Trusting Him to Lead

by T. K. Chapin

  Silence filled the bedroom in the following moments. Then he felt a nudge in his heart. Forgive her.

  “Who?”

  There wasn’t another nudge. Thinking of Rachel, he shook his head. Any wrongdoing she had done had already been forgiven by him. Then he thought of his mother.

  Going out from his bedroom, he wiped his cheeks of the tears and shuffled his steps quickly down the stairs toward the door.

  Rachel’s voice lifted over the couch as she turned to look at him. “Where are you going, West?”

  “To do something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

  Getting in his car, he drove out to Suncrest and to his mother’s house. He prayed earnestly and from the depths of his soul. He begged God to help him forgive her. Then, he arrived at the house and went to the door. He knocked and stood waiting.

  The door opened.

  Seeing his mother through the screen door, he realized what he had come to do was already done.

  As she pushed the screen door open, he leaped forward and wrapped his arms around her.

  With tears rolling down his cheeks, he held onto her.

  “I forgive you, Mom! I forgive you!”

  Her hands slowly closed around him and embraced him in a hug. She began to weep.

  Chapter 11

  Rachel pulled the casserole out from the oven and set it atop the stove to cool. Peering at the clock on the microwave, she saw it was almost five o’clock. West had texted her shortly after arriving at his mother’s house in Suncrest, but that was over six hours ago.

  She closed her eyes and prayed. God, I don’t know how that trip is going, but I pray it is in Your will. Help my heart not to struggle for power and control over every situation. Let it trust more in You, God. Amen.

  A few minutes passed, then the front door opened, capturing Rachel’s attention and drawing her away from the kitchen. Walking into the living room, she watched as West picked Lilly up off the couch into his arms.

  “Hey, Princess.”

  Lilly smiled. “Hi, Daddy.”

  Turning his body toward Rachel, he raised his eyebrows. “Sorry about it running long. We got caught up looking at old photographs of my dad. In fact, I brought one home.”

  Setting Lilly down, he reached into his back pocket and retrieved a photograph. Coming closer to Rachel, he showed it to her.

  Taking the picture into her hands, she smiled. “You look just like him, West.”

  Jeremy walked down the stairs at that moment. “Who?”

  “Your grandfather.” West took the picture back into his hand and showed it to Jeremy as he walked over to them.

  “What was his name again?”

  West paused for a moment, appearing to become emotional. “Charles.”

  Jeremy smiled. “He looks like he was a good dad.”

  “He was the best dad.” Pulling Jeremy in, West hugged him. “Things are going to start changing around here. You probably won’t like many of the changes, but they’ll be God-honoring and good for you all.”

  Jeremy furrowed his eyebrows. “What kind of changes?”

  “For one. That TV is coming out of your room.”

  “What?” Jeremy stuck out his head. He looked over at Rachel. “How come? How will I play video games?”

  Resisting the urge to intervene, Rachel looked at West. “Listen to your father.”

  “Don’t worry.” West held up a hand. “We’ll clear out the den in the basement and make it into a family room. You just don’t need cable television in your room along with those games in there. You can still play in the family room.”

  “Dad, I don’t watch anything bad. This is unfair.”

  West firmed his tone. “It’s done, Son. There are good changes that you’ll enjoy also, Son. Don’t worry.”

  “Like what?”

  He moved over to the window in the living room and peered out to the driveway. “We’re going to put the old basketball hoop back up.”

  “Yes!” Jeremy ran up the stairs. “I’m going to get my shorts on.”

  "You can go get them on, but it’ll be after dinner, Son.”

  As West walked back to meet Rachel in the living room, his lips curled into a smile. Pulling her in close, he peered into her eyes. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. What has gotten into you, Westley Stewart Kirkland?”

  He looked up for a moment, then back at Rachel. “God.”

  Over the next two weeks, Rachel saw God’s love radically transform her husband. He started becoming more involved with the children when he was home. He began teaching them Scriptures around the breakfast table.

  On the Fourth of July, West and Rachel decided it was time for the children to meet their grandmother, and the Spokane River fireworks show was the place they decided on.

  At the Radio Flyer Wagon playground, the children ran off quickly to go play while Rachel stayed with West. He started to look around frantically after thirty minutes had passed.

  “I don’t see her. Where is she?” He pulled out his cell phone. “It’s fifteen minutes past seven.”

  Rachel wasn’t accustomed to this side of West. Taking a step toward him, she placed a hand on his chest. “We were early. She’ll be here.”

  He relaxed. “You’re right. Let’s go sit down.”

  They both sat down on a bench and waited for Helen’s arrival. A few minutes passed, and she finally showed.

  “I’m so sorry I was late! I haven’t ever had to deal with traffic downtown on the Fourth of July!” Helen laughed as she shooed a hand and approached the two of them.

  West and Rachel stood up, and West immediately hugged her. Then, Rachel hugged her.

  “So nice to see you again, Helen. You excited to meet your grandchildren?”

  “Absolutely!” Her eyes went to the big red wagon. “Where are they?”

