Broken Words, Broken Hearts

by Elisabeth

  That sound on its own took everything in me not to slap him silly. He knew it would get my attention, or did he? Was I just doing this to myself? I blinked, turning my attention from Amir to Dragos, but Dragos wasn’t even looking at me. He was reading the contract once again. Then, an alarm went off that shocked me because it rang louder than necessary.

  “What is that?” I yelped.

  Dragos snickered then cleared his throat. Clearly, he was used to the sound.

  “It’s the announcement for Amir’s bedtime routine. Can you give me about fifteen minutes? If I don’t obey the routine, it sets him off, and that’s not good. He’s already had a bad day today.” Something in Dragos’s eyes told me there was more to what was going on with his nephew.

  I really didn’t want to ask, but I was a curious person to begin with. Fortunately for me, Dragos stood with Amir and made his way up the stairs. Red didn’t follow them. Instead, he hopped on the damn chair Dragos was on and sat there just watching me.

  “Umm, hi?” I said, not sure what the hell to say to this damn dog.

  Red tilted his head at me as though he had a right to.

  “What?” I whispered. “Why do you keep looking at me like I’m going to steal something? It’s ‘cause I’m black, right? You’ve got a problem with black people, Red?”

  Red seemed to give me that you’re clearly not all there look, and I gasped.

  “What kind of name is Red anyways, huh? I mean, come on. You couldn’t get a regular old name?” Red barked, spooking the hell out of me. It almost made me piss my pants because I didn’t expect it. “Chill out, Red. No need to involve the higher-ups.” I pointed towards where Amir and Dragos had gone.

  Red’s ears perked up as though he were hearing something I didn’t. Then, a screeching sort of hurt sound came from wherever Dragos and Amir went, causing me to go still. After a second, I heard crying, and it was loud. I had never heard someone crying like that before, and it caused Red to start barking. He quickly leaped down from his seat, taking off. I didn’t know what to do so, I followed where Red was leading. I wished I had a chance to check the house out, but I didn’t. Instead, I went on up the stairs with my heart beating fast, wondering if something happened to Amir. I didn’t even know him for more than a couple of hours, yet there I was worried out of my mind. Red took a left at the top of the stairs. I took that left as well, and when he ran down that hall, so did I. Red led me into an enormous bathroom where I found Dragos. He was wet from head to toe as he was in the bathtub with a towel covering Amir as he cried his eyes out. The water from the showerhead was still pouring over them, yet neither of them seemed to notice. I wished I knew what to do, but I stood there like a fool, just watching this scene unfold.

  Dragos rocked Amir back and forth, shushing him as he wailed.

  “It’s okay, little buddy. Uncle is here. I’m right here, buddy.” He tried to reassure him, but Amir wasn’t having it.

  “Anne…” he cried out. I knew what the word was. Dragos taught me Turkish, not enough to speak but enough to understand him.

  “Shh, little one, shh. It’s okay. I know baba; I know.” That must’ve been a nickname for him because I knew that meant dad.

  Red was like me. For a moment, he took in the scene. Then, he did what I was sure wasn’t for the first time. He ran over to the pair and jumped into the water. He whimpered, trying to comfort Amir just as Dragos was doing. This made Amir cry out even more, breaking not only my heart but also Dragos’s. Had I not been there, I would’ve never believed that Dragos had tears. I saw them come down his face as he kissed the top of Amir’s head as he rocked him.

  “Please,” his voice came out hoarse. “Neema, I need you to go. I’ll bring you the contract. Just go.”

  “But,” I started moving my legs, but they stopped short when he pierced me with a look I couldn’t decipher.

  “Go.” I turned away before he saw the hurt in my eyes.

  I quickly made my way out of the bathroom, then retraced my steps to where I left my computer bag. I went to grab it and my purse and left the contract on the table. I ran out of that house as if the devil himself chased me out. It finally clicked when I was driving away from the house that I was intruding on a moment, a very intimate moment, that he didn’t want to share with anyone, not even me. This made me realize the most important thing that I hadn’t considered all along. I really didn’t know him anymore. This was a different Dragos Demir, and that rocked me to my core with fear.

