Hope's River

by McHeyzer , Margaret

  The more I look at the mold, the more I want to get out and call Charlie to come have a look at what’s happening here. I can’t leave May with a bathroom that may require some renovation.

  I keep staring at it as the water turns tepid, then cools to a point where I can’t stay in here any longer. Getting out, I pull the plug draining the water before drying off and getting changed. I walk out of the bathroom with the towel around my head. “May?” I call.

  “Yeah.”

  I follow her voice, and find her sitting on the porch. In her hand is a large glass of whiskey, and beside her on the small table, is a bottle, and another tumbler. She juts her head toward it. “Pour yourself one, girly.”

  “Do you know there’s mold in the bathroom?”

  “There is?” She places her tumbler on the table, and stands. Following her into the bathroom, I point it out. “Look at that. I’ve never noticed it before.”

  “I’ll get Charlie to come have a look. There may be spores inside the wall. We’ll take care of it.”

  “Just let me know what the cost is.” She walks back out, sits, and picks her tumbler up. I won’t charge her. May’s shown Charlie and me nothing but kindness. I pour myself a drink, and hold it in my hand for a few moments, staring at the chickens running past the porch. “So,” May says as she takes a sip of her drink.

  “So,” I repeat.

  “What’s happening?”

  I take a deep breath before bringing the glass to my lips, and taking a small sip. “Nothing.”

  “Ha.” She blows a raspberry. “Now there’s some bullshit I’ve heard before.”

  “You don’t sugar-coat anything, do you, May?”

  “Ah.” She flicks her free hand at me. “No time for sugar-coating at my age. Gotta tell people what I think before my time is up.”

  I chuckle. “I wish I was like you.”

  “You can be. Don’t be a jerk.”

  I nearly spit my drink out when she calls me a jerk. “You can’t say things like that when I have a mouth full of alcohol.”

  “Why not? It’s the truth, right? You’re feeling down because you’re being a jerk toward someone. Is it River?” Jesus, does everyone know? “It’s River, right?”

  No use in hiding anything from May. She’s old, perceptive, and isn’t afraid to call me a jerk. “It’s River,” I confirm in defeat.

  “Look, I can’t tell you what to do or what to say. That’s all completely up to you, Hope. But I can tell you this; don’t live a life of regret.”

  “Regret? Why would I regret this?”

  “Because you and that boy are meant to be together. Don’t let these moments become fleeting memories that keep you up at night, and have you wondering, what if. Because, trust me, you’ll live a life, and it’ll be successful and maybe even happy, but you’ll always regret the decision you made to walk away from someone who could’ve made your life so much richer than what it already is.”

  I look at her aged hands, and really see the wrinkles on her slim fingers. She’s talking about the love she had for the man whose tin River and I found. “You loved him very much,” I say as I look into her sad eyes.

  “I still love him,” she corrects. “And one day, we’ll be together again. I hate how we parted, and I’ll regret that until my very last breath. Don’t be a fool, Hope. Don’t let him go because you’re frightened.”

  “I’m afraid it might be too late. He told me he’s done with me.”

  May rolls her eyes, and tsks. “That boy looks at you like I look at fried chicken,” she pauses and licks her lips. “Umm, hmmm. Fried chicken is so good.” She cheekily smirks. “He adores you, probably as much if not more than you adore him. He probably said he’s done with you because he’s sick of you being a damn idiot.”

  May has managed to not only insult me, but make me laugh in the same breath. “What do you think I should do?”

  “I think you need to show that boy that you want him more than you want fried chicken.”

  “That’s hard to do, May.”

  “Why?” She shrugs. “Why is it hard to do? Are you from two different planets?” I shake my head. “Do you both speak the same language?” I nod. “Then the only thing stopping you, is you.”

  “But he’s told me he doesn’t want me.”

  “Pffft.” She flicks her hand again. “He’ll never look at anyone else the way he looks at you. You’re his fried chicken, and he’s yours, too.”

