Let It Be Me

by Toni Aleo

When the operator comes on the line, I take in a shattered, hoarse breath, looking around the room at all the blood and death around me. I am so dizzy, I can’t even catch my breath but I manage to say, “He killed the man I love.”

  And then everything is black.

  Everything is hazy.

  And I hurt.

  Everywhere.

  There is a beeping sound.

  Where am I?

  Slowly, I blink my eyes open to find that I am in the hospital. My mom is sitting in corner, her face showing every bit of her fifty-two years and I can see that she is beside herself with worry. My mouth is dry as I try to say something but nothing comes out. She must have heard me or maybe she just knew, but she looks up at me and freezes.

  “Oh my baby,” she cries as she gets up and comes to my bedside. She wraps her arms around my pain filled body, I cringe but I still hug my mom. I thought I was never going to see her again. I thought it was all over for me. She pulls back and softly dusts my face with kisses before looking down at me.

  “Do you hurt? Do you need something?”

  “Water,” I croak out.

  “Sure,” she says and I can feel her shaking as she reaches for the pitcher, pouring me a glass of water. Coming back to me, she holds it to my mouth and I slowly drink. The cold water soothes my throat and dry lips and when I look up at my mother, I want to cry. She looks so worried, so freaked out and I want to reassure her that it’s not her fault. “I’m okay.”

  “You were almost killed,” she said, tears dripping down her face.

  “I’m fine,” I say still because if I don’t she’ll continue to beat herself up. “It’s not your fault.”

  She nods, cupping my face as she kisses me over and over again all over my face. I flinch from pain but I don’t tell her to stop. All I can think of is that girl’s mother, crying and beside herself because she doesn’t have her daughter anymore. I couldn’t imagine my mother going through that so if she wants to kiss me until she feels better than I’m going to let her. Thinking of her death makes me think of the sight I saw before I passed out. My heart feels empty as tears roll down the side of my face into my ear. She pulls back and I look up at her. I am scared to ask this question but I have to know. “Where is Tucker?”

  She bites into her lip and I know he’s gone. I close my eyes tight and try to hold in my sob but I don’t think I can. I have lost the one person that was a part of me. The person I knew I was going to love and still will love for the rest of my life. Right as I’m about to let it go and succumb myself to the most horrifying pain in the world, I hear, “right here, sweetheart.”

  My eyes spring open and I look up into the face of the man I thought I lost. An uncontrollable sob leave my lips and I feel like my chest is caving in as our eyes meet. I choke on my tears as I take in every single inch of him. His eye is swollen, a cut is along his nose and there are finger marks on his neck but even with all that, his grin is still unstoppable. Taking my hand in his, he kisses each of my knuckles before softly placing his lips to mine. I feel like I’m hyperventilating as I wrap my good arm around his neck, pulling him closer and crashing my lips to his.

  His mouth moves along mine, skillfully but cautiously. I want to tell him not to worry that nothing could ever bring me down from the high I am feeling right now. I thought I had lost him. I thought the part of my life that included him was gone. I never want to feel like that again, I just want to love him.

  Forever.

  Resting his forehead to mine, I ask, “are you okay?”

  “Sure, just a little banged up.”

  “I’m so incredibly sorry,” I say as my tears run into my mouth.

  He shakes his head, running his nose along mine. “For what?”

  “For everything.”

  “Always blaming yourself when in no way, shape or form this is your fault,” he says with a smile.

  “Its Rob’s fault but don’t worry, you’ll never have to see him again,” my mother says and I turn to look at her.

  “So I killed him?”

  She looks sad as she says, “Yes, but honey he tried to kill you and he’s hurt you so bad. We thought you weren’t going to make it.”

  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel but I’m relieved. I don’t ever have to worry about Rob coming after me again. I’ll never have to look behind me and worry that he is behind me. I’ll never have to feel the pain I did when I was with him. I am completely free from him. Remembering my mom just said they thought I wasn’t going to make it, I ask, “what do you mean?”

