Shatter

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “What? Why?”

  “You hate him. I don’t. He could be the freaking President and I’d still tell him he was a grade A asshole if that made you feel better — you’re right. Maybe I didn’t cause this, but apparently he did. And he needs to know.”

  Jaymeson gave a jerky nod and handed me the phone.

  “It’s under Bastard,” he mumbled as I scrolled through the contacts.

  I smirked at that. We were more alike than he’d care to admit.

  I found his number and dialed it. He answered in two rings. “What the hell, Jaymeson, you know not to call me when I’m in production!”

  I laughed. “Wow, you really are a bastard.”

  “Who the hell is this?”

  “God. He says repent or go to hell.”

  “Very funny.”

  “I thought so.”

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  “Okay, I just thought you may want to know that your ex-wife is currently in the emergency room. We aren’t sure if she’s going to make it, and her dying wish was for us to order a hit on you, so if you see any sketchy hooded people following you around, well, you know why. Have a good day!”

  “Wait!” His voice was raspy on the other end as if he’d just choked on a potato chip and needed water. “April? Accident? What happened? Who the hell are you? Where’s Jaymeson? Is Jaymeson all right? I need him for this movie!”

  “Whoa.” I cursed into the phone. “You know what? Nevermind. We’re in Seaside, Oregon, but you may as well go to hell.”

  I hung up the phone.

  Jaymeson stared at me blankly. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “And I thought Angelica was the anti-Christ.”

  This earned at least a small smirk from Jaymeson as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

  It was an eerie out-of-body experience — to just discover the person that gave birth to you, only to deal with the fear and possibility that she might be taken from you all over again. I wasn’t really sure I knew what I felt. I was angry, sad, confused… I was so many things. It didn’t help that my body felt so freaking numb with each step I took, as if someone had cut open my legs and placed sand inside every tiny crevice until I was paralyzed.

  Jaymeson walked to the triage station and asked about his mom.

  I waited in the background and looked around. The smell was the same. It still smelled like death — I’d never told anyone about the nightmares I’d had while I’d been here.

  I could have sworn I came face to face with the devil in my operating room. Nat’s dad, the surgeon who operated, said it was probably the shock of the accident mixed with the drugs.

  I’d nodded my head and shrugged it off because that’s what I did. I shrugged things off and eventually everything was okay.

  Clearly I wasn’t over everything. My wobbly legs couldn’t take it anymore. I found a seat and collapsed into it, covering my face with my hands. What was wrong with me? My real mom was in the emergency room and all I could think about was myself. I’d always hated hospitals ever since I was a little kid. I hated sick people — damn, I even hated the smell of bandages.

  I lifted my eyes to see the people’s faces. The nurses walking briskly up and down the halls. The doctors, the flowers — the antiseptic.

  It felt like my ears were stuffed with cotton as I heard footsteps clicking down the large hall. I looked up and came face to face with Paul, Nat’s dad, and I was transported.

  Back to when I was a little kid.

  When my dad — the only dad I’d ever known — was dying of cancer.

  “Alec, he’s so young, younger than you,” Dad rasped. “You have to make sure he’s taken care of. He’s your brother.”

  “I will, Dad. I promise.” Even at such a young age Alec was strong, immovable, forced to grow up way before his time.

  Dad coughed. “Son, he isn’t… he’s family, but he’s… he’s adopted. Do you know what that means?”

  Alec was silent for a moment and then he said, “Yes, but he’s still my brother.”

  “He’s still my son.” Dad sighed loud enough for me to hear the intense struggle it was for him to breathe in and out. “You need to tell him, Alec. When the time is right. When he’s ready to hear it, you need to tell him who she is.”

  I peeked around the corner at Alec and my dad.

  Tears streamed down his face as Alec took a crumpled piece of paper into his hands and stuffed it into his pocket. “But, Dad… when you’re gone… he’s all I have left. I don’t have anyone.”

