Let It Be Me

by Toni Aleo

  Closing my eyes, I whisper to myself, “I can do this.”

  When a pair of arms that I know belong to Tucker come around me, I open my eyes and look into his as he says, “Yes, you can.”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Tucker looks over at me from the driver’s seat. We’re sitting in the parking lot of the office and we have been for the last hour. Nothing has been said; we have only been holding hands like teenagers, still thinking about all that went on at the meeting. After a tearful goodbye to the women that I will always be indebted to, I promised that I wouldn’t see them again because I was leaving but now that I am away from them I am scared that I can’t do it.

  I am just so scared.

  Turning in his seat, he looks as me as he holds my small hands in his large one, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hands. “Tell me something.”

  “Okay?”

  “You said you want to be happy.”

  I nod. “Yes, I do.”

  “Are you happy with him?”

  “No,” I say quickly, with a disgusted look on my face. What kind of question is this?

  “Okay, what would make you happy?”

  I still don’t understand his questioning but I decide to play along. “To leave and one day be with you.”

  He nods, his eyes boring into mine as he says, “Then do it and let me be there with you every step of the way.”

  “But Tucker―”

  “No, no ‘but Tucker’ anything. You want something, then you do it Violet. You are strong. You can do this. Don’t let him hold you back; don’t let him control your life anymore. Take it all back and leave.”

  I shake my head but before I can say anything, he says, “I believe in you. Your mom believes in you and so does that group of women from the meeting.”

  Shouldn’t I believe in myself if everyone else does? It should be easy but every time I play it all out in my head, all I see is me failing. I’ll get to Colorado and not have the money for a divorce and he’ll come after me. He’ll find me and kill me. Or worse, he’ll hurt my mom. I can’t help but think that maybe this is what I’m supposed to do. Just be with Rob but when I look at Tucker, I instantly know that whole thought is stupid because Tucker is the man that I am supposed to be with one day. Rob is the hurdle I have to get over to get to what I really want.

  I have to believe in myself. I have to believe I can do this.

  And I can.

  Can’t I?

  “What if I fail?” I ask as my tears spill over and run down my face. “What if I get to Colorado and he comes after me?”

  “Won’t happen because we are going to make sure you’re safe. I am going to get the best lawyer and I swear to you, no harm will ever come your way.”

  “He can’t know you are helping me,” I stress and his hand comes up to cup my face as his eyes soften.

  “He won’t. No one will know. Just let me help you. Say the word and I swear to you, I will help you find happiness.”

  I reach up and put my hand on his. “My happiness is right in front of me.”

  His eyes soften as he leans his head against mine. “Then fight. Take back your life and when you’re ready, I’ll be here. Just fight.”

  I blink back my tears and slowly nod my head. “Okay.”

  He lets out a breath, his face relaxing in relief before he presses his lips to mine. I close my eyes tight as my arms come around his neck, pulling him closer. When he pulls back, I want to whimper but he pulls completely away and takes in a deep breath.

  “We can’t do this. Not yet. I need you away from him, Violet. The next time I kiss you, I want you to be mine and I want you to love yourself and your life.”

  My lip quivers as I slowly nod, pulling away more. Looking into his eyes I know what I have to do. If I want this man, if I want my happiness, I have to fight. I have to take back my life.

  I can do it.

  Reaching for the door, I push it open but then Tucker stops me by grabbing my arm. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to go get my stuff. I’ll call you in a few, it shouldn’t take me long. Rob should be a work, I should be able to get away just fine.”

  “I’m coming with you,” he says, sitting back in his seat.

  “No, I told you, Rob can’t know.”

  “He’s at work,” he points out.

  “But what if he comes home? Since someone has been messing with his schedule, I never know when he will be gone.”

  Tucker ignores my comment and says, “what if he does come home?”

