by Roxie Ray
I took her by the shoulders before I could stop myself. I was not thinking any longer—only acting.
Clearing my mind had been a terrible idea, in hindsight. All I had to work from now was instinct, and my every instinct told me to kiss her again.
“You are not ruined.” My voice was harsh and rough, even though the intention behind it was kind. “You are not disgusting. You are beautiful, and sweet, and charming, and—blood!” I tore myself away from her, storming towards the far end of the viewing deck. But like our bodies had become magnets of opposing poles, even when I moved away from her, I found myself returning twice as fast. “I have never wanted for any female in all my life, Savii. Not like this. Nothing like this. And then you—you come along, and you ensnare me with your beauty, and the sound of your laughter makes my chest fill with joy—”
“I…I feel that too.” Her voice was quiet and small, but strong. “I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”
I wished to shake her, until she understood the danger of what we were saying. But just as much, I wished to take her into my arms and kiss her all over again. I knew if I allowed myself to, this time, I would not stop.
“This cannot be, Savii. There are things at stake here greater than our desires. I was a fool to allow myself to be tempted by them, and you were a fool for letting me get as far as I have.” I shook my head. “You should be protecting yourself from males like me—and I cannot allow myself to be tempted by a female so beautiful and precious as you.”
“But…Coplan…” Savii moved toward me and took my hands in hers. “We can get away from this, can’t we? I know it’s crazy, but there are…there are shuttles here on the ship, right? Other planets. Other places where we could go, be with each other, stay together. Places where no one could tell us no, no one could stop us—”
“Savii, you barely know me.” I turned her hands beneath mine and placed her palms back at her sides. “You are thinking irrationally, but I…that is a luxury I do not have. I am the heir of High House Majari. When my father dies, I must take his place among the High Lords. I have people to lead, and I cannot pass that burden onto my brother. I have been trained from birth for that duty. He has not.”
“I just…” Savii’s lower lip trembled. Again, I wished to kiss her—and again, I knew to do so would be to damn us both.
“You should go.” I pointed her to the elevator. “You know in your heart that this decision is the right one.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
I had to stop myself from laughing. So many times, she had called herself weak—but even when I had shouted at her, let her down gently, explained to her why I was doing what I was doing, she stood her ground.
It only made things more difficult. I knew the High Ladies from which my parents would select my mate and wife. I knew that none among them had anything near Savii’s strength inside them. If she stood among them, she would outshine them each without lifting a finger or saying a word.
“Then I will go.” I bowed my head to her. In parting, it was the last thing I could give. “I am sorry, Savii.”
I hoped she believed me.
I truly was.
11
Savannah
I went back to bed feeling like a spoiled child.
That was how I’d acted. Like a kid who’d never been told no before. Run away with me, Coplan! We can be together, and never mind that we’ve only known each other for a few weeks— ridiculous. It wasn’t just silly, it was embarrassing.
Coplan was right on one count: I had made a fool out of myself. Just not in the way he was claiming. My problem wasn’t that I’d trusted him. He’d proved over and over again that I could do that. My problem was that I kept throwing myself at him without even thinking about what it meant.
Coplan had responsibilities to the people here on the ship and even more responsibilities waiting for him back on Lunaria. If the political situation there was really so difficult that even entertaining whatever we were feeling for each other was dangerous, I couldn’t believe how naive I’d been. I’d essentially just asked him to abandon everything he’d built for himself and everything he was over, what—a kiss?
It was mortifying, and even worse, I knew exactly why I’d done it, too. As much as I wanted to pretend that what had happened to me on the Rutharian base wasn’t affecting my judgment…obviously, it was.
I’d thrown myself—twice—at the first man who’d been kind to me since my rescue. I hadn’t just kissed him. I’d begged him to start a life with me, someone he barely knew. I’d been out of line and entirely out of control, and I had no one to blame for that but myself.
I needed to get a grip on this—and fast.
