Just a Little Hope

by Amy J. Norris

  “You got it. She mentioned something about Carter knowing how to deal with that kind of situation since he’d gone through it before, and well, the rest is history.”

  “What did you do?”

  “What do you think I did? I was so angry, Pax. I still am. How could be keep something like cancer from me? Didn’t he trust me? It doesn’t make sense.”

  Pax reached across the couch and patted her leg. “What did he say?”

  Tori snorted. “Nothing that made any sense. He said the time had never been right to tell me, that he was afraid to tell me for fear I would leave.”

  “Well, I guess he was right about that.”

  “But I don’t know what I would’ve done if he’d been straight with me from the beginning. There’d been a couple of times I could tell something was bothering him, but he’d always brush it off and say ‘it’s no big deal.’ How could this not be a big deal?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you, hon. I don’t think he intentionally meant to hurt you. He just didn’t know what to do at the time.”

  “That may be so, and I know my emotions are all over the map right now. I’m so stressed about everything with my dad. I know it seems trite, but I feel in a way like it’s almost a betrayal of trust.… I can’t explain it.”

  Before she’d finished the sentence, tears began rolling down her cheeks. “He’s broken my heart.”

  “I know you’re upset, but don’t you think it’s a little bit of a rash decision?”

  “Maybe, I don’t know… probably. I’m so confused right now. Maybe it’s because Dad’s diagnosis is so recent. I guess I’d figured he’d trust me with this kind of news. He’s got other issues going on with Dani, and maybe telling me about his past was one he hoped he could avoid for a while.”

  Pax picked up her mug and nodded. “Do you know what you’re going to do? Surely, this isn’t a deal breaker for you. He’s got a lot of wonderful qualities, you know?”

  “I don’t know. I think I need to just take a break from things for a while. Maybe try and get some clarity on it all.”

  “That’s probably not a bad idea. Give yourself a few days. You might find things will make more sense then.”

  “Maybe. I just know I’m not interested in seeing him right now.”

  ****

  “C’mon in.” Seb opened the front door wider and allowed Carter to enter his spacious home.

  Carter wandered into the living room, unsure of what to do or say. Seb’s suggestion gave him an answer.

  “Let’s head out to the enclosed porch. Even though it’s raining, it’s still nice out there.”

  He followed Seb outside, and they each settled into one of the chairs overlooking the wooded portion of Seb’s land. Carter didn’t say a word. He wasn’t even sure how to begin.

  Seb finally broke through the silence. “So, what’s happened?”

  Carter leaned over in his chair and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. When he sat back up again, he swallowed hard and stared straight ahead.

  “Not many people know this. Perhaps more should. Only Anthony and some other high-ups and the training staff on the team.”

  In the corner of his eye, Carter saw his friend sit forward, a concerned look on his face. “You’ve got my attention, Carter.”

  “I don’t remember a lot of it, but when I was four years old, I was diagnosed with a Wilms Tumor. It’s a kidney cancer that strikes kids between three and eight. Luckily, the doctors found it fairly quickly and decided the best course of treatment was to remove the affected kidney.”

  “Whoa! Wow. That’s some pretty heavy news.”

  “Yeah. My folks were pretty freaked out, as I guess most parents would be. They were worried I might die and still to this day are always worried about reoccurrence.”

  “What’re the odds of it coming back?”

  “Not too high. Most kids who have a Wilms Tumor don’t ever have it come back.”

  “No doubt.” Seb sat back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not a big deal for you to play ball with one kidney?”

  “No. I have to be cautious, but baseball is a pretty mild sport. Football was a big no-no, but non-contact sports are all okay.”

  “You learn something new every day.”

  “Anyway, I have a scar on my back from where they performed the nephrectomy. Most people these days don’t have them, but my diagnosis came before they could do the surgery as a laparoscopy. The scar isn’t obvious to most people…but you can feel it on my skin.”

  “I’m guessing that’s important to what you are telling me.”

  Carter squirmed in his seat. “Well, remember that day when Tori flushed her keys down the toilet at the mall?”

  “Yeah, man. That’s a day I’m not likely to forget.”

  “Well, the morning before the key flushing incident, it was the same day Tori’s parents left for Duke. She was totally bummed and beside herself when they drove off. She showed up at my place… and… well, things got a little hot between us before we came to our senses. She felt my scar, but I blew her off when she asked about it.”

  “Ah. I’m thinking that wasn’t the brightest idea.”

  “Yeah. Anyway, my sister Dani showed up at my apartment tonight. She and I haven’t gotten along in a while. It’s a long story and not worth getting into right now. But Dani, in her bizarre need to hurt me found a way to tell Tori about my cancer diagnosis.”

  “The news came from your sister and not you? I am going to go out on a limb here and guess Tori didn’t take it too well.”

  Carter let out a huge sigh. “That might be the understatement of the year. She left and instructed me not to call or text her.”

  Seb leaned forward and put his arm around Carter’s shoulders and gave him a quick squeeze. “Wow, bud. I’m sorry to hear this. She’s hurt, though, and right now she’s reacting more than thinking clearly about everything.”

  “Maybe so.”

