My Serenity

by M. Clarke

  Elijah surprised me by reaching over and giving me half a hug with a pat on the back. Jonathan and Cameron jumped right in front of us, creating large splashes, making us crack up with laughter. After taking turns with the rope, and when we finally had had enough, we got ready for lunch.

  Grabbing my sandwich Lexy and Alex had prepared in the morning, I asked Josie

  to join me on the dock. Everyone else stayed behind, giving us space.

  “How about here?” Josie asked, bending down to plant herself.

  We weren’t too far out, but just enough to have some privacy. The shade from the tree was an added bonus. “Sounds good to me.”

  In my eyes, Josie looked younger, almost like she was in sixth grade again, with her hair wet and pulled back and no makeup. Her pale skin seemed like it would be soft to touch, and I wanted to meet every freckle on her body.

  Sitting down, our feet dangled over the dock. It was difficult to look at her, especially since she hadn’t covered her bikini. Not wanting to look like a pervert, I made an effort to focus out over the open water. I opened two soda cans for us, while Josie unwrapped ham and cheese sandwiches.

  “I’m not a fan of just ham and cheese, but I can’t complain,” I said, taking it from her when she offered it to me. “I love my sandwich with everything on it—tomatoes, lettuce, mustard, and anything else you can add.”

  Josie scooted up on the edge to be able to reach a little lower to kick the water. “Me too.” She took a bite of her sandwich and swallowed. “I like your friends.”

  I didn’t know why, but jealousy flashed through me, thinking she might like Jonathan or Cameron, but it died down when I came to my senses. “Thanks. I like them too. They’re good people.”

  Josie took another bite. “That’s because you’re good, Seth. From what I’ve observed and been told, the friends you hang out with tend to have a lot of the same personality traits as you.”

  I took a sip of my soda and placed the can down. Our hands brushed up against each other when she reached for hers. Every time we touched—even the slightest brush of our skin—fireworks exploded inside me. The longer the contact, the bigger the detonation.

  CHAPTER 14

  Josie

  Him—his kind eyes, his affectionate smile, his soothingly hypnotic voice. Those qualities were always there, but they were even more apparent in this adult version of Seth. For selfish reasons, I wanted to be in his arms so I could feel his skin against mine. For all those years we had been apart, I’d always wondered what it would have been like to make love to him—to be loved by the grown-up Seth. Now there was a possibility I could fulfill my wish. My only fear was that I would have to leave town if my mom or my ex-boyfriend Brad ever found out where I was.

  Growing up, Mom would beat the crap out of me when she was in her mood. Later, based on my own research, I concluded Mom had three disorders: manic depression, bipolar disorder, and OCD—obsessive-compulsive disorder. I brought up this issue once when I was a senior in high school. I had turned eighteen and was of legal age, so I thought I was mature enough to talk to her about it, but she refused to get help. In fact, she yelled at me and told me to get out of the house. Just as I was about to leave, she begged me to stay. Though I was helpless, with no money and nowhere to go, I’d had enough. After building up the courage, I threatened to leave her and no longer be her daughter if she didn’t get help. She still refused. That was why I left home when I had saved enough money to be on my own. It took me years to save up, but it was worth it.

  Now I wasn’t worried about Mom, but I did worry about Brad. Not only was he possessive, but he was aggressive as well. He had never hurt me, but he would hurt anyone that got in his way. Why I had been attracted to someone like him was beyond me. After I broke up with him, he beat up the next guy I dated. And because he continued to go on his rampages, I skipped town. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. If he couldn’t have me, no other guy could. That was his mentality. I would do anything to protect Seth, even if it meant we couldn’t be together.

  I’d watched Seth from the corner of my eye every chance I got without making it obvious, ever since I first laid eyes on him. I couldn’t help myself. The attraction was undeniable. He was the magnet pulling me in, and no matter how much I tried to resist, I couldn’t. Even when he wasn’t around, my mind reverted back to him. I wondered about the simplest things—what he ate for lunch, what he was wearing, and what he was doing, and especially whether he was thinking about me.

