Just a Little Hope

by Amy J. Norris

  Tori hazarded a glance in Carter’s direction. His handsome features were frozen in place. Swallowing hard, Tori turned back to Dani and returned her handshake.

  “Hi, Dani. I’m Tori, Carter’s girlfriend.”

  Dani stepped back and crossed her arms then looked Tori up and down. “Oh! So you’re the one I’ve heard about. The one with the money?”

  Puzzled by her statement, Tori glanced in Carter’s direction. His only movement was his Adam’s apple going up and down as he swallowed. Tori didn’t know what to make of things and chose to just leave it alone.

  “Well, why don’t we go inside, and we can get to know each other better, Dani. C’mon, Carter.”

  Carter closed his eyes and then walked stiffly down the hall. He unlocked the door and then held it open for Tori and Dani.

  Dani picked up a small duffle bag off the floor by the door and sauntered in. Tori could see the anger and a hint of sadness filling Carter’s eyes as she walked past. What in the world had happened between these two?

  “So, what brings you here, Dani? Carter mentioned you were working in a café in Oklahoma?”

  “She got fired.” The hardness of Carter’s tone didn’t escape Tori’s notice.

  “Oh.”

  “Now listen, CJ. We went over this. I didn’t get fired exactly. I quit.”

  “Sure.” Carter threw his keys on the table beside the door. So, what do you want?”

  Dani put her hand over her heart like she’d been shot. “What kind of a welcome is that, brother? Here I’ve come all this way to surprise you, and you don’t act too happy to see me.”

  If fire had come from Carter’s eyes at that moment, Tori wouldn’t have been surprised. She had never seen him so angry.

  She attempted to intervene. “Um, Dani. I’m sure you’re tired after your trip. Why don’t you throw your things in Carter’s bedroom and freshen up? I’ll see what your brother has around here to offer up for a beverage.”

  “Yeah, sure. I guess you don’t have a beer around do you, brother?”

  “Dani.”

  “I figured as much. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  She snatched up her duffle bag, threw the strap over her shoulder, and marched down the hall to Carter’s bedroom. The harsh slam of the door split the tense silence.

  Carter didn’t move from his spot, only closed his eyes and hung his head. Tori wasn’t sure what to do next, so she didn’t say a word but instead bit her lip to calm her nerves.

  After a moment, Carter raised his head, his blue eyes swimming in sadness. “I’m so sorry, Tori. I never thought she would show up here.”

  Tori reached over to take his hand. “It’s okay, Carter. She’s your sister. I don’t mind that she’s here.”

  Carter dropped her hand and stalked over to the window. “That’s just it, Tori. I mind that she’s here. Dani’s… well, Dani’s got some issues, and I try and stay out of them as much as I can. But it’s hard, you know. I love her, but she – she makes terrible decisions. And there’s stuff in our past.”

  Tori walked over to him and put her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his back. She stayed there for a minute before pulling back.

  “I’m sorry her being here makes you sad, Carter. I wish it could be different between the two of you. What can I do to make it better?”

  He turned around and faced her. Carter pressed his hand to her cheek and sighed. “There’s nothing any of us can do until she realizes she needs to change things. Until that happens, we’re in the roller coaster ride that’s her life. Always ups and downs. Never any smooth sailing it seems.”

  Tori gathered Carter in her arms and held him close. She tried to express her support through her touch.

  “Well, aren’t you two just the cutest thing.”

  They jerked apart at the sound of Dani’s voice. Carter pulled away from Tori’s arms and walked toward his sister.

  “So, what’s going on? Why are you here? Have you told Mom and Dad where you are?”

  “What’s with the inquisition? Can’t a girl just come visit her brother without getting the third degree?”

  “I don’t know. Can’t a girl live her life in a normal manner every now and then without wrapping her family up in her constant drama?”

  Dani’s eyes narrowed at Carter’s words. Tori needed to cut the tension somehow.

