Beautifully Toxic

by Charity Parkerson

  Theo swallowed. He wanted away from Jessie. Ezra wasn’t away from Jessie. “I don’t have anything else. Even the clothes I’m wearing are Jessie’s. Don’t worry about me.”

  A loud snort escaped Ezra. The sound didn’t suit him. “Please. Jessie wouldn’t be caught dead in anything you're wearing. No offense. It’s just not his style. Everything he owns is black. Plus, you’re nowhere near the same size.”

  Theo thought of the stacks and stacks of clothing Jessie had given him. Confusion had his brow furrowing. “But where did all these clothes come from if they’re not Jessie’s?”

  “Wherever Jessie sent Declan to buy them, I imagine. Now get in the car.”

  Theo’s heart squeezed as he circled the car and slid into the passenger seat. Jessie had been taking care of Theo from the first moment they met. Theo had let it go on, losing more of himself every day to Jessie while Jessie remained untouched. It was a blow.

  Thankfully, Ezra didn’t speak. Low and slow music poured from the speakers. Ezra seemed to be lost in his own well of sadness. By the time they made it to Ezra’s, Theo’s chest felt so heavy, he thought he might suffocate. Theo climbed from the car, feeling like his legs were encased in concrete. While he had been to Ezra’s so Declan could pick him up, Theo had never been inside. It was a nice place, but nothing compared to Jessie’s. He didn’t imagine Ezra needed anywhere near the space Jessie did. As they stepped inside, a sweet smell washed over Theo. The place smelled like Ezra’s home. The thought made Theo smile despite his situation.

  Ezra tossed his keys on the coffee table and motioned at the living room in general. “Welcome home.”

  Theo took it in. The place was immaculately decorated, which didn’t surprise Theo at all. The couch looked soft and welcoming. Theo crossed the room and sat. The brown masterpiece cradled Theo’s body. He almost sighed. “This is a nice place.”

  Ezra smiled as he sank into the spot next to Theo. He didn’t turn on the TV or any lights. For several minutes, they sat in silence, lost in their thoughts. Ezra finally spoke, cutting through the pain slowly drowning Theo.

  “Do you want to tell me why you left Jessie’s? Did he do something?” Ezra made a dismissive motion before Theo could answer. “It’s Jessie, so I know he did something, but what happened?”

  Heat filled Theo’s cheeks. He turned his head Ezra’s way, but he had a hard time meeting Ezra’s gaze. Theo swiped his hands on his thighs. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

  Ezra clucked his tongue. “Sweetie, some strange guy waxed my butt crack today in a room filled with makeup artists so I would be perfect for a photo shoot. I know humiliation. You can tell me anything.”

  Despite his best efforts, Theo couldn’t stop blushing. He could hardly refuse to tell Ezra everything after Ezra admitted such a horrifying thing. “Um.” Theo scratched his nose and focused on a spot across the room. “I asked Jessie to be my first and he refused.” Theo said the words fast—like ripping off a bandage.

  Ezra didn’t as much as blink. “Your first what?”

  Theo had never wished so hard for the floor to open and swallow him whole. “You know. My first... sexually.”

  The way Ezra blinked fast said a lot about how hard Ezra fought to keep his thoughts to himself. “Why?” Theo never dreamed he would have to explain himself. Thankfully, Ezra didn’t force Theo to scramble for an answer before pressing on. “I mean, honestly, I love my brother, but he’s probably slept with everyone on the planet except you and me.”

  Since Ezra calmly spoke, as if they were talking about the weather, Theo found himself relaxing and speaking just as freely. “That was sort of part of it—like I have no experience. None. I mean, I was raised in a group home and moved from there to being homeless. Never in my life have I been considered a catch. Truthfully, I’m a bit uncomfortable with being touched at all, even though I obviously want to be touched. I guess I thought, since he had likely slept with everyone, that he would be the best person to kind of ease me into things.” Plus, Theo was so in love with Jessie that he died a little more every day. He couldn’t admit that to Jessie’s brother.

  Ezra leaned his way and patted his knee. “Oh, sweetie. That’s heartbreaking.”

  “Great.” Theo didn’t mean to sound quite so bitter, but Ezra was beautiful. In fact, his image likely showed up first online when anyone searched for beautiful men.

  “I’ll do it.”

  Theo’s gaze snapped to Ezra’s. “What?”

