February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

  He closed his eyes as water ran down his body, and Chrissie’s face hung in his mind. He could still feel her long, soft hair tangled between his fingers, her strong, sculpted body as he’d ran his hand down her back, and her luscious, inviting lips as they’d kissed with an intense and delicious passion. His chest rose with a sharp intake of breath and heat spread through his body, not only from the water. His eyes snapped open and he forced a slow exhalation, then reached for the faucet and turned the water cold.

  When soft footsteps padded along the hallway, Drew headed for the door. He made his way to the yoga studio where Chrissie stood at the corner table fiddling with her bag, her blonde ponytail cascading down her back.

  Drew cleared his throat and she spun around. ‘Hi. Hi, how are you. Good?’ The words catapulted from her throat. It was charming how nervous she got sometimes, and it made the corner of his mouth twitch upwards.

  ‘I’m good. How are you?’

  ‘I’m good too.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Good.’

  She lowered her head and swung her foot to the side, then glanced up. ‘Drew,’ she said, taking a few tentative steps towards him.

  Oh no, just what he feared. She was about to tell him she’d made a mistake and they needed to forget it ever happened. Not that he ever could.

  ‘Drew, I…I’m sorry about the other night. I’ve been so unprofessional. You must think I’m some desperate, lonely single mother trying to — ’

  ‘No, I don’t.’ Drew walked forward. ‘And there’s no need to apologise.’ He stopped in front of her, the sun shining on her freshly glossed light pink lips. ‘I should apologise. I’m your student, and I’m only here for February. I shouldn’t have got carried away, shouldn’t have pursued you when I’m supposed to be here taking a break, not getting in the way of someone else’s life.’

  A light crease tainted her brow. ‘You’re not getting in the way, please don’t think that.’

  ‘I just don’t want to…confuse you, confuse myself, start something that…’

  He couldn’t find the words to end his sentence. Or just didn’t want to say them.

  ‘Something that can’t be continued,’ Chrissie whispered, hitting the nail on the head.

  Drew looked her deep in the eyes. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve made things uncomfortable for you, being here, having to teach me.’

  ‘No, it’s okay. It’ll all be okay. We can still do this, I can still be the teacher you need me to be.’

  But I want you to be so much more…

  Drew’s heart felt like it was in quicksand, falling fast. The more he resisted, the more he slipped under. The hold she had over him was all encompassing and it took a truckload of willpower not to grab her and continue what they’d started on Saturday night. Drew stepped backwards, confused and unsure of how to handle this situation. Chrissie seemed equally unsure; though she had that expression on her face, the one that portrayed being confident and in control, something beneath the facade hinted at a conflicting emotion.

  Drew took another step back, and took his mind to the idea of going back to a purely professional relationship with Chrissie. Two more weeks of yoga lessons, and that was it. That’s all he’d signed up for, all he’d expected, and all he’d…

  No, it wasn’t all he’d wanted. Once he’d started getting to know Chrissie he’d wanted more and more to be around her, and not just for yoga. He’d wanted her conversation, her unexpected moments of humour, her laughter, her playfulness, her…her everything.

  Drew shook his head then ran his hand over his scalp, each prickly hair assaulting the skin on is palm and protesting the current scenario.

  ‘Actually,’ he piped up, looking her straight in the eyes. ‘I’m not sorry. Not at all.’ He walked up to her and grasped her arms. ‘I don’t regret a single second. I don’t want to stop this…this…whatever it is. I know it’s crazy and illogical and stupid of me to even think you’d want it too, but I can’t help it.’ His gaze bore into hers, her blue eyes clear and vibrant and sparkling. ‘So there you go. I’m not sorry one little bit.’ He offered a vulnerable, lopsided smile.

  Chrissie’s lips turned up slightly at the corners. ‘Your non-apology is accepted,’ she said. ‘And just so that we’re even, I’m not sorry either.’

  Something went all warm and squishy inside on hearing her words, and his thumbs rubbed across her arms as he held them. ‘What are we going to do?’ he asked, as though he was really asking himself.

  Chrissie shrugged. ‘I have no idea. You’ll be gone in a couple of weeks, we lead such different lives, and…God, if anyone here found out, I could lose my job.’ Her gaze dropped to the side.