  “I bet if you give her a couple of days, she’ll settle into the idea and things will get better. I bet she’s shocked more than anything. This is some pretty serious news to hear, especially when her dad’s sickness is so fresh on her mind.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Part of me is afraid, though.”

  “Afraid?”

  “Yeah. I’m afraid she won’t forgive me for not trusting her with the truth. I’m afraid she’s going to lose hope in us having a future together.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Almost a week had passed, and Carter still hadn’t heard from Tori. His gut told him to wait it out until she was ready, but his heart wasn’t doing a good job of listening. The team was about to embark on their last road trip of the regular season, and then the post-season would begin. He’d had hopes of Tori coming to the last few games.

  Carter decided to bite the bullet and run by her office. Maybe it was a mistake, but it was a chance he was willing to take.

  He walked into the lobby of Tori’s office building but stopped in his tracks when she wasn’t in her usual spot at the receptionist desk. Instead, a brunette in her mid-thirties occupied her spot. She glanced up at him and smiled.

  “Can I help you?”

  Carter looked around the office and then nodded. “Yes, ma’am. I was hoping to talk to Tori Alberson. She still works here, doesn’t she?”

  The lady’s eyes brightened and she smiled again. “Yes. Tori still works here, but she’s taken a couple of weeks off.”

  He felt his heart drop to his stomach. “Oh. I didn’t realize.”

  “Can I take a message for her?”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll just come back…”

  “Carter?”

  He spun around toward the hallway. Pax stood at the door, a questioning look on her face.

  “Oh hi, Pax.”

  Pax nodded at the receptionist and opened the door wider. “Hey, why don’t you come on back to my office? Elisa, hold my calls if you will. Thanks.”

&
nbsp; He followed Pax into her office and wandered over to the bookshelves along the far wall.

  “Who’s at the reception desk?”

  “Elisa. She’s been dating Michael for the past few months. She’s agreed to step in while Tori is away. How have you been?”

  He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact, and he picked a book up off the shelf. “I’m okay. I guess you know Tori and I had a disagreement. I didn’t know she’d gone on vacation.”

  “Well, she wanted to clear her head a bit. Tori’s gone to North Carolina to visit her folks.”

  He spun around. “Is her dad okay?”

  Pax walked over and leaned against the conference room table situated across from the bookshelf. “Yes. He’s still responding well to treatments. She thought right now would be a good time to get away and spend some time with them.”

  Turning back to the bookshelf, Carter stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I suppose she’s right. I think I screwed things up this time.”

  He felt a hand on his shoulder nudging him to turn and face Pax. “She’s hurt, Carter, and she needs some space. Give her some time. Don’t give up hope yet.”

  Carter snorted and laughed. “Don’t give up hope, huh? I’ll try to work on not losing hope I’ve lost her forever.”

  “I know it sounds trite, but be patient. All right?”

  “I’m trying. I can promise you that.” But the longer he didn’t hear from Tori, the more his hope faded.

  ****

  “How’re you feeling, Daddy? Did the treatment wear you out today?”

  Tori’s father shuffled through the door of their small two-bedroom apartment and landed softly in the recliner. “I’m okay. Just a little tired.”

  “How about I warm you up a cup of tea? Sound good?”

  Her father reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. “That sounds nice. But don’t worry so much. I’m doing well.”

  Tori reached up and covered his hand with hers. He was cold all the time now. His hand was like ice, an unfortunate side effect of the treatment. “Let’s get this blanket tucked in nice and tight, and I’ll get your tea and maybe some of those cookies you like so much.”

  She draped the flannel blanket over her father’s weak frame. His appetite still wasn’t what it should be, and his weight had dropped in the last few weeks. Tori determined she would get a few pounds on him over the few weeks she was there.

  Busying herself in the kitchen, Tori tried to focus on the positive. Her dad was responding to the treatment. His first MRI since coming to Duke had shown a remarkable reduction in the tumor, but there was still the chance there were unseen cancer cells. The odds were still against him making a full recovery.

  She poured the tea and then squeezed in a couple of teaspoons of honey and put a few cookies on a plate. Tori brought them to the recliner and stopped before she reached the chair. Her dad had already fallen asleep. Tori tilted her head and smiled. The rest would do him good.

  She sipped on the warm brew and sat on the sofa. She watched her father’s chest move up and down in a gentle rhythm.

  When she’d called her folks to say she was coming for a visit, they had seemed delighted. Carter’s name had only been mentioned once upon her arrival. She only said he was busy with the end of season games and didn’t bring him up again. Apparently, it did the trick for they never asked about him again, either.

  But she missed him. Oh, how she missed him.

  She knew she needed to contact him and let him know where she was, but she was afraid. And she didn’t know why. Part of her wanted to make amends, but the other part of her… well, she supposed her pride prevented her from reaching out to him. Before she knew it, tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “Tori?”

  She’d been so engrossed in her thoughts she hadn’t heard her mother returning from a much-needed trip to the grocery store.

  Tori wiped her eyes and faced her mother, plastering what she hoped was a bright smile on her face. “Yes, Mom?”

  “Sweetie. Come help me put up these groceries if you don’t mind.”