  I look away because I don’t know the answer. I mean what am I going to do? Do I just run? Do I tell him the truth? That I am leaving his sorry ass? I don’t know but I know I have to do this. I am ready. I need this. Pushing the door open, I jump out before he can stop me.

  Bending down so I can see him, I say, “He won’t be. I’ll call you in a few.”

  “Hurry,” is all he says before I shut the door and jog to my SUV. Once there, I jump in, throwing my purse into the other seat and start the engine. My heart is erratic in my chest. My palms are dripping with sweat and I am shaking. My breathing is labor but not from me jogging but from my fear. I am scared out of my mind but I have to do this.

  I can do this.

  I’m not folding anything. I am frantically stuffing all my clothes and belongings into my two bags. I dump my jewelry box of all my grandmother’s jewelry onto of my clothes and reach for the next thing, stuffing as fast as I can. When I drop my brush, I scream. I am freaking out and I swear, I feel like he is going to walk through that door at any moment. It has me on edge. Rushing through the house, I take my pictures off the walls. I take my grandma’s cookbooks and even her cast iron skillet but I leave mine behind because they are replaceable. Running back to my room, I stuff everything in the bags and then do one final walk through. I’m pretty sure I have everything.

  Looking around the room, I wonder if I’ll miss it all. I wonder if I’ll think of this place that I tried to make into a home. Will I miss my life here? Will I ever want to come back? The answer is plain and simple. No fucking way. I won’t miss a damn thing about this place and I sure as hell won’t miss the man that has kept me here. I swear, I think the stupidest stuff sometimes. Grabbing my bags, I head down the hall and into the living room. I lay down my bags and reach for my purse, placing it on my forearm, before picking them back up to go but before I can even take one step, he is there, his eyes wide as he looks me up and down.

  “Going somewhere?”

  The hairs on my arms stand to attention as my hands to shake. I drop my bags and lick my lips because my mouth has gone dry. My whole body feels like it’s frozen and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. Slowly my hand goes into my pocket for my phone, but it’s not there. It’s in my purse. The same purse I dropped down with my bags. Fuck. I glance down to see how far it is but before I can even grab it, Rob kicks it away before putting his body in front of me, looking down at me with a look that could kill.

  As I look up in his cold dark eyes, I can’t believe I ever loved this man. I mean yes, he is a very good-looking man but why did I let that distract me? Why did I allow him to completely take over and control me entirely? I let him own me. I let this happen. He was such a good guy to me back then. And now? I am so fucking scared I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. My heart is going nuts in my chest. My hands are shaking so bad that it almost hurts. I am terrified. Completely terrified of this man.

  But I can get away. He is not my enemy right now. No, it’s my fear and I can overcome all that. I can do this. Nothing else is holding me back from obtaining my happiness. Raising my chin, I look up at him and with all the strength I have, I say, “I’m leaving.”

  His head cocks to the side. “You are?”

  “Yes. I want a divorce. I’m tired of the way you treat me and the things you have done to me.”

  He scoffs shaking his head. “Where you going to go?”

/>   “It doesn’t matter to you. My lawyer will be in contact.”

  “Lawyer, huh? Where did you get the money for that?”

  “Nothing you need to worry about,” I say but I fear my confidence is wavering. He is getting closer, his fist balling up and I swear I see nothing but hatred in his eyes. “Now, if you will please move, I’d like to leave.”

  He laughs and before I can even move or get out of the way, he takes a hold of my shoulders, his fingers biting into my skin.

  “Stop!” I yell, trying to get out of his grip but he has me. He doesn’t have my legs though.

  “Let me tell you something―”

  “No! FUCK YOU!” I scream, kicking my knee up and getting him in the groin. He lets me go, backing away as he holds himself, groaning out as I quickly grab my bags and turn back to him. “There is a part of me I can’t get back. You took it and ruined that part of me but let me tell you something, you piece of shit, I may never be the same but you won’t take anything else from me. I am taking back my life and there is nothing you can do about it. I hate you and you will never fucking hurt me again.”