  “You had an infection and because of it, you had a really bad fever. They have it under control and I don’t think I can describe how good it is to see you looking back at me,” my mom says before she collapses against me, bawling her eyes out. I look over her shoulder at Tucker and he smiles. Reaching out, he cups my chin, running his thumb along my bottom lip.

  “I love you,” he says, so softly I almost don’t hear him.

  “I love you.”

  I watch as his face relaxes, his eyes bright as he reaches out, taking my hand in his. I squeeze his hand as my mother says, “I love you too, baby.”

  Both Tucker and I grin as we hold each other’s gaze. Rolling my eyes, I rub her back and then say, “I love you more, mom.”

  As my mom pulls away, I look up into her smiling face and slowly wipe away her tears. “Mom, I’m fine.”

  “Okay, hush, let me just hold you.”

  I laugh as she continues to hold me like I’m only two instead of twenty-three. Deciding that she isn’t going anywhere, I ask, “how did you know to come to his house?”

  Tucker ran his hand through his hair before shrugging. “I called you over a hundred times and then I tried calling your mom but she wasn’t answering because she was gone. I called the airline but they didn’t have any flights going out that night so I had to wait till early that morning. Finally I get there and you’re not there but I can see the evidence of a struggle, so I go back to the airport and fly back home for reasons I can’t explain. I just figured he would bring you back here and he did.”

  Taking my hand in his, he squeezes it and says, “I thought he was going to kill you.”

  “I thought the same thing about you.”

  Tucker smiles, shaking his head. “He can’t kill me.”

  “Oh gosh, here comes caveman Tucker.”

  He smirks at me before shaking his head. “The only thing that would have killed me was losing you, Violet.”

  I slowly nod my head, tears leaking out of my eyes as I look up at him. “I couldn’t lose you either.”

  A pained look comes over his face as he slowly shakes his head. “It has been the longest four days of my life. I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it and I was freaking out and my parents were freaking out with your mom and no one could give me an answer I liked. It was hard, Violet. It made me realize that this is it. You are it. You are my other half and I can’t live my life without you.”

  My heart explodes in my chest as I slowly nod my head. “Then please, don’t ever live another moment without me. I love you, Tucker. Only you and I want you in my life for the rest of my life.”

  “Then you have me, baby, all of me,” he says opening my palm and kissing the inside. I cup my hand on the back of his neck and then I bring him down to me, crashing my lips to his. I know I shouldn’t be kissing him when my mother is holding me but I can’t help it. I don’t ever want to live another second without kissing this man.

  I guess my mom figured we weren’t going to stop and she slowly pulls away and sits up. She then says, “Okay, well I’ll be outside.”

  I part from Tucker’s mouth and nod as she gets up and heads for the door. “Thanks, oh, wait, mom,” I say looking over at her.

  She stops and smiles. I wonder if she sees that I have my happiness in my arms now. I wonder if she knows what this man has done for me. How this man made my life worth living for. Her content smile tells me she might, but I need her to
know and accept him.

  “Yes, baby?”

  “Mom, this is Tucker McCloud, “I say squeezing his hand. “A man who treats me the way a man should.”

  Tucker leans down and kisses my lips again before whispering, “And I always will.”

  My heart explodes in my chest as I whisper, “He loves me unconditionally and I love him the exact same way, maybe more.”

  He shakes his head, his nose rubbing mine as he says, “Don’t think so.”

  I grin as my mom says, “It’s wonderful to meet you Tucker.”

  Tucker smiles over at her, holding me tightly in his arms. I know they have met but I don’t care. I want her to know what he means to me.

  “It is wonderful to meet you too, Mrs. Brooks. I promise I will always love her and treat her in a way that would make you proud along with my family.”