  “Son.” Dad braced Alec’s shoulders with his large hands. “People always say blood is thicker than anything. That saying means family is thicker than anything in this world. When things crumble around you, you’ll still have Demetri. He may be adopted, from a different mother, but he’s yours, he’s ours, he’s family. I’m leaving him in your care.”

  “I can take care of him.” Alec raised his eyes to meet my dad’s and crossed his heart. “I swear, Dad. I swear. If I take care of him, does that mean you’ll live? If I promise right now, will God save you?”

  “Son, I want you to listen.” He pulled Alec closer to him and kissed his forehead. “God saved me the moment he gave me you and your brother. He saved me when he gave me such special moments with you two. He may not save this cancer-filled body now — but you better believe God saves souls — and when I leave you — my presence will always stay. Right here.” He pointed to Alec’s chest. “Do you believe me?”

  “Yes, Dad.” Tears streamed down Alec’s face. “I believe you. And I swear I’ll never let anything happen to him. I swear it.”

  “I know.”

  “Demetri? Demetri, are you okay?” Dr. Murray jolted me out of my memory — one I’d repressed for half my life. It was like I couldn’t breathe — when Alec had told me, I had a vague memory of Dad saying adopted, but I hadn’t remembered the actual conversation until right now.

  I nodded but felt like air couldn’t get into my lungs.

  “Demetri.” Dr. Murray gently put his hand on my shoulder and instructed me to breathe.

  I wanted to say, Not helping, Doc, not helping. What came out was some sort of wheeze, and then I saw April.

  My remaining family.

  She was on a stretcher with a whole bunch of tubes hooked up to her. Her eyes were closed. Jaymeson was shouting for them to hurry as they rushed her into one of the operating rooms. I looked frantically to Dr. Murray. He nodded once and ran toward the closing doors, leaving me once again alone in the hallway.

  Until someone put his hand on my shoulder.

  I looked up into Jaymeson’s tear-filled eyes, not knowing what to do. Thankfully, he did. In an instant he had me in a tight hug.

  “Brothers?” he asked shakily.

  I pulled away from him and laughed awkwardly. “Always wanted more than one.”

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Alec

  I checked my cell phone. Nat was taking way longer than the five minutes she said she would. Not that I minded, usually the girl got ready really fast.

  Deciding to check on her, I took the steps two at a time and knocked on her bedroom door. The shower was still running. “Nat?”

  I pushed open the door and went over to the bathroom.

  Steam barreled out of the door that was slightly ajar. I knocked again but no answer. She was probably lost in thought. After one more knock I finally opened the door — only to find Nat on the ground, blood gushing from a gash on her head.

  “Nat!” I shouted her name over and over again. “Nat! Can you hear me?” Hands shaking, I grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it as fast as I could. She moaned my name. “Thank God. Nat, what happened? Are you okay?”

  Blood streamed down her cheek. I wasn’t sure which part of her head she hit, her eyes rolled back in her head again.

  “Shit!” I picked up her limp body and ran with her down the stairs, stopping only to grab my keys and phone. I wasn’t waiting for an ambula
nce. Heart in my throat, I choked back tears as I set her gently in the seat and put a seatbelt around her limp form. “Sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. I promise. It’s going to be fine. Just…” My voice broke. “Just stay with me, okay? Can you do that? For me? For the baby?”

  Nat moaned again.

  I put the car in drive and made a beeline for the hospital.

  What typically took at least ten minutes took me three. I blew through every yellow light and sped as if her life was in my hands — which it was. Only it scared the shit out of me, because it wasn’t just Nat I had to protect, but our unborn child.

  I’d done this to her. Me. I couldn’t protect anyone or anything. It had been the one thing I’d wanted to do since I messed up all those years ago with Demetri. Grief had pushed me into that lifestyle, but our family ties and my dad’s memory had pulled me out of it.

  And now I was failing everyone — including my dad — the one person I promised I would never fail.