  I turn and start for the door but suddenly he has me by my ankle, pulling me hard and causing me to fall face first onto my bags. I scream out, kicking my legs, hoping that one of my heels will hurt him but soon he is hovering over me. I cry out as he takes me by my hair, bending it back so he can look at my face.

  “You aren’t going anywhere,” he said, his voice thick and dripping with menace. He lets go of my hair before slamming his hand to the back of my head. I scramble away, until I am up against the wall but he is right there, trying to grab me. I shield myself, while I try to kick him but then he kicks me in the gut, knocking the air out of me. Gasping for breath, I block my face as I slid up the wall so I can try to run but it’s no use. His hand is around my neck within seconds, squeezing and I can’t breathe. I pull at his hands, I even smack his arms but it doesn’t work. He is squeezing and I swear to God he is going to kill me. When I slam my fist against his face, his eyes go wide before he slams his fist into my face, getting me in my right eye. Lights go off and my face feels like it has exploded and I can’t see to focus right.

  “You are mine,” he says, spitting in my face.

  I am squirming, trying to get out of his grab but something isn’t working, he is holding me in a way that I can’t get away. I am at his mercy but then my hand falls onto something hard and I know it’s his grandmother’s ugly vase. Getting a grip on it, I raise it up and his eyes go wide in surprise but before he can move or even get out of the way, I slam it against the side of his head causing it to shatter. He falls to the ground and I drop the piece of the vase I am holding as my tears gush down my cheeks. He isn’t moving. I killed him. Oh my god.

  “Oh fuck,” I say as I bend over to look at him. I fully expect him to pop up and hit me but he’s out cold. His is breathing steady and that’s all I need to know, as much as I want this man dead and out of my life, I can’t go to jail. That’s not the place I want to be at. I want to be with Tucker.

  Quickly I rush to my bags but it’s hard. I am stumbling because my eye is swelling and my head is aching but I make it and pick everything up. Going to the door, I open it and look back at where Rob is passed out on the floor.

  “I belong to no one but myself.”

  Without another look back, I leave and promise to never come back.

  “What the hell happened to you?”

  I close the SUV door and move my hair out of my face before looking up at Tucker. He is standing in the doorway of his condo with shock all over his face. He is wearing just a pair of sweats and a thin tee. His hair looks like he has been running his fingers through it the whole time I’ve been gone. Climbing up the steps, I stop in front of him and bite into my lip to hold back my sob. My face is aching. I can only see him through one eye and I’m afraid that Rob might have re-broken my nose. It feels off. I don’t know, but I left.

  I fucking left him.

  I don’t even think I could describe what I am feeling right now. I feel so free. As if everything that was holding me down is gone and now I have the world at my fingertips. I know once I see the Tennessee state sign in my rearview mirror, I’ll feel even more advantageous. I am ready to rebuild my life and heal. I’m taking back my life and I couldn’t be more excited about it.

  Reaching out, I wrap my arms around Tucker’s waist and softly lay my head against his chest as I take in a deep breath.

  “I left,” I whispered.

  His arms come around me, holding me tightly but carefully as his lips dust the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you, but can you explain to me about your eye?”

  “He showed up, but I got away. I left. I did it. I left him,” I say, my voice hoarse from my crying and probably from Rob choking me.

  Tucker’s arms tighten around me as his lips rest on my neck. “I’m so proud of you. So proud.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut, taking in his masculine scent but I know I have to go. I’m not sure if Rob knows where Tucker lives, or he could even drive by. Tucker lives on the main road and I can’t chance Rob seeing me with him.

  “I never want to leave your arms, Tucker, but I have to. I have to go.”

  He pulls back, looking down at me as he nods. “Okay, let me grab my wallet.”

  He lets go of me, walking back into his condo as I ask, “What? Huh?”

  “I’m coming with you,” he proclaims. He says it like I should have known that but doesn’t he know that he can’t do that?