  Drew lifted her chin with his finger. ‘I’m not going to let that happen. And I don’t want to hurt you in any way. All I know is, Chrissie, you’ve captivated me and I can’t get enough.’ Her skin warmed his finger as he slid it along her cheek. ‘There’s so much going through my mind right now, my past, my life overseas, my family here, my future…I don’t know what my next step should be.’

  ‘Maybe you, maybe we, should just put one step in front of the other for now.’

  ‘Like, going with the flow?’

  ‘Going with the flow. It’s something I was once told I needed to do. I’ve always been so busy thinking ahead, sometimes way ahead, and anxious about things that haven’t even happened, that I forget to be in the present, except when I’m doing yoga,’ Chrissie explained. ‘But you, you’ve taught me to be in the present at other times too, and somehow you help me relax and enjoy simple pleasures.’

  ‘You’ve made it easy to show you that. You make me want to share simple pleasures with you.’

  Chrissie placed her palms against Drew’s chest. ‘My head is telling me I’m crazy but my heart is saying give me more.’

  A smile tickled Drew’s cheeks. ‘Then let’s do as you say; one step at a time, go with the flow, enjoy the moment.’

  ‘And,’ she turned her lips inward and lowered her gaze for a moment, ‘no expectations.’ It was as though she was trying to convince herself of such a rule.

  ‘No expectations,’ Drew echoed.

  Chrissie’s hands fell to her side and she took a deep breath. ‘Well, we better stop talking and start — ’

  ‘Yoga-ing?’

  She grinned. ‘Another word to tell those Oxford people about?’

  ‘I’m onto it.’ Drew winked, and went to the shelf to take a yoga mat. Chrissie took one for herself and they placed them on the floor, a little closer than they usually were.

  ‘So, stand with feet shoulder width apart, and take a deep breath, in…and out…’

  He locked his eyes on hers as they both breathed. Breathed the same air, at the same time, in the same way, while the same emotions swirled within. Familiar desire spiralled up from his belly to his chest and, as though he was a laser and she was his target, in an instant he was in front of her, on her mat, his hands sliding around her back. Chrissie’s breath quickened at his touch and without warning she brought her hands to his face, pulling him close as she pressed her lips urgently against his.

  Chapter 18

  ‘Why are we stopping, Mum?’ Kai asked, peering out the car window on Wednesday morning.

  ‘See those kids with their parents?’

  He nodded.

  ‘They’re waiting for the school bus. Would you like to join them and catch the bus to school, like the big kids?’

  Kai shook his head fiercely. ‘No way.’

  ‘Why not? It’ll be fun. You’ll be up so high, you’ll be able to see the whole town like a giant.’ Chrissie added a touch of excitement to her voice. ‘It’ll be just like a ride at the fair.’

  ‘I don’t want to.’ He slumped in his seat and crossed his arms.

  ‘I’ll follow the bus in my car, and if you sit in the back you’ll be able to see me the whole time. I’ll travel all the way to school with you.’

  ‘That’s just silly,’ he said.

/>   What was silly was that in her blissful emotional state from Drew’s affections she’d thought she could do anything, including get her reluctant school-goer to catch the bus for the first time ever. Chrissie leaned her head against the back of the seat. Maybe it was a bit much to expect. Just like she’d agreed to with Drew, she’d have to try this one step at a time.

  ‘Okay, well I’ll tell you what.’ She twisted her body to face him in the back seat. ‘I’ll drive you to school like I normally do, but we’ll follow the bus. So you can see where it goes and what happens when it stops at school. After a few days, maybe we’ll go up to the bus stop and talk to some of the other kids and parents so you know who they are. Then, we’ll still drive to school and follow the bus, and after a while of doing that, you could try getting on the bus and going to school with the other kids and I’ll drive behind the bus the whole way and make sure you’re okay. How does that sound?’

  He twisted his lips in various directions as though chewing on her suggestions, and Chrissie totally expected him to say, ‘I don’t wanna’, but instead he said, ‘Maybe we could follow the bus.’

  Chrissie smiled. ‘That’s a boy. Let’s do that today.’