  Chapter 5

  Dragos

  I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I knew this very well. If she was still the same girl from ten years ago, then it would’ve hurt her feelings, and she would’ve gotten it wrong. I didn’t want her to see this side of how much sorrow Amir or myself were in. I didn’t want the pity I saw in her eyes. I wasn’t asking for it and neither would I try to embrace it. I was a strong man, and I was going to be strong for both Amir and my mother, just as I promised Defne and Baba at their graves. I didn’t have much to protect anymore besides my family. I couldn’t protect the only person I ever gave my heart to, and that was something I owned up to.

  I sighed, looking over at Amir as he slept. I finally got him to sleep after getting us out of the bathroom an hour after Neema left. He didn’t speak about what happened, and neither did I. He needed some time to process what just happened. I was glad he had an early appointment with his psychologist, Dr. Marten. She was a child psychologist that specialized in cases like Amir’s, especially now that he was suffering from PTSD. I could only do so much for my little buddy, but Dr. Marten was a savior in my book. She got him to start talking again through the speech therapy, and now, Amir talked more. He laughed more and even expressed himself when he could.

  Signing the contract would mean that I’d be busier, but I didn’t want to miss anything when it came to Amir. A notification went off on my phone. I pulled it out of my sweats that I changed into for the night. The alert showed that I had about five missed calls. All were from Neema, and I had an email from Minerva, following up on whether I agreed with everything on the contract. Neema left me a voicemail, as well. I was going to check that after I cleared the rest of my alerts. One of them made me realize why Amir had an episode today. It was the day before my sister’s death anniversary. Amir remembered, and that’s why he called out his mother’s name earlier.

  “My little baba, I’m so sorry that I didn’t remember. I should’ve stayed at home and spent the day with you to make you forget,” I apologized to a sleeping Amir as I ran a hand through his hair.

  I leaned down, kissing his temple. I walked out of his room, shutting the door but not completely. I was giving him the chance to see the hallway lights that I always left on. It was just in case of a nightmare or if he needed to get to my room, which was down the opposite hall. I clicked my voicemail when I placed the phone near my ear. Neema’s voice soothed me. To this day, it put me at ease when I couldn’t solve something right away.

  “Hey… I’m sorry about what happened with Amir; whatever happened that is. I’m sorry for intruding on a personal moment with just you two. Umm, I know I called a lot, but you know sometimes I get a little carried away. I’ll see you next week, hopefully for the final going over of the project, and thank you for this opportunity. I look forward to working with you.”

  I don’t know why I replayed the message as I got to my room. I placed it on speaker as I got ready for bed. I shouldn’t have done that because another message, one that I saved and never deleted, began to play. Why hadn’t I gotten rid of it? I kept resaving this voicemail, never able to get rid of it. Even when I changed my number to a Turkish one and then an American one, I saved that voicemail like my life depended on it.

  “Baby, I miss you. When am I coming back to you? I miss your pale blue eyes. The way you stare at me, there’s nothing else I can do but look at you right back. Did you know that when you’re pissed off, you get this crazy vein that pops up in the middle of your forehead?
It looks like you’re going to explode, but I love that vein. Maybe a little bit more than I love you. Ugh, I know, I know. I should be enjoying time with my family while we’re on vacation but being in Victoria isn’t as fun because I want you.”

  She whimpered. That little sound drove me nuts, and she knew it. Even now, my body reacted as though I could go to her anytime I felt like it. The message continued.

  “Text me when you can, okay? I know you miss me just as much. I can tell from the way you’re texting my name. I can’t wait to kiss your lips and all over your face when I get back. Love you, my pale blue-eyed bear. Mwah!”

  She hung up, and the voicemail ended. I pressed the button to save it again. Ten long years and I couldn’t delete this. Damn.

