Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1)

by Douglas, Tracie

  “My team,” his voice is tight, his body tense. Something about these men are a piece of the sadness I see locked inside his eyes. I want to ask about them but I don’t. I don’t think he’ll talk about it anyways.

  Instead I walk towards him. He tenses tighter, puts his hands in his pockets and pulls back from me. I stop. He doesn’t want pity, I can read that but I have none for him. I move past him and walk towards the hallway. I hear him shift on his feet and follow at a distance.

  The first door I come to, I open.

  “The guest bathroom. There’s an en suite connected to the master,” he says. His voice sends chills down my spine. “Towels are in the cupboard behind you. There should be a toothbrush in the medicine cabinet if you need it.”

  The bathroom is beautiful. There is a huge garden tub tucked into one corner and a standalone shower in the opposite corner. A double sink vanity sat bare and sterile. The woodwork is amazing and definitely handmade.

  “The bedroom is this way,” he moves cat like down the hallway and opens the door. “I’ll make you some space in the closet for you, but there are extra blankets on the top shelf. It gets cold at night here.”

  The room is in word, huge. Large furniture fills up the space nicely. Again the colors scream Hudson.

  “I’ll be on the couch in the living room,” he pulls out a blanket and few pillows from the closet.

  I shake my head. No, I can’t take your bed!

  “Yes, you can,” he looks at me and smiles. “The couch folds out into a bed.”

  I shake my head again. I can sleep on the couch!

  “I’m not going to argue with you precious,” he turns to the door and carries his stuff down the hall. I’m hot on his heels. I couldn’t possibly put him out.

  I stop and bang on the table next to me for his attention, flailing my arms. I will not take your bed!

  “I’ll tell you what,” he crosses his arms, sets back on his heels and smirks. Shit, I am not going to like this. “You open your fucking gorgeous mouth and say the words with that angelic voice of yours and I will let you sleep on the couch.”

  I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands.

  What. The. Fuck.

  His smirk turns into a full blown grin and all I want to do it slap it off his smug face.

  Fine. I’ll fucking show him.

  I open my mouth to say the words but nothing comes out. I shut my mouth, take a deep breath and try again. Still nothing.

  I stomp my foot and try again. Nothing.

  “Alice, please take the bed,” Hudson’s voice is softer and it shocks me back. I had somehow forgotten he was there. His once smug face is watching me carefully, observing my mood and reactions.

  Fine! If he wanted to sleep on the couch, who was I to argue? I shrug and turn back towards the room. I throw him a look over my shoulder as I walk down the hall.

  *****

  Hudson

  This woman is going to be the death of me. I can feel it deep down. The look she threw me after walking away from our first argument was the last thing I expected. It was nowhere on my radar but there it was all over her face and I liked it.

  I hadn’t expected her to take my challenge but she had. It told me my instincts were right about her. Her lack of speech is based off of conditioning. Erik took it away, her ability to speak. It was serious shit too because she really did try to get the words out.

  She’s beginning to trust me and she’s becoming more comfortable with me as we spend time in each other’s presence. I like it, a lot. It gives me hope. Hope she is going to break his spell. With each piece of trust she’s gives freely, she’s one step closer to taking her life back.

  I carried her bag to the room soon after our argument and found her passed out on the bed, her shoes kicked off beside the bed. Happy to see her resting, I settle into my life at home. I don’t know how long I’ll be here but I always try to keep to some kind of routine when here. Only this time my routine wasn’t going to work, not with another person in the mix. That thought reminds me to speak with Missy about Alice. I need to have a plan in place for her in case I get a call to head back out to work.

  A loud thump tears me from my thoughts and my ears strain to listen closer. The door to the bedroom opens, slamming into the wall behind it and Alice barrels down the hall like a freight train. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me and her eyes go from wild to calm. I stand up from my chair, dropping the book in my hand and move towards her. I catch her as her legs give out and she crumbles to the ground.

  Pulling her in close, I wrap both arms around her. She’s trembling violently and tears fall from her eyes. I hate seeing her cry, my gut clenches in agony.

  “Hush, precious, you’re safe,” I can’t feel anything except the pain in my chest for her. My mind is only consumed with comforting her. She burrows deep into me, allowing me to tighten my hold around her. Her silent cries against my chest. “I’ve got you.”

  She takes a deep breath, her trembles begin to subside and her tears dry but she doesn’t move. I feel a calmness settle over her, allowing my own breath to return to my chest.

  “You’re safe with me precious, you’re always safe with me,” I whisper stroking her hair. I wanted to say more but I don’t.

  Whatever has her spooked is still there but here in my arms she feels safe and that’s all that matters to me. She can stay here all day if she wants. I’ll gladly hold her. She feels good in my arms but I’m careful to remember just how boney and fragile she is. The thought makes me aware of just how tight I’m holding her and I loosen my hold on her. She grunts and objects, burrowing herself deeper into my chest.

  “I’m afraid of hurting you,” I press my lips into her hair. She shakes her head, telling me I’m not. I still feel uncomfortable holding her this tight but I remain stoic. “Okay, I won’t let go.”