  “Hey, um, are you hungry? We brought some pizza with us.”

  Carter’s sister tilted her head and sighed. “Sure. Why not?”

  “Great. I’ll get us some plates and napkins. Carter, can you pour us some sodas? Just pick any place at the table, Dani. We’ll be right back.”

  Tori tugged on Carter’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen. “I know you want to figure out what’s going on, Carter, but riling her up isn’t going to help.”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know. I know. Just give me a minute to get my emotions under control. I need to text Mom and Dad, too, and let them know where she is. I know they’re worried.”

  “You do that, and we’ll go ahead and start eating.” She picked up the plates.

  Carter caught her arm. “Hey, thanks for being so understanding about all of this. I’m sorry I’m not pleasant to be around just now. I’ll do better. I promise.”

  Tori gave him a small smile and a slight nod of her head and continued to the other room.

  “Here we go. I hope you like supreme meaty pizzas. I let Carter pick out whatever he wanted this time. He had an intense game today. I guess I was feeling generous.”

  “Hmm. Carter always gets what he wants at home. Why should anything change here?”

  Tori sat back in surprise. “I’m sorry. What?”

  Dani grabbed a piece of pizza and picked off the meat, eating it by itself. “Carter. He’s always gotten what he wanted. Ever since he was little. Our parents doted on him like he was a little king.”

  Tori shook her head. “Oh, okay.”

  Dani continued to eat her pizza. “So, what’s your story, Tori?”

  “What’s my story?”

  “Yeah. Everyone’s got a story. I’m sure Carter’s told you mine. I’m the poor sister who can’t seem to find a good job or boyfriend. I’m always making dumb mistakes. You know, never good enough for him.”

  Tori chose to ignore Dani’s last few statements. The bitterness Dani had toward Carter and the rest of their family surprised her.

  “Well, Dani, I don’t know if I have a story or anything. I met your brother a few months ago through some mutual friends. I’ve enjoyed getting to know him. He’s been wonderful since my dad got sick a few weeks ago.”

  “Your dad got sick?”

  “Yes. He was diagnosed with cancer. Carter’s been a real godsend.”

  Dani sat back in her chair and licked her fingers. “Well, it’s not anything he hasn’t gone through before.”

  Bringing a piece of pizza to her mouth, Tori paused at Dani’s statement. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Dani!”

  Carter stood in the doorway, his face red with anger.

  “What’s wrong, brother? I’m only telling the truth.”

  Tori glanced at Dani and then back to Carter. “What’s she talking about, Carter?”

  “It’s nothing, Tori. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I wouldn’t say cancer is nothing, bro. Mom and Dad just knew their perfect angel was going to die.”

  Tori’s heart stopped at Dani’s words. Cancer? Carter had cancer? And he never thought to tell her?

  “Carter? Is that true? Did you have cancer?”

  He closed his eyes, and after a minute he nodded in response.

  “Yep. CJ had some kind of renal cancer when he was just a little guy. Had to take one of his kidneys to get the tumor. Most people are shocked when they find out you can play professional baseball with only one kidney. But good old CJ, he’s proof of that. He’s got a pretty nice scar on his back from it, too.”

  Sudden
ly, Tori flashed back to the morning of their argument. When they’d been kissing on the couch, she’d reached under his shirt and remembered feeling something strange on his skin. When that had happened, Carter jumped away from her.

  “That’s what I felt the day my parents’ left, wasn’t it, Carter?”

  He wouldn’t look at her.

  “Tell me, Carter. You knew I felt your scar, and you didn’t want to tell me what it was. That’s why you really pulled away that morning.”

  “That’s not the only reason, Tori, and you know it.”

  “But you deliberately refused to tell me when I asked you about it. Why, Carter? Why would you do that?”

  Carter walked across the room, sat on the couch and put his head in his hands.

  “I didn’t want to upset you any more. You’ve been so adamant about me being healthy because you didn’t want to deal with anyone else getting sick. How could I tell you I’d had cancer once, too?”