I guessed Coplan had the same idea. The next morning, he wasn’t the one who came to check on me. Instead, an older Lunarian who introduced himself as Healer Adskow came to see how I was doing instead.
“Is Coplan okay?” I asked tentatively after Adskow had checked my reflexes and taken my weight.
“Healer Majari? Of course. Mind you, I cannot be certain why he was so keen on cleaning bedpans instead of performing your exam this morning, but…” Adskow shrugged. “I was not going to argue. On the bright side, you seem to be at a healthier weight for your build now. Look how your womanly curves are returning. It is quite pleasing.” Adskow cleared his throat and blushed as he caught himself staring at my hips. “Er. In a medical sense, I mean. And you are regaining your strength quickly, too! I think, if you are willing to continue eating and caring for yourself, I can confidently discharge you. Are you comfortable with that?”
“Yeah,” I said quietly, even though I was more uncomfortable than ever on the inside. Coplan had literally chosen to clean bedpans instead of seeing me again. I understood his reasoning behind it, but still. It was a special kind of hurt. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
“Excellent. I will have Leonix organize a new room for you outside of the medical bay. That will be nice for you. Are you excited?” Adskow gave me the kindest smile I could imagine right now, so I was forced to give him one back.
“Sure. Yeah, that sounds great.”
Once Adskow left, I waited around in my room for what felt like an eternity for Leonix to come collect me. Eventually, I just forced myself up off my bed and headed out into the ship to find her myself. I wished Adskow would have told me sooner that I was supposed to take the reins on this, but I guessed that was just another embarrassment to add to the pile. I needed to start taking some initiative for myself and stop acting like such a baby about everything.
It was easier said than done, though. I didn’t know my way around the ship, and I had no way of telling where Leonix might be. I checked the canteen, but it was empty. When I tried one of the other doors, I found myself in what must have been the barracks for the warriors aboard the ship. Suddenly, a dozen different shirtless Lunarian men, some of them only wearing towels, were staring at me. As soon as one of them let out a low whistle at me, I got out of there as fast as I could.
There were too many corridors on the ship and too many different doors to try. All I was doing was getting myself lost. I could go back to the medical bay and keep waiting for Leonix, but that was Coplan’s place of work. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t exactly be happy to see me. Instead, when I found the elevator to the viewing deck again, I took it. It wouldn’t help me find Leonix, but at least I’d be able to wait in a place I recognized until I came up with a better solution.
The elevator doors parted, revealing the black sky and stars that had been the backdrop of last night’s kiss. And last night’s drama. And last night’s shame.
And just like last night, when I stepped out onto the deck, I realized I wasn’t alone. Only this time, it wasn’t Coplan’s tall, muscular form waiting for me. The Lunarian man looking out at the stars was shorter than Coplan and dressed in all black. His hair was an awful blond color, like a bad dye job. When he turned to me, his eyes weren’t the purple color of every other Lunaria
n I’d met so far. Instead, they were just as black as the emptiness of space behind him. There was something cold about them, even when his lips split into a smile.
“You are the human female I have been hearing so much about,” he said. His voice was as chilling as his eyes were. “Savannah. Correct?”
“Yeah. That’s, um…that’s me.” I had to fight back a shudder. It was weird, hearing my full name after all this time. Coplan had struggled so much with the pronunciation, I’d settled for Savii with him pretty much immediately. All the others had quickly followed suit. It was kind of cute, the way they put emphasis on the wrong syllables. Like a special nickname I only had here aboard the ship. But apparently this guy—whoever he was—didn’t have those difficulties with human names. “Who are you?”
“Ah. Forgive me. I seem to have forgotten my manners.” The black-eyed Lunarian approached me, striking his hand out for me to shake. That was strange too, actually. I’d seen other Lunarians greet each other in the canteen. They each held a hand up to each other like they were going to high-five but didn’t really intend to go through with it. They didn’t shake hands—that was a human thing. “I am Daran, the intelligence liaison for this ship.”