  West called for the children and they all came running.

  After introductions, the six of them started their journey down the sidewalk. Walking from street vendor to street vendor, they all perused the different wares for sale.

  “When’s the fireworks show?” Elizabeth’s fingers traced a hanging blanket with a giant volleyball on it in one of vendor tents.

  West came beside her and looked at the blanket. “Not until ten o’clock. Two more hours. Do you like the blanket?”

  She stopped and turned toward him. “Yes. Will you buy it for me?”

  He laughed. “Just give you a $40 blanket?”

  “No . . .” She crossed her arms and lifted her chin. “I will work for it. Chores around the house?”

  Rubbing his chin, he nodded slowly as he looked over at Rachel. “What do you think?”

  Smiling, she shrugged as her eyes looked the blanket over. “It’s a nice blanket.”

  “All right. We’ll get it, but you have to work for it. Then, once the work is done, you get the blanket.”

  “Fine by me!” Elizabeth jumped up and down as she stood by the blanket.

  West went up to the cash register and purchased the blanket. Jeremy and Lilly were with Helen, looking at bugs and other animals for sale at a pet vendor across the sidewalk.

  Elizabeth ran over to join them as West put the blanket over one shoulder and joined Rachel’s side. He slipped his hand to the small of Rachel’s back, and a tingle ran the length of her spine.

  “We’re not spoiling her. Right?”

  Rachel shook her head. “She has to work for it.”

  “True.” West kissed her on the cheek. “We needed a blanket for the grass tonight, anyway.”

  Seeing Helen’s eyes widen as Jeremy lifted a puppy dog to her to pet, a sting radiated in her heart. “It’s so sad to think about all the years that your mother missed with the children.”

  “I know, but the kids are still young and she lives close. It’s a new beginning for all of us.”

  Bringing his hand down to his wife’s hand, he wove his fingers between hers.

  As they all came to the
end of the vendors, paved walkways split to the left, right, and center. People were everywhere, many of them already sitting on much of the open grass.

  “We should get a spot before the grass runs out.” West led the way toward an empty area near the cement steps that led down to the water.

  He laid the blanket out and let Rachel and his mother sit on it.

  “I want to sit on it!” Jeremy tried to get onto the blanket, but there wasn’t enough room for him.

  “Let the ladies sit there, Son.” West motioned Jeremy over to him. Jeremy listened and sat down between West’s legs in the grass.

  Lifting a prayer of thanks in her heart, Rachel loved the changes she was seeing each day in West. He was becoming more of a man and leader than ever before in their marriage. There were some drawbacks, but she’d never call them that, moments in which she felt differently than West in a matter, but she was realizing more and more that when she let go and let him take the lead, it always worked out one way or another.

  As the sun began to set that day, West looked up and beheld the glory of His Creator’s majesty. Reds, yellows, and oranges painted the sky, reminding him of how beautiful God’s love truly is.

  Leaning over into his wife’s ear, he spoke gently. “Isn’t it marvelous? The beauty He paints into each brushstroke in our lives?”

  Rachel turned toward him. As her gaze met his, West’s heart radiated warmth. He saw love in her eyes.

  Leaning in, he kissed her deeply. Then releasing, she leaned her head against his shoulder.

  “I love you, West.”

  “I love you too.”

  When darkness covered the sky and it struck ten o’clock, the fireworks show began and someone with a boombox turned on the radio station that played music that went along with the show.

  Standing up, West took his wife by the hand and brought his body in close to hers. Placing his hands on her hips, he swayed with her to the music and fireworks crackling overhead.

  Choosing God wasn’t hard for West. He had chosen Him a long time ago when he was a child. Choosing to forgive those who had hurt him and ultimately himself, though . . . that took the longest. Yet when he did, forgiveness awoke him to the truth and depth of God’s love.

  The next morning, after pouring himself a cup of coffee, he headed into his office and sat down. Grabbing his Bible from the top of his desk, he cracked it open and picked up where he had left off the day before. He had just finished reading Job and was now starting the book of Psalms.

  Blessed is the one

  who does not walk in step with the wicked

  or stand in the way that sinners take

  or sit in the company of mockers,

  but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

  and who meditates on his law day and night.

  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

  which yields its fruit in season

  and whose leaf does not wither—

  whatever they do prospers.

  Psalm 1:1-3

  Stopping after verse three, West read over the first three verses again. His heart stirred with encouragement. Fear had mingled in with his new zeal for the Lord over the last week. He had started to worry that this fire the Lord had lit within him could run out and that he’d slip back into old ways. This passage in Psalms, though, told him a different truth.

  … whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

  And who meditates on his law day and night.

  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

  Which yields its fruit in season

  And whose leaf does not wither—

  Whatever they do prospers.

  Psalm 1:2-3

  West had nothing to fear. His renewed mind and heart delighted in the law of the Lord. His renewed mind and heart meditated on God’s law day and night. The solidity of West’s tree trunk wasn’t because of anything West had done but because of what God had done inside him.

