Let It Be Me

by Toni Aleo

  “I won’t let you down, sir,” I say with a spurt of confidence I didn’t know I had.

  He nods before he says, “I know you won’t. Come on, we’re having a meeting.”

  “We are?” I didn’t have a meeting written down. I look down at my appointment book, kicking myself for forgetting this. My first day and I miss a meeting!? Damn it.

  “Yup, it wasn’t planned; I have some news I need to share with the office.”

  Oh, thank God. “Oh, okay! I’m right behind you,” I say scrambling out of my seat to catch up with him since he was already halfway out the door. I follow behind him and smile when we reach our staff lounge. Last week, I got to meet my staff. We have three nurses that work with patients, two receptionists and four floating nurses. They help with patients, file and do anything else I assign. I love my team. Each one has different things at which they excel, and I know I’m going to enjoy them. The only thing that makes me nervous is that I’m the youngest person employed here; everyone else is in their thirties.

  But they seem to like me. I hope.

  Everyone returns my smile and one of our nurses, Tammy, scoots over so I can sit beside her. Leaning back on the couch, I look up just as Dr. McCloud claps his hands together and says, “Morning, team. I hope all is well with everyone. Did everyone have a good weekend?”

  Everyone answers back with smiles and one by one tells him about their weekend. It blows my mind how he is so concerned and even asks more questions about everyone’s family life. He is so in tune with his staff and it makes me nervous. It isn’t like I’ll be doing this. I’m not going to share my home life. I won’t even bring up it up, so all I’ll have to talk to him about is work. I hope that’s enough.

  After everyone’s finished with their weekends, attention returns to Dr. McCloud as he says, “Well, I’m glad everyone had a good weekend and well, mine was eventful. As lot of you know, my wife is retiring, and I’ve been entertaining the idea of doing the same thing for some time. After this weekend, I’ve decided that I’m going to leave the practice.”

  I gasped, along with everyone else. What the hell does he mean!? I just started here, just became comfortable in my new position. How could he leave? I know everyone is thinking the same. Even Ms. Lynda is crying and Tammy looks as if she is on the verge of tears. We love this guy! He can’t leave!

  “Calm down everyone, it’s okay. You all know me, I’m not going to leave you unless I have the best replacement and, to my delight, my son has finally accepted the task of taking over for me.”

  His son? What? I don’t want to deal with the son; I want Dr. McCloud.

  “So, help me welcome my son, Tucker McCloud, to our practice.”

  Oh, he’s here? I glance back up. Everyone starts to clap but my arms stop mid-air when my eyes fall on Tucker McCloud. For the first time in three years, I’m completely stunned by the man before me. My insides are clenching, and I don’t think I could form a word if someone asked me something. Especially if he did. He’s beautiful. Light brown hair that looks like he spent most of the day running his fingers through it, whiskey-colored brown eyes like quicksand. He has dark brown scruff on his chin and a little along his upper lip and oh Lord, his lips. They’re a full, a light-peach color and curved up in a way that makes my heart pound a little faster. He’s gorgeous and the mere act of gazing at him is turning me inside out.

  He is wearing black slacks that hug every inch of his long legs, showing off the curvature of rippling muscle, along with a white dress shirt that hugs his chest and arms, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, forearms thick and hard. He looks around the room, his smile intoxicating as Dr. McCloud introduces each of us. I’m last and when his whiskey-colored eyes land on me, the room fades away until we’re the only two people in the room.

  His smile falls, his eyes darken and everything inside me flashes white hot. I have never and I mean NEVER, seen such a gorgeous man. Not even Rob stunned me like this fine Doctor is, and he never ever made me feel this, even before the abuse started. It’s insane and freaks me out because this doctor is turning me on. No one and I mean no one has done that in a very long time. Not even my husband.

  After losing my baby, something went wrong inside me and when Rob would try to penetrate me, he couldn’t get in. I went to the doctor, not for his sake but for mine because I was tired of getting the shit beat out of me for not pleasing him, plus it scared me. Why couldn’t he get in? Was I broken down there? Had he done more damage than I thought when he caused me to lose the baby?