  “So you did it to protect me? Or was it actually to protect you, Carter? Is this the ‘not so big deal’ you didn’t want to talk to me about? Well, you’re nuts if you think this isn’t a big deal, Carter. It’s a very big deal.”

  “Your reaction is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything.”

  Tori threw down her napkin and slid back from the table.

  “Were you ever going to tell me, Carter, or would we have kept going on our merry way, with me in complete oblivion? How could you not think this was something I needed to know?”

  “I don’t know Tori. There just never seemed to be a good time to bring it up.”

  “Never a good time! How about when my mom called to say my dad was in the hospital awaiting a brain operation? Or maybe after his surgery was over? Or, I don’t know, maybe the morning when I was so beside myself with sorrow. None of those times were ‘the right time’?”

  “I was afraid it would upset you even more. Can’t you see? You were already hurting so much. How could I tell you something that might tear you down even more than you already were? You might have left me because of it.”

  Tori paced across the room and looked at Dani who sat at the table, eyes wide.

  “I think that’s the answer we’re looking for, Carter. You were afraid I would leave you if you told me the truth. Well, you’ve got that right, buster. I’m hurt you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me… to share this part of your life with me.”

  Carter leapt off the couch and grabbed her arm. “Tori, wait!”

  “Let me go, Carter.” She wrenched free of his grasp. “You see, I thought you and I could handle anything. As strong as you were for me, apparently you didn’t think I could be strong for you. If you can’t trust me with this kind of information, how can I believe you won’t trust me with other aspects of your life? I hoped there was a future for us. I hoped you would be the one I could count on for the rest of my life. I guess I hoped in vain.”

  Snatching her purse off the coffee table, Tori then ran to the door, refusing to face him. “Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Just give me some time, Carter.”

  She walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Carter thought if he could rate the temperature of his current anger, it would register at least to boiling. Maybe higher. He stomped to the window and watched as Tori walked down the sidewalk. Her hand brushed her face several times. Had she been crying? Whatever bond they had between them was now irretrievably broken.

  He couldn’t look at Dani for fear of what he might do. How could she be so callous? What had he done to deserve such hatred and horrible behavior? Yes. He’d had cancer as a child. Yes, his parents had feared they would lose him, and yes, perhaps they’d doted on him some… but had it been so much his sister had to lash out at him? Tori would never come back to him. He knew it.

  “Carter…”

  “Don’t say another word. I’m going to give you some money, and I need you to go down the street to one of the hotels and check in and stay there. You can’t be here right now. I can’t look at you right now. Do you understand me?”

  He felt Dani’s hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I never knew she would react like that. Actually, I was kind of surprised she didn’t know.”

  “Danielle. Don’t touch me.” He reached in his wallet and pulled out a wad of twenties. “Take this, and do as I asked. Or go blow it on booze or pot or whatever is more important to you than your family.”

  “Carter, please.”

  “Go. Now. I know Mom and Dad somehow hurt your feelings when you were younger, and you think they gave me special treatment. And maybe they did… but nothing we did to you could warrant the cruelty I just experienced at your hand. Nothing. So take your things and go.”

  He turned back toward the window as a gentle rain started to fall. The only sound in the room was the door shutting behind Dani and her soft apology hanging in the air.

  After a few moments, he collapsed on the couch, took his phone out of his pocket and dialed a now familiar number.

  “Hey, man. Are you alone? Do you have a few minutes? I really could use an ear right now. I’ll meet you at your place in half an hour.”

  Hanging up the phone, he covered his face with his hands.

  Dear Lord. What have I done?

  ****

  Tori pressed her foot to the brake, knowing she needed to slow down and drive more carefully while in her current state. Tears poured down her face, making it even more difficult to see the traffic in front of her. It didn’t help it had started to rain harder and dusk was encroaching on the evening.