“Oh.” Immediately, I relaxed and took his hand, shaking it a little more enthusiastically than I meant to. “You’re the one helping to track down my sister, right? Coplan told me that you thought you’d found her. I’m really, really grateful for all the hard work you’re putting in. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
“Yes,” Daran said after a beat. His eyes narrowed for a moment, like he was processing something that I hadn’t quite caught, but they widened again before I could get too worried about it. “You are welcome, of course. Anything to ensure that all humans are recovered, safe and sound.”
There was something in his voice that felt…off. And even though every other Lunarian I’d touched so far had hands like heaters, his was strangely clammy and cold. A tiny, writhing anxiousness started stirring my stomach as I stood before him.
I was getting the feeling that I’d said something wrong, but I couldn’t quite figure out what. Either way—this guy gave me the creeps.
“Do you, um…enjoy your work?” I felt awkward—awkward enough that I probably needed to stop coming up to the viewing deck. I’d had too many uncomfortable encounters here already, and my small talk abilities had obviously gotten kind of rusty since I’d been taken from Earth. “Being an intelligence officer must be fascinating.”
“Oh, it is,” Daran assured me. “Nothing happens here on the ship that I do not find out about eventually. And I do mean nothing.”
I swallowed hard. If that was true…could he know about the kissing Coplan and I had done up here last night? If he had, I wished he’d just come out and say that so I could assure him that it wasn’t Coplan’s fault—it was mine. But instead, Daran just stood there smiling at me with his hands folded behind his back.
So. Was he implying something, or was I just being paranoid?
“Well, like I said. Thank you for all the work you’re doing so we can rescue Atlanta. I’m excited to see her again, that way we can both go home.” My conversation skills were finding me again. I knew that on a political level, the idea of me being out of the Lunarians’ hair and back on Earth was a good talking point. In fact, given what Coplan had told me last night, it was the only talking point. No discussion about it—it was what had to happen. “It will be really good to get back to Earth.”
“Do you mean that, Savannah?” Daran tilted his head to the side. For a second, I hated that his eyes didn’t change color like everyone else’s. If they had, at least I could have gotten a feel for what he was really thinking. Instead, all I had right now was guesswork. Not exactly my strong suit. “Have we not treated you kindly here on the ship? I have heard you are immersing yourself with our culture quite well, but if you have been offended somehow and wish to leave—”
“No! No, it’s not that.” Ugh. Now he was making it out like I was being rude. This guy was impossible. I was no longer looking for nice things to say now. I was formulating an exit strategy. “I’ve been treated so kindly, but I wouldn’t want to keep burdening your people with my presence.”
“Oh, dear. Do you think of yourself as a burden, Savannah?” Daran tutted and shook his head. “I suppose that is understandable, given your parents, but still. It is very sad.”
“What do you mean about my parents? Have you, um…heard from them?” Get out, get out, get out! A frantic little voice in my head was screaming. But Daran had caught me, hook, line, and sinker. If he knew something about my parents that I didn’t know…of course, I wanted to find that out before I got the heck away from him. “With all of your connections, I guess you probably have access to a lot of information.”
“What an astute observation.” Daran patted me on the head like I was a well-behaved dog. “You are a very clever thing, Savannah. It is a shame that your parents could not appreciate that more. Did anyone tell you that they are not even looking for you?”
“I—” I blinked at him and took a step backward. “No. They…they aren’t?”
“Not in the least. Nor are your followers, I am afraid. Five million of them, and no one has even asked where you or your sister are. It is truly a sad thing, how little those people cared for you back on Earth.” Daran turned to the windows again. “So many stars in the sky…who could possibly pay attention to all of them at once?”