  *****

  Alice

  I shouldn’t be here like this with him. This is dangerous. Not just for me but for him too. But I can’t push him away anymore than I can pull myself away. It feels right to be with him like this. I can sit here forever if he lets me. After everything my life has been about for the last six years, letting him hold me like this, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

  I thought Erik had broken every piece of me but I was wrong. At least where Hudson is concerned I’m wrong. When I think about the others, the ones Erik sold me to for the right price, I always feel disgust and pain. Nothing like what I feel with Hudson. I never wanted another man to touch me until Hudson. His touch does something to me, I don’t understand it but surprisingly I’m alright with it. Even though it thrills me, it frightens me just the same.

  He makes me feel safe and protected. He makes me feel like I’m worth something. He’s slowly waking something deep inside me. Something I thought died years ago. Saving me from Erik, not once but twice, begging to keep me safe, bringing me here to his home, shielding me from his sister, giving up his bedroom to me, everything about him is just good. He’s more than I deserve.

  I like feeling him this close to me. As much as I have fought it and pushed him away, I can’t do it anymore. I know I am no good for him and he deserves someone better, someone pure. Not someone like me, who’s used and disgusting.

  The nightmare that woke me, the one that sent me into a wild frenzy is a reminder of why exactly I’m no good for him.

  If he knew the things I’ve done and been through, he’d be disgusted with me. My life has been controlled by another for so long and I let it happen. Surely he would think me weak and honestly, I wouldn’t blame him. I am weak.

  The last few days have been a whirlwind and I feel like I’m sitting on the sideline watching everything but unable to react to any of it. Hudson’s been pushing me to find my voice, pushing me to break down the walls I’ve built to protect myself, all the while he’s been there every time to catch me when I stumble.

  But what happens when he isn’t there to protect me? To catch me?


  Hudson’s right. Erik will never stop hunting until there is nothing left of me to hunt. That’s why this is dangerous for both of us.

  That’s why I need to plan. I need to find a way to disappear forever. I can’t stay here as much as I want to. Hudson has bought me time and he’s given me a safe place to figure it all out. For that I’ll always be in his debt. A debt I don’t know how to repay.

  “We have to get going soon. Missy’s going to be pissed if we’re late,” his voice sounds gruff and strained. It makes me wonder if I’m not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

  I move to sit up but he hesitates to let go. His eyes are warm and filled with trust. They remind me of Missy’s revelations. He has a past too.

  He helps me to my feet and I notice touching him is much easier. It’s almost just as easy to let him touch me and I discover an ache in my chest when he lets me go. I think I will miss his touch when I do finally leave.

  “Missy brought some clothes by while you were napping. She guessed sizes. I know they aren’t much but I figure tomorrow we can get you a few more things.”

  I frown. I am already indebted to him. I don’t need to add his sister or a new wardrobe to the list. He walks across the room and picks up a few shopping bags tucked away behind the couch. He hands them to me. I don’t know what to say or do, so I take the bags.

  “Remember my buddy, Sneak, the phone call you heard? He’s going to be digging into Erik’s background a little more,” my stomach drops.

  Shit. This is bad. This is very bad.

  I shake my head. No, you can’t have him do that.

  “I don’t understand Alice, the guy’s a ghost. We can’t find anything on him.”

  You won’t find anything.

  “The background check came back with shit. All it did was link you to him. I don’t think this guy is who he says he is,” he explains and the blood drains from my face. He pulls me into an embrace, his concern for me all wrong. “I won’t let him hurt you. The detective and his team in LA are digging too. We’ll figure this out.”

  A single tear falls, if only he knew what he is really doing. I don’t know how but if they keep going, Erik will find out and it will lead him right to me. Whoever it is that protects him, always knows when someone is digging and they alert him of it. Those looking usually don’t do it for long because Erik has a way to make his problems disappear. He’s a dangerous man and because I’ve heard conversations with his informant, I’m a liability. This is only one of the reasons why he hunts for me. I know too much about him and the world he lives in. Not that I’d ever tell anyone about it.

  I’m not just a plaything to Erik. I’m not just a wife. I’m not just the woman who gets passed around to his friends and business partners for the right price. I’m not just a punching bag to him. I’m not just a piece of property. I’m everything to him.

  When I first met Erik, he was sweet and kind, nothing like the man I know him to be now. He said all the right things even though he didn’t always do the right things. He could talk me sweet again in minutes no matter how angry I was at him. I thought he was charming and he fed off of it. He made it impossible for me to think of a life without him and I fell head over heels for him. Not because he was the first man to come along in my life, no, I fell in love with him because he taught me how to live. He showed me it was all right to do what I wanted and to experience life, something I was denied my whole life.

  Now, years later, I know the life he taught me to live wasn’t the life I wanted. In fact, it wasn’t living at all because I was still being controlled. This time it wasn’t my family controlling me, it was him and he did it under the illusion of freedom. He helped create a wedge between my parents and me, hiding behind a series of lies. It was a game to him, a precursor to the main event.

  I wanted to marry Erik, just not as soon as we did it. My family and friends thought I was crazy for being with him, let alone wanting to marry him. They saw what game he was playing and didn’t understand how I was blind to it. I thought they were being unsupportive and trying to control me with their opinions and concerns. It was that exact thinking that allowed Erik to push the wedge further between us.

