Bands of Gold

by Angela Benson

  “I’m glad he got to see them,” was all Christina could say.

  “It’s none of my business, Christina, but are things between you and Jackson okay?”

  “Things aren’t as good as I’d like them to be,” Christina said, hedging. She didn’t know what Jackson had told them.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Christina considered that offer. “I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” Reggie admitted. “I wouldn’t be an unbiased listener. I still care a lot about you.”

  Christina wished she loved Reggie, but she didn’t. She was still in love with Jackson. There was no future for them, but she loved him. “I know you do, Reggie, and I don’t want to hurt you again.”

  “I’m a big boy,” Reggie reminded her.

  Christina didn’t want to argue, so she changed the subject. “What’s going on with you?” When Reggie didn’t answer immediately, she thought he might not make this easy for her. When he said, “Nothing much,” she breathed a relieved sigh, glad they could have friendly conversation.

  ***

  Christina arrived at the office at her regular time Monday. A part of her hoped to get roses. If she got them today, she could be sure that Jackson hadn’t sent them. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to send more. She didn’t see any roses on Penny’s desk. Maybe they’re on my desk, she thought. She opened the door to her office cautiously and looked around the room. No roses anywhere. She walked to her desk and sat down. Who’s sending those damn roses? she asked herself. If not Jackson, then who?

  She looked up when there was a knock on the door. Jackson stood in the open doorway. “It’s open,” she said. “You didn’t have to knock.”

  He walked in. “I didn’t know if I was welcome.”

  “You know I have an open-door policy. Every CL employee is welcome.”

  “That’s the way it is, then?” he asked.

  “This is a place of work, Jackson. We should confine our conversation to work-related topics. Don’t you agree?”

  “If not here, then where?”

  “Where what?”

  “Where and when are we going to talk?”

  “I did all my talking Friday. You haven’t talked in a while. Are you sure we have something more to say to each other?”

  “We need to talk, Christina.” He walked closer to the desk. “I have something—”

  “Excuse me, Christina,” Penny interrupted. “Walter’s on line 1. He says it’s urgent.”

  Christina stared at Penny. She hadn’t heard her come in. “All right, Penny, I’ll take it.” To Jackson, she said, “We’ll have to continue this later.”

  “You can bet on it,” Jackson said. He walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.

  Christina picked up the phone. “Walter,” she said. “What’s so urgent this morning?”

  “There’s good news and bad news,” Walter said. “Which do you want to hear first?”

  “Let’s try the good news first.”

  “Rosalind and I are getting married three weeks from Saturday and you’re invited to the wedding,” Walter said gleefully.

  “Congratulations,” Christina said. “I’m so happy for you and Rosalind. Give her a big kiss for me.” Christina deliberately did not say she’d attend the wedding. It was too soon after her and Jackson.

  “I’ll do that,” Walter said. “This is going to be some wedding.”

  “I bet it will be,” was her reply. That was noncommittal enough, she thought.

  “Now the bad news. Jackson’s promotion has come through and he has to be back in Boston by the end of the week.”

  “The end of the week? That’s too soon,” she said. Too soon for me to let him go.

  “I’m sorry, but there’s no other way. You knew this was coming. Have you looked over any of the resumes we’ve sent you? You’re going to have to pick a replacement.”

  “I haven’t even started looking at resumes. I thought Jackson would be around until the demo was done. You can’t do this now.”

  “It’s done, Christina,” Walter said. “You’d better get started on that replacement because if Jackson wants this job, he has to be in Boston by Friday. Now, who’s going to tell him, me or you?”

  It was all happening too fast. “You tell him.”

  “Who knows, Christina, maybe he’ll turn down the job and stay in Atlanta.”

  “Be serious. You know as well as I do that Jackson is going to take the assignment.”

  “Yes, I do think he’s going to take it, but I’m sure he’ll talk with you about it. Anything else we need to discuss while I have you on the phone?”

  “No, I can’t think of anything.”

  “Okay, I’ll talk with you later in the week. And don’t forget the replacement.”

  Christina hung up the phone. Everything was falling in place for them to be apart. He wanted space. Well, there was definitely a lot of space between Boston and Atlanta. One week. Less than a week and he would be gone.

  She stood and looked out the window. She could see his apartment building from her office. She remembered the first time she’d been in his apartment. Everything. The dinner he’d prepared and the dessert they’d shared. It was only one of the memories that bombarded her thoughts this morning. She wanted to hold on to every one of those memories because she knew there would be no others for her and Jackson. And that made her sad, very sad.

  ***

  Jackson stood in the door of Christina’s office later that day. He was glad Penny wasn’t at her desk. This gave him time to study the woman he loved. He never figured he’d fall in love so deeply and so quickly. He smiled as he remembered the first morning he’d seen her. That seemed ages ago, but it was only eight months, less than a year. She’d gotten to him when no other woman could. She found a place in his heart that he hadn’t even known existed. As he looked at her now, he knew he’d always love her. Then why, he asked himself, are you leaving her?