  Kai sat straighter again and peered outside, as the bus pulled up just beyond the curved part of the road in front of them. Chrissie wound the window down, and petrol fumes filled her nostrils. Melinda had told her that new experiences for kids were often frightening because of the overwhelming sensory stimuli to process. Things that adults took for granted, like smells or sounds, could be unfamiliar and scary for sensitive children. By exposing him to the diesel smell and the jarring halt of the breaks before dealing with actually getting on the bus, she hoped it might make him less wary.

  The bus doors folded open and chattering children filed in, while Chrissie pointed and explained what was happening.

  ‘Aren’t the parents going to follow the bus too?’

  ‘I don’t think so. Their children are used to catching the bus now, so they prefer to go alone. I bet they were scared too when they first caught the bus, though. But now they’re not, see?’ She gestured to a kid who was laughing along with another.

  Kai eyed the scene with narrowed, cautious eyes.

  The gravelly sound of the engine rolled towards them and the bus edged back onto the road. Chrissie flicked on her blinker, checked for cars, and pulled onto the road behind the bus. Hopefully the driver didn’t think she was stalking him or had him under surveillance for an undercover operation. Parenthood sometimes called for strange and desperate measures. Maybe she should speak to him after the kids got off the bus, tell him about Kai’s reluctance. He might be able to encourage him.

  ‘Why is the bus stopping?’ Kai asked.

  ‘It has to pick up more children from a different part of town, see?’ She pointed to a few kids waiting on the side of the road.

  The bus made two more stops then made its way to the school drop off zone.

  ‘See, that wasn’t too bad, was it?’

  ‘It was a bit longer than usual.’

  ‘Yes, I know, because it had to pick up the other kids.’ Chrissie pulled into a spare spot and quickly helped Kai from the car. ‘And now the kids are hopping out of the bus and ready for school, just like you are now. There’s not much difference.’

  Kai frowned. ‘What if I couldn’t get off the bus in time and it started moving again? Would I be left on it all day?’

  Chrissie bent to her son’s level, grasping his arms gently. ‘No, sweetie. The bus driver would make sure all children are safely off the bus before driving away. It’s his job to take care of his passengers and get them where they need to go.’

  ‘What if I needed to go to the toilet on the way?’

  Oh dear. Kai was definitely a worrywart in training. ‘Well, they don’t have a toilet on school buses because it’s such a short trip. That’s why you go before school so you don’t need to go again until you’re at school.’

  ‘I might have to go twice at home beforehand, just to make extrally sure.’

  Chrissie smiled at her son’s strategic thinking. ‘Good idea.’ She took his hand and walked to the school gates. The last of the children were getting off the bus, but she’d talk to the driver tomorrow. Kai seemed open to the idea now, so that was enough progress for one day. She walked him into the school grounds, wondering about the day that lay ahead and what sort of progress would be made between her and Drew in their morning yoga session.

  Three hours later things were progressing quite well. Chrissie would have been happy with an all day chatting and kissing session, which the yoga classes were now becoming.

  ‘C’mon, you can do better than that, Williams.’ Chrissie tilted his pelvis slightly with her hands so that it faced the front as he performed Parsvakonasana. ‘Turn and open up the left side of your torso.’

  ‘I’m trying,’ Drew strained. ‘And cut me some slack, Burns, this is the first time I’ve done the pose without the support block underneath my hand.’

  ‘Even more reason to make sure you get it right, then.’ She liked exerting authority over him; it gave her a kind of thrill, and she had a feeling he liked it too. ‘Okay, now that your torso is in better alignment, let’s work on these spaghetti arms.’ She tapped them, then pulled his left hand to extend his arm higher and straighter.

  ‘They are not spaghetti arms,’ he replied.

  ‘Are too.’

  ‘Well you had me all focusing on my pelvis and torso, how am I supposed to focus on my arms at the same time?’

  ‘The mind can focus on more than one thing, you just have to practise.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he said through strained breath, ‘I think you female kind are better at multi-tasking.’

  ‘I won’t argue with that.’ She grinned, even though Drew couldn’t see her face from where she stood behind him. Motherhood had taught Chrissie to be a great multi-tasker. She could cook dinner, answer Kai’s ridiculously difficult questions about outer space, and do her one hundred bi-weekly calf raises while writing the next day’s shopping list. ‘Good, that’s better,’ she said, taking her hands off Drew and letting him sustain the pose. ‘I don’t want to see any more of those spaghetti arms.’

