Bands of Gold

by Angela Benson

“Tired?”

  “More tired than I’ve ever been,” Christina said morosely. She was seated on the bed with the phone propped between her shoulder and her ear.

  “What’s wrong, Christina?”

  I need to talk about this. “I’m pregnant, Liza.”

  “What? You’re kidding.”

  “I wish I were. I found out today. I’m pregnant.”

  “Do you want some company?”

  Very much. “Thanks, Liza, I could use a friend right now.”

  Forty-five minutes later, Liza sat in Christina’s kitchen. “How do you feel about it?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I certainly don’t feel pregnant.”

  Liza didn’t comment.

  “I feel stupid. How could I let myself get pregnant? I’m a grown woman, Liza, an intelligent woman. I swore I’d never end up in this situation. How could I let this happen?”

  “What did happen, Christina? Did you and Jackson get careless?”

  Christina shook her head. “I was faithful with the birth control pills. Before that, Jackson faithfully used condoms.”

  “That may be it.”

  “What?”

  “Did Jackson always use a condom even after you started taking birth control pills?”

  Christina shook her head. “Most of the time, but not all of the time.” She paused, then added, “But I faithfully took the birth control pills.”

  “Unfortunately, they aren’t one hundred percent effective.”

  Christina lifted a brow. “I remember telling you that once before.”

  “I remember, too. Too bad we didn’t know Betty then.”

  “What does Betty have to do with this?”

  “She was taking birth control pills when she got pregnant with her youngest, Anne. Now she jokes that even though she’s still on the pill, Ellis can’t come near her without a condom.”

  Christina knew Liza and Betty got along, but she didn’t know they were as close as this conversation indicated. “You and Betty have been talking about birth control?”

  Liza nodded. “You know Betty. She has an opinion on everything. When I told her that Robert and I didn’t plan to have children anytime soon, she shared the Anne story with me. Needless to say, the condom is now Robert’s constant companion.”

  Christina smirked. “One of you could have clued me in.”

  Liza lifted her shoulders and let them drop slowly. “It happens less than point-three-percent of the time. I just figured it would be my luck to be one of the point-three.”

  “Well, it seems I made it into that lucky group.” Christina smiled. “I have an idea for one of Angela’s shows. Women who got pregnant while taking the pill.”

  Liza laughed. “Probably put a scare into the whole female population.”

  Christina laughed, too. “I’m glad you came over, Liza. I was getting depressed about this. You’re helping me feel better.”

  “Have you decided what you’re going to do?” Liza asked.

  “Not really. I’m only beginning to believe I’m really pregnant. I’ve been thinking that maybe the blood tests got mixed up, maybe it’s a tumor.” She laughed again. “Maybe this is Dallas and it’s all a dream.”

  Liza didn’t laugh. “I know the feeling.”

  Christina looked around, surprised. “You’ve been pregnant before?”

  Liza turned away. “Once.”

  “I didn’t know. What did you do, Liza?” There were only three options—adoption, abortion, or miscarriage.

  “Abortion,” Liza said quickly.

  “I never knew,” Christina said.

  “No one knew. Not my parents. Not the guy. Nobody.”

  Christina could see the memory was painful for her friend. She was sorry to have caused her to think about it. “You went through it by yourself?”

  “I had to. There was nobody to go through it with me.”

  “Why didn’t you tell the guy?”

  “He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him. It happened at a bad time in my life.”

  At the sadness in Liza’s voice, Christina walked over and put her arms around her. “I’m sorry, Liza.”

  Liza’s eyes filled with tears. “Don’t be. I knew what I was doing. It was a painful time in my life.”

  Neither woman said anything for a few long minutes. “Abortion actually crossed my mind,” Christina said softly.

  Liza looked at her then, “You can’t be serious.”

  Christina nodded. “It seemed the easiest way. You know how I felt about becoming an unwed mother.”

  “But you decided against it?”

  “Yes. It was only a passing thought. I really want children, Liza. I just wanted a husband to go with them.”

  “I want them, too,” Liza said. “I just didn’t want one then, and I don’t want one now. That’s why Robert and I use birth control. Now, about the husband. When are you going to tell Jackson?”

  Christina looked away.

  “You are going to tell him, aren’t you, Christina?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “What do you mean, you haven’t decided? You have to tell him. It’s his baby.”

  Christina shrugged.

  “It is his baby, isn’t it, Christina?” Liza asked.

  Christina let out a deep breath. “Of course it’s his baby.”

  “Then you have to tell him.”

  Christina had been debating this with herself. Jackson deserved to know, but she didn’t want him back just because of the baby. There had to be more than that. “Why should I? You didn’t.”

  “That was different. You and Jackson are in love. He deserves to know, regardless of the problems you’re having now.”

  Christina wrapped her arms around herself. She wasn’t sure of Jackson’s feelings for her. “I’m not sure Jackson would think this is good news. If he felt crowded when it was just me, how’s he going to feel about a baby?”

  “I can’t answer that, Christina, but you have to tell him. What if he wants to be a father? Don’t you want your baby to know its father?”

