This was a part of who he was, someone with Asperger’s. He didn’t really have any regard for the person he was addressing. It wasn’t meant in a rude way, but he could have a long-winded one-way conversation. I had no problem waiting for him to finish all that he wanted to say so that I could speak. I understood what came with his disorder, but I hated that word. Amir was exceptionally intelligent. He picked up things easily, he read at a level that was way past his age and could figure out any mathematical challenge that you gave him. He could surpass what they learned for children his age or even a bit higher. Amir was far above average when it came to learning, but sometimes what held him back in other areas was what I helped him with the best that I could. He was an amazing kid, and I was lucky to have him in my life. He changed me for the better.

  “Hey, buddy, wanna go see nine?” I said to Amir as I came to a stoplight.

  I looked at him through the rear-view mirror. He smiled, nodding as his answer. Mentioning going to see his grandma put him in a good mood as I knew it would. I turned the radio up, knowing how much Amir enjoyed music. Even though his day didn’t start off well, I would make it better.

  ****

  Neema

  I have to go to his house. This is for my job. Nothing less. Nothing more.

  That was the mantra that I repeated as I made my way to Dragos’ house. I wasn’t there to do anything else but have him sign the contract, go over everything with him, and then make my way back to my humble loft apartment. My parents got me the loft as a graduation present that I collected later when I moved away. I drove through Dragos’ neighborhood and whistled at the enormous houses. This was an expensive place. Before I pulled up to his address, a call came in through my car speakers. I pressed the button to pick it up. I already knew who it was; it was my younger sister.