  Ezra shrugged, as if sex meant nothing. “I’ll be your first.”

  For a moment, Theo couldn’t stop rapidly blinking. He imagined he looked the same as Ezra had earlier. “Um. Well. I imagine there isn’t a single person on the planet who would say no to that offer, but I think I have to be the first. Declan has been beyond nice to me and he’s super, super in love with you. I would feel like a horrible bastard if I slept with you.” Plus, once again, Theo was in love with Ezra’s brother.

  Ezra stared at Theo like he had grown a second head. “What are you talking about? Declan isn’t in love with me. He thinks of me as a little brother.”

  A loud and obnoxious cackle burst from Theo. Ezra didn’t laugh. Theo’s smile slipped away as the truth sank in. “Oh my god. You’re serious.” Theo couldn’t wrap his mind around it. “Ezra? He is like sick in love with you. Trust me. No one has ever loved me. I can recognize the signs from miles away. He practically vibrates with hope and longing when you’re around.”

  “Huh.” Ezra spent a moment staring at nothing. “Well, that’s... huh.”

  Theo decided to have mercy on him. “Thank you for the offer, though. I think I’m just doomed to be unwanted.”

  An adorable hint of irritation crossed Ezra’s features. He stood. “Well, fluff all that. Come on.”

  Theo didn’t move right away. “Where?”

  A mischievous smile touched Ezra’s lips. “I’m about to show you the power of your sexiness.”

  “I’m not sexy,” Theo said automatically.

  Ezra snorted. “Idiot. Come on.”

  With no other choice left to him, Theo followed Ezra down the hall. Ezra paused in a darkened doorway and switched on the lights before leading Theo into what appeared to be his dressing room. Theo didn’t know how else to describe the space. There were bright lights surrounding a huge mirror with a salon-style chair parked in front. Makeup littered a long counter between the chair and mirror. Racks upon racks of clothing lined the room.

  Ezra moved deeper into the room and patted the back of the chair. “Have a seat.”

  Theo didn’t hesitate. Once he was seated, Ezra eyed the items scattered across the counter. He grabbed some tweezers before touching Theo’s chin and turning his face from side to side, as if studying his lines. He went to work, plucking precise hairs and making Theo’s eyes water. Theo didn’t complain, even though he wasn’t loving this. Thankfully, Ezra set the tweezers aside and grabbed some eyeliner.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not doing much. You won’t look like you’re wearing anything. I’m just making some subtle highlights. You have beautiful eyes. They can’t be missed, but I can make men incapable of looking anywhere else.”

  Theo would have nodded, but he was afraid he would lose an eye.

  “There,” Ezra said, leaning away after tracing Theo’s eyes. He grabbed a squirt bottle and lightly wet Theo’s hair. He combed and swept Theo’s hair from side to side, eyeing him before grabbing a pair of scissors.

  “Um... don’t you need to be licensed to do this or something?”

  Ezra’s gaze stayed locked on his task as he answered. “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that to me so we can stay friends, especially since you already turned down sex with me tonight.”

  Theo winced. “Sorry. I would never want to hurt you the way it hurt me when Jessie said no.”

  Ezra clucked his tongue. “My feelings aren’t hurt. I get shot down all the time.”

  “No way,” Theo said with a snort.

  “Ye
s way.” Ezra combed Theo’s hair as he spoke. “Everyone thinks I’m too sweet. I’m not what’s in style sexually. Everyone wants someone who likes to get beaten and choked or whatever. I’m everyone’s little brother.”

  “You’re marriage material.”

  Ezra froze at Theo’s claim. Theo watched him as he turned inside himself. Ezra smiled. It was as sweet as him. “I like that. That sounds so much better than the truth. I’m boring. Thank you.” Ezra didn’t give him time to respond. He snipped the finest bit of hair and then went back to styling. Ezra added a touch of product and then stepped back. He smiled. “There. You’ve always been beautiful, but I took away a bit of the innocence.”

  Theo’s gaze slid toward the mirror. Truly, he looked like a different person. He looked like he belonged in LA with all the beautiful people.