  Nursing my tumbler, I choose to remain quiet, thinking about my fried chicken.

  “Ask yourself this, Hope. How would you feel if you saw River with a wife and children playing down by the ocean?”

  I don’t even want to try and picture that image. My heart is already breaking as I look out toward my truck. All I can see is River, a faceless woman and two children, building sand castles, and playing in the water. River draping his arms around the woman, and effortlessly picking her up and tossing her in the water as the two kids giggle and cheer him on. My eyes well with tears as I watch him in a future I was too afraid to grasp.

  “And that right there is the reason you have to stop blocking all the good that can come to you, and embrace it with two hands. That boy is a good boy, and he needs a good girl by his side. Don’t live your life regretting this choice. Live your life embracing him.”

  Turning my head away from May, I wipe at my eyes. “I’ve been an idiot.”

  “Yep,” May agrees.

  “Such an idiot.”

  “Huge idiot,” she encourages.

  “I can’t lose him, May.”

  “No use telling this old lady.” She points to herself. “Better figure this out before you end up like me.” I swing my head around and narrow my eyes at her. “Not that there’s anything wrong with me. Obviously, I’m a really cool ol’ lady. But if I could, I would’ve told him how much I loved him before I lost him forever.”

  I place my tumbler down, and reach for her hand. “Will you tell me your love story?”

  May smiles, and looks out over her land. “Some day.”

  I’ve tried calling River several times, but he’s not responding. He’s upset. I get it. I’ve been a jerk as May blatantly told me.

  The house will be ready soon, and before I leave, I want to tell him how I feel.

  It’s only fair he’s been ignoring me after all the hell I’ve put him through, I guess.

  Parking the truck, I get out and walk into Elle’s. Our relationship has been strained since I was an ass to her, too.

  The little bell dings over the door, and when Elle looks up her smile quickly fades. “Usual, Hope?” she calls before I’m even near the counter.

  “I’ve been an asshole,” I announce loudly.

  Murray turns his head to look at me from over his shoulder.

  “Yep,” Elle confirms. Gee, no one is letting me get away with anything. “Is that it, are you done?”

  “I’m sorry, Elle. I’m…” I stop talking and look around, struggling with communication. “I’m not good with relationships and friendships. It’s like I don’t let people get close to me.”

  “Gee, what gave it away?” she sarcastically spits.

  “I…” Again, I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to lose our friendship. I’m an ass, and I’m trying really hard to not be one.”

  Elle stands behind her counter, nodding. “You’re definitely an ass.”

  “I know.”

  “And you frustrate me when you get in your head, and refuse to listen to anyone.”

  I lower my chin, looking at my steel-toed boots. “I know.”

  “So, what are we going to do about your assiness?” I lift my head, and Elle’s smiling. She’s throwing me a lifeline, and I suspect, this is the last time she’ll put up with me being such an idiot.

  I walk around the counter, and hug her. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m making this promise to you, Hope. Next time you decide to be a damn diva, I’m kicking your ass,” she whispers.


  Pulling away, I walk to the other side, and sit on a stool at the counter next to Murray. “When’s that damn house going to be ready, Hope?” Murray asks.

  “It shouldn’t be too long now. It’s nearly ready.”

  “Speaking of which, I’ve had a lot of interest in it. Am I going to sell it?” Elle asks.

  “I’ve been thinking of something else, and I need to talk to Charlie about it first.”

  Elle places her hands on her hips. “You better not have anyone else sell it. I’m the best real estate agent in Hope River.”

  “You’re the only real estate agent in Hope River,” Murray corrects.

  “Drink your damn coffee, Murray,” Elle snaps.

  “If anyone is going to sell the house, I promise it’ll be you, Elle. But there’s something I want to talk to Charlie about. Actually, can I have two coffees and two muffins please? I have to be quick, because we’re nearly at the end, and I’m needed at the house more than ever.” I push up from the seat, and wait for Elle to make the coffees. She places the brown paper bag on the counter, and I hear the bell chime as someone walks in.