  Christina flinched. That hit a nerve. More than anything she wanted her baby to have a mother and a father. She hadn’t planned this pregnancy, but she was going to handle it the best way she could. “Liza, I want my baby to grow up in a happy home, but I can’t use this baby to force Jackson back to me. He wouldn’t be happy with that, and neither would I.”

  “So you’re planning to raise this baby alone? Without a father?”

  Unwed motherhood would not have been her choice, but this was the hand she was dealt and she was going to play it. “My mom didn’t do too bad a job with me, did she?”

  “You can answer that better than I can, Christina. Do you want your baby to have the kind of childhood you did? Can you keep your baby away from its father? Your mother didn’t have an option, your father was dead. Jackson is very much alive.”

  Christina knew she couldn’t risk Jackson rejecting her or the baby. It would hurt too badly. “What if he doesn’t want this baby, Liza? What if he doesn’t want me?”

  “I believe he’ll want you and the baby.”

  “I’m not so sure about that. I’m not sure I want him.”

  “Come on, Christina,” Liza pleaded. “You’re still in love with Jackson. Even if you aren’t, you can’t keep your pregnancy a secret. He’s bound to find out.”

  A plan began to form in Christina’s mind. “Don’t be so sure about that, Liza.”

  “What are you thinking, Christina?”

  “I can’t tell you now, Liza, but you have to promise not to tell anybody about my pregnancy.” She paused, “Not even Robert.”

  “That’s not fair. I don’t like keeping secrets from Robert. Especially something like this.”

  “It’s really not his business, Liza. Besides, he might feel obliged to tell Jackson.”

  When Liza didn’t respond, Christina added,
“I need your help on this, Liza. Promise me you’ll help.”

  ***

  Walter slammed his fist on Christina’s desk. “It’s out of the question.”

  Christina forced herself to remain calm. A calm head would get her what she wanted. “It can work, Walter. I know it can.”

  Walter began to pace the room. “You want to take a year’s leave of absence and you say it can work.” Walter stopped, looked at her and shook his head. “Have you lost your mind?”

  She thought Walter was going too far, but she was not going to lose her temper. “It will work. Tom Haydn has fully assumed Jackson’s duties and he’s doing a great job. Liza can take over my responsibilities. She’s due for a promotion, anyway. We both knew we’d have to replace her.”

  “Not this soon, Christina.”

  “Now’s a good time. The major Optima milestones have been met. The demo was a success and the first office application site selection is complete. Now’s the perfect time for a change.”

  Walter sat in the chair across from her desk and began tapping his pencil on the desktop. Christina knew he was trying to think of more reasons for her not to leave. She also knew he was having a difficult time.

  “What about your career?” he asked. “What will taking a leave of absence do to your career?”

  She wasn’t surprised. She knew Walter would end up here when nothing else worked. “You tell me, Walter. What will happen?”

  He started slowly. “All you’ve done here will be forgotten. You’ll have to build everything again. People will wonder if you’re dedicated. They’ll wonder how important CL’s work is to you. It will be hard to get back to where you are now.”

  Christina knew Walter had spoken honestly. “Do you think I could do it, Walter? Do you think I could get back to where I am now?”

  Walter looked away from her and she knew she had won. “It’ll take time, but you could do it,” he answered. He paused. “What do you want, Christina? Sometimes I get the feeling Rosalind and I want the vice presidency for you more than you want it for yourself.”

  “I’ve been asking myself that same question. I can’t give you any answers now. I love my work, but beyond that I don’t know. Maybe the time off will help me focus and decide what I want to do.”

  “There’s nothing that I can do to get you to change your mind, is there?”

  Christina shook her head. “No, Walter, I’ve decided.” At his look, she added, “And neither can Rosalind.”

  ***

  “Does your leaving have anything to do with you and Jackson?” Rosalind asked. She and Christina were having lunch.

  “Jackson and I are no longer together,” Christina answered. She wasn’t telling Rosalind any more than she’s told Walter.

  “I know you think Walter sent me here to convince you to stay, but that’s not the reason I’m here.”

  Christina was skeptical. “Walter didn’t send you?”

  “Walter told me about your conversation,” Rosalind explained. “But it was my idea and my choice to come and see you.” She reached over to touch Christina’s hand. “I’m here as a friend today, not as a colleague.”

  Christina looked at the hand that covered hers. She wanted to believe Rosalind. “I’m listening,” was the best she could do.

  “Leaving CL is not going to help you get over him. I know; I’ve been there.”

  “I’m not running away from Jackson, Rosalind. Jackson’s already gone.”

  “Can you honestly say that you don’t feel anything for him?” Rosalind challenged.

  Christina enfolded Rosalind’s hand in her own. She knew her friend was trying to keep her from repeating her and Walter’s mistakes. “Jackson will always have a place in my heart. He’s the first man I’ve ever loved. A part of me will always love him.” And I’ll have his baby, she added to herself.

  Rosalind was slow to speak, and Christina knew she had given in. “What are you going to do during this leave?”