  “Now,” Ezra said, pulling Theo to his feet. “Let’s make it look like you’re relaxed in your beauty.” With Theo on his feet, Ezra brushed at his shirt, as if making sure no stray hairs lingered before he turned toward the racks of clothes. He found a soft-looking blue flannel shirt and had Theo put it on over his t-shirt. “Leave it unbuttoned,” Ezra ordered as he went to work rolling Theo’s sleeves up to the elbow. With that out of the way, Ezra scrunched the material in a few places, making it look like Theo had been wearing it all night. He stepped back and eyed Theo. A small smile touched his lips as his gaze met Theo’s. “Perfect. Let’s go.”

  Theo followed Ezra without argument. Ezra looked determined and Theo needed someone to take charge right now. Otherwise, he might beg Ezra to take him back to Jessie. They climbed back inside Ezra’s car and drove down the street to a nondescript brick building. It was definitely a short enough distance they could have walked, but Jessie didn’t complain. He was still just along for the ride. As Theo slipped from the car, he spotted a lit neon sign above the red door: The Back Porch.

  Ezra glanced his way as they headed for the door. “Gird your loins. Your virginity is very much in danger here.”

  Theo’s forehead furrowed. “In a place called The Back Porch?”

  Even though it hadn’t been a question, Ezra treated it as one. “Yes. If anyone asks to speak to you in private, say no. That’s how they sneak into your pants here.”

  “Okay. Loins girded. No private chats.”

  With a sharp nod and looking more serious than Theo had ever seen him, Ezra opened the door and waved Theo inside. It was a coffeehouse. Theo wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but a brightly lit cafe wasn’t it. Heads turned their way as they stepped inside. A sexy guy in his mid-twenties, wearing ripped jeans and a smile, headed their way. He was huge—like a linebacker—but his smile was sweet and totally for Ezra. Theo watched him pull Ezra into a hug, swallowing him whole.

  “I want you to meet my friend,” Ezra said, his voice muffled by a massive chest.

  The guy pulled away and focused on Theo at Ezra’s words. “All right.” He tucked Ezra under his arm. “Who’s your friend?”

  Ezra motioned Theo’s way. “Wrecker, this is Theo. Theo, Wrecker. Wrecker owns The Back Porch.”

  Theo didn’t hesitate to shake hands with him. Wrecker had light brown skin that made Theo look pale. His light eyes looked like a lion’s eyes and fascinated Theo. Despite his awe, Theo held on to his manners. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You too,” Wrecker said before turning his gaze back Ezra’s way. “Is this your dude?”

  Humor flashed in Ezra’s eyes. He gave Wrecker’s stomach a pat. “Theo is too good for me. He belongs to Jessie.”

  Theo wanted to argue, but Wrecker’s eyes latched on to Theo with a new appreciation. His expression stole Theo’s breath.

  “Fascinating. Well, let’s get you guys a table. What’ll it be tonight?”

  Ezra answered for them. “Two no-cal white geishas, please?”

  “You got it,” Wrecker said as he got them settled at a table near the front counter.

  The instant Wrecker was gone, two men appeared from nowhere as if summoned by demons. They were both dark haired, light eyed, and beautiful like everyone in LA. “May we buy you a drink?”

  It took Theo a moment to realize they were both focused on him—like Ezra wasn’t even there.

  “Um...”

  Wrecker reappeared carrying two coffees and hissing like an angry cat. “Begone, vultures. These two are my guests.”

  They cast Wrecker a pouting look before two heated gazes lingered on Theo. “We’ll be over there,” they said simultaneously, pointing toward a nearby table like they had practiced the move.

  Wrecker flashed him a sexy smile. “You have to ignore some of these guys. They’re always looking for fresh meat.”

  Theo’s gaze moved Ezra’s way in just enough time to catch the way he hid his smile behind his drink. He focused on Wrecker again. “This is a nice place.”

  “Thank you, I—”

  “Could we get some service over here, please? God. We’ve been waiting forever.”

  Wrecker pinched the spot between his eyes. “Damn. I need some reliable help. Excuse me.”

  Theo picked up his coffee and eyed the room. There wasn’t a single woman in sight, but several men who were obviously couples sat close. Others eyed the room, as if checking out the wares while some openly flirted. Theo had never been to a club, but this place seemed to be some low-key version of a nightclub.

  “This is a place for people looking for company, but who don’t like the party scene,” Ezra explained, easing Theo’s curiosity. “It’s always pretty much the same people. Those guys who approached you are Remington and Roscoe. They’re harmless. You’ve already met Wrecker. He’s a big sweetie. You’ll love him. Everyone is staring at you.”

