Let It Be Me

by Toni Aleo

  “Crap,” I mutter as I read each one.

  “What?”

  I look up to see that he is coming towards me. I hold out the phone and let Tucker see each messaged. Each one so mean and hateful that it gives me chills. When we get to the last one, I gasp.

  Rob: I will find you and I will kill you for what you have done, you stupid cunt.

  I bite into my lip nervously before looking up at Tucker. He looks cool as a cucumber as he says, “Okay, no worries. He won’t find you, sweetheart. I am going to take your phone back with me. We will stop in Denver and get you a new phone. I’m going to show this to my lawyer and get a restraining order made. This will help the divorce proceedings. Don’t worry though, everything is fine.”

  He wraps his arms around me. “You’re safe, baby. Don’t worry.”

  “I’m scared,” I whispered as I reread the message.

  “Don’t be. I will make sure you’re safe. Call your mom, I think y’all might need to move.”

  I nod. He’s right. “I think my mom inherited my great grandpa’s old house in Sterling. Maybe I can ask her if we can go there.”

  “Sounds good, call her, I’m going to call my lawyer.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  He smiles before pressing his lips to my forehead. “Anything for you.”

  When he pulls away and brings out his phone I want to slap it away and ask him to hold me. I know that I can’t though. I need to call my mom. Getting out of my messages I go to my dialer and call my mom. She answers on the first ring.

  “Oh, thank the sweet, gracious Lord, Violet, I thought he found you,” she cries into the phone. “Are you okay, baby?”

  “Yes, mom. I’m a little bruised but I’m fine.”

  “Oh, thank you, Jesus, I’ve been so worried. Rob called cussing and blaming me for you leaving. He asked if you were here, he even sent his stupid friend from the hospital over here to check. I hate that asshole. Where are you?”

  He sent someone to look for me? Damn it. “I’m so sorry mom. I’m in Aurora right now. I’ll be home later on tonight and then we need to leave. Just in case.”

  “We will discuss that when you get here. Maybe we can go stay at the farm for a bit but why tonight? Why not now? Aurora is only an hour away.”

  I pause. Shit? What am I going to say? I glance up at Tucker and he smiles. “I have to drop someone off to the airport.”

  “Who?” she ask, her voice crazed. I know she is scared and worry. I am too but I can’t ever tell her about Tucker. Not until everything is settled. I know my mom wouldn’t ever rat me out but just in case Rob ever finds out that I am with her, I don’t ever want Tucker’s name to come up.

  “A friend. Someone that I can’t tell you about yet, but they are the reason I got out. They have helped me tremendously.”

  My mom pauses and then she says, “Tell this person that I owe them everything and that I hope I can meet them one day. Call me when you are on the way.”

  “I will. Can you start packing?”

  “Absolutely. Be careful.”

  “I will. Call me if something happens. Love you.”

  “I will, love you more.”

  I hang up the phone and take in a deep breath. I knew this would happen. See this is why I need more time but then I can honestly say I am glad I am away from him. Things may be a little crazy but I’ll get them sorted. I’m going to be okay.

  “Everything okay?

  I look over at Tucker and shrug my shoulders. “He sent someone to my mom’s house. He’s been threatening her and blaming her for what is going on.”

  He nods. “Is she willing to move? Maybe you should go straight to the other house.”

  “She is willing. She’s going to start packing so we can go once I am there. I think I’m going to be okay.”

  He comes toward me and pulls me into him, sheltering me in his thick arms and broad chest. I go willingly, wrapping my arms around his waist as he envelops me in a tight hug where I feel completely safe.

  “You will be. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but soon, soon you will be okay. Maybe even better than okay.”

  “Maybe,” I say against his chest. “Once we can be together.”

  He pulls back, cupping my chin in his hands before nodding. His eyes bore into mine as he slowly and hypnotically runs his thumb along my jaw line. I want nothing more than to go up on my tiptoes and press my lips to him but if I did, I would be at his complete mercy. I wouldn’t stop and I’m not sure if that is something we should be doing. It’s already going to be hard to walk away from him without begging him to stay with me, and giving into my desire will make it worse. But something is about to happen. I can feel it deep in the pit of my stomach, I can see it in his eyes. They’re the warm color that always curls my toes and he keeps looking at my mouth and I need to pull away but I can’t. I can’t move and then to my complete delight, his mouth comes crashing in to mine.

