February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

  Don’t forget to breathe…’

  The words rolled easily off his tongue, each mention of the word breathe long and slow like an exhalation in itself. The melody and lyrics flowed and resonated with where he was at in his life right now, and ironically, with Chrissie’s too, he was sure.

  He continued singing, and on reaching the next chorus, Chrissie’s eyes became glossy, and her body softened in front of him. Gently, subtly, unconsciously, she leaned slightly forward, as though her soul was seeking out the words and needed to make them her own.

  By the end of the final verse, Drew was overcome with an intense rush, a high coursing through his body. His body, his voice and his guitar were one. And so was Chrissie. She was part of this, she inspired this, and her presence took the music to a whole new dimension.

  ‘Don’t forget to breathe,

  Don’t forget to cry,

  Don’t forget to take the time to do what’s right, and bring your soul to life,

  Don’t forget to…breathe…’

  He strung out the final word slowly and deeply, lowering to a whisper, his own breath extending out in front of him and merging with Chrissie’s, her eyes red-rimmed and on the verge of tears.

  He placed the guitar aside and got to his knees to get closer to her, still cross-legged in front of him. His hand reached out, caressed the side of her face. His thumb, still tingling from the vibration of the guitar strings, wiped away a tear that had finally escaped. Chrissie’s hand covered his, gripped it, held it to her cheek, and like two magnetic charges drawn to each other, her body connected with his and he wrapped his arms around her. One hand held the back of her head as she buried her face in his chest, his fingers entwining in her soft hair, while the other held onto her back as it trembled with her tears. He didn’t need to speak; he’d spoken through his song, and the words had gone right to her heart.

  Chrissie’s hands gripped his back, spreading warmth through his body. He stroked and twirled her hair, rocking gently side to side as though the music still coursed through his body and manifested in physical form.

  This was why he lived and breathed music. This was what it was all about. Expression, realisation, connection. His body melded into hers and he could have stayed like this all day. Holding her, breathing with her, as one.

  Chrissie manoeuvred to her knees as well, nestling her face into the crook of his neck and radiating heat that warmed him from the outside in.

  ‘It’s beautiful. Simply beautiful,’ she whispered against his ear as her soft breath tickled his cheek.

  He grasped the sides of her delicate, tear-stained face and locked his gaze on hers. ‘So are you.’

  Drew couldn’t get Chrissie out of his mind. Not when she’d left the yoga studio and they’d held each other’s hands until they reluctantly stretched apart and went their separate ways, not during dinner when he longed for her company, and not now, as he stepped out on the balcony on hearing the explosions of fireworks. Her sweet scent filled his lungs every time he breathed, and he hoped she was doing okay. Maybe he should call her? Or maybe…

  He went downstairs and snuck out the back door, hurrying down to the beach. The only light showing the way was from moonlight and occasional bursts of fireworks. He slowed as he arrived at the sandy shore, eyeing a group of people further south whose heads were tipped back, admiring the flashes of light in the sky. He glanced left, towards the rocky hill, and moved his feet in that direction. He would have a great view from up there and could snap some photos. Of course, it was near Chrissie’s house and she might be nearby, but if they should happen to meet by chance then so be it. Drew convinced himself he was only heading that way for a better vantage point for the fireworks display.

  He climbed up the rocks, this time wearing shoes, and forced himself not to look over at Chrissie’s house. He didn’t want her to think he was stalking her or something. He whipped his phone out of his pocket and snapped a few pictures of colourful, radiating bursts of light, decorating the sky and casting a glimmery light onto the ocean surface.

  Tarrin’s Bay didn’t do things by halves when it came to festivals. The Valentine’s weekend Love Festival was a perfect excuse for fireworks. They also had them at Christmas and New Year’s Eve, and Australia Day. Drew imagined all the love-struck couples lying on picnic rugs in Miracle Park or beside the harbour, taking in the view and declaring their love for each other. Smug buggers, he thought.

  The sound of a screen door snapping shut reminded him of where he was and his head flipped to the source of the sound, Chrissie’s verandah.