  Wrecker reappeared before Theo could call him a liar. “So, Theo, I see you have at least one amazing friend. Are you looking for another?”

  “Do you plan to wait on anyone else tonight, Wrecker?”

  As another angry customer yelled at Wrecker, Theo saw the man’s wide shoulders fall in defeat. Theo felt an ounce of pity rise to the surface. “If you need help, I’m not doing anything.”

  Wrecker looked like he was ready to drop. “If you’re serious and need a job, you’re hired. Be here tomorrow at five p.m., and the job is yours.” He was off again before Theo could thank him.

  When he met Ezra’s stare again, Ezra looked satisfied. “There you go.” A sad smile touched Ezra’s lips, and—for the first time—Theo truly saw the unhappiness behind Ezra’s beautiful mask. “When one man knocks you down, there’s always another waiting to pick you up. Never forget that.” Ezra set his cup aside. “Now you have a new place to live and a job. You’re looking sexy AF. Men are eyeing you like their next meal. Are you ready to stop by Jessie’s and tell him face to face you’re leaving?”

  A groan rose in Theo’s throat. “Ugh. Do I have to?”

  Ezra dug a bill from his pocket and tossed it on the table. “Yes. You have to. That’s what big boys do. Don’t worry. I’ll be right there with you.”

  Theo fought the urge to pout as he stood. Ezra was right. Jessie had done way too much for Theo for Theo to be a little shit and run out on him without even telling him goodbye. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was best he got all the heartbreak out of the way in one night. Tomorrow, he would come back here, go to work for Wrecker, and Theo would start a whole new life. Who knew? Maybe, one day, he would be the twink sneaking away from Jessie’s bedroom without it breaking his heart. Crazier things had happened.

  After waking up alone in the theater room, Jessie had spent the entire day champing at the bit and losing his mind with Theo locked in his room. Every horrible thought known to man had gone through Jessie’s mind throughout the day. Had Jessie finally gone too far by passing out on Theo last night? Was Theo done with him now that he saw Jessie for the loser he was? Would he leave now? Finally, an idea had struck. Jessie would write Theo a song. He would show Theo how much he cared. Unfortunately, the longer he sat there, gett
ing nowhere and obsessing over the many reasons Theo still hadn’t come out of his room, the more he spiraled out of control. He didn’t know anymore what he was doing. Then Theo had appeared. Jessie had sat with his knees pressed to Theo’s and his belly full of liquor and pills. With lust pressing on his throat.

  Now that Jessie had driven Theo from the room and broken the boy’s heart, he spent all his time musing over life with Theo. It was funny how no matter how much he drank, snorted, or swallowed, Jessie still was never so far gone that he didn’t recall every minute detail of each second he spent with Theo. He should have known Theo was a virgin. If Jessie was being honest with himself, he had known it in his heart. Jessie was paralyzed with self-loathing and thoughts of anyone else touching Theo. Sometimes, late at night, Jessie would kick back in Theo’s bed while Theo read comic books to him, and he would dream. Occasionally, Jessie would have flashes of total belief that he could change. That he could be more for Theo. The darkness always won, though. His addictions always beat him.

  Jessie had a little baggie filled with pills in his pocket. He didn’t even know what they were anymore. Jessie shook all the pills out into his palm. The different colors swirled and mixed, promising freedom from his ghosts. They promised no more dead eyes would stare at him once the life left his own eyes. Jessie poured them into his mouth and then chugged what was left of the whiskey.

  A small chuckle rose in his throat, choked away by an unexpected wave of tears. He fell backward and stared at the ceiling. No one understood what it was like to be him. If he wasn’t creating music, the unhappiness suffocated him. Even if the music flowed from him, it had nowhere to go anymore. He was a one-man band now. Theo was somewhere else, checking out Grindr, and all Jessie’s friends were dead. Declan stayed for Ezra’s sake and Ezra only came around out of loyalty. On and on. The vicious cycle churned. Jessie was the only one who could make the wretched suffering stop. Remove him from the picture, and everyone else moved on.

  Jessie’s breathing shallowed. He swore he heard his heartbeat slow. Jessie closed his eyes. An image of Theo was there waiting. A tear slipped from the corner of Jessie’s eye and rolled back into his hair. He hoped Theo met someone gentle. Someone kind. The world would be so much brighter once Jessie was gone.