  Lifting me up into his arms, he devours my mouth, kissing me like it’s the last time he’ll ever taste my lips and shit, it is. I won’t have this moment again for a long time so I’m going to make it worth it. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I move my tongue with his, biting and teasing as we get lost in our need for each other. When he pulls away, I whimper, trying to kiss him again but he presses his finger to my lips and whispers, “I know I said the next time I kiss you, you had to be completely mine, but I don’t think I can leave you with reminding you of what you’ll have once we can be together. Let me make love to you.”

  I don’t even nod or answer for that matter, I just press my lips to his, running my fingers through his hair as he slowly lays me down in the bed. We slowly kiss and tease each other and my body is trembling with desire. Reaching for the hem of his shirt, I pull it up, revealing the exquisite body I never want to stop loving, touching. I reach up, kissing his chest above his heart before running my hands down his torso to the top his sweats. He kisses down my throat as my hands slid into his sweats, gripping his butt. His mouth is hot against my skin and I gasp out as he pulls my shirt up, kissing down the valley of my breasts.

  Sitting up some, he removes the rest of my shirt before pulling my jeans down too, along with my panties. I’m bare in front of him except for the yellow lace bra I am wearing. We’re both breathing heavy and my eyes cloud with the lust for this man. When his eyes meet mine, I want to cry from the love I see in his eyes. God, he is hell on my heart. Closing my eyes when his lips met mine, he moves his body against mine, his hard length against my warm center.

  Reaching up, I cup his face, kissing him as I slowly rub myself against him. His breath is choppy against my mouth, his hands shaking against my torso and I never want to leave this bed ever again. Tearing his mouth from mine, he kisses down my neck, my breasts, pulling my bra cups down to suck and bite my nipples in the most delectable way. Arching my body so I’m closer, he continues to consume my breasts. I am in heaven. Completely and utter heaven.

  Replacing his mouth with his hand, he kisses down my belly and my breathing hitches because I know what he is about to do. Kissing my hip bones, he runs his tongue down my left thigh as he pushes my right leg open so he has better access. I close my eyes tighter, my breathing so erect that I gasping for air. His breath teases my soft, wet, center and I cry out, arching up to meet his mouth but he holds me down and when I look down he is smirking at me. The anticipation is killing me. I want to scream. I want to thrash. I just want this man, now.

  “Now,” I cry out. “Please,” I am basically begging and I am not one bit ashamed of it.

  His eyes are dark as he nods and slowly lowers his mouth to me. I cry out as his tongue draws figure eights around my taut clit. My body is trembling and I swear everything feels so much different now. I feel like I am able to let go, that nothing can ever come between us. When he enters a finger in me, my legs start to shakes as he continues to flick his tongue against my clit. My orgasm is building, my heart is pounding and I feel like I can’t bre
athe. Everything is so perfect.

  Thrashing beneath his mouth, I cry out and then come undone. As I ride the most glorious release of my life, he softly kisses my thighs, my pussy before slowly trailing up my body. Giving love to my breast, he continues his journey until he is hovering over me, his eyes boring into mine.

  “I love the way you taste.”

  Oh, come on, seriously? I think I just came again. I try to say something but my mouth is dry and I am still trying to catch my breath. He presses his lips to mine before rolling off of me. I watch as he pulls his sweats down, taking his wallet out for a condom. His eyes are on me as he slowly slides the condom down his engorged flesh. I want him. I do. But for some reason, I am nervous.

  I know it worked last time but what if it doesn’t this time? I want the connection. I want him inside me. As he crawls over me, he brings my legs up, hanging them over his arms, opening me even further for him. Looking up from where he is about to enter me, he looks into my eyes. A smile rests on his lips but I think he sees that I’m nervous because his smile falters.