  * * *

  As the door closed shut behind her, Chrissie stepped off the verandah and onto the grass. She turned her head towards the sight of a man on the hill to the right of her property. For a split second she considered going back inside, concerned he might be some weirdo, but when he turned to face her she recognised something about him.

  She walked across the grass and over to the sand to get a closer look. A bright flash lit up the sky and his face for a second. Drew? She offered a curious wave at the same time he waved to her. She made her way up the sand dunes that sat beside the rocky hill, the tiny particles giving way under her bare feet with each step.

  ‘Hello, stranger.’ Drew gestured for her to join him on the top of the hill.

  ‘Fancy seeing you here,’ she replied, and he approached her with a hand outstretched, helping her up onto the rocks.

  If she’d known she was going to be doing a spot of rock climbing at 9 p.m., she would have worn shoes. She only meant to wander outside to get a better look at the fireworks of the Love Festival. At least it was dark, apart from the bursts of light. She’d already washed her make-up off and was in trackpants and a singlet. They were her makeshift pyjamas, but as they looked like regular clothes she was sure Drew wouldn’t realise.

  ‘I wanted to get some photos of the fireworks, thought this looked like a good place to get a view. Hope I didn’t disturb you.’

  ‘Not at all. I wanted to get a better view too.’ Chrissie gestured back to the house. ‘So this is the house I was telling you about. It’s a work-in-progress.’ Much like her life.

  Drew cast an extended gaze over the property. ‘It’s in a beaut spot. You’re very lucky.’ He smiled.

  Yes, she was the lucky one. The lucky one who’d survived the rest of her family, but sometimes, dealing with all the turbulent emotions that went with that, she didn’t feel so lucky. Kai was all the family she had now. The future of her family tree was in her hands and his.

  Chrissie nodded without speaking.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry if I touched a nerve. I just mean that…the location is…you’ve got a great — ’

  She touched his arm. ‘It’s okay. I know what you mean. It is a great spot, and I’m sure the right buyer, when they come along, will love the place. I hope it goes to someone who will create many happy memories here.’

  ‘I’m sure it will. The work you’re doing on the house, I think it will be good. It’ll give it a new lease of life, a fresh start.’

  And once that occurred, she could have her own fresh start, somewhere she could really settle into, set down roots, and finally give Kai a stable home.

  A loud bang exploded and colours filled the sky.

  ‘Whoa, that was a good one.’ Drew looked up.

  ‘Pretty.’ Chrissie smiled. ‘Oh, what a shame Kai’s not here. He would have loved this.’

  ‘Here, I’ll film some of it and send it to you. It won’t be quite the same as the real deal, but better than nothing.’ Drew held up his phone and pressed the red button, recording the display in front of them. Flashes of green and red and blue sprinkled over the horizon, embers of colour falling into the ocean like snowflakes as Drew captured the moment.

  ‘He’ll love that, thank you.’

  ‘My pleasure. What did we ever do without these things, huh?’ He pressed stop and jiggled his phone.

  ‘Had to rely on our memory I guess.’ And unfortun
ately it was often the memories best forgotten that stuck in the mind like glue.

  The faint hum of a happy crowd could be heard in the distance, along with muffled music from the festival. If only the locals knew that one of the best sources of music was right here, not being heard. With a voice like Drew’s, every moment he wasn’t using it seemed a waste.

  ‘Thanks again, for today.’ Chrissie touched the side of Drew’s arm. ‘I’m feeling much better now.’

  He stepped a little closer. ‘I’m glad.’ He reached a hand behind her back and gave it a few rubs. ‘So you didn’t feel like joining the crowd over there tonight?’ He pointed.

  ‘Not really. I had to drive Kai to his father’s so I’ve only been back an hour. Something about long drives makes you want to have an easy night at home.’

  ‘Same goes for long flights. You’d think after sitting for so many hours you’d want to keep moving, but travel is tiring for some reason.’

  ‘Yeah, it’s nice to just stay put for a while.’

  ‘It sure is. I’m learning that this month.’ He slid a smile her way. ‘Can’t believe I’ve been here two weeks, and only another two to go. Come the end of February I might not want to leave.’

  Then don’t.