  I didn’t even turn off the car once I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I ran to the other side of the car and pulled Nat out, shouting at nurses near the entry-way that I needed to see a doctor immediately.

  I ran through the open doors and tried to keep the towel around Nat as my eyes frantically searched for a wheelchair or something to put her in.

  A nurse appeared, and then a doctor pulled her from my hands and placed her on a gurney. “What happened?”

  “She… um.” I could not hyperventilate, I had to be strong. “She was showering and I think she passed out. She hit her head. And she’s pregnant.”

  “How far along?”

  I hated myself. Hated that I didn’t even know the answer.

  “Twelve weeks,” a voice said behind me. A feminine hand reached out to mine and held it. “She’s twelve weeks along and has been taking prenatals for the past two weeks. She isn’t allergic to any medications and her dad is Doctor Murray.”

  The doctor nodded and began pushing the stretcher into one of the rooms. I tried to follow him but he stopped me. “Blood-related?”

  “She’s my girlfriend. It’s—”

  “Let us do our job, Son.” The doctor shut the door in my face. I clenched my right hand, forgetting someone was holding it.

  Turning, I saw Alyssa. She smiled, as her eyes pooled with unshed tears. “She’ll be fine, Alec. I promise.”

  In an instant Demetri and Jaymeson were there.

  I told them what happened, alternating between freaking out and needing a sedative to being so damn angry at myself that I wanted to puke.

  “Oh, shit.” Jaymeson pointed at the doors. “Looks like we have company.”

  Ruben and the rest of the production crew barged into the hospital. The worst part? Ruben was smiling. As if this was the best thing to happen to him since he saw his face in the mirror.

  “Alec… How are you feeling now that—”

  Jaymeson’s fist surged forward, connecting with Ruben’s jaw perfectly. He hit the floor with a large thud. The cameraman put his camera away and swore.

  “Thank God. I’ve been wanting to do that for days.”

  The rest of the crew sighed in relief and turned off the cameras and recorders.

  “Can you guys just…” I exhaled. “Not film today?”

  “Sure thing.” The cameraman nodded. “What about him?”

  We all looked to the ground where Ruben was groaning and holding his jaw. “I’ll sue you for touching me!”

  “Drown him?” I suggested.

  “Death by seagulls.” This from Demetri. I’m sure that was his greatest fear, considering he was terrified of birds.

  “Leave,” a voice said from behind us. I turned to see Dr. Murray, scrubs on, glaring at Ruben. “This is a hospital. No cameras, no media. Leave now before I call security.”

  Ruben waved him off and struggled to his feet. The production crew waved goodbye and escorted an angry Ruben out of the emergency room.

  “Idiot.” Dr. Murray snorted. “Now, about April.”

  Demetri and Jaymeson tensed.

  “She’s stable. We’re putting her in a private room, but…” Bad news, he was going to deliver bad news. The lines around his eyes seemed deeper as he shifted nervously on his feet. “There were an awful lot of drugs in her system. Not just from the pills but from a few other sources. It seems that she’s been mixing cocaine, pills, ecstasy, and a few antidepressants. We’re lucky she’s alive, especially if she’s been drinking as much as her tests confirm she has. Her alcohol level upon entry into the hospital was .20 that’s almost three times the legal limit and she’s not a large woman by any means.”

  My heart sank as I watched Jaymeson’s face fall. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we see her?”

  “Not yet,” Dr. Murray said. “She needs to rest. We had to pump her stomach.”

  “Right.” Jaymeson opened his eyes and looked at Dr. Murray. “Is there anything…? I mean… What do we do?”

  I realized in that moment Jaymeson was just as alone as we were. He had step-brothers and sisters and a dad who basically saw nothing but a cash cow when he looked at him.