  ****

  Neema

  A week. That was how long it was that I hadn’t seen Dragos, but it felt longer. This was why I hated myself. I hated how much I craved to see his face, even though we weren’t together. I went ten years without seeing his smile or feeling his touch. Why was I acting like a week was something major? He was just like any other person in this world to me now, wasn’t he? Today was the first day of the project. Since Minerva overwhelmed me with work, I couldn’t be there for the final signing of the contract, nor for the presentation of the project. I had the lead in it, but Minerva still had the full control and approval of it. Technically, today was the day that it was mine, and I could lead it as I saw fit. Yet, the confidence I was pretending to have was cracking as my sneakered feet walked towards the loft that we were taking some pictures in.

  This was Dragos’s loft that he used to shoot. I was trying to not act impressed, but dammit, I was. He did good for himself, and I wanted to pat him on the back.

  “Finally! You’ve graced us with your presence!”

  Oh God, I was going to puke. What the hell was Minerva doing here? Didn’t she have something to do, or rather, an office to run? It made no sense to me that she was here when she barely ever came out to photoshoots.

  “Oh! Morning, Minerva. I thought I was supposed to be here at six to meet everyone else and Dragos?”

  She scrunched her nose, knowing what I was implying. She knew I wasn’t late, at all. It was five minutes to six, and most of the assistants were making their way there. No one showed up on time except for me, Minerva, and another assistant who seemed to be cleaning off Dragos’s cameras in the far corner. Where was Dragos?

  Just as if I summoned him, he came from a closed-off hall that I didn’t notice before. I forgot how much he took my breath away. He looked delicious so early in the morning. He had his hair pulled back in a half ponytail. Everything was black from the jeans to the t-shirt and boots. He complimented his attire with a long, dark gray cardigan that fell past his knees. He had a single gold chain with a ring that had me gasping. I froze in my tracks as he made his way to Minerva and me. I knew that ring even without having to be told. I remember the very words I said to him as I gave it back to him.

  I can’t wear this or keep it. You don’t love me enough to stay, so take everything that you’ve given me because, if it stays with me, I’ll burn it with the memories of you.

  I didn’t even speak those words to his face. I left him a voicemail as I had my sister, Asha, drop the ring off at his place. If I faced him after he walked out on me, I would’ve crumbled again because I was a fool for him. The pain I once felt had dissipated, but the memory of him walking away from me ten years ago, when I begged him to stay, was what hurt me at times. If he loved me like he said he did, he wouldn’t have walked away from me. Yes, we were different, but wasn’t everyone? Didn’t we all have something that separated us from each other? So why did he act like us being different was worth walking away as if our love couldn’t be greater than some stupid differences?

  Someone snapped their fingers in front of me, and I blinked. I was faced with a smirking Dragos.

  “Günaydın, hayatım.” A slip of the tongue. It had to be. Why else would he call me that?

  “What did you say?” Minerva asked as if she had absolutely nothing to do.

  “I told her good morning.” He arched his eyebrow, challenging me to tell my boss that it wasn’t simply that.

  I pursed my lips together, eyeing him suspiciously. What he really said to me was good morning, my life. It was a term of endearment he used to call me all the time. We both stood there for a moment. He eyed me, wondering if I would say something about it. I decided that I didn’t understand Turkish anymore.

  “Oh!” Minerva said cheerfully, which was weird because cheerful and Minerva didn’t mix. I cringed at her tone and pitch. “Say something in Turkish. I just love accents.”

  Oh, hell no.

  I clasped my hands together loudly, shocking both of them.

  “Alright, Mr. Demir. Would you like to get things started? Please follow me here as the rest of the team shuffles in. We’re going to have a quick meeting and then get to work. We have a long day ahead of us, don’t we?”

  Dragos had different types of smirks, but this one was what I called a devilish one. His eyes, they seemed paler than usual. They stood out amongst everything else about him. It made me narrow my eyes at him before I walked off, deep down knowing he’d follow me. This was insane because ten years ago I would’ve followed him to the ends of the Earth. That was definitely my fault. It was a weakness I never knew I possessed until Dragos Demir told me he loved me in more than one language. Never again. No one’s I love you, no matter what language it was said in, would ever be able to make me do that again. I’d never beg for anyone to love me again, to stay, to pull me into their arms as my heart broke into a million pieces. I would never succumb to the stupid emotion that only ended in one thing—loss.