  Turning his eyes to the picture frame beside his computer screen that held a picture of his wife, he smiled. She had shown him what it truly was to be loved fully. She had shown him a glimpse into the love of God.

  Swiveling in his chair, he peered out the windows of his office at the tree in his backyard. It was a substantial tree, at least four feet in diameter. It was unmovable, unshakeable, the sturdiest tree in the yard. That was his faith now. That was his life in Christ.

  Exiting his office a short while later after more reading, he went over to the coffee pot to refill his cup. As he stepped closer, he felt a prick on his toe.

  He set his cup down on the counter and bent a knee to the floor to inspect what he had stepped on.

  A tiny fragment of glass.

  His mind flashed back to that day in the kitchen when he had hurled the glass down in frustration.

  Removing the piece of glass stuck in his toe, he stood upright. The floor had to have been cleaned more times than he could count since the event happened. But that small reminder had somehow remained.

  Peering up at the ceiling, West shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lord. I was a fool for the way I acted. The way I lived. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to You and to her. Amen.”

  Lowering his gaze, he turned toward the trash. His eyes fell on Rachel standing in the kitchen entryway.

  “Whoa. How long were you standing there?”

  “Long enough.” She sniffled as she smiled and crossed the kitchen over to him. Wrapping her arms around West, she laid her head against his chest.

  Bringing his hands up, he held her close to him. This woman wasn’t just the lady he married. She was his helpmate. Love and warmth radiated from her embrace and coursed through his entire being, comforting him with not only her love, but the love of God.

  Grabbing her purse and Bible off the kitchen counter the following Thursday evening, she went into the living room where West was playing a board game with the children.

  “I’m off to group. There are fudge bars in the freezer for a snack.”

  Rising to his feet, West came over to her in the living room and kissed her.

  “Have a good time tonight.”

  “I will.”

  The children all said goodbye, and she was off to Susan’s house.

  Taking prayer requests around the circle, Susan arrived at Rachel.

  “I have a praise.”

  “Hallelujah.” Susan grinned. “Please share.”

  “God’s finally healing my marriage. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s moving in the right direction.”

  “Finally?” One woman raised a hand. “What stopped Him before?”

  Laughing lightly, Rachel shook her head. “Me.” Tilting her head, she continued to smile. “Which seems really strange for me to say out loud, given the fact that it all started with my husband. The reality is that God was already working in my life. I just couldn’t see it until I stopped trying to control everything.”

  “Awesome.” Susan jotted down the praise on her notepad.

  As the group wound down that evening and everyone was heading out the door, Rachel began to gather her purse and Bible when Susan came over to her.

  “Give me a hug, girl.” Her arms wide open, Susan had tears in her eyes as she embraced Rachel for a long hug.

  “I know you haven’t been sharing much, but I’ve noticed a change in you in the last couple of weeks.” Susan nodded. “God’s grace and peace are with you.”

  “They truly are. Thank you so much for inviting me to this group and for talking to me. You’ve been so influential in all of this.”

  “Oh, honey.” Susan shook her head. “It was the Lord from the beginning. That and your willingness. We are all flawed, even those mighty men and women in the Bible, but the Lord uses the willing heart.”

  A smile curled on Rachel’s lips. “Thank you.”

  Driving home that evening, Rachel thanked the Lord for everything she could think of in her life. The list was lon
g and lasted all thirty minutes of the drive it took to get home. By the time she pulled into the driveway and shut off the car, her heart was radiating pure joy.

  “Most of all, Lord . . .” She peered up at the ceiling of her car. “Thank You for You.”

  Chapter 12

  In August, DigiTech hosted their annual family picnic. This time, it was being held at Riverfront Park in downtown Spokane. Rachel’s sister, Brittany, had stayed the night before to play board games on family night and was joining them this year for the picnic. Rachel was busy packing her tote bag with all the essentials needed for a day at the park, sunscreen, Band-Aids, and a few packages of fruit snacks in the event that dinner was delayed. As she went out to the driveway to her car, she tossed the backpack into the trunk and shut it.

  Just then, West came out in his Hawaiian shirt and cargo khaki shorts with flip-flops.

  Tossing her head back with a laugh, she shook her head. “You’re not wearing that shirt.”

  He laughed and came closer, bringing his hand to the small of her back. He kissed her. “You know you love it.”

  “No, quite the opposite.”

  “Daddy! Daddy! I can’t find my dollars anywhere!” A panic-stricken Lilly rushed down the steps and out to the two of them in the driveway. She had held onto her allowance from last week for this very day.

  West bent a knee down and met her eye level. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he tilted his head. “That’s a bummer. Where’d you see it last?”

  Rachel interjected. “We can just give her the money she lost.”

  Glancing up at Rachel for a moment, West nodded lightly. “We could . . .” Bringing his focus back to Lilly, he shook his head. “But then Miss Lilly wouldn’t learn to keep track of her money. We still have a few minutes before we have to leave. Why don’t you go back inside and try again, sweetheart?”

  “Okay!”