  “Treatment.” Dr. Murray nodded. “She needs to go to rehab. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make sure my daughter is comfortable.” His eyes flashed to mine, and in that instant I wanted to die. That meant he would know that Nat was pregnant, and I was the bastard who got her that way — I was the cause of so many things. I couldn’t even defend myself. As a dad he was well within his rights to shoot me where I stood. Instead, with a heavy sigh, he put his arm around me and led me down the hall away from the group.

  Probably so they wouldn’t see him insert the syringe into my body, stopping my heart as well as the rest of my organs.

  “You got my daughter pregnant,” he said it so calmly as if we were talking about the weather or football.

  “I did.”

  “You also saved her life.”

  “What?” I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look me in the eyes. “Is she okay? What happened? Does she have a concussion?”

  Doctor Murray peeled my hands away from his body. “She’s stable. She has a pretty bad concussion. You probably don’t realize it, but there’s a very high amount of accidental deaths every year by people passing out in the shower. She could have drowned. She could have woken up and been so disoriented that she tripped and fell again. The possibilities are endless — so thank you. You did the right thing in driving her straight here.”

  “And the baby?” I pleaded. “Tell me the baby’s okay.”

  Doctor Murray smiled. “Healthy.”

  “Can I see her?”

  He nodded once and led me to a small hallway just off of the emergency room area. He pointed to the second door on the right and then left me alone with the love of my life.

  Transported. I was literally transported back to when my dad was sick. I’d promised him I’d protect Demetri — I’d protect everyone.

  How had I failed so miserably?

  Slowly, I walked to her bedside. She was sleeping. Nat’s head was wrapped in white gauze. A small smile played at her lips as she sighed in her sleep and turned to her side.

  I barely made it to the chair by her bed before I collapsed into a sob. My fault, my fault, my fault. The voice in my head wouldn’t stop. My hands shook as I tried to wipe the tears away. I just wanted to make it better, but I didn’t know how. I reached for Nat’s hand and engulfed it in mine, raining kisses on each of her knuckles.

  She was so precious to me. I couldn’t lose her — refused to lose her again. If she still wanted me, I was all hers. If she would forgive me, I would love her forever. If she wouldn’t — then I would continue going on loving her from a distance… for as long as I had breath. As long as blood surged through my body, as long as my heart continued to pump, I was hers — body and soul.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Demetri

  I walked aimlessly down the h
alls, confused about so many things, and wishing I could somehow make it all better. I think there’s a point in everyone’s life where they try to figure out that one moment where they took a wrong turn and then watch as the catastrophic events after it fall like a trail of dominoes. Did one choice really affect your future that much?

  One choice affected April’s, which in turn affected mine, which affected Jaymeson’s. My head spun with all the possibilities, all the outcomes.

  I’d thought I’d been making progress over the past year ,but the truth of the matter was I was still like a kid waiting for the approval of others and hoping to God I was doing the right thing.

  I walked past a few rooms. I glanced to my left and saw Alec’s hands folded and his head resting against them, against Nat’s bed. I turned to walk into the room and knocked softly on the door.

  His head jerked up.

  “You okay?” I asked, taking a seat on the other side of the bed.

  He looked at Nat then back at me. “Not really. You?”

  “Not really.”

  We both laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was so damn tragic.

  I reached for Nat’s hand, thankful that it was warm, meaning she was living — breathing. “I, uh, I remembered something today.”

  “Yeah?” Alec leaned forward resting his elbows against the bed. “What?”

  “Dad.” My voice cracked. “When he told you about my adoption. It’s funny the memory had always been fuzzy. All I remembered was the word, and remembering it meant I was different. Maybe it was my mind’s own stupid way of protecting me, but I remember everything now.”

  Alec’s eyes held mine for a second before he cursed and looked down. “Then you remember what I promised.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I failed you.”

  “What?” I let out a frustrated laugh. “You didn’t. You were a little kid, Alec. I think we’ve already established that you aren’t Superman.”

  He didn’t say anything so I just kept talking. “Our dad gave you a huge job. He asked you to do something that a kid your age barely even understands. All you knew was that you were going to be alone except for me—”