  Christina gave Rosalind’s hand a quick squeeze, then pulled away. “I’m going home to spend time with my mother. She’ll probably work me to death. She’s opening another nursery.”

  Rosalind smiled. “So you’re going from the boardroom to the greenhouse.”

  Christina laughed lightly. “I guess you could say that. It’ll be good for me.”

  “Do you think you’ll come back to CL?”

  Christina didn’t expect that question. “It’s my plan to come back, but I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll find that I prefer greenhouses to boardrooms.”

  ***

  “So what do you think, Liza?” Christina asked.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Liza said. She stood and looked out of Christina’s office window. “I’ll have to talk it over with Robert.”

  “You say that like you think he might object. Do you?”

  Liza turned around to face her. “Just the opposite. He’ll go crazy with the idea. He’s been pressuring me lately to cut back on work.”

  “The house won’t exactly help with that, will it? You can still work long hours.”

  Liza nodded. “I could, but not living so close to work will help some.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “I just can’t believe you’re taking a leave of absence. What about your job?”

  Christina lifted her hands. “What about it? It’ll be here when I get back. Besides, look how my leave benefits you. You get my job. Haven’t you wanted it?”

  Liza smiled. “You know I’ve wanted it. Not your job, but I wanted a promotion. I’m glad about that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  Liza shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re doing this. Not at this point in your career.”

  “Well, I am. There’s more to life than a career. I hope you haven’t forgotten that.”

  “Now you’re beginning to sound like Robert. Of course, I haven’t forgotten. It’s just that I want it all—the career and the family. And right now the career needs most of my energy.”

  Christina didn’t want Liza to sacrifice her relationship with Robert for her job, but she knew she was in no position to give advice. “So when do you want to move in?”

  ***

  “I like being downtown. It’s so convenient to work. I don’t know.”

  “The commute from Christina’s house wouldn’t be that bad,” Robert said. “You need to put some space between you and your work anyway. You overdo it sometimes.”

  Liza got up from her seat on the balcony and stood next to Robert at the railing. She ran her fingers through his hair. He needed a haircut. “I know I’ve been working long hours. I appreciate your being a good sport about it.”

  He caressed her face with his hand. “That doesn’t mean I like it, Liza. Will this promotion mean more hours for you?”

  Liza thought before answering. She was ambitious and she was willing to work hard for what she wanted. And she wanted Robert, her job, and someday, children. “It doesn’t have to.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means it’s my choice. I can set the pace and the schedule that I want to work.”

  He dropped his hand from her face. “What are you going to do?”

  She thought again. If she was going to have it all, she was going to have to do one hell of a balancing act. But she was determined. “I’m excited about this promotion, Robert, and I want to do a good job. I want to be a vice president at CL one day, the sooner the better. That’s going to mean a certain amount of commitment from both of us.”

  Robert turned away from her. “What about us? Do we rate as highly as your work?”

  She moved so he faced her. “How can you ask that, Robert? Our marriage is much more important to me than the work, but I don’t want to have to choose between them. I want both.”

  “I don’t have a problem with that. I just don’t want to lose you to your work.”

&
nbsp; She hugged him to her. “You won’t. I’m going to need you to keep me honest, though. We need to have talks like this when you feel that I’m getting out of balance. I love you and I want us to be happy together for the rest of our lives.”

  She felt the tension ease out of him.

  “I love you, too, Liza.”

  They stood holding each other for a long while. Robert broke the silence. “What are we going to do about Christina’s offer?”

  “We should move out there. You’re right. Some distance between me and work would be good.”

  She felt Robert’s arms tighten around her and she relaxed. It was hell being Superwoman.

  Twenty-One

  “Hi, Mom,” Christina said into the telephone. “How’d you like to have a houseguest for a few months?”

  “Depends on who the guest is,” Louise responded. “Are you thinking about taking a vacation?”

  “A very long vacation.”

  “Well, that’s hard to believe. I’ve never known you to take more than a couple of days at a time. What brings this on?”

  “I’ve got some news for you.”

  “By the tone of your voice, I’d guess it’s happy news.”

  “It is.”

  “Are you going to tell me now or are you going to make me wait?”

  “I’ll tell you now. Are you sitting down?”

  “No, I’m not sitting down,” Louise answered. “Are you sure this is good news?”

  Christina laughed. After all her initial misgivings, she was finally feeling good. Good about the baby. Good about her decision to take a leave of absence. Good about life. “I’m positive it’s good news, but you’d better take a seat.”

  Christina held on while her mother found a chair. “I’m seated now, Christina. Tell me your good news.”

  “I’m pregnant, Mom. Can you believe it? I’m going to have a baby.”

  ***

  Christina enjoyed being back in Selma. She spent most of her days in the new nursery with her mother. She liked not having to dress for work every day, not having to prepare for meetings, not having to direct employees. She worked in the nursery and she thought about her baby. It was the good life—with one exception: Louise was upset. She was happy about the baby, but she disagreed with Christina’s decision not to tell Jackson. For once, Louise wouldn’t leave it alone.