  After we finished lunch, we lay side by side, ignoring Seth’s friends. While our legs dangled and our feet brushed the water, our faces were turned toward each other.

  “Do you keep in touch with any of your elementary school friends?” I asked.

  Seth brushed his hair back and rested his arms behind his neck for support. It was difficult not to stare at the muscles defining his arms. “No. After high school we went our separate ways. I had friends, but I wasn’t really close with anyone, not the way I’m close to Elijah and my other fraternity buddies. How about you?”

  I regretted asking Seth that question. Of course he would ask me the same question in return. How did I tell him that I never had a best friend? That would make me seem as though I were antisocial or a weirdo. I had to make up something. “Same thing for me. We went our separate ways.” Actually, I was telling the truth somewhat. More accurately, I went separate ways, not them. I was the one that had to leave town because of my parents. No child should ever have to live in that situation. Too embarrassed by my parents, I never wanted to make friends. I couldn’t invite them over anyway, nor could I go to their house. That would mean that the parents had to meet. That would have been too much for me to handle. My parents were an embarrassment. The others were normal.

  Seth nodded and released a light sigh. He was most likely enjoying the soft breeze just as much as I was. Moving my gaze up and away from Seth, all I could see was the perfect canvas of a blue sky and few faint thin clouds, so thin that I could see right through them. Since oil painting was one of my hobbies, I could imagine using my brush and adding more depth to make them thicker and puffier. But what a serene view. Taking in a deep breath, I realized how fresh the air was; it felt like it was the purest that I could ever breathe.

  Spending the afternoon away from the world, basking in the sun, and hanging out with Seth and his friends reminded me of what I had missed growing up. It was what I’d always wanted—friends I could relate to, friends that would be there for each other, and relationships based on trust, understanding, and bonds.

  I didn’t want to go back home, back to reality. I felt safe knowing that my mom and Brad were far away from here. Once in a while I would check my phone to see if I had gotten a message from either of them. Even though I had changed my phone number, if there was a will, there was a way. I knew someday my past would catch up to me, which was the reason why I was always on the run. I always picked up and left when I felt the threat of Mom or Brad finding out where I was. And then there was the guilt eating at me. I could still hear my mom’s shrieking voice, telling me what a bad, ungrateful daughter I was.

  “That hurts, Mama,” I said, closing my eyes to try and escape from the pain. I couldn’t understand why she pressed so hard into my scalp. The brush felt like nails clawing through me. “I’m hungry. Can we eat dinner?” I’d thought if I told her I was famished, she would stop, but it didn’t work.

  “Don’t be so ungrateful. I’m doing you a favor,” she hissed, tugging the strands of my hair already in her grasp. “I’m not letting you go to school tomorrow without perfect hair. What would they think of us? You’re lucky you have a mother like me. My mother never brushed my hair.”

  I looked at the reflection of the two of us. Though we had the same eye and hair color, I didn’t see the resemblance. My eyes shifted to her hair, perfect and not a strand out of place. She wore a pretty black dress, embellished with a sparkling diamond necklace and earrings. They were so pretty.
I wished they were mine.

  I squinted and shrugged my shoulders when I felt a wave of pain. I wished my mama wouldn’t brush my hair either. When it became too unbearable, I gripped her wrist. That was a big mistake. Mom smacked my hand with her brush so hard I thought she’d broken it. Pain ripped through me, the sting of it racing through every bone. I cried out, but no sound escaped my mouth. In shock, I didn’t know what to do. Tears streamed down my face as I guarded my wounded hand. I was terrified she would hit it again.

  “Why are you crying?” she yelled. “I didn’t hit you that hard.” When I didn’t answer she continued, “Stop crying! Stop making that noise or I’ll hit you again.”

  In fear, I headed out my bedroom door.

  “Don’t turn your back on me when I’m talking to you.” She ran after me and yanked me around. When I saw the brush go up in the air, I hid my hands behind my back. The sound of the car honking saved me.

  “I’m going out with my friends. When your drunken daddy comes home from work, tell him to cook his own dinner.”