  ‘You going all Dirty Dancing on me?’

  ‘Whatever works.’

  Drew’s posture loosened slightly as he chuckled. ‘Just don’t put me in the corner if I do things wrong.’

  Chrissie laughed. ‘Don’t worry, nobody puts Drew in the corner.’

  Drew eased out of the pose and turned to face her. ‘My puns are rubbing off on you.’

  ‘If only it was your singing ability.’

  A smile formed on his lips.

  ‘How do you know Dirty Dancing so well, anyway? I thought it was a chick flick.’

  ‘I’ve seen it. I have a good memory.’ He shrugged. ‘And anyway, Sarah was obsessed with it as a young teenager, she had it on VHS and watched it over and over again on the only television set in the house. The script and songs are ingrained into my subconscious memory.’

  Chrissie found herself swaying playfully side to side. ‘Are you a good dancer?’

  He held his arms out to the side. ‘Am I a good dancer?’ he asked confidently as though he was Johnny Castle himself. ‘I’ll let you be the judge of that.’ He waltzed over to her in a sexy swagger and grabbed her, tipping her torso backwards.

  ‘Whoa!’ Chrissie straightened up. ‘Wasn’t expecting that.’

  ‘Expect the unexpected,’ Drew said dramatically, placing one hand on her waist and the other on her hand, in dance position. He stepped forwards and she moved with him, he turned and changed direction and she followed, trusting his lead, until she stepped on his foot.

  ‘Ouch! Lucky you weren’t in heels.’

  ‘If I was in heels I would have fallen over back there.’ She pointed to the direction they’d come from. ‘How those ballroom dancers do it I have no idea.’ She broke away from his grasp. ‘Anyway, this
isn’t exactly yoga now is it? You, Mister, should behave.’ She jabbed her finger towards his chest.

  ‘You were the one who asked if I could dance. And besides, what’s wrong with mixing up the classes a little?’

  ‘So you want to…dance with me?’

  ‘Why not?’ He shot her a cheeky grin.

  She matched it with one of her own. ‘Then there’s only one thing that’s missing.’ She walked over to the corner table and plucked her phone from her bag. She went to scroll through the iPod playlists but opted for YouTube instead. When she found what she was looking for she placed her iPhone in the speaker dock on the table, pressed play, then turned to look at Drew.

  His face lit up in recognition when the music began. The unmistakeable song, The Time of my Life, filled the room, its slow, breezy start encouraging her to saunter across the room towards him. Drew eyed her with anticipation, curling his finger to entice her closer, then her body was against his, captivated by a playful eagerness in his eyes. He took hold of her waist and she placed her hands around his back. They swayed and moved together slowly, until the part in the song where the tempo hastens, and in the movie Johnny and Baby begin dancing properly. Drew did some fancy footwork that brought an amused smile to Chrissie’s face, and as though at a nightclub they boogied and twisted and danced — apart, and together — teasing and playing with each other as the music ran through their bodies. Drew was no expert, but he sure had rhythm.

  When the lyrics mentioned taking each other’s hand, he took hers, using it to pull her towards him, the heat coming off his body like the sun’s radiation on a summer’s day. They moved in time together and Chrissie realised how appropriate the lyrics were to their situation. With adrenalin fuelling her confidence she mouthed them to Drew, telling him through the safety of the song that she couldn’t get enough of him. He mirrored her lip-syncing as the song continued, getting to the bit that mentioned the ‘L’ word and looking her directly in the eye as he mouthed it.

  Could it really be love? Was that even possible? Or was it just infatuation and lust under the pressure of a time limit? She didn’t have time to think it through, because he twirled her around and wrapped her in his arm, then unwrapped her, her body coiling out away from his, then back in again like dancers do. They sang and danced to the chorus, and an ecstatic sensation came over Chrissie, both for the fact that she hadn’t danced for ages and it felt fantastic, and for the fact that she was with someone who made her feel safe, excited, hopeful, happy, and herself, all at the same time. Tingles danced through her muscles and nerves, lifting her energy and planting a permanent smile on her face. She was, literally, having the time of her life.