  ‘But I know once I get back on the road I’ll get into it. Have to do rehearsals for my next lot of shows, so that’ll keep me busy.’

  ‘Must be exciting.’

  ‘Yeah, most of the time.’ A hint of weariness crept into his voice, like he meant it but was also a bit over it. The poor guy probably needed more than a month off, but he was too in demand. He couldn’t disappoint his fans.

  ‘Oh, nice.’ Chrissie said, eyes fixed on the sky as blues and silvers exploded into the air in star-like shapes.

  Drew held his camera up and snapped a couple more pictures.

  Every few seconds the waves rolled into shore along with a tumbling, whooshing, rhythmic sound, in contrast to the sudden loud noises from the fireworks. Along with the waves came a fresh breeze, lifting wisps of Chrissie’s hair off her face and neck, and ruffling the sleeves of Drew’s white t-shirt. ‘Brr, it’s getting a bit nippy out here.’ She crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands against the skin on her arms.

  ‘Yeah, it is a bit crisp.’

  Chrissie looked at his body. ‘Though men don’t feel the cold as much as women.’

  ‘So I hear. Something about internal body heat?’

  ‘Yeah, from having a higher muscle mass.’ And boy did Drew have a higher muscle mass. More than many men she taught in classes.

  ‘I think you give me a run for my money though, look.’ He poked her arm and her bicep muscle automatically tensed. ‘There’s some decent muscle mass in there.’ He poked again.

  She laughed. ‘Oh c’mon, not that much. Not as much as in there.’ She poked him back, the firm roundness of his bicep pressing against her finger. She imagined his abs would be even harder. She’d felt the ones on his back while doing her yoga-ly duties, and they didn’t disappoint. If he had any fat on his body it was hiding out somewhere, never to be found.

  ‘Hey, that tickles,’ he said, flinching.

  ‘Tickles?’ She turned to him, a cheeky smirk on her face. ‘What are you, a wimp?’ she joked.

  He laughed. ‘I can’t help it if I’m ticklish. Don’t you remember in class the other day when you were helping me do that twisting thing? It’s a curse, I tell you.’

  She poked him again. ‘Wimpy Williams,’ she teased.

  He captured her finger before she could poke him again and he held it to her lips. ‘Shush, Burns,’ he said. ‘Or I’ll…’

  ‘You’ll what?’ she tested.

  ‘I’ll…tickle you back. Okay, so you might not have the curse I have, but everyone has a threshold. I’ll find your ticklish spot.’ His eyes sparkled as another flash brightened the sky.

  She edged away from him. ‘Oh no you won’t. Anyway, I’m not ticklish like you. I can take it.’

  ‘Can you? Then why are you moving away?’ He leaned closer and jabbed at her side.

  ‘Hey!’ She giggled.

  ‘See? Everyone has a threshold.’ He jabbed her again and a laugh shot from her like a firework of its own.

  ‘Stop it you!’ She jabbed him back. ‘Or I’ll chuck you over this threshold.’ Chrissie gestured over the edge of the rocky hill.

  ‘Not if I chuck you first.’ He moved to pick her up but she bent at the waist, turning in on herself so he couldn’t take hold. As colour burst through the sky laughter burst from them both, and he held into her wrists to stop any further tickling ambushes. ‘Let’s call a truce now!’

  ‘Truce. No more tickling, I promise!’

  They separated from each other’s hold and looked towards the sky again. A stronger breeze rose in the air and Chrissie shivered. ‘I should have brought a cardi.’

  ‘Me too. I mean, not a cardi, a male version of such an item, a…’

  Chrissie raised her eyebrows. ‘Lost for words?’

  ‘I’ve gone blank! What’s that thing, you know, that covers your arms and keeps you warm?’

  ‘I’m not helping you out, I want to watch you struggle.’ She placed her hands on her hips in amusement.

  ‘Oh man, this jet lag must have frozen my brain.’ He twirled his finger in the air as though trying to summon the correct word. ‘Jacket! A jacket! Geez, it must be past my bedtime.’

  Chrissie laughed.

  Drew glanced at her arms as she rubbed them. ‘If I had a jacket, I’d do the gentlemanly thing and wrap it around you.’ His voice was softer now, more genuine.