  My mom smiles as she slowly nods. “I know you will. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

  She leaves the room and I look back at him, my heart fluttering with love for this man. Kissing my nose, he whispers, “I mean what I say.”

  “I know.”

  “This is a forever kind of love.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I’ll never hurt you, only love you. For the rest of my life.”

  I nod as the tears gather in my eyes. “I know. That’s why I’m not even the least bit scared to completely give myself to you.”

  As his mouth curves in a smile before crashing into mine, relief fills me to the brim. I thought I would be worried, I thought I would scare to give myself to him. I know I wanted it but wanting and doing are two different things. But as I sit here, in the arms of my savior, my lips moving with his, there is no inkling of fear anywhere in me.

  I feel safe.

  Completely and utterly safe.

  When a knock comes to the door, we pull apart as two uniformed men walk into my room. “Hello, Mrs. Moore, we need to ask you a few questions about the death of your husband, Robert Moore.”

  I slowly nod before looking from the police up to Tucker. “I love you.”

  He nods and squeezes my hand before saying, “And I love you. I’m right here and I always will be.”

  “Thank you.”

  With a grin I know I need in my life, he says, “Anytime, sweetheart, anytime.”

  “Savannah, please, just leave now. I’ll set up a place for you to stay. No honey, he won’t find you. I promise. I know you’re scared. We all are but you can do this. That’s right honey, okay, go and I’ll meet you there.”

  Hanging up my cell phone, I let out a breath as I close my eyes. Savannah has been a client of mine for two years now and she is finally leaving her abusive boyfriend. Her situation is so much like mine was. Her boyfriend is emotionally abusive, physically abusive and has even raped her. Every time we talked about her getting out, she reminded me so much of me and it brought me back to that moment in my life but she is leaving.

  Leaving.

  Thank God.

  I feel like singing out in glee, dancing in the rain but instead, I head to the living room of my house. Tucker is lying on the floor while our daughter and son, Julia and Carter, climb all over him. I don’t know how he does it. He works all day and then comes home to these two crazy kiddos and keeps at it, making sure to prove that he is the best father imaginable. At night, he is the most giving lover and the best husband a woman can get. I feel like a queen when I’m with him and it makes my head spin to think I thought I would never have all this. I watch them play for a moment, Carter pulling his ears while Julia tickles his neck and Tucker is just laughing, enjoying the two people that were put on this earth for us to love and nurture.

  It’s just so crazy this thing called life, you know?

  If you would have told me ten years ago that I would have to go through a trial to later be found not guilty for the death of my husband, I would have told you, you were nuts. I would never hurt anyone but I had killed a man for trying to kill me and the man I love. Even though I thought I would never get out of it, I rose beyond it and even bettered myself. Since then, I have a husband that loves and treats me the way I yearned to be treated. I have a perfect set of eight-year-old twins who light up my day and the most gorgeous home in the best suburb in Tennessee. I got my degree in social services and then Dr. McCloud surprised me with the chance to host my own home for battered women.

  I probably wouldn’t have believed you if you would have told me this ten years ago when I was weak and thought my life was over but here I am, looking at my family with nothing but admiration in my eyes. Loving not only myself, but also them. Okay, love doesn’t really express my feeling for them. No, I need them more than my next breath. Nothing could ever replace the feeling I have for these three people, these three parts of me and I thank God every day for them. They are my salvation, my happiness and my life is complete with them in it.

  When Tucker sees me, he smiles as he stops, laying back on Carter, while putting Julia in a headlock before whispering, “mommy is staring at us.”

  They laugh at their father, their sweet whiskey colored eyes meeting mine as I smile. “I am. I gotta go guys, give me sugars.”

  “Why do you have to leave?” Julia asks as she comes over and wraps her arms around my waist. “Who will read to me?”

  “Daddy will,” I answer kissing her sweet forehead. “I have to go help someone.”

  “Like Superwoman, huh, Momma?” Carter asks as he leans into me.