  “But I’m hungry, Mama,” I cried, sniffling and rubbing my wounded hand. The tingling sensation was almost on its last stretch. I could bend my fingers again.

  Mom leaned into me, looking squarely at me. Her eyes were cold, filled with anger. “You’re a big girl. Cook something for yourself. Maybe it will teach you to be grateful. After all I do for you, you can at least give me some respect.”

  “I’m going to stay home by myself?” I whimpered, thinking how dark it was already. Then again, maybe it would be nice having the evening to myself.

  “You’re ten years old now—you can.”

  The sound of the horn blared again. “You’re wasting my time.” Mom went to her bedroom and came out with her purse. Wearing a pretty black fluffy coat, she headed out the door without even looking at me. Mom never failed to look her best. I didn’t know how much her clothes and jewelry cost, but they looked expensive to me. Money for food was always tight, but not when it came to her needs, her wants.

  I rushed to the window and watched her get into a shiny red car. I couldn’t see the driver, but I assumed it was a man in the driver’s seat. It was the outline of his hair that made me come to this conclusion. After the car sped away, I turned on all the lights in our small house. Feeling hunger pangs, I went to the kitchen to look for something to eat. Since there were no leftovers to heat up, and there was hardly anything in the fridge, I opened the cabinets. We had milk. We had several boxes of cereal. That was my dinner.

  CHAPTER 15

  Seth

  Resting on the dock with Josie was one of the best times I’d had in a long time. I didn’t know her that well, but the part I remembered still stayed with me. Though I could be wrong, it seemed as though she’d had some rough years. I didn’t know if she’d open up to me, but I was going to find out. Not knowing too much about her past, I couldn’t wait to spend some quality time with her and get to know her all over again.

  After our fun in the sun, we headed back to camp. Elijah and I had first dibs on the shower since we were cooking dinner today. I went inside my tent to gather my clothes and toiletries when I heard my name, or at least I thought I did.

  “Seth. Come out here. I need your help.” It was Josie’s voice.

  I went outside, but there was no one there—not even Cameron who had just been getting the barbeque started, or even Lexy who had been digging through our food supply a second ago. Strange. Then BAM! I was hit in the back.

  Cold water drenched the front of my T-shirt and then I felt another patch of wetness on my chest. I looked up to hear my friends busting up, holding water balloons in their hands. Josie pointed to the bucket full of them and ran away. Was she daring me to catch her?

  While getting hit several times to the body, I grabbed a few water balloons from the bucket. “What is this? Get Seth day?” I hollered.

  One I threw hit Jonathan in the leg, and the other missed Elijah by an inch. Looking for Josie, I got hit in my shoulder. I turned to see where that one had come from. Low and behold, it was from Josie.

  “I’m going to get you,” I seethed playfully.

  “Come and get me, Seth,” she challenged with a flirty smile.

  Water balloons passed me, and I even got hit a couple of times on my way to Josie. I stopped when she was on the other side of the bench we had lain on last night.

  “Josie. I’m going to get you.” When I shuffled to my left, she moved so I couldn’t catch her. We were running in circles around the bench.

  “You can’t catch me, Seth.” Josie threw a balloon, aiming for my chest.

  I leapt to the side and it hit my hip instead. By now I was soaking wet. Enough was enough. I flanked to the opposite side, making her think I was turning, but instead, I hopped on the table and jumped in front of her. Grabbing her from behind, I popped the balloon on her.

  “I told you I was going to catch you,” I said, wiping the water off my face.

  Josie turned to me with wide eyes, her arms stretching out. Maybe she was too cold to move? “You even leapt over a table for me.”

  I wasn’t sure what she’d said. I was too busy staring at her wet T-shirt, clinging to the lace bra she had on underneath. The wetness molded to her cleavage, and damn! She looked so sexy that I had to take a moment to collect myself. Sure, I will admit I had dreamed and imagined what Josie looked like without her shirt, but there was something hot and alluring about seeing her in a wet T-shirt. Not wanting to look like a pervert, I blinked and shifted my gaze to her stunned eyes. I didn’t have enough time to warn her about what I saw coming next.