  ‘Like they do in the movies, huh?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Oh well, what a shame. I’ll survive.’ Chrissie held her arms close to her body and continued watching the fireworks, when a pair of arms slid around her from behind, superimposing themselves on top of hers and spreading warmth across her skin.

  ‘Will these do instead?’ Drew asked gently. ‘I’ll be a human jacket.’

  A soft smile floated onto Chrissie’s lips. ‘Even better,’ she whispered. ‘I mean, body heat and all that.’

  His arms covered hers, pushing more warmth into her skin and sending fireworks of her own off in her belly. The way he held her from behind was so natural, so effortless, so…perfect. They fit together, like a lock and a key, like a piece of timber slotting into the groove in another piece of timber, forming a strong supportive structure. They stood like that, gazing at the explosions that had nothing on the ones going off inside, until a smoky grey blackness hung in the sky.

  The display might be over, but whatever was happening between them was not. Drew didn’t budge, and his breath gently washed across her skin where his chin sat nestled between her shoulder and her neck. Slowly, Chrissie turned her head to the side a little, her breath seeking out his, and both increasing in rate. In, out, in, out, their breath swirled together in the air in front of their mouths, as the gap between them lessened. All conscious thought had left her mind, there was only need. Deep, magnetic need, moving her head to face his, until his breath was so close she could taste its enticing sweetness. Her eyes trailed up from his lips to his eyes and in the moment their gaze locked on each other, a loud bang jolted Chrissie’s body and she flipped her head back to the front. A huge circle of red sparkles in the sky radiated outwards, growing and dissipating into tiny twinkles that faded along with the moment that had just passed.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting that,’ Drew said.

  Was he talking about the fireworks finale or the fact that they’d almost kissed? ‘I guess the show wasn’t quite over.’

  ‘Took me by surprise, that’s for sure.’ She didn’t know whether she was talking about the fireworks or what had just happened between them.

  And whatever had happened, the intensity of the moment had now fizzled out, leaving behind a raw awkwardness. Drew’s arms fell away from her and she scratched her arm, now cold again from the absence of his touch.

/>   ‘Well, they were nice,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, they were.’ Drew slipped his hands into his pockets, sharing in her awkwardness.

  Chrissie’s head hung low, and she muttered, ‘I guess I better head back inside now.’

  ‘Guess so.’

  ‘Thanks for um, for…thanks,’ was all she could manage.

  ‘Sure. Thank you for the, ah, the company.’ He nodded a smile.

  Chrissie turned away and back again, as though her body was disoriented and unsure which direction was home.

  Drew seemed equally as uncertain. He ran his hand over his head. ‘So, um, what’s on your agenda this weekend?’

  ‘Just some things around the house, sorting through boxes, planning the renovations, that sort of thing.’ She’d need to keep busy after what just happened, otherwise she might crack and call Melinda and blurt everything out.

  ‘You’ll have to make time for lunch though, won’t you?’

  She had no desire for food whatsoever right now, it was hard to imagine needing any in the foreseeable future. Her nerves were fuelled to the max with emotions and hormones. ‘I’ll have to at some stage.’

  ‘Does one o’clock work for you?’

  She eyed him with curiosity.

  ‘Chrissie, would you like to join me for lunch tomorrow?’ He stopped shifting around and stood strong in one spot, emphasising his invitation.

  ‘You mean, at Serendipity?’

  ‘No, somewhere else.’

  ‘But don’t you have to be careful about being seen?’

  ‘Where I’m going won’t be a problem.’

  ‘Where are you talking about?’

  ‘My parents’ place.’

  Chrissie gulped. ‘You’re asking me to lunch with your parents?’

  ‘Yeah. Why not? They’d love to meet the fantastic yoga instructor I’ve been raving about. My mum would probably have you show her a few poses in the living room, and my dad would probably try to arm wrestle you to make sure he’s still got it, but apart from that, they’re friendly and down to earth people.’ He grinned.

  ‘I’m sure they are. Though it’s a bit short notice, they might not want an unexpected visitor turning up for a meal.’