  “No, I have to go by myself. I don’t want anyone in my hometown to see you. I don’t want anyone to know that you are a part of this.”

  He smiles. “I know I shouldn’t be offended that you don’t want to show me off, but that’s fine. You can drop me off at the airport in Denver before you go to Loveland. No one will know, sweetheart. I can’t let you drive nineteen hours by yourself and plus, if I’m not going to see you for a long time, I am going to cherish the little time I have with you.”

  I bite into my lip because I want to say yes, come with me but I know he can’t. He needs to stay here, but without realizing it, I’m nodding. “Okay, let’s go.”

  As I go to my SUV, I hear him locking up and then he has fallen in step with me and reaches for my keys.

  “Let me drive. We’ll stop and get some peas for your face.”

  I agree because I really shouldn’t be driving when I can’t see out of one eye. Going around the SUV, I jump in as he starts the engine and then we’re off. We ride in silence and, like always, my hand finds his before resting in his lap. When he pulls into the parking lot for the local Publix, I wait in the car as he goes in. It only takes a few minutes before he is back and we’re back on the road, heading out of town. I don’t think my heart has slowed down in speed since I went back home to pack. I still can’t believe I did it. For so long I stayed and thought that it was what I supposed to do but that all changed when Tucker walked into my life. I glance over at him and smile.

  I love this man. So much. And I think I always will.

  I know I need to heal, I know I need time to myself but I can’t help but want to say fuck it all and ask him to never leave me. I want to start a life with him now. I want to love him for the rest of my life and never live another day without him. I’ve spent so long in such a dark place, that I want nothing more than to live in the light with this beautiful man.

  “Say goodbye to Tennessee,” he says and he smiles when he finds me looking at me. I grin back before looking out at the window, just in time to see the state sign. As I watch it pass by, a single tear rolls down my face as the biggest grin imaginable curves my lips.

  “I did it.”

  “You did.”

  I look over at him and say, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  Tucker smiles and shakes his head. “I did nothing but be here for you.”

  “That’s all I needed.”

  “Good because I will alwa
ys be here for you.”

  “Hey, wake up, sweetheart.”

  I open my eyes and look over into my savior’s eyes. He smiles, moving a piece of hair out of my eyes before kissing my nose. I smile as I stretch and then I remember everything that happened. I don’t know why I thought it was all dream because if it hadn’t have happened, I wouldn’t be staring into the eyes of the most amazing man in the world. No, I’d be on the floor, bleeding and crying under Rob’s fist. Tearing my eyes from his, I look at the clock and I am stunned. I don’t know how Tucker drove seventeen hours straight but he did. I fell asleep somewhere between Missouri and Kansas and I’m not really sure where we are now.

  “Where are we?”

  “Aurora. I figured we’d get a hotel room and sleep a little before you take me to the airport later on tonight. I couldn’t get a flight until eleven tonight.”

  “Oh, why didn’t you wake me?” I ask sitting up.

  “You needed to rest,” he says before throwing open the door and getting out. I grab my purse before doing the same and following him to the door of our room. I always liked the hotels like this. No need to walk all the way to your car from nine stories up, nope, the car is right outside the door. When the door opens, Tucker waits for me to pass and then he comes in, shutting the door behind us as I lay down my purse. “I know it’s not much but I didn’t want to go anywhere anyone would see us.”

  I smile over at him. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime, now go freshen up and you should probably call your mom and tell her you’re coming.”

  I nod in agreement. “Yeah. I need to use the bathroom first.”

  “Okay,” he says with a smile before falling on top of the bed and pulling his phone out of his pocket. I watch him for only a second before turning and going into the bathroom. After cleaning up and using the bathroom, I head back out and go straight for my purse. When I turn it on, I realize that I have twenty missed calls from my mom and even more from Rob. There are even texts and when I open them, I cringe from all the angry texts, demanding that I answer his calls and texts.