  In the end, I found out that I am suffering from Vaginismus. I know what you are thinking: What the hell is that? I thought the same thing but what it is, is where I am basically too scared to have sex. The walls of my vagina contract whenever anything tries to enter me and it is basically like hitting a wall, which is the reason it hurts anytime he tries. Of course the doctor asked me a whole bunch of questions about being sexually abused but I was able to deflect them and get the hell out of there. When I told Rob what was wrong, he told me I was stupid and worthless, not even a real woman since I can’t even please my husband. Told me no man would ever want my broken body. It sucked and I know he’s probably getting it somewhere else but to be honest with you, I don’t care as long as he stays off me. I have had no desire to have sex in months, I haven’t even been turned on but right now, that is all changing.

  And that scares me.

  “This beautiful young lady will be your office manager, son,” Dr. McCloud says, slapping Tucker on the shoulder as he reaches out to shake my hand. I take it as his father says, “Violet Moore, this is my son and he’ll be replacing me. He’ll take good care of you.”

  If only.

  “Violet, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Oh. My. God. His voice is velvety smooth and deep and my name trickles from his lips slowly, deliberately

  Good. Lord. Almighty.

  Clearing my throat, I manage, “The pleasure is all mine, Dr. McCloud. I look forward to working with you.” My voice is shaky and high-pitched, and it sounds strange even to me.

  Tucker’s mouth curves up as he slowly nods. “As do I.”

  His eyes continue to hold mine and all I can do is stare back. I have no clue what’s happening, but as he slowly drops my hand, and steps back from me, His eyes say more than words ever could. My body reacts, contracting, closing in on itself. And that’s bad. Very bad. I’m married to an abusive psycho; what the hell do I think I’m doing lusting after my new boss? Do I want to die? Do I want him to die?

  But sweet Jesus, he is beautiful.

  No!

  I need to get these intense feelings under control before they blossom into something dangerous. The only problem is I don’t think I can.

  After scattering away from the meeting, I fall into my chair and take in deep breaths. My heart is still racing, my palms are sweaty and I’m having a hard time forming coherent thoughts. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve encountered men before, I’m seen them naked; I’ve healed their wounds; I’ve nursed them back to health. What the hell is so different about Tucker McCloud?

  My reaction to him is baffling. I’ve never been this worked up.

  Violet.

  The way he said my name was sensual and smooth. He has an accent, a down home one that I swear was designed to talk girls out of their panties and, for the love of Christ, it works. I’m not sure if mine were going to stay on much longer if I didn’t get away from him when I did. Oh fuck, what am I going to do? I have to work with this man!

  A gentle knock sounds at my door and when I glance up, Dr. Sexy Pants is standing in my doorway equipped with one hell of a grin.

  “Hey, are you busy?”

  If fantasizing about stripping you down and licking every inch of you is busy, then, yes, yes I am. I’m so screwed. How the hell am I going to work here when I’ve only known of Tucker’s existence for maybe thirty minutes, and I’ve already had sex with him in my head? And it isn’t normal sex, it’s hang
off the chandeliers, smack my ass, sex. Hot sex. The kind of sex I’ve been missing for far too long.

  I swallow loudly before slowly shaking my head. “No, what can I do for you?”

  I swear I see him bite into his lip before he comes in but maybe I’m imaging it. I don’t know, but he sits in the chair in front of my desk, his elbows on his knees, leaning toward me as he looks straight into my eyes.

  “I just wanted to come in and talk. We’re going to be working very closely over the next couple of months, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  Closely? How close because I’m not sure how close I can get and still keep my panties intact. Telling myself to shut up, I nod as he goes on.

  “With my dad only being here for another month before the practice is fully mine, I want to start making changes so that we can better this practice. Right now, it’s good, but together we can make it great.”

  “I agree,” I manage to say, which causes his grin to grow.