  Getting up off the couch, she then placed her cup on the counter and proceeded to help put the food and other items where they belonged in the tiny kitchen.

  “Now that’s settled, come into the bedroom with me, Victoria. I think it’s high time you and I have a talk about what’s really going on with you and Carter.”

  Sighing, Tori only nodded and followed her mother into the bedroom.

  Her mom sat back on the bed and patted the space beside her. “Come here, dear, and talk to me.”

  She climbed up on the bed and pressed against her mother’s side.

  “Carter hid something from me. Something I think was important. I got angry, and left and now I’m not sure what to do next.”

  “Hmm. Okay. How about a little more detail than that.”

  Tori took the next few minutes to explain what had transpired in the previous weeks, and by the end, she was once again in tears.

  “I know he didn’t mean to hurt me, Mom, but he did. Am I wrong to be angry?”

  Her mom threaded her fingers through Tori’s curls and rubbed her back in a soothing motion.

  “I don’t think you were wrong to be angry. You felt betrayed and hurt. I can understand why. I do think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to think about things from his perspective. I imagine childhood cancer is not something he likes to advertise. Perhaps he feels people would look at him differently if they knew. Maybe coddle him or think he was weak or incapable of certain things.”

  “I suppose so. But why couldn’t he trust me enough to tell me?”

  “Think about what you’ve been going through. The only man you’ve had in your life just found out he has a life-threatening illness. Carter had to see how hard the diagnosis was on you. I bet he thought it might be more than you could handle if he told you he too had dealt with cancer. Put yourself in his shoes. Don’t you want to protect your father from anything detrimental right now? It’s not because you don’t trust him, but you want to save him from having to deal with it.”

  Tori laid her head on her mother’s shoulder, reveling in the comfort she provided. “I suppose he was just trying to protect me.”

  “Building trust is one of the most important parts of having a relationship. Carter not telling you about his past illness feels like he’s deceived you in some way. Are you sure he would’ve never told you? Perhaps it’s the way you found out that’s more hurtful?”

  “Yes. I guess I didn’t think about it from his perspective. And the more we talk about it, it would’ve been difficult for him to find the right time to tell me. I’ll contact him as soon as I get back home. Thinking of him makes me sad, but the thought of not seeing him again makes me sad as well.”

  Her mom put her arms around her, and Tori tucked her head in under her mother’s chin. “Give it some time, dear. Just give it some time… and don’t give up hope on it working out.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  After being gone for two weeks, Tori knew her fridge and pantry might need to be restocked. She stopped at the grocery store near her apartment complex and ran in for a few items. As she perused the various bread choices, she heard a masculine voice behind her.

  “Tori? How are you doing?”

  Her face brightened when, swiveling around, she saw Carter’s friend Eric, standing behind her.

  “Hi, Eric! How are you?”

  He hugged her and laughed. “I’m good. I’m headed to a teammate’s house for a little post-season celebration party and needed to pick up a few things to take.”

  “That’s right! I saw you all officially clinched the playoffs. Congratulations! This has to be exciting for you.”

  “It is. Kind of a dream come true you might say. I’ve missed seeing you at the ballpark. I thought you might have come to the last few games.”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she stuttered in response. “Yes, well… I’ve been
to North Carolina to visit my parents. You remember they’re staying there while my dad takes treatment.”

  “Of course. I forgot. How is he doing?”

  “As well as can be expected. Weak and not too hungry, but so far the treatments are keeping the cancer at bay.”

  “Great. That’s really great news. Say, if you aren’t doing anything, why don’t you come to the party with me? It’s not a team only event. Lots of the guys are bringing friends. I think Pax and Seb will be there.”

  She fumbled with the cart and sighed. “Oh, I don’t think so. I wasn’t invited.”

  “Well, I’m inviting you. I don’t know if you’ve talked to Carter since you got back.”

  Caught off guard by hearing Carter’s name she glanced away for a moment. “No… I haven’t talked to Carter yet.”

  “Come on with me. It’s at Durango’s place. Not too far from here. It will do you good to take your mind of your folks’ situation. Carter’ll be happy to see you there.”

  “I don’t know, Eric….”

  He gave her a puppy dog-face and she couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, why not? Like you said, it might be nice to get my mind off of things.”

  “Wonderful! Why don’t you leave your car here, and you can ride over with me. You don’t have anything that needs to be refrigerated, do you?”

  Tori peered over into her shopping cart and grinned. “Nope. I guess I hadn’t made it that far yet.”

  “Great! Let’s check out and go see what kind of party Durango throws. We might need to get some earplugs.”

  She laughed again. Spending some time with Eric would most assuredly brighten up her evening. Plus, she hoped she’d run into Carter so she could apologize in person and ask him to give her a second chance.

  ****

  Carter tried to concentrate on his driving, but his most recent conversation with Dani played over and over in his mind. After he sent her to a nearby hotel, she’d stayed several days racking up an outrageous bill before leaving in the middle of the night without paying. The hotel manager contacted him with the not so unexpected news, and Carter had hurried over as soon as possible to take care of her outstanding charges. The mini-bar purchases alone had been more than the cost of one night’s stay.