  “I’ll go slowly.”

  I nod and, as gently and slowly as he can, he tries to enter me but it isn’t an easy fit. I want to cry but before my eyes can even fill with tears, his lips are hovering mine and he says, “Relax, baby, I won’t hurt you.”

  And I know he won’t. Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath. He then covers my mouth with his own, kissing and teasing me as he slowly slides into me. When he is fully inside me, I groan out as my body squeezes his.

  “There we go, that’s right, baby. God, you’re so perfect.”

  I am at the mercy of this man. He has my heart, my body and soul and I don’t ever want this to end. Opening my eyes, he is watching me with a satisfied smile on his face. Kissing my lips softly, he pulls away and then starts a rhythm that has both crying out in pleasure. His fingers dig into my thighs as his rhythm starts to pick up. I can feel that he is almost there and so am I. Dropping my legs, he takes my hips in his strong hands and angles me in the perfect position that has me coming in a matter of seconds. He comes quickly after I do before collapsing against my body.

  Chest to chest, we both gasp for breath as I slowly run my fingers up and down his back while his face is in the nook of my neck. Holding himself up on his forearms, he looks down at me and I smile up at him. I want to say so many things. I want to beg him never to leave me. I want to thank him for changing my life completely, but before I can even say anything his lips are on mine, moving ever so slowly as if he is savoring me. I know I’m savoring him, that’s for sure, how could I not? When he rolls off me and gathers me in his arms, I close my eyes as my face rests on his strong, toned chest.

  “If it’s okay with you, I want to hold you until we have to leave.”

  This moment is everything I want, but it’s bittersweet. Tears cloud my eyes and then they slowly roll down cheeks before gathering on his chest. He doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t even ask why I’m crying. I think he knows why. I think he is thinking the same thing I am:

  How are we going to say goodbye to each other?

  After getting me a new cell phone and then taking pictures of my face for his lawyer, Tucker and I stand in front of the security checkpoint of the Denver airport. We stand in each other’s arms, looking into each other’s eyes as people move around us like this isn’t the saddest moment of my life. Tears are making it hard to see his beautiful face. My heart feels like its breaking because I don’t want to say goodbye. I am scared. I’m sad and I don’t know how I am going to watch him leave. I know this is for the best. I know that I have to protect him; I have to remember that I can’t be with him until my divorce goes through. No matter how much I want to keep him and love him for the rest of my life, I have to let him go. I have too.

  “No crying,” he says with a small smile curving his lips. He catches one of my tears and wipes it away before cupping my jaw. “This isn’t goodbye.”

  My lip wobbles and I take in a shuddering breath. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much you’ve helped me.”

  “I won’t stop until you tell me too. My lawyer will be in contact.”

  “I’ll pay you back.”

  He shakes his head. “You don’t have to.”

  “But I will.”

  He gives me a half grin before looking away. “Fine.”

  I bring his face back so I can see his eyes and I smile. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime,” he says before leaning his forehead to mine. “Call me. Anytime. I want to hear from you. I want to know you’re safe.”

  “I will,” I promise. He nods before capturing my mouth. My eyes drift close as our mouths move together. When he pulls away, I bite into my lip to keep it from wobbling as he slowly backs away from me.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he says and it’s like he is promising me that.

  I can only nod as he gives me a small wave before turning to walk away. Tears rush down my face and then I yell out, “Don’t.”

  He stops and then turns to look at me. “What?”

  “Don’t leave,” I say closing the distance between us. “I know it is selfish of me to ask you to stay, but please. Don’t leave. We can figure something out. I just don’t want you to leave.”

  I should be embarrassed, ashamed even but I don’t know how to do this on my own. I’ve tried so hard to be strong but I can’t watch him leave. I need him. I’m scared, terrified, to face a day without him. This damn fear in me just won’t go away. If it isn’t Rob, it’s the fear of being alone. When will it ever go away?

  When his hands come up to cup my face, I close my eyes, feeling safe in his hands.