“I…wow. I had no idea.” I took another step back from him. I supposed Daran could be right. I’d worried about the exact same thing myself. Maybe it was just a brutal reality of social media in the sectors. Maybe no one had ever really cared about Atlanta or me, no matter how many people tuned in to watch us dance. But at the same time…Daran weirded me out, and I was beginning to get the sense that he might not be entirely trustworthy. If politics were as intense on Lunaria right now as everyone said, could I really trust that he wasn’t trying to manipulate me somehow?
I didn’t like that, the idea of someone trying to pull my strings and make a puppet out of me. I’d just met Daran. I didn’t have to trust the things he said. There were other people on the ship who I did trust. Coplan might have been out of the running for the moment, but Leonix seemed to know what was going on most of the time. If I could just find her…
“Savii!” The elevator doors opened and Leonix strode out of them, a look of concern on her face. “I have been looking everywhere for you. I sent a runner to take you to your new room while I finished preparing it.”
“I waited in the medical bay for forever,” I told her. Even though she looked cross with me, I could have hugged her for showing up when she did. Any more time spent up here stuck alone with Daran would have been unbearable. “No one ever showed up, so I figured you must have wanted me to—”
“Hello, Leonix.” Daran turned and raised his hand to her in greeting. “I have not seen you in some time. Whatever have you been up to? You are not in heat, surely.”
“Maybe I was, Daran. I certainly would not tell you one way or the other, regardless.” Leonix sent a scowl in his direction then took me by the elbow. “Come on, Savii. We need to get you set up in your new room.”
“Goodness. A new room? I will have to come and visit sometime,” Daran called after us as Leonix dragged me toward the elevator. “It was so lovely meeting you, Savii. And Leonix—always a pleasure.”
As soon as the elevator doors closed, Leonix let out a frustrated sigh.
“What in the name of the moons were you doing speaking with him, Savii? I thought you would know better than that.”
“No one told me not to. But…I got the message pretty quickly anyway.” I shuddered as I remembered the way he patted my head. “He introduced himself and I thanked him for trying to find Atlanta…then things got weird from there.”
“Oh, Savii…” Leonix’s lips thinned to a sharp line as she shook her head. “Daran is not the intelligence officer searchi
ng for your sister.”
“He’s not?” I was more confused than ever now. “But Coplan said—”
“Of course. You have not been told.” Leonix sighed again. “The specters—the intelligence agents of Lunaria—are not to be trusted, Savii. Daran most of all. They are loyal to Lady Idria, a thorn in all of our sides, down to the last agent.”
“But then who is looking for Atlanta?”
“Apex—our former agent here on the ship. He is…the exception that proves the rule, I suppose.” Leonix narrowed her eyes. “What else did Daran say?”
“Well…” I hugged myself tight and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. “I don’t know, Leonix. Last night, Coplan and I had, um…a moment up there on the viewing deck. I kind of got the sense that Daran knew about it somehow.”
“That is…not good.” Somehow, Leonix’s lips got even thinner. “He is sure to report that back to Lady Idria, if so. The High Lords will be enraged with envy towards Coplan if they are told, and the High Ladies will be spiteful with jealousy. They are not accustomed to having competition, and the High Lords are all itching to claim an exotic human mate for themselves.”
“Well, they can all calm down about that, at least.” I hung my head a little, still embarrassed about how I’d acted. “Coplan and I won’t be doing it again. He’s behaving himself. I don’t think he even wants to see me again.”
“I am sure that is not true,” Leonix said. Her voice was almost reassuring—at least, it would have been if she had not sounded so worried. “But perhaps it is for the best if the two of you keep your distance from each other either way. As soon as you and Atlanta are returned to Earth—”
“If we’re even still wanted on Earth.” I hung my head even lower. “Daran told me that no one is even looking for us. I kind of got the feeling that he doesn’t want me to want to go back.”
“That would be…unusual. Lady Idria has made it very clear she wants you healthy enough to be returned to your people. But…” Leonix gave me a grimace that I guessed was supposed to be sympathetic. “He is not lying—at least, not entirely. I was waiting to tell you after you were settled in your new quarters, but…”