  Oh, please don’t do that. I can’t take it.

  “Great. I’ve looked through your resume, called your references back in Colorado and I think my dad was completely right hiring you. I feel great about our partnership. We’re going to do really great things and by the time my dad gets back from his vacation with my mom, he’ll see that leaving this practice in our hands was the best choice.”

  His grin is contagious and I’m grinning just as hard as I nod like a fool.

  “I’m excited for the future.”

  “Me too,” Tucker says as he stand ups. “So let’s get started. I would like you to make a list of things you want to change around here. Ask the staff, get feedback from patients and we’ll discuss everything next week.”

  I watch as he walks, my jaw dropping at his firm and perfect ass. Jeez. Before he reaches the door, he turns to look at me and says, “Do you like sushi?”

  I like his ass more but still I nod. “Sure.”

  “Cool, I’ll order in and we’ll eat as we talk.”

  My heart flutters. Alone? Eating food, with this Adonis of a man? Oh. Shit.

  “Sounds great.”

  “Awesome,” he says but stops before he goes out my door. His brow comes together before he asks, “What happened to your clavicle?”

  I blink. “What?”

  “You have a bruise on your clavicle, what happened? That’s a odd place to get a bruise.”

  I look down, I don’t know why because all I can see is my boobs, but I need to figure out what to say. Thankfully, when you’ve been the victim of abuse as long as I have you can come up with stuff quickly.

  “I got hit with a ball in the chest when I was playing basketball with my friends.”

  Oh, good one, even though I’ve never played basketball a day in my life.

  “Oh, really?” he asked, concern lighting up his angular face. He closes the distance between us, and starts probing my collarbone. My skin is on fire under his soft touch and I’m sure he can feel my heart pounding under his fingers. Keep. Breathing.

  “It’s not broken,” he informs me.

  I look up slowly. His eyes are bright shining beacons and I’m the dumb ass bug drawn to them. I glanced down at his lips and take in a sharp breath. He is doing that naughty lip-biting thing that I know I didn’t imagine earlier. When my eyes meet his again, he’s looking at me with wonder. I know I need to get away from him, but I can’t will my body to move away. I want him. So bad, it hurts. I want to lean toward him. Meet his delicious mouth with my own. I want to run my fingers in his hair and allow him to tangle his own in mine.

  Oh, how I want him, but I know that I can’t have him. Instead, I say, “I know, but thank you, Dr. McCloud.”

  His grin is back, and being this close to him, I see that he has a little scar below his bottom lip. I want to ask what happened but before I can, he says in his deep drawl, “Call me Tucker, Violet.”

  I think I just died.

  If I thought it was hot and sexy when he said my name, hearing him say his own name is downright sinful.

  “So how is my dream team?”

  Taking in a deep breath, I look toward the door and see Dr. McCloud smiling at us.

  “We’re great, Dad,” Tucker says then, standing up and heading towards his dad. “Violet has a bruise on her collarbone; I was making sure it wasn’t broken or anything.”

  Just like his had, his father’s face fills with the same concern. “You alright there, Violet?”

  I smile at his concern. “Yes, sir, I am fine. Thank you.”

  “Good,” he says with nod, “Are you happy with her, Tuck? I told you, she’s a keeper.”

  Tucker looks back at me and nods. “Yeah, Dad, she sure is.”

  I smile, my cheeks growing warm and burning scarlet as they both send me one last grin before leaving my office. Once my door is closed, I slither down in my chair and hold my face in my hands. Oh my god, I am in so much trouble. My body is still on fire from where he touched me. What am I going to do? How am I supposed to come to work every day and act like that man doesn’t make me want to take off all my clothes? How am I supposed to go home and act like I’ve never met Tucker McCloud? That my whole day hasn’t brightened from looking into his eyes? I’m so screwed it isn’t even funny and even though I’m trembling in my seat from my unknown future, I can’t help but be glad I met Tucker.