  The hair on my arms stands as I feel a warmth take over my body. I know it’s River. I can feel the dynamic change as Elle looks up, smiles, then quickly darts her eyes to me before they widen.

  “Elle, Murray.” There’s a slight pause. “Hope.”

  I have to get over myself and tell him how I feel. Turning, I smile as I drink him in. He’s like the sun on the brightest of days, and the wind when it’s howling the loudest, and the moon when it’s shining the brightest, and the rain as it soaks the earth.

  He’s my universe, and I’ve been a fool for pushing him away.

  I have to do something, tell him how much I want him before he finds someone else to look at like how he’s looking at me right now.

  His smouldering eyes lower and he forces a smile on his handsome face.

  “River, can we talk?” I ask.

  He lifts his gaze, and looks around. Suddenly, I’m painfully aware that Murray, and Elle are both staring at us. Shit, is everyone looking? I don’t care. “No, now’s not a good time,” he says.

  Oh. Shit, have I totally screwed this? My heart pounds inside my chest, and my body feels like it’s made of glass and could shatter with the slightest breeze. But I can’t let him walk away without me telling him how I feel. “Please?” I beg.

  River steps backward, his hands high in surrender. “I can’t,” he says in a tight voice. His clenched jaw and rigid shoulders tell me he’s hurt.

  “Please,” I beg again as I reach for his arm.

  He shrugs me away. “I said, I can’t.” Turning, he hurriedly walks to the door.

  “I love you and I’m an idiot!” I yell. All the chatter inside the café stops. As does River’s quick escape. I step closer to him, although he hasn’t turned to face me. I know every pair of eyes is on us, and frankly, I don’t care. My cheeks are flushed with heat, my legs are wobbly, and my pulse is racing, but I have to tell him before I end up regretting my silence. “I’ve been a fool. So dumb. You’ve been the only man I’ve ever truly loved, and all I’ve done is push you away.” My eyes sting as I blink away the threatening tears. I’m putting all of me on display for River to know how much I love him.

  He hasn’t turned to look at me yet, and although I’ve completely humiliated myself by professing my love for him so publicly, he needs to know before I lose him forever. I look around and Elle’s smiling. “Go on,” she mouths as she flicks her hand for me to continue.

  “Everything inside of me is telling me to flee and not tell you how I feel. I…I…” I stammer, still trying to think of what I can say to make River see I truly love him. “I’m sorry, River. I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you, and pushed you away when all you ever wanted is to be with me. When I’m scared, every single one of my walls flies up. And what I feel for you, it terrifies me,” I pause for what feels like hours. Placing my hand to my heart, I take a smaller step closer. But River still hasn’t turned to look at me, or even said anything.

  My chest tightens, and my throat squeezes together.

  Crap, this can’t be it.

  I look to Elle again, hoping on some kind of encouragement. Her hand is on her chest over her heart, and her lips are downward turned, though still smiling.

  I turn to River again. “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in that café with your mom. It just took me until this very moment to realize it. All I can say is I want you, and I love you.”

  There’s a heaviness in my belly that grows larger with every passing second of silence from River. Nausea bubbles in my gut as I wait for him to say something. Anything.

  River’s hand reaches for the door, he opens it, and leaves.

  “Oh shit,” I hear Elle whisper.

  My shoulders slump, and my head lowers. My lips mash together as I keep from crying out with absolute pain. What have I done?

  I don’t have the guts to look at anyone, I do the only thing I’m capable of doing. I run.

  I run out the door, to my truck, and take off down the street.

  River doesn’t want me. I’ve pushed him so much and so hard, that he doesn’t want me anymore.

  Sobbing, I keep driving, and driving, and driving.

  The ringing of my phone startles me, and I look around to try and work out where I am. I find myself staring at unfamiliar landmarks. I know I’m not near Hope River, but at the same time, I don’t even know where I am.

  Pulling over, I reach for my phone, and see an unknown number. Clearing my throat, I pull myself together before I answer.