  Josie pointed behind me while I pointed behind her. Lexy and Alex dumped water over Josie’s head. Josie screamed.

  “Welcome to our group, Josie,” Lexy said, running away with Alex.

  I was in the midst of my chuckling and wanting to console Josie when I felt a rush of water pouring over my head. Oh, fucking hell! It was one thing to laugh, seeing it being done to someone else; it was another when it happened to you. I wasn’t mad. In fact, it was refreshing.

  Without thinking, I embraced Josie. We were two wet beings mushed together. Wetness was fusing us together, and it felt like I was touching her skin instead of her shirt. Our eyes met with the softest longing glow, and at the same time there was uncertainty. Having a crush in sixth grade was one thing, but having something more as adults was entirely different.

  “You didn’t warn me.” Josie lightly shook my shoulders.

  “I tried. I pointed. But you didn’t warn me,” I rebutted softly.

  “I tried too. I guess we both don’t need that shower now.” She smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

  “Or we can take one together…I mean—”

  Heat traveled to my cheeks. Words slipped out, but I was glad they did. I was rewarded with a radiant angelic smile. Perfect timing…the sun shifted, illuminating the spaces between the overlapping leaves from the trees. I took a deep breath, taking her beauty in. She was my serenity. I could just stare at her all day, and I think I was until—

  “Seth, we’re hungry.” I heard the guys.

  “If you’re going to stare at each other, might as well take a shower together.” I heard Cameron comment. “Hurry up.”

  I scowled. They were lucky they were at a distance. I loved my fraternity brothers, but sometimes they were a pain.

  “Leave them alone, guys,” Elijah said. “They’re just jealous, Seth.”

  Josie giggled, then broke away from me. She walked backward as she spoke, “I’m starving, Seth, so I’m going to grill the hamburger meat and hotdogs while you get ready.”

  “Sounds good.” I sidestepped away, but still kept my eyes on her. My eyes shifted lower, and became protective. “Change your shirt first.”

  “Okay. Do you want yours rare, medium, or well done?” she asked.

  “Medium is fine.”

  “Got it.” Josie turned around and headed to her tent.

  I continued
to keep my eyes on Josie, taking in her body, staring at the finest ass I’d ever seen. I took several more steps blindly. When she was out of my sight, I turned. Then BAM! I stumbled to regain my composure. I knew this campsite like it was my own house. Where the hell did that tree come from?

  I closed my eyes tightly, biting down on my lip, trying to dismiss the pain. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have a bruise on my forehead. Hearing loud chuckles from the guys, I turned with a grin to give them the finger and walked away.

  Before heading to the shower, I checked my phone. The reception sucked here, but once in a while and depending on where I stood, I was able to send a text to my sister to ask how Mom was. She would reply that all was fine. I hoped she wasn’t just saying that so that I wouldn’t worry. Either way, I’d know for sure tomorrow. Though I’d enjoyed my time with my friends, a part of me was back home with Mom.

  After we ate, we hung out around the campfire and stayed up as late as we could. I didn’t want the weekend to end. It was probably about two in the morning when we finally called it a night.

  I texted Sara to let her know I was on my way home. I didn’t know if she had received the message or if she just didn’t feel like replying. After all, I must have gotten on her nerves texting several times throughout the day asking if Mom was okay, as if she couldn’t take care of her. Not that she should feel like she had to. Mom was an adult. But after Dad died it felt different. Responsibilities fell into my lap whether I wanted them or not.

  “Sara? Mom?” I walked into the house with my duffle bag slung over my shoulder. Gloominess settled into me, reminding me that Dad had passed. When my daily schedule got busy, just for a moment, sometimes I forget that he was gone.

  “Seth. We’re in the kitchen.” I heard Sara’s voice.

  After I dropped my bag in the laundry room, I headed to the kitchen.

  Mom kissed me on my cheek. “Welcome home. Did you have a good time?” She sounded cheerful, but I knew she was trying to be for my sake.