  When Rob comes into the kitchen, I’m working on the questionnaire I plan to give all my staff tomorrow. I don’t glance up at him, but my eyes watch his feet as he moves through the kitchen. I always do this, I always want to know where he is, just in case he suddenly moves towards me. Unlike the way my heart raced when Tucker was around me today, my heart is thrashing with fear. I’m scared Rob will suspect something and internally I’m freaking the fuck out.

  When a crash happens behind me, I jumped in my seat with a cry. His laughter is like nails on a chalkboard. He picks up the pot off the ground and moves to the sink, filling it with water.

  I know his eyes are on me.

  “Why are you so jumpy?” he asks.

  “I’m not,” I say simply, trying to focus on what I’m writing.

  “Hm.”

  I take in a deep breath, trying to pay attention to what I’m doing but I’m keeping my eyes on him. His movements are slow and lithe, and I’m just waiting for the telltale pivot. I don’t want to be sitting down if he attacks. Did he see the smile on my face when I got home? Did he hear me singing in the kitchen when I made dinner? Does he know that my job just got ten times better when my old boss introduced me to my new boss?

  “So, I heard that old fart you work for is retiring.”

  I freeze. I don’t dare look at him as I say, “Yeah, he’s going to travel with his wife.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I heard, and his son is taking over. Heard he’s a dick, though.”

  Really? He seemed dreamy and hot to me.

  “I only spoke with him a little today.”

  Rob doesn’t say anything else as he moves through the kitchen, making himself a plate of the dinner I cooked for him. Rob works nights and wakes up around six. Then, he gets ready for work, and eats before leaving for the night. I love his new schedule; it’s perfect. I don’t have to deal with him much and my life is much better because of it.

  When he falls into the seat beside me, I move away but without him knowing. Or at least I don’t think he knows, he doesn’t say anything about it and I feel like I’m in the clear, but then he says, “stay away from him.”

  I feel his stare on me but I still don’t look up as I write the same word twice, my hand shaking while sweat drips down my back.

  “Rob, I work with him. How am I supposed to stay away from him?” I force myself not to cringe as I wait for a backhanded slap.

  “I told you I don’t want you working there. There’s a position at the hospital. Come there.”

  I shake my head, finally looking up at him. He has let the scruff on his face grow out and it’s patchy.
He looks gross, like a crack head or something. His dark brown eyes are glued to mine and his lips are in a straight line. I’m sickened looking into his eyes but I know I can’t look away or he’ll know something is up. I count the flecks around his pupils to distract myself.

  “I don’t want to work there and I like where I am.”

  “Because of this guy?”

  He’s insanely jealous and I don’t understand why. He beats me, treats me like dirt and is probably fucking all the stupid nurses at the hospital. I’m obviously not going anywhere, no matter how much looking into Tucker’s eyes makes me want to pack up and run. I know I won’t. I’m stuck, no matter what. I don’t have the strength to leave him.

  “No, Rob, I like the office. I have a lot of control and they think I’m going to help the practice strive.”

  He laughs, slapping the table and making me jump in the process. “You can’t do shit for them. You’re worthless so what makes you think they’re going to keep you? As soon as this guy sees that, he’ll let you loose and by then the job at the hospital will probably be filled and I’ll be the only fucking paycheck.”

  With a shake of his head, he looks back down at his food as he picks up his fork and at that moment I hate him so much that I want to rip the fork from his fingers and stab him in the eye. But I don’t, instead I say, “Then why do you care? If I’m going to fail, then let me fail.”

  I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know what has gotten into me and when his eyes dart up to mine, I wish I had kept my mouth shut. Dropping his fork, he glares at me. I try to look away but soon he is out of his chair, kicking it back sending it crashing into the ground before gripping my chin, making me look into his hate-filled eyes. Pain shoots up my face from his grip, his thumbnail digging into my skin as he holds my gaze.

  “I care because you are mine. You are fucking lucky I let you out of this fucking house, or better yet, let you work at some practice that I’m not at. You are fucking stupid if you think I’m going to sit back and let you whore yourself off to this fucking doctor.”