  ****

  I thought working with Dragos was going to be hard, but he knew how to be a professional. It was a relief to see him working.

  Dammit Neema, stop admiring him! He broke your heart!

  I had to keep reminding myself of this throughout the day. Even though I wished Minerva would go about her business, clearly, she was going to stay. She monitored everything I did as if I was the one not doing my job. I rolled my eyes at her as she giggled at something Dragos said. I stayed out of his space, making sure to look over the photos as they uploaded on the big Mac computer as he took them. I was working with Ian today, another photographer that was in charge of editing so that everything would go a bit faster. We had so many different shoots to do throughout the length of the project.

  “Are you getting hungry, Nee?” I cringed at the nickname.

  Ian and I had gone out on one damn date, and he was stuck on this nickname. I hated it, but he didn’t catch my drift. He wasn’t a bad guy or anything. He was very pleasing to the eye. He had a whole Clark Kent vibe to him, except this Clark Kent was only five-six, and he ate in a very messy way. My sisters laughed at me when I told them that I couldn’t wait to get away from him. He ate everywhere, and it was simply a vegetarian meal. Ian was into the whole fake eating healthy lifestyle. I mean, why follow what everyone else is doing unless you really want to do it? Now, he was on a plant-based diet, and I wanted to gag.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I answered mindlessly, trying my best to stare at the computer screen instead of chucking my phone upside a laughing Dragos’s head. What was so funny, anyway?

  “There’s this new place that caters to what I eat now. You should come with, so we can try it out. I really think you’d love my lifestyle.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes so hard that they’d get stuck in the back of my head, so I wouldn’t have to finish this conversation.

  “Oh?” I inquired. I decided to turn my attention from Dragos to my phone so that I could search up the greasiest pizza place.

  “Yeah. This lifestyle will blow your mind.”

  Ugh. Shut up, Ian! He acted like this was some BDSM, fifty shades of grey kind of lifestyle. Even Christian Grey ate meat. Well, his palette was quite expandable. I smirked at my little joke. I stood,
not bothering to finish the conversation with Ian so that I could make an announcement.

  “Hey, guys. Ian and I are going to get lunch for you all. Text us what you want, and we’ll be back in the next hour. Or better yet, order it if you can. Then, text me your order number and where so that we can pick it up.”

  Everyone agreed, but Dragos just continued shooting.

  “Alright, guys, don’t touch my progress, or else you’ll have to deal with Nee and I,” Ian joked, and Dragos stopped shooting.

  He slowly turned. His face was no longer smiling. That sinister scowl of his had reappeared.

  “Who’s Nee?” he questioned with a tilt of his head.

  Minerva spoke up as if he was her boss, as well.

  “Oh! That’s Ian’s nickname for Neema. It’s quite catchy. Don’t mind them two. They have some unresolved chemistry. Kinda hot if you ask me,” she said, chuckling.

  “I didn’t.” Had she not been laughing, she would’ve heard him, but those close heard loud and clear.

  I blinked as Dragos took the little steps needed to be in front of us. Then, he clenched his jaw as he stared at Ian and then me. He sneered as Ian decided to speak up, not picking up on the mood change.

  “What will you be having, Dragos?” Ian smiled politely.

  “Mr. Demir,” Dragos corrected as he didn’t take his eyes off me. “I’ll have whatever Neema is having.” He turned to look at Ian this time, the scowl much more pronounced. “Hurry up. I don’t have all day,” he gritted through his teeth.

  Now, this Dragos Demir, I knew yet didn’t really know at the same time. I’d seen him angry but directed at me and someone else, never. Keeping up my front, I rolled my eyes hard. I was turning away, walking out of the loft, while Ian rambled about getting his wallet first and that he would meet me downstairs. I arrived at the elevator and waited for it. When it came, I climbed in. I should’ve been paying attention, but I wasn’t. Dragos followed me into the elevator. As soon as the doors shut, he pounced on me slamming me into the elevator wall. If I wasn’t in a state of shock, I’d do something about this, but for a minute, I just stood there.