  “Hello?” I answer, my voice slightly hoarse.

  “Hello, is this Hope Sawyer?” a lady asks.

  “It is.” I wipe at my eyes, pushing the hurt away, even if only for a few moments.

  “My name is Clarissa and I’m from the Wyatt County. I’m wondering if you have time to come in for a meeting.”

  I’m running everything this possibly could be about through my head. “What is this about? We obtained all the relevant permits and licenses we needed for the house,” I say not even knowing why I’m blurting something like that out. I’m not usually nervous when talking to anyone from the government about the houses I flip. But wearing my heart on my sleeve for River has spooked me and left my emotions raw.

  She has a small chuckle. “We know. You haven’t done anything wrong, but we’d like to discuss something with you, and we’re hoping you can help.”

  “You want me…” I say in a small, slow breath. “Okay. When would you like to see me?” I have no idea what’s going on.

  “We know you’d be busy with the house, so whenever you’re available.”

  I look at the digital clock on the dashboard of the car. It’s early, and I’m in no hurry to get back to the house. I was, but after my complete humiliation with River, I’m okay to stay away from the house, for now. “I can be there in an hour.”

  “Fantastic. Do you have the address or would you like me to text it to you?”

  “I’ve been there, so I know where you are. And you said your name’s Clarissa?”

  “That’s right. Just ask for me when you get there, and they’ll let me know.”

  “Okay, thank you.”

  “Oh no, thank you, Hope,” she says with cool confidence.

  I hang up, and look down at the phone. What just happened? I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. But my curiosity has been piqued.

  Looking over my shoulder to check for cars, I catch a glimpse of a store front on the opposite side of the road. “Huh,” I huff as I double look over it.

  Suddenly, a few things I’ve been unsure of, start coming together. Now, to get back to the stable so I can get ready for this mysterious meeting with Clarissa. I have to take all the paperwork in with me, in case there’s questions. And to ask May for a favor. I hope she agrees.

  “So, have you decided what you’re going to list the house for?” Charlie asks a
s we walk through the house to check what needs finishing.

  Rolling the blue-spot tape out, I see one of the electrical outlets is half hanging out of the wall. I take a spot off the roll, and place it on the power point. “I’ve been thinking of something else.”

  “Huh. You’ve been very quiet lately. What’s going on? Last week you didn’t even come to the house for a few days. And when I asked you about it, you just shrugged and smiled. Did you find another house to flip?” He takes a blue spot and places it on the wall. “Whoever painted in here needs to be fired.”

  “You and I painted in here,” I say.

  “Then you and I need to fire ourselves.” I smile. Cheeky bastard. “So, are you going to tell me what’s happening? What are you listing this for? What did we spend?”

  “We? You didn’t spend a cent, I did,” I answer with a laugh.

  “Whatever. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been coy and quiet, and I know you well enough to know, when you’re like that, you’re up to something. Have you and River finally found your groove?”

  My stomach twitches, as I shake my head. “I don’t think he wants me anymore.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s bullshit. Every time I’ve had to talk to him, he always asks me about you.”

  “I’ve tried calling him, and seeing him, but he’s completely ghosted me.” My shoulders sink a bit further knowing I’ve lost my first love. I wish I hadn’t screwed up with River.

  “Maybe he’s not ready to forgive you for being a dick. If you really love him, then don’t ever stop because you never know what’s on the horizon. Show him you want him, and don’t stop showing him.”

  I stop what I’m doing, and look at Charlie. “Since when have you become so sentimental?”

  He slowly turns his head. His brows are up, and his mouth is gaping. “Way to go, sis. Now, I’m hurt. I have feelings too, you know!”

  I know he’s kidding, but a part of me wonders if I did hurt his feelings. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be awful.”

  The side of his mouth quirks up and he nods. Turning, he goes back to looking for imperfections we’ll have to fix. “I know. So, back to why we’re here to begin with. The house is beautiful. It’ll be perfect once you stage it for sale. Have you run the figures?”