  I smile. “That’s right, baby, just like Superwoman.”

  I lean down kissing both their heads before they run off, leaving me alone with my amazing husband. “Make sure to read to them please, and can you start a load of laundry? I don’t know how long I will be.”

  He nods, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. “No problem, as long as you come home later and let me love you into the wee hours of the morning.”

  I giggle as I push him away but he doesn’t move an inch. If anything he comes closer with a naughty grin on his face. “We will see.”

  He laughs. “Which means yes.”

  “Maybe,” I say, even though we both know it’s true.

  “Who is it? Savannah?”

  I nod my head. “She’s leaving him.”

  He smiles as he nods. “Fantastic. Are you good, we can call your mom, have her come over and sit with the little bits while we go get her settled at the home.”

  I shake my head as a smile pulls at my lips. He amazes me every day and everyday it’s like falling in love all over again with him. I couldn’t do half of what I do without his support. Hell, his whole family. The McClouds have helped me every inch of the way. I couldn’t be more thankful for them and I know you’re wondering, but even Blaine and I are good. After finding out about what was going on, he apologized for being so hard on me. I didn’t accept his apology because I deserved it. It doesn’t matter now though, my life is complete. We are good and Blaine even comes to cook for the shelter when he’s in town.

  Looking up at my husband, I smile. “It’s fine. Marci is going to meet me and help me get her settled.”

  “Good. Have I told you I was proud of you lately?”

  “Nope,” I say with a teasing grin.

  He smiles, leaning down and nipping at my bottom lip. “Well I am and I love you, too.”

  I close my eyes and go up on my tippy toes, kissing him long and hard, hoping he can feel how much I love him. When we part, I run my finger down his jaw line and met his gaze with mine.

  “I love you.”

  “I know you do,” he says with a wink. He lets me go before playfully smacking my behind. When I smile up at him, he says, “go save the world, Superwoman.”

  I nod my head because I intend to. No woman should take the abuse of any asshole and I don’t care what I have to do but I am going to fight and make sure to help everyone women I can. I know I can’t save the world but I can’t give up. I have to try. I have to fight, just like Tucker fought for me. No w
oman should feel like she isn’t worth the love of a good man and if for some reason you hear my story and think you can’t get out, let me tell you, you can. It won’t be easy and you’ll want to quit, but you can do it.

  You can succeed.

  Just believe in yourself.

  Leave fear at the door and just jump in.

  The world is at your fingertips and you deserve it.

  You can be happy, you know?

  Don’t ever forget that.

  Read other books by Toni Aleo

  When I wrote the first chapter of this book I sent it to my beta readers and one of them came back and said, “It’s so real and I have to ask, is Michael beating you?”

  I laughed. I thought it was the funniest thing in the world because my husband, Michael, would never ever do anything like that to me. All he knows how to do is love me. This has been a really tough couple months for me and like the champ he is, he has stood beside me and been the husband that I wish for everyone woman out there. Because of that, thank you, Michael. I love you.

  My babies, Mikey and Alyssa, my life wouldn’t be worth living it wasn’t for you two. Thank you for being mommy’s biggest fans.

  Nick, I love you guy, so much and I thank you for being so supportive and helping me out so much.

  Noey, wow, things suck so bad for us right now but I am thankful to have a brother that stands through thick and thin with me. I love you so much and don’t you ever forget that.

  Kristina, Dad, and Patsy, thank you for being there and loving me.

  Nortis, what do you say to the bestest friend in the world. I love you and your family so much. Thank you so much for giving me a second family to love as much as my first.

  Bobbie Jo, my Bobka, I couldn’t have done these past few months without you. Thank you and I love you.

  Heidi, my main chick, I love you girl and I couldn’t thank you enough for your guidance, your advice and your love. I am so thankful to have you.

  Jamie, I couldn’t have written this book without you. Honestly. Your knowledge and your heart helped me in every way. Thank you. I love you.