  Jackson had been surprised at his own reaction to Walter’s news. He’d wanted this promotion for a long time. His joy at hearing the news was dampened by the knowledge that it would mean leaving Christina. If their relationship was going well, it would have been hard to leave her, but they could have worked at a long distance relationship. Since it wasn’t going well, he knew this would be the end for them. He had asked for space and he’d gotten space. Be careful what you wish for, he reminded himself.

  Christina looked up when he cleared his throat. Her face didn’t hold the smile it usually held for him, and that made him sad. “I just talked to Walter.”

  She stood. “Congratulations. I know how much this promotion means to you, and I wish you the best.”

  “Thanks,” he said. “I’m sorry I have to leave so quickly. I know you’ll be shorthanded.” I feel like I’ll be leaving a part of myself.

  “I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. We’re really going to miss you around here.”

  “I’m going to miss you, too.” He saw by the way her eyes widened that she understood he meant it personally.

  “Do you think we should announce it at the staff meeting today?” she asked.

  “We need to tell Liza before then. You and she are going to have your hands full until you get a replacement, but I’m sure you’ll handle it.”

  “I know we’ll do it, but we’ll miss you. You added a lot to this project. Where we are with Optima now is largely due to the work that you did when you first came on board. Even before Liza got here.”

  He knew that, but it was good to hear her say it. He wondered how often she’d have to say it before he believed she meant it. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”

  “It’s true, and I know Liza feels the same way. When do you think you’ll be leaving?”

  “Walter wants me to report Friday, so I need to leave Thursday night.” He paused. They w
ere talking about work, not daring to discuss the personal issues between them. What cowards they were.

  “You, Liza, and I will need to plan some type of transition plan.”

  “This is going to be near impossible. You know that, don’t you?” And not just the work, he thought. It was going to be impossible to leave her. “I’ll do what I can to make it easy. I’ll make myself available after I’m back in Boston. Do you have anybody in mind to replace me?”

  “I haven’t thought about that, Jackson. To be honest, I haven’t wanted to think about it.”

  He was glad for that. “I’m going to clean out the apartment soon, too. What do you want me to do about your belongings?”

  She didn’t even blink. They could have been discussing the weather. “I can pick them up over the weekend while you’re away, if that’s okay. I’ll leave your key on the counter.”

  He was disappointed they were discussing this so unemotionally. Didn’t their love deserve more? “That’s fine. When can I pick up my stuff from your place? I no longer have a key.”

  Christina took the hit. She remembered asking him to return the key. “I’ll be in every night this week, so you can come over anytime.”

  “I’d like to take you to dinner before I leave,” he said. He needed her to agree to dinner, at least.

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Jackson.”

  He couldn’t let it end like this. “Christina, we’ve shared too much, been too close for me to just leave. There’s still a lot we need to talk about. I’m still in love with you.”

  “Don’t say that, Jackson,” Christina pleaded. She was determined to make it through this with her dignity intact. It was all she had. “You wanted space and you’re getting it.”

  “I know, but I don’t want us to be over. Not yet. Not like this.”

  She wanted to believe him, but too much had happened. “So, you don’t need space?”

  “Yes, but I need to know that you’ll be there for me. I don’t want this to be the end.”

  “That’s not fair, Jackson. You want your space to think, but you want me to wait for you. What am I supposed to be doing while I’m waiting?”

  He wanted her to continue doing what she was doing, but he didn’t want her to see other people. This made no sense, even to him, but it was how he felt. And he couldn’t tell her. She’d really think he’d lost his mind. “I don’t know, Christina. I just don’t want to lose you.”

  “You didn’t lose me, Jackson,” she said, close to tears. “You threw me back.”

  ***

  Jackson came over Wednesday night. He had called, so Christina expected him. She had most of his stuff packed.

  “Thanks,” he said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  She knew it was easier than watching him do it. “It was nothing.”

  “I . . .” Jackson began.

  “Let’s not make this any harder than it has to be. We have some problems that we can’t work out long distance. Let’s just call it quits and leave it at that.”

  “Is it that easy for you, Christina?” Jackson asked.

  “It’s not easy, Jackson, but it’s easier than you want it to be.”

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  She shook her head. “We needed to talk last week. So much has changed since then. Talking is not going to change anything.”

  “Don’t you want to give it another chance?”

  More than anything she wanted to try again, but she didn’t have the courage to say it. “What’s the use, Jackson? You’re leaving, I’m staying.”

  “That’s the way you want it?”

  No. “That’s the way I want it.”

  He looked at her for a long while. Then he moved as if to come closer, but changed his mind. “Goodbye, Christina,” he said and left.

  “Goodbye, Jackson,” Christina said. When she heard the door close behind him, she added, “I still love you, too.”

  ***

  “We’re glad to have you back, Jackson,” Rosalind said, directing him to a chair in front of her desk.

  “It’s good to be back, I think,” Jackson said. It was his second week in Boston.

  She sat down after he was seated. “Are you having any problems getting settled?”