  The night before we eloped, he finally agreed to attend a get together hosted by a friend of mine from school. It was a rare occasion for him to attend anything with me. I was over the moon and I truly believed my friends would be more supportive if they could get to know him better. I was wrong. Their treatment of him that night sealed our fate.

  I knew no one was happy to see him as soon as we walked through the door but I didn’t let it bother me. They just needed to get to know him. As the night wore on, it got worse. I reached my breaking point after dinner, when Olivia, our hostess, made an off the wall comment about a rumor involving Erik. People were saying he liked to hit women and Olivia wouldn’t let it go. Not even for our friendship. I blew up on her and we walked out. I was done defending my life choices and the man I loved. If my friends and my family couldn’t support me then I didn’t need them. I didn’t need their poison. I walked away from them all.

  The next morning we drove to a small wedding chapel as few towns over and got married. Little did I know at the time I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I did learn that night the rumor I defended him against was true.

  “Alice, did you hear me?” Hudson’s voice pulls me away from my thoughts. I look up at him confused. I didn’t hear a single word coming from his mouth. “The shower is yours if you want to wash up before heading over to Missy’s for dinner.”

  My stomach clenches because I forgot about our dinner plans. I contemplate making an excuse as my nerves settle once again in my stomach but sitting wrapped in his arms made it difficult. I pull away from him, needing the space to figure out what was going on in my head. I walk towards the bedroom, breathing in deeply, my mind in another trance.

  Chapter 8

  Alice

  The drive to Missy’s house is uncomfortably quiet. I don’t mind the quiet but Hudson seemed preoccupied and it made me nervous. Thankfully the ride is only two minutes. He wasn’t kidding when he said he lived down the street from her. I desperately need to put more space in between us after this afternoon. It wasn’t that I regretted letting him hold me but it wasn’t good for us. I can’t allow myself to get any closer to him, for both our sakes. So when he puts the truck in park, I quickly open my door and slide out before he can react.

  Missy’s house is cute and quaint, nothing like Hudson’s. Her yard is beautifully made up with lots of bright flowers and dark green grass. It reminded me of home, when I was a child. Although it wasn’t my mother out tending the garden, planting the seasonal plants and flowers. No, we hired someone to do it for us. This garden, I had a feeling Missy took pride in and tended to it herself.

  “Come on,” Hudson offers me his hand but I don’t take it. Instead, I stare down at the ground and wait for him to pass and lead the way. He hesitates, probably disappointed I wouldn’t touch him but I know I’m doing the right thing. He’ll understand eventually.

  I follow him up the walkway and to the bright red door. He knocks, which I find odd because this is his sister’s place and she didn’t exactly wait for an invitation to let herself into his place this morning. I shrug it off. Maybe he’s just being polite.

  Missy swings open the door. Her face is bright and flush. “Since when do you knock, brother? Get your ass in here,” she opens her arms wide, Hudson smiles at her and scoops her up into a big hug.

  “I missed you too, sis.”

  She pulls back and slaps him on the arm. “Took you long enough to admit it,” she laughs, a twinkle in her eye. She looks away from her brother and smiles at me. She grips his arm, I can tell it’s because she wants to greet me the same. She is an extremely affectionate person. “Alice, I’m so happy to see you. You look lovely.”

  I nod and sign thank you in sign language.

  “You sign?” she asks and her eyes light up.


  I shake my head. No. It was one of the few signs I remember from a week long study as a child. I never used it before but I want her to know I’m grateful for her hospitality and the new clothing. She picked out some amazing things and it had been so long since I owned anything nice or new. I wasn’t allowed such extravagances with Erik. There wasn’t a need since I wasn’t allowed clothing.

  “Well, I’m sure we’ll find a way to talk, get some girl time in,” she winks. I return her smile and quickly look down at my feet. Her finger hooks under my chin, pulling my face up to her. My instinct is to flinch and pull back but I fight it. “Don’t do that Alice. Never look down. I’m no better than you. We’re the same.”

  My face pales. How did she know? My eyes fly to Hudson, he’s staring at me with understanding and warmth. I can read his thoughts. He knows why I look down, he doesn’t like it anymore than Missy but he’s more afraid of frightening me, which is why he hasn’t said anything about it. He’s right but only because I’m more afraid of him than Missy.

  “Missy,” a voice calls from inside the voice. A male voice, one I don’t know. I pull away from her instantly and step back. “Is it them?”

  “Just a second,” Missy watches me nervously. “I invited a few friends. I hope that’s all right.”

  “Missy,” Hudson’s voice is low. His face darkens, making Missy fidget.

  “I invited them before I knew you were bringing Alice home,” she shrugs, trying to keep her face masked. I canread between the lines, she didn’t know about my aversion to people.

  “You should’ve called and canceled,” he whispers harshly, trying to keep his voice down. I wonder if he told her about me when she dropped my new clothing off.

  “Hudson, I already ordered the cake and the food,” she explains, watching me instead of her brother. “I’m sorry Alice. I didn’t think it through. If you guys want to leave I’ll understand.”