  “Why? Why would he think it would be okay to keep it from me?”

  She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand, desperate to keep her tears at bay. It was a fruitless endeavor. Every time she felt like she had a hold on her emotions, she’d remember Dani’s words… “I wouldn’t say cancer was nothing, bro…” Over and over the phrase repeated in her mind. Carter had been a victim of that horrible disease. Not only could cancer take her dad, it had now, in a different way, taken Carter from her too.

  Tori took the familiar exit and coasted into the parking lot in record time. Bounding out of her car, she left her umbrella in the front seat, not caring if she got soaked or not. She climbed the stairs and pounded on the door, hoping against hope her friend would answer.

  The door swung open, and Tori wilted on Pax, tears flowing as strong as ever.

  “Oh, Pax. Oh, Pax. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  Pax didn’t say a word, only hugged her tight and patted her on the back saying soothing words of comfort in her ear. After a few minutes, she pulled Tori into her apartment.

  “You’re soaked to the skin, sweetie. Come with me.”

  Tori followed her friend down the hall and into her bedroom. She stood in silence as she watched Pax rifle through her chest of drawers until she found a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. She pulled a towel out of the linen closet next to the bathroom and stuffed all three items into Tori’s hands.

  “Go in there, and dry yourself off. Take a shower if you need to, and then come back out. I’ll have some hot tea waiting.”

  Tori didn’t move until Pax left the room, pulling the door behind her. Then she walked toward the bathroom, sat on the side of the bathtub and sobbed.

  ****

  Fifteen minutes later, Tori walked into the kitchen, her hair still damp from her shower. “Hey.”

  Pax spun around at the sound of her voice and smiled. “You startled me. You feeling better?”

  “Some. Thanks for letting me come in and cry all over you.”

  “No problem, hon. That’s what friends are for, right?”

  Pax put a cup of sugar on a tray that already held two mugs, a ceramic white teapot, and some cream. “Let’s go sit in the living room and chat.”

  Tori dutifully followed and sat next to her friend on the overstuffed couch. Pax handed her a steaming mug of tea. Tori added the cream and sugar and to
ok a small sip. The warmth of the concoction filled her, and she relished its comforting sensation.

  “What happened? Why were you beside yourself earlier?”

  “Did you and Seb know Carter had cancer as a kid?”

  Pax set her mug of tea on the tray, a shocked expression marring her features.

  “What?”

  “Carter had some kind of renal cancer when he was a little boy. They had to remove one of his kidneys as a result. You didn’t know about it?”

  “No. I had no idea. Did he tell you this today?”

  “No. Not really. His sister, Dani, did.”

  “His sister? Where did you see her?”

  Tori took another sip of the warm brew and settled back on the couch. “She was waiting outside his apartment door this afternoon after the game. He had no idea she was coming. Remember how I mentioned after our first date he acted kind of strange when I asked about his family?”

  Pax nodded in response.

  “Well, apparently he and Dani have a strained relationship. She holds some kind of grudge against him for what happened in their childhood. I guess because his parents gave him special attention when he was sick. Dani’s so jealous of Carter, and I think she acts out to get attention.” She placed the mug on the coffee table and ran her fingers through her hair. “It was sad, Pax. Dani’s face was haggard. And her eyes… they had no life in them at all. I don’t know, maybe she uses drugs or drinks a lot. I would’ve never guessed she was his sister. Carter’s reaction to her — I’d never seen him so mad as when she appeared at his door.”

  “Well, we all generally have some kind of skeleton in our closets. Some are worse than others, I suppose.” Pax curled her legs beneath her. “But how does that explain Dani telling you about Carter having cancer?”

  “When I sat down at the table with her to eat the pizza we’d brought, she asked me what ‘my story’ was. I didn’t know what she meant, but I told her how Carter and I met and how’d he been so good to me when we got the news about my dad.”

  “Oh, my. That opened the door to her revelation, I guess.”