  “Violet,” he says my name as if it’s his last breath. His breath tickles my face as he whispers, “As much as I want to stay here and be with you, I need you to love yourself before you can love me.”

  “But I―”

  He shakes his head, covering my mouth with his own and stopping anything else from coming from my lips. He draws the kisses out of me, out of my soul. I never want it to end but it does. Looking up into his beautiful whiskey eyes that I am going to miss more than ever, I feel my lip wobble because I know he is leaving. I can see it in his eyes. As much as it pains him and I know he doesn’t want it, he is leaving.

  “No, don’t say it. You need to grow, you need to heal and you need to love yourself before you can ever love me. You need time to yourself and I know this. This is why I am walking away because I know that one day you’ll come back to me.”

  A tear rolls down my face, my heart breaking as I whisper, “what if I’m too late though? What if you get tired of waiting for me?”

  He smiles, his perfect mouth curving in a way that leaves me breathless. “Won’t happen.”

  I take in a breath, biting on my lip to keep it still as I look up at him. I ask, “How do you know? How am I enough? I’ve done nothing to keep you. I don’t believe I’m worth it.”

  His head falls to the side as he gathers me in his arms. “You’re more than enough, but this is the reason you need time. You have to love yourself, Violet. You have too, or we will never last. I want a life with you and I have no problem waiting because I believe in you. I do.”

  I wish I believed in myself but all I can think is that when he walks away I’ll be alone and have no one. I’ve never been alone. I’ve always had someone to fall on and maybe that’s the root of my fear. God, I am so fucked up. It’s scary, you know? Will I ever overcome this? Will I ever be the woman I want to be? Closing my eyes, tears leak down my cheeks as his lips dust my forehead.

  “I’m just scared of it all. I don’t ever want to lose you.”

  He nods, his face slowly touching mine as our eyes meet. “I understand that, but sweetheart, there is this huge universe, nine planets and two hundred and four counties and out of all that, I met you, I fell for you and have had the pleasure to feel your lips against mine. You are the piece of me that was missing. My heart and soul. Nothing will ever c
hange that. My love will never fade because you have me. All of me.”

  He says it so confidently, so full of himself, as if he knows that it is the truth and I want to believe him. Maybe he is right. Maybe I need this time. I’ve wanted nothing more than to do this all myself and here I am, about to do it all and I am panicking. This is what I wanted. I wanted to be away from Rob. I want to heal. I want my life back so I need to stop this. I need to let him go because I know in my heart that one day he will be mine and we will be happy. Change is the scariest thing in the world. It is but you know what is worse? Regret. And if I don’t let this man go and I don’t heal and love myself than he’s right, we won’t last and that can’t happen.

  I love him.

  I have to let go and pray that one day his heart will lead him back to me.

  Opening my eyes, I run my hands up his chest, up his neck to cup his face. I look into his eyes and know that this is going to be brutal but it has to happen. So with a nod, I press my lips to his as my tears roll down my face. Then I let go and slowly back away. He watches me and somehow, I muster up the strength to smile, to show him I got this even though inside I don’t believe that at all. A smile curves his lips as he slowly waves.

  He turns and I watch as he disappears into the crowd of people that are leaving. My heart is pounding and I feel like the biggest part of my heart is gone. I want to cry out for him, I want to give up, but instead, I turn and head out the airport thinking that I may not be okay right now and that’s okay but I will be okay. I will succeed.

  And I will love Tucker McCloud for the rest of my life.

  “It’s been eight months since I left my husband and I have slowly but surely found myself again. It hasn’t been easy. No. Not at all. I’ve cried, I’ve wanted to give up and I wanted to just scream but I’m still here. I’m me again.”

  A true smile rest on my lips as the woman I started this journey with look at me with love in their eyes. There were only four of us when I started: Jenifer, Megan, Riley and Amy, but today a beautiful girl with blonde hair and blue eyes showed up with a busted lip. She reminds me of myself eight months ago and I want nothing more than for her to get out and leave. I can tell she is stronger than I was. She could only take a month of it before she was ready to go. The only problem is that she is pregnant and doesn’t know what to do.