  “No, the work is fine.”

  “What’s the problem, then? I expected you to be happy in your new job.”

  “I am happy, but not as happy as I thought I’d be. This is all I’ve wanted for the last three years. I’ve got it and I’m on my way, but it feels hollow.” He shrugged. “Maybe my expectations were too high.”

  “Or maybe you’ve found that work is not enough.”

  He studied her. “You know about me and Christina, don’t you?”

  She nodded. “Christina and I talked the weekend of Liza’s wedding. Are you two not adjusting well to the separation?”

  “Not exactly. We decided to end the relationship.”

  “Why would you do that? You wouldn’t be the first couple in a long distance relationship.”

  “There were other reasons and she . . .we thought it was best to end it.”

  “What do you think now?”

  “I miss her. I miss her a lot. I miss working with her. I miss being with her.”

  “Have you told her this?”

  He couldn’t count the number of times he’d picked up the phone to do just that. “No, I haven’t told her, and I can’t tell her. She wants something I can’t give her right now.”

  “Well, Jackson, you’ve got some decisions to make. I’d advise you to make them quickly. Christina is not going to wait forever.”

  “What makes you think she’s waiting now?”

  Rosalind smiled like she had a secret. “Remind me one day to tell you the story of a woman who waited twenty-five years for a man.”

  ***

  Jackson saw Robert and Liza first. “Hey, you two, how’s it going?”

  “No complaints, man, no complaints,” Robert answered.

  Jackson let his gaze roam the ballroom. “This wedding was almost as nice as yours.”

  “Almost,” Liza said, and smiled at Robert.

  “It’s one thing to watch and another thing to be in it. That was the most special day of my life,” Robert said. He put an arm around Liza’s waist and pulled her to him. “We’re an old married couple now.”

  Liza pushed against him. “Hardly. We’re still on our honeymoon.”

  Jackson watched them. They were as in love today as they’d been the first time he’d met them, as they were on their wedding day. He used to wonder if he and Christina would be as good a couple as they were. Thinking about her, he asked, “Did Christina come?”

  Liza looked at Robert before answering. “No, she decided not to come.”

  Jackson voice registered his concern. “Is she sick or something?”

  Liza placed her hand on his. “She’s fine, Jackson. She just didn’t feel up to a wedding right now. She sent her love to Rosalind and Walter, though.”

  Jackson understood. Christina didn’t attend because she didn’t want to see him. She was really trying to get him out of her system. “She’s okay?” he asked again to be sure.

  “She’s fine,” Liza reassured him.

  Twenty

  Christina sat on the examination table in Dr. Johnson’s office. “I feel tired all the time and it’s getting worse each day,” she said. She’d dismissed her fatigue as depression at first, but when it had gotten progressively worse, she’d become concerned.

  “Any other problems?” Doctor Johnson asked.

  “None that I can think of. Maybe I need vitamins or iron tablets.”

  He flipped open her chart, and scanned it, then closed it. “Before I prescribe anything, I’m going to take some blood and do a physical. It’s about time for one anyway. How does that sound?”

  “Right now, Doctor, I’d go for anything that was going
to make me feel better.”

  “Give us a little time, Christina, and we’ll figure out what’s wrong.”

  Three days later, Christina got a call from Dr. Johnson. “I may have found the reason for your fatigue, Christina. Are you sitting down?”

  My God, Christina thought, I must be dying. “Is it serious, Doctor?”

  “Not exactly. You’re pregnant, Christina.”

  Christina thought she had misheard him. “What did you say?”

  “You’re pregnant. I don’t know how far along you are, you’ll need to see your gynecologist.”

  “Pregnant? You must be joking. How can I be pregnant?”

  Dr. Johnson laughed. “You don’t really need me to answer that, do you?”

  She was pregnant. It must be a joke, a cruel joke. She and Jackson had been so careful. “Oh, no. I know how other people get pregnant, but how could it happen to me?”

  “The same way, I’d say.”

  “That’s not what I mean, Dr. Johnson. I wasn’t planning to have a baby. Not yet, anyway.”

  “I thought you’d be happy about this, Christina.”

  Christina wondered if he was crazy. “Doctor, I’m a single woman with no marriage prospects. What makes you think I’d be happy about this pregnancy?”

  “Every day single women are making choices to have babies. You’re financially and emotionally capable of raising a child. It’s conceivable that you’d be happy about it. Surprised, maybe, but happy.”

  “A word of advice, Doctor. The next time you tell a single woman that she’s pregnant, try to tone it down a little.” She hung up. The doctor was right about one thing. She was definitely surprised.

  Pregnant. Christina couldn’t believe it. She was pregnant. She touched her hand to her abdomen. A baby is growing in there, she thought. Jackson’s baby. She took her hand away. What am I going to do?

  ***

  “How about a movie?” Liza asked. “Robert is out doing some male-bonding so I’m free to do some male-bashing. Are you game?”

  Christina gave a wry laugh. Male-bashing. She could really get into that now. “I’m not up for it tonight, Liza.”